Tag Archives: betty

Mercedes the Mega-bitch

Do ya’ll remember that mega-bitch ex-friend of mine named MERCEDES? Yes, everyone take a moment to shudder in your chair.

Occasionally that stupid bitch rears her ugly head into my life and when that happens I get the fun reminder that there are still some things out there that do piss me the fuck off. And she is one of them.

Almost every time I hang out with Gigi or Chuck they talk about the last time they talked to her and how she says she misses me and would like us to be friends again, but not before I apologize. Which is never going to fucking happen, for the following reasons:

1. She’s a mega-bitch.
2. I did nothing wrong, she was the one who stabbed me in the back.
3. She’s a drama filled mega-bitch.

Every now and then someone (Anth or the likings there of) will tell me they ran into her and she asked how I was doing, where I’ve been, and what I’ve been doing. Which sends me instantly into a stink-eyed frenzy of questioning my friendship with said person for speaking my name to that mega-bitch.

But the most recent happenings are just… I can’t.

A little more than a month ago I got a random friend request from Snatch’s best friend from High School, Krusty Krabs.  I knew the guy in college. In fact, him and Snatch were roommates when he and I dated so we remained friends throughout college. 

After facebook stalking one afternoon I had come to the conclusion that the guy, Krusty Krabs, was no longer married (or maybe never got married, he was engaged at one point, but whatevs minor details) and that he was lookin’ mighty fine.  I explained to Lucky that very day that I was going to do some research and find out about whole ex-wife/fiance situation and see why they broke up/got a divorce, if it wasn’t too horrible of a reason (cause I’m not dealing with anymore lying cheating bastard asses), I was going to make my approach and start liking all of his stuff on facebook, because I’m 13, and then eventually he’d either talk to me or block me.  About 5 minutes later Snatch texted me about some random picture I had made a comment on.  Which was weird, he’s basically forbidden to talk to me unless his wife is present, but I didn’t think much of it.

I couldn’t find any solid evidence on the breakup/divorce so a few weeks ago I was prepared to start my liking approach, but he beat me to it and had already started liking all my stuff  so I started liking his back (side note: I am aware of how juvenile this all sounds, but do you want blog posts or no? Hokay then, lets continue.) Then a few nights ago I was texting with Betty and she’s all, “Oh by the way, how weird is it that Krusty Krabs and Mercedes are dating?”

Hold the mother fucking bus.  WHAT?! What. The. Fuck. We have totally been cyber flirting via facebook liking and this is not okay.

She said Mercedes had been posting a gaggle of pictures of the two of them, but since I have her blocked, I couldn’t see any of them. Betty thought I should intercept because Mercedes will muff it up anyway, but no. He’s ruined now. 

Betty gave me her login information so I could check out all the pictures for myself, and sure enough around the time he added me on facebook was when their whole shebang started. This got me thinking, Mercedes probably asked him to add me so she could stalk my shit. And then probably got a giant kick out of liking everything and then me reciprocating and liking back. 

Then, feeling like the whole world was conspiring against me, I wondered if Snatch was in on it too and texted me that one day to see if I would say anything about the two of them.

Mercedes and I haven’t spoken in nearly 3 years and this bitch will not get out of my life. The end.
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I’M A DOER!

I figured out today that I am the Regina George of my friends (Lucky excluded because she’s special and also a doer), the Queen Bee, El Presidente, the leader. Why? Because I’m the only doer, and the rest of them are dummies.

Example 1: Betty and I are trying to plan this Florida trip that is happening in exactly 3 weeks and of course it’s drama.  Now when I say Betty and I, I mean Betty, because remember I am a doer so my trip is already planned, booked, and paid for.  She’s just dragging me into her unnecessary drama and I’m tired of it.  We found out about our friend’s wedding 8 months ago, and  knew that it was in Florida 8 months ago.  Which automatically means you have to buy a flight and book a hotel.  I bought a flight, booked a hotel, and rented a car already, literally all Betty has to do is book her own flight and that. is. it.  But I’ve gotten numerous texts and calls from her about how the flights are too expensive and can I look them up for her to see if I can find her a cheaper one? Um no. No I cannot.  Sorry I have a life and don’t care if you go to the wedding or not. On the sidelines Betty is also trying to back out of going to the wedding in general, which would mean less drama for me so I’m hoping that’s what she does.  Then I can enjoy a relaxing weekend in Florida by myself, or if I can get the all clear from the Bride – invite Lucky along for a weekend of drinking and debauchery at the beach. 

Example 2: A few months ago Gigi, Jules, and I came up with the bright idea to go to a baseball game in Gigi’s city.  I found a weekend when the home team for her city was playing the team from The Big City, so we decided we should get tickets to that.  Gigi volunteered to get the tickets a few weeks ago and has yet to do so because first she didn’t know what website to get them off of, so I directed her to stubhub.  Then she had some big blow out with her landlord that left her crying for days.  Etc, etc, etc.  Inside it is hurting me to not just go online and get them myself because it would literally take 15 seconds, but like the above example I am learning the hard way (the hard way being me missing out on a fun drunken baseball game when she doesn’t do it) that I need to let loose on the reins and try to turn my friends into doers too before I kill them all for being lazy sloths. 

So I’m not going to get the tickets, I’m not going to help Betty find a flight, or talk to her about the trip again for that mater.  I’m going to sit back and let them figure it out on their own.  I have examples for days just like this of events where I have had to do all the work because everyone else sucks. With that being said, I don’t know how they all get themselves dressed in the morning. 

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Country Drama (Part 3)

So Betty agreed and said thanks for reminding her that the world doesn’t revolve around her.  It’s about time.  So we headed off to breakfast, ate in the park, and then did a little shopping.  All was good for the first few stores, then Betty started complaining that she wanted to go drink.  So I said the exact same thing I had said earlier, this time not getting much of a response.  I was thinking whatever, if you want to go drink then go drink, but don’t expect me to leave the group like you made me do last night.  Of course she didn’t leave, but things just got more annoying after that.

She followed me around every store, commenting on everything I picked up, basically attached to my ass. If I had to pee, so did she, when we finally did go into a bar for a drink and a light meal, she ordered exactly what I did, down to the no onions and ranch on the side.  

As the evening continued, I just got wasted and left Betty on her own.  If she did her standard wander off to talk to strangers act then I let her do it and if everyone else decided to go to a different bar I left and didn’t try to go find her, I’m no one’s babysitter.  Aside from all the drama with Betty, I ended up having a great time but was definitely ready to get home and back to my solitude on Sunday afternoon.  

The wedding is next month in Florida, so get ready for round 2 of all this drama.  Sigh.

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Country Drama (Part 2)

The hours leading up to the trip were no easier than the few days before.  The MOH had asked that we bring a gift for the bride or party favor for the weekend.  I had known all along that I was going to get some lingerie and some edible whipped cream or something from Victoria’s Secret.  Before we left, Betty informed me that she wanted to stop at one of those disgusting adult stores you see on the side of the interstate on the way to get her gift.  No. No. NO. You’re already making us 5 hours later than everyone else, get something on your own time.  I told her it wasn’t happening and she needed to figure out something else because I just wanted to get there.  I honestly don’t even know if she ended up bringing anything, but I also don’t care.  We finally made it to the house, I was annoyed beyond belief and so happy to see other people.

We had to hustle to get ready and head out for dinner, which was amazing.  The plan was to eat at this restaurant and then go out to the bars in that neighborhood for a not so crazy night, and Saturday would be the big night with all the bachelorette games and goodies on the strip. Near the end of the dinner I kept feeling my phone go off, so I finally looked at it to see that it was Betty texting me from the other end of the table. Sigh. She was saying that she was exhausted and had no desire to go out.  Cool – you do that then.  I just looked at her and acknowledged the text but never replied.  

When we got to the first bar she came up and said she didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to drink, and was tired.  I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do with that, “Okay so are you going back then?” She said yeah she thought so, and asked if I would go to the ATM at the back of the bar with her to get cash.  So I went, then she asked if I would stand there and wait for a cab with her.  Fine, would you like me to hold your hand and brush your hair too? However, we weren’t in downtown Nashville and she needed to call one because they weren’t just driving around in this neighborhood, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to look up a number and do it for her. She is a grown ass woman.  So we literally stood on the side of the road for 5 minutes until I finally said, “So are you going to call a cab or what?” She was like yeah, I guess I’ll ask someone inside for a number to a cab place.  So we walked back inside and I said, “Okay I’m going back up on the stage with the girls, let me know when you’re ready and I’ll stand out there with you.” Instead of going to a bartender or bouncer to ask for a number to cab company she followed me back to the stage.  WTF! 

She told one of the other girls that she wanted to go back, but didn’t have a cab number.  So the girl looked one up for her on her phone, and is nicer than me and asked if she wanted her to go with her.  Betty said no, it was fine and told me she was ready to go call and wait for a cab, so I walked back outside with her.  Feeling guilty, I finally offered to go back with her, expecting her to give me the same response as the other girl.  But she didn’t, she said “Yeah I do want you to go back with me.  I know all these teachers that have been abducted when they get in cabs alone in random cities.”  UM WHAT THE FUCK EVER.  That is horseshit, but fine I will go back with you, since this weekend is about you.  So we went back and I got ready for bed.  Since we were the first ones back we were able to claim an actual bedroom and got a bed, no air mattress, after all that drama. I got into bed, and since it was 11 o’clock and I wasn’t tired at all, I laid there and stared at the ceiling.  After 30 minutes had gone by and Betty still hadn’t come in, I went out into the living room to see what she was doing.  Sitting on the couch drinking a vodka soda.  Are you fucking kidding me? She made me leave so that she could come home because she was SO tired, and now was sitting there, not sleeping, fucking drinking? I was P-I-S-S-E-D, so I just went to bed.  Fuck that shit. 

The next day we all got up and started getting ready, earlier that morning the MOH told me the plan was to go to breakfast, do a little shopping, go to the country music hall of fame, come back and get ready, then go out to the strip that night.  Sounded like fun! When I went into our room Betty asked me where we were going that day, so I relayed what the MOH had told me.  Her response was, “I’m not doing that shit. I want to day drink.” Here we go again.  So I finally looked at her and said, “Well that’s great, but YOU don’t get to choose what we do…”

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Country Drama (Part 1)

Over the weekend I went to a bachelorette party in Nasvhille, Tennessee.  I’ve been there a handful of times and Nashville never disappoints, so I had high expectations for the weekend.  The only problem I could foresee was that Betty was going because she can be lot of anxiety and some drama.  

When the emails about the weekend started swirling and the MOH was getting deep into planning, Betty who has been to Nashville several times offered her assistance since she apparently knew where all the cool places were.  The MOH respectfully declined her help and said she would take care of everything.  Betty is kind of a control freak so I expected her to start having anxiety/panic attacks over the whole trip when she didn’t know/plan every last detail. I was also worried that when we actually went out, if people didn’t want to do what she wanted to do she would leave the group and expect me to go with her, which I knew I wouldn’t leave the group, but it would probably be more drama from Betty.  And that pretty much happened.

A few weeks before the party the MOH sent out an email saying she had rented a house because there were so many of us and all the hotels were booked up for some convention.  The house was 5 or 6 miles from downtown so she had also rented us a party bus to take us wherever we needed to go – the whole weekend excluding food and drinks was going to cost us $150.  To me, that sounded pretty awesome, I hate taking cabs and we’d be able to drink in the bus/leave whatever we didn’t want to take to the bar in the bus and have a ride wherever we needed to go.  Betty started complaining that she thought $150 was a lot and the house was really far from the strip, which I just ignored because whatever, if you don’t want to pay it then don’t go.  Then she came up with some idea that her and I should stay with a guy friend from high school, he lives close to the strip and would drop us off and pick us up and then we wouldn’t have to pay the money.  Um, no.  I told her she could do what she wanted, but I was staying with the group.  As soon as she realized I wasn’t going to do that, she dropped it.

The following week the MOH sent out another email saying she had everything booked, but the house only slept 7 and since there were 10 of us, she needed 3 people to volunteer to bring air mattresses.  This is when the freak out really started.  Betty then said that if she was going to have to sleep on an air mattress she wasn’t paying full price.  At first I just tried to calm her down, explaining that 3 out of 10 people had to sleep on air mattresses, and no where in the email did it say she had to be one of them.

A few days later she asked me if I was going to reply to the email.  Which I explained that I wasn’t, because while I do have an air mattress, it’s a piece of shit hand pump one and I sure as hell wasn’t pumping that thing up at 3am when I’m drunk as piss, so I wasn’t planning on bringing it.  To add to it, the planning for this weekend started well over 2 months ago, and when it started the MOH told us all to be sure to take Friday off work, Betty didn’t take the day off  so I automatically was expected to wait for her to get off work before flying out, which also meant everyone else got there a solid 4-5 hours before us.  Of course I wasn’t happy that I had to wait on her, but what could I do? Since we were going to be so late and the last to arrive I expected we would be sleeping on the air mattresses, but I never said anything to Betty for obvious reasons.  I honestly could have cared less though, we were going to be drunk as shit and I would have preferred sleeping on an air mattress alone to sharing a bed with someone anyway.

A few more days went by and Betty started getting anxiety that no one had replied about bringing air mattresses.  Betty said she was going to reply and ask how we would get into the house if they were gone already when we got there and would say we would bring my air mattress but it’s jank and no one would want to sleep on it.  At this point I started to get pissed, like why was this still an issue? She wasn’t planning the weekend, so I told her if no one volunteered to bring them, then the MOH could figure it out – it’s not our problem. But she didn’t, she kept saying she was going to reply until I finally said you know what, if you reply saying we’re bringing an air mattress I guaran-fucking-tee you will be sleeping on it, so if you don’t want to sleep on it don’t say anything. Also, it’s not your air mattress to offer, it’s mine and I already said I wasn’t bringing it, so that’s the end of it. Of course, as the weekend got closer 5 other people volunteered to bring air mattresses and it was no longer an issue.

The day of the trip arrived and I was not at all excited because of all of the stress leading up to it…

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I hate my friends

Let me say, I had pretty much a whole post written for today about my crazy busy week last week and left just enough words to finish it off with my weekend happenings, because I didn’t think there would be that much to tell.  But you know how that goes, where there is a Betty there is a trouble.

So I drove to hometown over the weekend, because as you know Lucky and I will be in Vegas this weekend over Mother’s Day.  I feel like an asshole for not spending it with my mom, but you know going that weekend saved us a lot of money so what can you do? Anywho, I went home so that on Sunday I could do Mother’s Day type stuff with my mom.

Mid-week my mom called me telling me she got a flyer in the mail for a car dealership that was having a liquidation sale.  As you all know, my fighting green Honda is a piece of shit and I have been in despie need of a new car for well over 2 years.  My mom and I decided we would go check out the sale Saturday morning, Betty was having a party Saturday afternoon that I had to be at by 2.  So we did that and I found a car that I wanted to buy.  If you’ve ever bought a new car you know that it takes like the whole freaking day for them to drum up some paperwork for it.  So I left the dealership with my new ride around 3:30 and had already texted Betty apologizing telling her that I was buying a car and would be late.  Which she was ok with.

Since I was the last to arrive at the party Betty texted me with a grocery list of things she had forgotten (see: 3 bags of ice, club soda, limes, a fifth of captain morgan, a pitcher, extra tortilla chips, etc…) on top of the 3 dishes, case of beer, and bottle of tequila I was already bringing, and asked me to pick all of this up before I came.  I agreed, and soon after I got there the party cleared out and there were only a few people left.  So yeah, all that shit I had just spent like $40 on (that Betty never reimbursed me for) didn’t even get used. 

Anyway, when I arrived at the party Betty was hammered, as per usual, and was stumbling all over the place.  A few more people came and went and Betty kept saying she wanted to go to this bar later to see her friend’s boyfriend’s band play.  Several people that left the party said they would meet everyone there if that was the plan.  So, the night wound down and it was nearing 10 o’clock (the time the band was going to start playing) and the only people left at the party were Betty, her boyfriend, me, and one other couple.  Betty was blacked out, could hardly even stand, and was just itching to pick a fight with her boyfriend. Because she hates him.

Before I go on let’s back up a little, earlier in the week I had told High School Crush that I’d be in this city (the one we always meet in) and that he should come there so we could see each other.  I didn’t immediately invite him to Betty’s because I wanted to gauge the party before I threw him into that situation and I thought the chances of us going out were pretty good and I could just meet up with him once we were out. But when it looked like we were going to be staying around Betty’s neighborhood I asked HSC if he’d be interested in coming out with us, he agreed but the only problem was that he had already been drinking with his friends.  Since I was sober I offered to come pick him up.

This is where the story continues, I tell Betty that I’m going to pick up HSC because he’s going to come out with us, which she seems fine with.  So I go in her house and start gathering my things to leave and in walks her boyfriend saying he was sent in to talk some sense into me.  Apparently, he and Betty didn’t think it was a good idea for me to go pick up HSC because if he was into me he would find a way to get to me.  Which, yes, I’m sure he would spend $40 or $50 to take a cab to come there, but why should he do that when I’m sober and can go pick him up? Betty’s boyfriend went off on a tangent about how High School Crush just must not be that into me, because he would do ANYTHING to get to Betty.  Which pissed me off because that’s not a question to me.  We talk every day, I know he’s into me, he tells me he’s into me, so who is this guy that doesn’t even know him to say he’s not? What I really wanted to say was, oh do you think you’re that into Betty when you have chicks sending you naked pictures?

So, I go back out to Betty and ask her what that was all about.  And she’s all, “He needs to treat you like a princess. And he doesn’t.” Which is insane.  She is fucking cray cray. And because she is a nut the information I tell her is very limited, all she knows is that we’re still talking and to her knowledge the last time we saw each other was back in February at the festival – which as you know, is not the case.  So I’m all, alright I’ll be back, already feeling bad for what HSC is about to be put through when he gets there.  Then, Betty asks if she can come and be annoying in the back seat. My response? “No, you can’t, because the last time you talked to HSC you told him I was too good for him, invited him back to your place to sleep in your daugher’s bunkbed with me, and told him I was at a bar to see my ex-boyfriend.  And you just spent the last 10 minutes talking shit about a guy who at some point will probably be my boyfriend, so no, you can’t be annoying in the back seat, I’m going alone.” She got pissed, told me that hurt her feelings and asked why I was embarrassed of her.  I just left.

About 15 minutes later I got a text from Betty’s boyfriend saying, “Take your time. Betty passed out.”  So, I went to where HSC was at, told him about the shenanigans (excluding Betty’s shit talking) and he his reaction was for me to just stay there with his friends, which seemed like a better idea to me.  So I didn’t go back to Betty’s, what would have been the point in that? At 4am when she woke up and saw I wasn’t there she sent me a shitty text saying thanks for coming back to hang out with her.  Apparently the point of me coming back there was so that I could watch her sleep. Seriously?

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Me, myself, and I

Seriously guys, I have got like cray dramaz going on in my life right now.  As you know from Tuesday’s post, my love life has taken a turn to my liking, but of course that can’t come without other aspects of my life taking a giant shit on my face.

Like I said on Tuesday, Betty changed her mind about 180 times trying to decide whether or not to go to the festival.  I really only invited her so that she wouldn’t get mad if she found out Polly and I went, and as soon as she said she couldn’t go I was all, “Oh that’s too bad. We’ll drink one for ya!” I knew that if Betty came, she would make her own agenda, even though I was the one that invited her, and we’d be playing by her rules the whole day, and IF she let me meet up with HSC she would be saying weird shit to him like she did at the Christmas party.  Normally, this is fine and I just go with it because it’s just me and what do I care? But not this time, HSC was involved and I didn’t want to get stuck at Betty’s playing Mommy.  I told Betty that since she had plans earlier that day she could just meet us at the festival, since this wasn’t the plan she had worked out in her head, she chose to ignore that.

When the time rolled around for her to meet us she was super salty. She was pissed that we didn’t call to flip flop the plans around so that they worked for her, pissed because we disappointed her daughter, pissed because we disappointed her, pissed because her BF canceled his plans to go to a club to watch the baby sleep, pissed because she would have to drive to meet us alone, pissed because she’d have to finagle the crowd alone, pissed because she was sober, pissed because she’s had a hard 2 weeks and didn’t need this added on top of it. Uhhhh HOLD. THE. MOTHER. EFFING. BUS. ONE. SECOND.  Scusie?  Did I not offer to take off work, drive 3 hours, and sit in the ghetto ass abortion clinic with you a few weeks ago? Did I not offer to come down the next day and have a movie night with you? Did I not say, “Call me if you need ANYTHING.  ANYTHING!”? And you’re going to throw it in my face because something didn’t go your way you big fucking cry baby? OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T! I tell you what I’m pissed about, people being selfish.  It’s as simple as 1-2-3… The plan is this, you are invited, if you can’t make it, that is too bad.  End story.

I have spent the past 26 years of my life not being selfish (ok, I’ve probably been a little selfish, but not nearly as selfless as I’ve been when it comes to giving my stupid friends their way) and I’m done with it.  I’ve bent over backward for everyone else, and look at where I’m at? I’m alone and none of those selfish bastards are.  But damnit, I’m the sweetest, nicest person everyone knows, so why am I still alone? Because I do everything for everyone else and nothing for myself.  So, after much deliberation between Lucky and I (and somehelp from Lopez because Lucky has the same problem) her and I both decided that we needed to only do the things that we WANT to do.  And if other people get pissed in the process? Who cares! Fuck ‘em!

I should say that in the 12 or so years Betty and I have been friends I can’t think of 1 time when she’s really taken one for the team for me and done what I wanted to do.  Which is why you can probably count on 2 hands the number of times I have invited her to do things.  A PERFECT example is the Christmas party, I asked Betty to take one for the team as in, “Hey HSC is here, he wants to hang out, will you take one for the team and stay out?” As you know, she said yes, but we only stayed out another 45 minutes and she was blatantly yelling, “I wanna go home!!!!” within ear shot of HSC the whole time and inviting him to
sleep in her daughters bunk beds with me.  Making it awkward.  But me? Oh I’ve been there for 3 abortions, a divorce, a childbirth, multiple affairs, a bat shit crazy mom, her dad almost dying, and a cheating live in boyfriend. But you know not to keep tabs or anything, it’s cool if you can’t spend 2 hours of your life standing in a bar so that I can hang out with a guy I have liked since before I even knew you. NO BIG DEAL! I don’t ever need to be happy, I’ll just sit here chewing on my nails and I’ll be your go to person for the rest of my life.  I am here. to. serve. YOU!

So not giving a damn about Betty’s agenda and if I upset her kid was the first step to doing more things for me so that I can get what I want out of life.  The next came earlier this week when Betty texted me inviting HSC and I to go skiing with her and her boyfriend next Friday.  First, let me say, Betty only knows that I met up with him at the festival because I put a picture of us on facebook.  She doesn’t even know what happened.  Second, even if she did know what happened, hanging out once and making out in the street does not warrant a couple’s ski trip.  So I just replied telling her I already had plans that weekend and didn’t even address the HSC thing.  I just don’t want her to know any of the details because I don’t want her trying to play God by asking him to do things behind my back.

This is where I get really irritated.  You see, Betty does this with every guy I like/date.  Instead of asking, “Hey what happened with HSC this weekend?” and gauging the relationship from that, she assumes that he is my boyfriend, we made our anniversary the first day we met (6/1/1999), and we are looking at apartments this weekend to move in together.  Because that’s what she does.  It’s such a problem that even communicating with her won’t work, simply stating, “No Betty, we’re not there yet, we’re still talking”  wouldn’t fly.  If I would have said that, she would’ve taken it upon herself to send him a facebook message inviting him on the ski trip and saying to get me on board.  Then I would’ve gotten a text from him being like, “Uhhh yeah… Betty wants to go skiing?” And it would be weird, he’d never talk to me again, and I would drive to her house and kill her.

So the point to this 1200 word rant is that I’m always busy looking after my friend’s hot mess lives, and they’re all busy looking out for only themselves, who is looking out for me? No one.  Insert NEW New Year’s resolution: Be selfish and do only what YOU want.

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