Well my first weekend in the big city went ok. I didn’t get mugged, raped, or murdered so I guess it was a success. I have been sleeping with a kitchen knife next to my bed though, just in case.
I am totally aware that I look like a serial killer. But as long as it’s intimidating to all of the robbers, I’m ok with it.
Weekend #1 started off just peachy king because I broke my crackberry Friday morning and literally thought the world was going to end. I couldn’t go out because christ although I may seem dumb, I know it’s not smart to go out without any means of communication.
But Saturday morning I willingly got into a strangers car with just my ipod as a way of communicating and didn’t think a thing about it because Anth vouched for the guy.
Anth and I got into our first roommate fight because of my lack of communication. I had plans to meet this rental agent Saturday morning to look at apartments, right? Well I had to email him just before I left and be all, “Hey I don’t have a phone but I have an ipod so I guess just email me if there’s a problem.” There was a problem. I took the wrong interstate and ended up in the suburbs but of course I couldn’t get on my ipod to email the guy and tell him I’d be a tad late. An hour after we were supposed to meet I finally showed up, thankfully he was still there because he called Anth and he told him I had left like 2 hours ago to drive miles. Neither of them were concerned about my safety or well being though.
Here is the string of emails I had from Anth when I finally did get an internet connection:
A: Gizzy, wtf are you doing!?
G (2 hours later): I got lost! I ended up in the suburbs!
A: WTF! Email him back! He called me like 15 min ago and said he emailed him. Call him.
G: I did email him back!! I don’t have a phone how in the EFF am I supposed to call him without a phone!
A: AHAHAHA do you have your laptop open in your shotgun seat or what? You are such a retard.
G: I think he left 😦 are you at home? Come get me. I’m scared.
A: No, panera. Damnit Gizzy, he is going to hate me now. You know this is work for him on a Saturday, right?
G: I know it’s work for him!! I feel so bad. I’m at Starbucks, call him and tell him to come meet me!
A: I just talked to him, he’s on his way back. He’s a nice guy so he won’t ask, but you should probably do something to make this up to him, if you know what I mean…
G: Are you flippin’ kidding me? I hate you.
A: Email me when you’re on your way home and I’ll come back. We have some evening planning to do.
So… yada yada yada… I found a GREAT apartment. And now I’m flipping out because we’re in price negotiations and I haven’t heard anything back for 2 days. I just can’t handle this kind of pressure and not knowing if I get to live there. I’ll cry if I don’t get this apt, I really will.
Anyway, I got back to the apt and Anth and I began to plan out our evening around the first and last birthday party of 2011 either of us will be invited to. I wasn’t even really invited, but you know, by association.
It started as us going to get some lunch at a little bar and grill around the corner while we mapped out our game plan for the night. Of course we had to have a pitcher to fuel our great ideas. Then we decided we needed some fresh new swag for the party that ended up not being fresh or swag at all. We went into the lacoste store and found matching nautical themed girls and guys shirts. We got them. I know, probably the worst $35 I have ever spent. When someone posts pictures from the party on facebook I’ll put one of us up here, many pictures were taken.
Anyway, captain and skipper showed up to the party and unbeknown to me Anth was introducing me to everyone as “The Hook Line and Sinker.” Why? I have absolutely no idea. But it pissed me off so I started calling him Mustang Sally as a form of cock-blocking, which gradually turned into “Sally wets herself.” I really just don’t even know. Before the party was over it became a competition between us of who could cock/vagina block the best. I’d have to say it was a tie, we both pulled out all the stops (I would elaborate further if I remembered what the stops were.) And carried ourselves home. Not too much drama for weekend number one, but not quite enough for it to be a success.
Sunday I got the Sunday afternoon blues and started to miss my family. So Anth took me to see his choice of movies, The Green Hornet, it was actually pretty good but he fell asleep.
This is probably the best relationship I’ve ever been in, #1 we’re not actually in a relationship so I don’t have to have sex with him, sleep in the same bed as him, or be all lovey dovey… What I do get is: A wing-man to every event, someone who is just as big of a loser as I am who will go shopping/to the movies with me and think it’s fun, and he’s no where close to having a girlfriend so I can find a real boyfriend and tap out first so I’m not lonely. Win win win!