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Extra Extra Read All About It: Gizzy’s going to be famous!!

Well my weekend was a bust, I did nothing, and to overcompensate for doing absolutely nothing I worked out too much and pulled all of the muscles between my belly button and my vagina.  Literally, I thought I was passing kidney stones when the soreness started to set in.  Because that’s what happens when you pull muscles on the top part of your vagina that you didn’t know existed, it feels like you’re going to pee out rocks.  Not just any rocks, those big gray driveway rocks.  Bastards!

I sat on the toilet for most of my Saturday evening, waiting to give birth to driveway rocks while simultaneously googling other diseases that would make everything from my belly button to my vagina hurt.  They pretty much all said the same thing, either I was dying or I pulled some muscles.  

So I tried P90X this weekend….it’s just good that I’m not sexually active because even still today I am walking funny.  People at work probably think I took it up the butt this weekend or something. 

Also while I was laid up in bed I checked my new favorite website that tells me when and where tv shows and movies will be filming in my city.  Pretty sa-weet, right?  While on the website I noticed a casting call section so I clicked on it and there was a casting call listed from a week prior for a new tv show set to premiere this fall.  The open call was for extras in some bar scenes.  AND they were going to pay the extras.  UM, sign me up! 

Too bad it was a week ago and I missed it.  But, I am going to start checking this website every day because I’m sure there will be more.  And damnit, I’m going to be an extra in a tv show!

We all know I’m a big fame whore that thinks Lucky and I are destined to marry celebrities and that’s why we don’t fit in with anyone.  Well! I’m not going to meet celebrities sitting on my caboose not being an extra in a new tv show.  So why not try, right?  Plus I am still on my trying to meet people without alcohol being involved kick, and so far that has yielded no new friends.  So… gotta try new things!  Plus most actors are hot so… I don’t really see a down side in this.

Don’t get me wrong here, the only acting experience I have is when I was Oklahoma (the state, not the musical) in my 6th grade play and all I did was hold up a sign that said “OK” and screamed out OKLAHOMA!!! So the chances of me actually getting picked to be a paid extra are slim to none, but I have high hopes for myself. 

The closest I ever came to making it in show biz was when my mom and my aunt took me to the Price is Right for my 23rd birthday.  They built it up so much in my head being all, “You’re young and cute, they’re going to eat you up… you’re for sure getting called to contestants row!”  I even made a shirt that said, “The Future Mrs. Drew Carey” and wore my glasses that are similar to his.  I thought I was golden.

We went through the interviews told the producers it was my birthday and that we had been up since like 2AM (it was about 1pm when we did our interview) and they still didn’t pick me.  After sleeping on the street in downtown Los Angeles to get seats RIGHT BEHIND contestants row… ON MY BIRTHDAY… they still didn’t pick me.  What. The. Fuck. 

So anyway, my claim to fame is the hour I was on national television sitting behind contestants row on the Price is Right.  I mean, we were on tv the whole time so what more can I ask for? Oh, to be an extra in a TV show? YEP! Doing it.

On another note, I hope all of our East Coast blog buddies survived hurricane Irene this weekend!! Just Married Girl, Simply Solo, Thoughts Appear, Shy Guy, and anyone else I missed…I hope you’re all alive!!

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I’m not NFL wife material.

I tell you what.  The forces are really trying to keep me from you all these days.  I’m too chicken to get on The Blog at work, for obvious reasons.  No one at my office can know I have an actual personality.  And back at the ol’ dungeon, well, our internet has been down more than it has been up since I moved to the big city, and Anth, our self-proclaimed tech-ie, isn’t doing jack shit to get us up and running.  Yeah, he ordered us a new router and hooked it up, but he is the only one who can get online – so that’s awesome.  Basically this blog is brought to you via a McDonalds parking lot at 6:30 in the morning.  And by god is it worth it.  Nothin’ like enjoying a little bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, a lil bit o hash brown, some oj, and a nice bloggity blog about my weekend.

Really though, going M.I.A. for a week or so every so often isn’t the worst thing in the world.  In my head everyone is sitting in front of their computers hitting the refresh button just waiting for an update on my fascinating life.

Anyway on to the good stuff, my weekend was quite eventful; I went on a blind date with an NFL player.  That’s right, the normal cheating lying bastards aren’t good enough.  Now, I have to date people who even the Virgin Mary herself would sleep with if given the chance.

It was more of a blind do your friend a favor so it’s not totally awkward and I have an escape plan if this goes terribly wrong double date.  My friend Celia was asked on a date by a guy she went to high school with and some how I got roped into it because she didn’t want to go alone and who better to set The Gizzy up with to really teach her a life lesson than an arrogant 23 year old NFL player who has been around the block.  Twice.

The adventure started out seemingly normal.  We downed your standard 2-3 bottles of wine ate some pasta and some steak then I threw up a little in my mouth when I realized where our dinner conversation had gone.  It went something like so…

NFL: So, Gizzy what do you do?

G: I work with research foundations, what about you?

NFL: I play in the NFL.

G: Oh, that’s nice.

NFL: Yeah, I only live here a few months out of the year.  Do you like football?

G: Not really.

NFL: What sports do you like?

G: I guess basketball.

NFL: Oh speaking of basketball, a few weeks ago I hooked up with Big City Butts Star Player’s fiancé.  It was so funny.  ‘Cause then, Big City Butts Star player called me up and was like, “Hey man wtf I’m going to come kick your ass.” And I was like, “Man I can take you, here’s my address, my door’s unlocked for you bro.”  Pretty much the funniest day ever.

G: Sounds like it.

I’m guessing the date was pretty much over when I said I didn’t like football.  I checked out after this point and just made it my mission to get as drunk as possible courtesy of this guy.

After dinner I had a decent buzz when they said we were going to go by one of their friend’s places to drink a few beers before we went to the club.  Fine by me.  The more booze the better.  Bring it onnnn!! I was planning on testing how much alcohol I could drink before getting embarrassing.  El experimente!

We were finishing up a game of pool when Celia pulled me aside:

C: OMG! Did you hear them talking about doing Molly? (For those of you who don’t know Molly is ecstasy but some kind of pure/supped up version from what I’ve heard.)

G: NOOO!!! Do you think they did it?

C: I don’t know, they went in the room for a while with the door closed.  If they did let’s get out of here.

G: How do we tell? Do the pupils get bigger or smaller?

C: Bigger.

G: Ok you distract them I’ll look at their pupils.

If the date wasn’t already headed for the dumps the next plan of attack would have for sure ruined any kind of connection I had with this guy.

Celia pulled them over and asked them to look to see if her retainer was still stuck to her teeth.  Alas, their eyes were focused.  3 heads trying to look into 1 person’s mouth is not an ideal situation.  Basically they thought I was like the weirdest person ever because while they were looking in Celia’s mouth I was positioning myself so that I could stare perfectly into their eyes and see if I saw any crazy.  Thank god I did not, at least not the kind we were looking for.

When it came time to head to the cluuurbb… Celia and I were both pretty much over it.  NFL was getting recognized by tons of skanks so he had his night pretty much set, Celia’s guy was creepily feeling up on her, so mission get drunk was in full force.  After half a dozen shots we went to the ladies room to re-group.   We decided it was time for a little dinner-drinking date ditch.  That’s right.  We walked out of the bathroom and got straight into a cab, after Celia fell in the middle of the street bringing tons of attention to us, of course.  So there was no awkward goodbye or the pity exchanging of the numbers between NFL and I.  I can’t say it didn’t feel amazing to ditch an asshole that gets whom and whatever he wants and then talks down to people who aren’t ripping their panties off at the sight of him because it totally did.

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