Tag Archives: brad womack

You’re, like, creepy.

I know how much you all missed my Twattering session Monday night during The Bachelor: The Women Tell All. I was really busy getting shit-faced. So now, I’m sitting at work, watching the episode online. And for your reading pleasure, here is my commentary.

The show starts off, of course, with a lil preview of the cat fight to come. But, in true Bachelor fashion, I have a feeling this episode is just going to be a let down.

Next, is a series of “memories” that Brad and Chris Harrison are commenting on. Blah, blah, blah…they show Chantal’s slap when she meets Brad, the carnival date with Ashley, the course of his relationship with “Fangs,” his dates with Shantal N (Las Vegas, the hometown date) in which he said it was the weirdest hometown date (duh), and of course, they discuss Michelle (aka. Cray Cray) and her mysterious black eye.

Oh and then, Chris informs us all that Bachelorettes from previous seasons are “getting together” to talk about it—deeming it the “craziest reunion ever.” Hrm….somehow I think that’s a lie. Why would I care about previous bachelorettes? Oh right, I don’t.

Aaaand we’re back, when Chris announces there will be a second season of Bachelor Pad (I never watched the first one, but I heard it was ridiculous cray cray). This one includes the finest from Jake’s season—Vienna and Roselyn. Two slutty McSluts.

Finally, onto the actual show—the women of this Bachelor. Honestly, I don’t remember half of these ladies. I mean it really doesn’t mean shit unless you’re in the final four.

We kick things off with the first night and the ladies’ first impression. Of course, all the ladies say they love Brad from the moment they saw him and wanted to suck his dick right away. Please.

The conversation quickly turns to the tension in the house among the girls—especially the fued between Rachel and Melissa. I really never did understand the fight and I obviously still don’t.

There were also scenes of “Fangs” and Michelle. And some stupid blonde stands up for Michelle and says “she’s just sarcastic.” No, she’s just a bitch and you don’t want your ass beat. Clearly. The other ladies disagree with the blonde bitch, and the fight begins.

Michelle cries. Ashley cries. It’s pretty stupid.

After that, Chris says it’s “time to settle the fued” between Melissa and Rachel. Melissa is first in the hot seat and she claims her innoscence, while Melissa’s blood is boiling in the group seat. Then some genius is all, “the moral of the story is don’t act like that in front of a guy.”

Well, 90 percent of the shit on this show is everyone acting like a crazy ass fool, so whatever.

Next, Michelle is in the hot seat. She said what everyone says when they’re on a reality show—the show was a misinterpretation of who she is. Yadda yadda yadda. Most of the girls aren’t buying her sob story, so she keeps going on and on saying she did the show for the right reasons—to find love for her and her daughter…which just sounds weird to me.

Ashley (not the annoying one), who got the first rose, is next up. We see the course of her relationship with Brad…and the gawd awful sobbing when she gets rejected.

Next is Annoying Ashley. And we get reminded of the CRAY CRAY that she really is. Her moment in the hot seat was strange. she talks forever about how the relationship failed because of her and she doesn’t know if she was in love or not. Then Chris is all, “I hate to break it to you, but you were in love.” Umm how the fuck would you know?

Finally, it’s Brad’s turn to talk. And within 15 seconds, he reminds me why he’s such a douche when he says, “I promised my significant other that I would only be marginally happy to see all of you.”

Faggot.

Then, he stands up for Michelle, saying he doesn’t think she has a malicious bone in her body. Sure. He has a moment with Annoying Ashley where she apologizes for wasting his time. Brad being Brad…he’s all, no no no it’s fine!!

And now, he says he’s the happiest he’s ever been, and he’s falling more and more in love with “this woman” every day. BARF.

Now, I think I’ve pretty much figured this show out. After watching so many of the seasons, I can see it’s all bullshit. But I will say I was a little disappointed when I read this (Brad Womack’s Ex: He Proposed to Me Before the Bachelor) while getting my hair did yesterday. Google “Brad Womack’s Ex” and you can see the texts he was sending her right before he left for the show and even e-mails he sent her DURING the taping.

UGH. Oh well, don’t forget to join me on Twitter Monday for the finale!

Tonight, my ladies, is my final pole dancing class. We are going to learn the final five tricks in our routine and then get to invite our female friends to come watch our full performances, complete with costumes. I haven’t decided what I should wear yet (I’ve been wearing leggings and a tank to the other classes), but I feel I need something I little sexier for my performance. Thoughts?

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Well hello, John Adam.

Are you guys keeping up with The Bachelor? Because it’s pretty much the highlight of my week. And yes, I realize how much of a loser that makes me.

Here’s my thing with The Bachelor, in general. When I was younger, my mom and I used to get such a kick out of these bitches fighting over a man they “love.” In college, I still watched it, you know, in the sorority house…hrmm.

Okay, and after last season, I swore I wouldn’t watch it. They show these men as soooo perfect, woe is them, they can’t find love, blah blah blah. It’s because they are crazy, selfish, assholes!

But then this season comes along, with Brad Womack (hiss, boo, wwaaaamp) and I was like….OKAY ABC, you’ve sold me yet again! And really, I couldn’t care less about Womack. It’s a good thing he was honest with those whores the first time and said, hey I’m crazy and completely fucked up and it looks like I need counseling for about three years. So have a nice life!

This season, I’m trying to go into it knowing that it’s a show all about ratings, and just hope it entertains me come Monday evenings. And I’m trying to spread the joy with my live Tweet sessions on #The Bachelor, so if you haven’t joined me yet, please do!

Last night’s episode is a perfect example of why the show pisses me off—the dates. Brad takes this chick Ashley to Capital Records to record Seal’s Kiss From A Rose. Really? And of course, she wets herself, and wants to drop her panties right there in the recording studio. Guess what whore bag? He didn’t plan, pay for, or even think about this date AT ALL. Yet, oh wait, she wants to have his children because she sang that song really loud when she was 10. Hmph.

Anyway, this weekend I vowed to myself I was going to do nothing. I had a stressful week last week and I really needed a break. And that’s exactly what I got. I left the house a total of one time to go to a writer’s meeting.

Needless to say, I got plenty of sleep. Yet, every freakin’ time I closed my eyes for sleep, I had some kind of crazy dream! I’ve been known to have weird dreams and remember lots of details about them for days, sometimes years, to come.

But this dream…was just….strange. Because it was pretty real. Imagine the Wayne’s World fingers with the ~*~*~*~*~doo-doo-loo-doo-doo-loo….*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was back in my hometown, and my mom had told me months before that the attorney she works for had a son who was attractive and single. I told her she was crazy, because I lived so far away.

However, I was in town visiting and my friend wanted to take me to a rowing competition. Never been to one of those in my life, but hey! Whatever. She insists we go to a party before the race to have a few drinks.

When we arrive at the party, the entire cast from Jersey Shore is there! But they weren’t the stars from Jersey Shore, they were just typical people. So we have some drinks and head over to this massive arena where the rowing competition is.

Of course, we had nosebleed seats, so I really couldn’t see what the hell was going on. It was people rowing tiny boats in a damn pool, using these giant orange paddles to pull themselves across.

When the race was over, I just wanted to get out of there. So I went for a walk downtown, where my mom’s office is. It was a Sunday, so the office was closed and there were construction workers doing some work on it. Out of a back staircase, walked one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen in my life (or, in my dreams). He was tall, muscular, lightly tanned, with a very close haircut.

When he cleared the stairwell, I went up. I was wandering around the building, a building I haven’t been inside in probably 10 years, but it was exactly how I remembered it—floral wallpaper, cherry wood trim, ornate furniture…and then people were wondering what I was doing there.

Shit!

Just as I was about to explain myself, the hot guy came back.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,”

“So what ARE you doing in here?”

“Well, my mom used to work here…and she was telling me about an attorney’s single son…I saw you outside and I just knew it was you,” I said.

“Really? I was about to send you a text message,” he said (didn’t matter how he got my number).

“What’s your name?” I asked him.

“My name is John, but some people call me Adam.”

I woke up genuinely thinking I was going to have a text message on my phone from John Adam. I was very disappointed. Yep, that’s how pathetic my life has become. Dreaming about John Adam. Am I a pathetic single loser, or have I been reading too many romance novels?

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