Tag Archives: breakups

I HAD A DATE!

Yes, you read that correctly! I went on a date—a BLIND date—Friday.

Since dating D, I’ve only been on one date…and it wasn’t so great (not horrible, but we didn’t go on a second date).

While I’m not in a mind-space of thinking that I necessarily need a boyfriend, I am starting to get bored with myself. Like GOD, can I just leave the apartment once in awhile? Or go and get dressed up for drinks, or something?

So, I jumped at the chance when one of my girlfriends from college sent me a text saying she had a friend she thought I’d be compatible with. I trust her, and she’s got great taste…besides, I had nothing to lose, so I told her, yes I was down for it.

I didn’t really think it was going to happen—not saying she’s a flake by any means, I just didn’t know how serious she, or this guy, was. But about a week later, he sent me his name and asked me out for dinner and drinks via text.

It took everything I had not to Google him; I wanted to go in totally blind. However, I gave Gizzy his name and had HER Google him and just tell me if she saw any red flags right off the bat. She didn’t, so I was glad.

So, Friday, he offered to pick me up and take us downtown to a nice wine bar. When I saw him, in the street, I was pleasantly surprised. He was fit, clean cut, dressed in a button-down shirt, with a small tattoo near his wrist.

We walked a ways and started talking, as we headed toward his car. He opened my car door.

At the wine bar, we both got wine flights, tasted each other’s wine picks, ate some food, and talked. A lot. And I shit you not, he told me I was gorgeous, and that he was surprised our mutual friend didn’t mention how “lovely” I was.

I was nearly blushing—no one has ever said those things to me.

Around midnight, we went for a walk downtown, and found a small, quiet bar to keep talking and get a few more beers. Turns out, we have quite a bit of things in common.

When the bar closed, he took me home, walked me to my door, and gave me a kiss. It was very sweet.

When I got into bed, he’d sent me a text: “Thank you so much for the company tonight. You were more incredible than I imagined. Goodnight and sweet dreams!”

He called me last night, and asked me for a second date this Friday—we are going to a rooftop sushi place. I’m pretty excited, and of course, I’ll keep you posted!

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Why am I being punished?

Hey guys!!

I’m sorry it’s been forever—I have SO much to tell you & I promise, there is REASON for me not being around to tell y’all about my exciting life. However, we’ll get to that on a rainy day. Today, I’ve got a little story for you and I hope you’ll weigh in.

Exactly one week ago, I was a guest on my friend’s video podcast. It was a short 40-minute live comedy act and it was pretty funny. The audience was mostly men, and as soon as the show went off-air, some of these guys were texting my friend wanting to know who I was and if I was single.

Oooohhhh heeeeeyyy!!

So one of these guys, we’ll call him MAP, sends me a message on Facebook and after a few exchanges, he asks me for my number. We text a little more and then he asks me if I want to get a simple drink on Friday (yes, Valentine’s Day).

I say yes, and I was pretty excited about it.

At first, I got the vibe that this guy was genuine, nice, he has a good job, owns a condo, has a car, has a degree, is involved in a softball team, has a podcast…

Overall, I was thinking, “Hey, this guy has a life,” which is pretty attractive to me, because I’ve got a lot going on, too.

So, we meet up for drinks, and he orders a nice scotch, I got a vodka. We talked about work, our friends, things like that, but I noticed that he kept talking about his “Budget.”

Now, let’s get this straight. I, too, am on a budget. I get it. And I am NOT looking for someone who is going to swoop in and solve my money problems. However, my money issues are not something I talk about with people I’ve just met.

He was mentioning it so much, that I felt like I should pick up the tab.

So we have two drinks and leave the bar. He walks me to my door, and he goes in for the kiss, and he was holding me so tight I almost fell over. And the kiss… was very forced. Like there were (was?) teeth and tongue and I opened my eyes once because I was trying to pull away.

I went to my apartment with mixed feelings. He seemed nice, like a guy who’s got it all together, but that kiss was horrible…

However, he asked me if i wanted to hang out again and I said sure.

But since then, he’s been texting NON STOP.

Like, we’re talking, he texts me so often, I don’t even have time to answer the questions he is asking me. Sometimes, in a text, he will even ask me what time he should text me.

I don’t know what to do… I feel bad, but we’ve only been on one date and I am already feeling so smothered.

It’s one thing if we have lots to talk about, but it’s another thing, if it’s forced, and I feel like asking me questions like, “What are you having for lunch?” “What’s your political stance?” “Can you do any impressions?” is forced conversations.

Am I horrible? HELP.

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And Then High School Crush Got Engaged

That’s right, you heard correctly.  High School Crush is engaged. If you’re a new reader, just go back in our blog posts about 2 years (or from the beginning, cause he was around then too) and it will all make sense.

Last night when I got home from work I decided to look up Peanut Butta Jelly Time (as I like to call her, aka HSC’s girlfriend/now fiance) on Facebook because I had a hankering he would propose around Christmas. Because he’s one of THOSE guys.  And by one of THOSE guys I mean one of those cheap bastards that pops the question around Christmas so he doesn’t have to get you a Christmas gift on top of the engagement ring.  So a couple posts in I see where she has done a reCRAP of all the cool shit she did in 2013.  The last thing was getting engaged to her best friend, soul mate, better half, love of her life. Gag me. So I scroll down to the next post and see the typical newly engaged couple pic of them: standing up doing a half hug with shit eating grins (her gummy grin still looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) on their faces while her hand rests ever so subtly on his chest displaying her new bling (princess cut with the small diamonds surrounding it. Typical of what you see all the 20 somethings wearing.)

In all honesty I am indifferent about it and really don’t give a shit. I’m over him and have been for a long time.  But what I’m not over is that he (along with many other scum buckets) got away with basically two timing his now fiance at the beginning of their relationship.  And she probably has no idea that I was in the picture DAYS before they moved in together. 

This also got me thinking about something I’m sure have mentioned before: I am ALWAYS the girl that guys date/hook-up with/have one last fling with before they find “the one” and get married. I mean, do I have some kind of power that makes these assholes decide they’re ready to settle down, just not with me? 

Here’s the running list of guys this has happened with:

  1. My 2nd long term boyfriend in high school
  2. My first college boyfriend
  3. Snatch (if you remember, he’s how I met Anth and all those characters)
  4. My “football buddy” from college
  5. Bi-polar Ex
  6. High School Crush
  7. HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON
  8. Nutter Butter (not engaged YET, but says he’s currently with “the one”
  9. Snoop-Linus (also not engaged YET,  but has been with the same girl since we broke up like 4 years ago.)

Now here’s the list of exes that aren’t engaged/still in a relationship with the person they dated after me:

  1. My first long term high school boyfriend
  2. Douchearoo

It would seem that the way this weighs out is a little more than a coincidence, right?

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14. List your secret behaviors.

LUCKY
  1. Eating whatever I want/weird foods. Since I am single and live alone, I can eat whatever I want. Marshmallows with peanut butter? Yep. Chips and dip for dinner? Sure. I usually eat pretty healthy, so most of the time I’m just thankful that no one is around to see my boring meals (last night I had turkey cutlets and butternut squash).
  2. Wearing no pants. My fuck buddy knows this about me, but that’s about it. When I’m at home, it’s pants off, dance off.
  3. Dance parties/concerts for Blanche. It is not a rare day when I turn on some tunes, grab the broom and lip sync my ass off, complete with dance moves. I sometimes even give shout outs to no one, “This song is dedicated to…” Yeah. That’s real.

GIZZY

Who’s scared to read this after yesterday’s confession? Bwhahaha.

  1. Sometimes I pretend I’m on a reality show in my every day life.
  2. I like to watch videos of my celebrity crushes before I go to bed so I have dreams of hanging out with them.
  3. My dog and I do a choreographed dance number every day when I get home from work. Ok, I dance and he jumps around following me.

 

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11.Describe what you think your life will be like in 5,10 & 20 years.

LUCKY

GAH. This is so scary to me.

Part of me feels like so much happens in a year, so it’s so difficult to predict, but then again, I’ve had my same job for close to 6 years (wow, that was hard to type) and I’m still single after 12 years of dating, so…

In five years, I’d say it’s still possibly likely that I’ll be at this job because I have very little motivation. Perhaps I’ll live in a different place, have different friends, maybe I’ll meet a guy (ha. ha. ha.), but I don’t see any DRASTIC changes…

Ten years? Shit. I hope I’m not still single. I hope I’m not still living in the same spot…and DAMN I hope I’m not doing the exact same job.

In Twenty years…I don’t even know. I hope I’m a little more stable all around. I hope my finances are in order and I hope I’m happy with whatever my life brings. That’s my wish always; that I can be happy and satisfied in my own skin, doing whatever it is I’m doing.

GIZZY

This is going to be a giant list of how I HOPE my life is in 5, 10, and 20 years. With a small bit of actual reality mixed in.

In 5 years I will be 33, which isn’t THAT scary of an age. But I will say that I know I will have more money because all my student loans will be paid off, and my car will be paid off (unless I wreck it and have to buy a new one, knock on wood).  So I am actually kind of looking forward to 5 years from now because it’ll be nice to have more disposable income. I would like to think that I’ll have found a nice well rounded guy that is hot and doesn’t look at or think about other women (ie Zac Efron. P.s. Zac, call me! ;)). I’m starting to job hunt now in a city across the country that I love and have have always wanted to live in. So hopefully I’ll have made that happen by then.  But I would really like to think I won’t still be doing accounting/finance stuff, and I’ll have found my true passion and be working toward new goals in that.

In 10 years I will be 38, which is scary because that’s almost 40. If I’m going to have kids I should have had them by this point, so I think my life will be busied by work during the day and taking care of kids and (hopefully) a husband in the evenings.

In 20 years I’ll be 48. That is fucking scary to think about. That means my Mom will be 71 and my Dad 73, and I don’t like the thought of them getting into their 70s and 80s because that’s when most people die. So I’m not going to think about it, I’m just going to say that since I’m the bomb.com, I will be retired and vacationing all over the World.  With my husband Zac Efron.

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10. What’s something you’ve learned about yourself this year?

SORRY GUYS! I dropped the ball and forgot about day 10. Please forgive me.

LUCKY

Every year around this time, like most people I’m sure, I think about the year gone by. And each year, I think, “Wow, this year has really been tough.”

And it’s true, I’ve been through a lot these past few years, and this year is no different. But I’m actually starting to realize just how STRONG I am. I made it through a really, really tough relationship that could’ve changed the course of my life forever if I didn’t get out.

But I’m out, and even though I am still healing from it, I know things are getting better.

The other part of this question is things we’re still learning about ourselves…and one thing I’m still learning and working on is being non-judgmental. For the most part, I am free of judgment, but I know it creeps up sometimes, and it’s really something I’m working on.

GIZZY

I’ve learned that at this juncture in my life I’m a better me when I’m alone.  And by alone I mean boyfriend/crushless. Since I started high school I have always had a guy, a guy that I liked, a guy I was dating, sometimes multiple guys. In high school I felt like I kind of had my pick of any guy I wanted, and I called the shots. I didn’t care about what my boyfriends were doing, who they were talking to, and shitty things they did didn’t upset me because I didn’t tolerate it.  I knew that I was the shit and that I treated them well and they couldn’t find better. So if they did something shitty I dumped them on the spot and moved on to the next guy.  In college those waters started to get murky because I didn’t have my pick of any guy which made me care more/obsess about the guys that I did date, mostly over their every move thinking they were all cheating on me (I was right, they were!). But the last few years I’ve missed the carefree girl that did whatever she wanted with no regard to someone who didn’t treat her right and I feel like this year I’ve started to get that piece of me back.  I finally “learned” that the adult me is just as awesome.  I also learned that not giving a fuck is way easier than giving a fuck about people that treat you badly.

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7. Describe your perfect man/woman.

These are all so HARD.

Ever since all of the stuff with D, I feel really defeated in love.

I used to have this list of all these things I wanted in a man. And sometimes, I’ve gotten some of the things on that long list. But no matter who or what, that guy turns out to be an asshole. And now I’m in this place where I associate all of those good qualities I once wanted, with the bad ones that I got.

Like, yeah he looked great in a baseball hat…but he was controlling.

Hrmph.

So…my dream guy…looks like Zac Efron…smells like Abercrombie (or anything mountain-lodgey)…is sweet to me… thinks I’m awesome… tells me I’m beautiful… is funny… smart… honest… doesn’t lie to me or cheat on me… actually he pretty much is Zac Efron’s character in the Lucky One, okay, I said it.

The older I get and the more single I become the more convoluted my fantasy man becomes. Right now I’d like it to be a mix between Zac Efron, Bruno Mars, Ryan Gosling, and Harry Styles. A little piece of each of them.

I’d like everything about Zac Efron, his face, his abs, his penis (assuming it’s big, but not too big, the perfect peen). Bruno Mars’ personality, sense of humor, and voice. Bruno’s sense of humor is kind of he doesn’t take life too seriously and can make fun of himself, and I really love it and that’s what makes him so attractive to me. Any trait the guy could get from Ryan Gosling would be fine, because the man is perfect. Harry Styles’ humbleness and it would be ok if the guy looked like him a little too. 

On a non-celebrity level I really just want someone who is honest. In all of my relationships that has been the one thing that has always been missing.  Guys are either not honest about where they’ve been/who they’ve been talking to or aren’t honest about their feelings and what they want, and right now that’s at the top of my list. Right below that is someone who is fun/funny and not a serious Debbie Downer.  It’s pretty rare for me to be in a bad mood or to be super serious about anything at all. I laugh at everything, so I really want someone who just has fun all of the time in any situation.  Someone who can take a joke and can dish them right back out would fit right in with me.  I’d also like to find a guy who is secure and confident with who he is.  The more I date the more I realize guys are way more insecure than girls, and it’s a huge buzzkill. Any guys that want to date me I really just need 3 things – be hot as fuck, funny, and honest. If I can find a guy like that I’m confident we will have a lifetime of happiness and really attractive children.

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I turned into a hippie freak

As Lucky mentioned yesterday I too am doing a food challenge.  Mine isn’t so much for detox like Lucky’s, but is mostly just to increase overall wellness and a reason for me to take notice of all the garbage I’m putting into my body. And I’ll also say that I’ve done the Advocare challenge that Lucky is doing a few times, and it’s way harder than what I’m doing. WIth that you literally have to make everything yourself and it sucks donkey, so lets give props to her.

I’m doing a challenge to see if I can eat paleo for 30 days. I’m sure by now everyone knows what paleo is, but in the event that you don’t I’ll give you a little run down. There are different versions of paleo and all kinds of rules that go along with it, but the gist is that you eat food that caveman ate.  Which means fruit, veggies, nuts, lean meats and fish and that’s basically it. The super paleo people go so far as to make sure all the fruits, veggies, and nuts they eat are organic and the animals are grass fed and pasture raised. I like the idea of all that; but lets be honest, I’m a baller on a budget and that super paleo shit is expensive. So I do the best I can.  

I decided to do the challenge because of all the health benefits that come along with it. I read that those who suffer from headaches and joint pain often find that changing their diet helps relieve a lot of the ache, it helps clear skin, gives mental clarity and of course helps with weight loss.  So I figured why not, the worst that could happen is I would look good and feel great at the end of it, right? Right.

I’m a few weeks in and started the challenge reminding myself that it was only for 30 days, not forever and as soon as it was over I could have all the PSL (not really cause it’s going to be gone!) and cinnamon rolls I wanted. The only thing I have really had a huge craving for is chocolate and PSL.  And you’re allowed to have dark chocolate on paleo, but it’s just not the same.  Paleo has been around long enough that there are a lot of good recipes out there that are paleo substitutes for anything non-paleo you could want. Except grilled cheese, still haven’t found one for that.  But in general it’s pretty doable, unless you’re super busy, then you’re fucked because if you have a hankering for cookies or banana bread you’ve got to make that shit yourself. The groceries stores just got on board with gluten free stuff, so I’m sure paleo isn’t far behind, but for now we’re on our own.

Anyway, the challenge got me reading labels, something I rarely did before.  I started looking at ingredients to see if things were paleo friendly and realized how much shit I am putting in my body that I really have no clue what the hell it is.  (By the way, my new general rule of thumb when this is over is that if there are more than 2 ingredients that I can’t pronounce/don’t know what it is – I’m not going to eat it. I may regret this decision.) So I started googling. And that lead me to swearing to never put certain foods in my mouth again. One of those being peanuts. Want to know why? 

They add MSG to it.  Riddle me this, why the fuck do they need to add MSG to peanuts? They are born exactly the way you eat them.  There is really no processing needed aside from removing the shell and adding a little salt. But they add the one thing everyone wants to stay away from and people don’t even realize they are eating it because they are peanuts for God’s sake. But they add it, along with a whole gaggle of other shit you probably would prefer not to eat. At some point I’ll scare everyone to death and post everything else I found, but I ain’t got the times right now ya’ll.  

I blame this all on the health nut freaks I work with. They turned me. They turned me into one of them and I like it.

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Mercedes the Mega-bitch

Do ya’ll remember that mega-bitch ex-friend of mine named MERCEDES? Yes, everyone take a moment to shudder in your chair.

Occasionally that stupid bitch rears her ugly head into my life and when that happens I get the fun reminder that there are still some things out there that do piss me the fuck off. And she is one of them.

Almost every time I hang out with Gigi or Chuck they talk about the last time they talked to her and how she says she misses me and would like us to be friends again, but not before I apologize. Which is never going to fucking happen, for the following reasons:

1. She’s a mega-bitch.
2. I did nothing wrong, she was the one who stabbed me in the back.
3. She’s a drama filled mega-bitch.

Every now and then someone (Anth or the likings there of) will tell me they ran into her and she asked how I was doing, where I’ve been, and what I’ve been doing. Which sends me instantly into a stink-eyed frenzy of questioning my friendship with said person for speaking my name to that mega-bitch.

But the most recent happenings are just… I can’t.

A little more than a month ago I got a random friend request from Snatch’s best friend from High School, Krusty Krabs.  I knew the guy in college. In fact, him and Snatch were roommates when he and I dated so we remained friends throughout college. 

After facebook stalking one afternoon I had come to the conclusion that the guy, Krusty Krabs, was no longer married (or maybe never got married, he was engaged at one point, but whatevs minor details) and that he was lookin’ mighty fine.  I explained to Lucky that very day that I was going to do some research and find out about whole ex-wife/fiance situation and see why they broke up/got a divorce, if it wasn’t too horrible of a reason (cause I’m not dealing with anymore lying cheating bastard asses), I was going to make my approach and start liking all of his stuff on facebook, because I’m 13, and then eventually he’d either talk to me or block me.  About 5 minutes later Snatch texted me about some random picture I had made a comment on.  Which was weird, he’s basically forbidden to talk to me unless his wife is present, but I didn’t think much of it.

I couldn’t find any solid evidence on the breakup/divorce so a few weeks ago I was prepared to start my liking approach, but he beat me to it and had already started liking all my stuff  so I started liking his back (side note: I am aware of how juvenile this all sounds, but do you want blog posts or no? Hokay then, lets continue.) Then a few nights ago I was texting with Betty and she’s all, “Oh by the way, how weird is it that Krusty Krabs and Mercedes are dating?”

Hold the mother fucking bus.  WHAT?! What. The. Fuck. We have totally been cyber flirting via facebook liking and this is not okay.

She said Mercedes had been posting a gaggle of pictures of the two of them, but since I have her blocked, I couldn’t see any of them. Betty thought I should intercept because Mercedes will muff it up anyway, but no. He’s ruined now. 

Betty gave me her login information so I could check out all the pictures for myself, and sure enough around the time he added me on facebook was when their whole shebang started. This got me thinking, Mercedes probably asked him to add me so she could stalk my shit. And then probably got a giant kick out of liking everything and then me reciprocating and liking back. 

Then, feeling like the whole world was conspiring against me, I wondered if Snatch was in on it too and texted me that one day to see if I would say anything about the two of them.

Mercedes and I haven’t spoken in nearly 3 years and this bitch will not get out of my life. The end.
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Happy Halloween, You Blockheads!

In the spirit of Halloween (my favorite Holiday after the 4th of July) I’m going to keep this post light, because no one wants to read about how I’m pissed off at the World on such a joyful day.  So with that said, I’m just going to share a picture of my Halloween costume.

Pig Pen

And the rest of my department at work.

Peanuts Gang

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