Tag Archives: Camille Grammer

Promo Girl/Lebron James Politics

So does Camille Grammer have anal leakage or what? Every time I type in my little log on and password and head to our dashboard I see this:

top searches

camille grammer anal leakage

I know it’s not uncommon for our blog to yield as a search result when people google disgusting things such as anal leakage, since I did use that as an example of something that someone might ask our advice on, but what I don’t get is who the eff out there wants to read about Camille Grammer’s anal leakage? I mean #1 how do you even get anal leakage and #2 Why do you want to read about it? Tell me this please.  You, the one googling anal leakage, you have some explaining to do, SHOW YOURSELF!

Speaking of anal leakage, has everyone seen that new facebook feature where you can ‘view a friendship’? I did this with several of my friends and was slightly disturbed by my own sense of humor when that video I posted last week of the fat guy licking his man boobs to “I kissed a girl” came up on 98% of my friendship pages.  Sigh. I think I might need a life coach.  The other 2% of my friends had a picture of a mexican fiesta pop up when I tried to plan a cruise to Cabo Wabo with my college friends and the only one who agreed to go was Anth.  Thumbs DOWN.

So, today’s post is about being a promo girl.  You think you have what it takes?

The first step is to select your category, are you:

1. Preppy/Think your shit don’t stank?

2. Hot, drunk, and stupid

3.  Ugly, old, and fat

4. a hodge podge of races with fluctuating weight

If you chose 1, congratulations you can be like me! You can work for Captain Morgan, Crown Royal, Jose Cuervo, Ursus, and many more!

If you chose 2, today is your first day of Jagarmeister rush! ON THE GROUND!

If you chose 3, you are an imported beer queen.  Heineken, dos equis? At your service gramps!

If you chose 4, I’m sorry.  You are a miller girl.

I probably fit better into category #2 because you know, drunk. But I take what I can get.

In all seriousness I have a question/favor to ask of you, our loyal readers.  Do you guys think I could charge a fee for people to hang out with me? Like as a service? I would name the company, “You’ve got a friend in Gizzy” like nerds who don’t have friends could call me up and pay me like $50 and I would let them get me drunk infront of their co-workers or something/I could wear something “showy” for added impressment (thanks for the idear, Anth.)

I ask because I am bombing interviews left and right and my life has actually come down to the point where I think my stepmom is getting me a job.  Which makes me sad.  Because I wanted to move far away and be all independent woman and come home for the 4th of July and be like, “Hey everyone meet my hot actor boyfriend, his name is Zac Efron.  Yeah the one from high school musical.  What about Vanessa? Oh he dumped her when he met me because god she is like sooooo 2009.”  But it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anymore, because at one point it did.  When I was meeting celebrities left and right and they thought I was cool.  But now I’m like Matt McFaggot, a has been in the eyes of Hollywood.

It all started when Lebron James denied me a picture, he’s the one who made hanging out with Gizzy not be cool anymore.  Meatloaf, Lynard Skynard, Drew Carey, Shawn Marion, John Mellencamp, and Candace Cameron (yep, I’m name dropping all the celebrities I have met because I am depressed but this is making it worse because nobody really knows who any of these people are anymore) all thought it was cool to hang out with me.  But no here I am paroozing around one day chit chatting with Anderson Varejao having a grand old time when Lebron comes along.

When Lebron walks up.  Like any warm blooded American would do I pull down my shirt a little and bat my eyes at him, we shoot the shit because I’m so. cool. and then ask for a picture because obviously no one would ever believe I was hanging out with Lebron James and Anderson Varejao when I’m not even from Cleveland and Lebron says, “Naw girl, just for the kids.”

After that I pretty much made it my life mission to run into Lebron again when I am famous and deny him a photo.  Like be at some awards show (the oscars, with Zac) and see Lebron pull up behind me and linger around the red carpet for him to be like, “Gizenator my girl! Lets get a pic for the paps.” And I can be like, “Naw Lebron, just for celebrities.”

Really though, I know everyone wants to know how I was hanging out with Lebron and Anderson.  A friend of mine gave me post game passes for the Cavs when they were playing the team from the state I am from.  So, I got drunk at the game and was eyeing Anderson because he seemed nice.  When Lebron walks up, vagina blocks and shatters my ego for not being a kid for the rest of my life.

So there you have it.  It was my one chance to meet a nice, successful guy and Lebron James ruined it. And I am out for revenge.  Ok, mayybbeee his hair is a little crazy but I can deal with it, he was nice and brazilian. And I am pissed all over again.

Anywho, I think I am getting set up with someone tomorrow.  My friend Betty said she has “someone she wants me to meet.”  I don’t know how I feel about this because the last time she tried to set me up with someone it was an epic fail and made me realize that she clearly has no idea what I look for in guys.  I haven’t asked any questions about this guy because honestly I don’t want to know, if I know before hand that I’m not going to like him I’ll probably try and find a way to cancel which will piss her off so best to be surprised right? RIGHT! But this last guy was baaaad, she met him at a club, he was nerdy, weird, and basically the complete opposite of everything I look for.  At one point I actually pulled her aside where she said, “He’s nice right? Why aren’t you saying a word to him?” and I had to be like, “Honestly? Do you hate me? Why would you do this?” At which point I decided to make myself seem unattractive to him so he wouldn’t ask for my number or anything.  We were at Betty’s having some drinks on her deck with her husband at the time, and our couple friends Chad and Rachel.  Chad said he wanted to go to the gas station to buy some cigarettes so I handed him my credit card and asked him to stop and get me Mcdonalds AND taco bell.  I think it worked.

It just makes me nervous, because when Betty is picking out guys for her friends they are really guys for her.  I liked her husband, he was really nice, not so much what I long for physically but you know it’s whatevs.  I guess I could hope she shows up with Kelsey Grammer, even though he’s a little old for me.  I could be Hollywood for a while.  Her current boyfriend is an archaeologist professor and talks with big words.  The 3 of us went canoeing and I remember him saying some big word and I asked what it meant and he said “water” like why wouldn’t you just say water? You’re not hanging out with jeopardy winners or anything.

Well, since Lucky’s dad is in town you guys are stuck with me all weekend.  Tonight I’m working with the Captain and The Captain’s Crystal sooo…. giddy up!

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All my niggaz wit ‘Kelsey Grammer.’

Well, hello there! This week, Gizzy & I are dedicated to the royal celebration that is, our 100th post {which happens Friday, after we figured out that Gizzy has a math-skill-level of her sister Ella and Ella’s bubby, Justin Bieber}. Like our balloons? TODAY IS 96!!!! This week, Gizzy & I are joining forces, in order to bring you some hearty laughs, and prep you for Friday’s festivities—when we reveal our poll winner. During our week-long celebration, we are unrolling some NEW things at the empire, which we are so excited about! And throughout this post, I (Gizzy) will drink beer and tequila steadily to see how drunk I get.  Because it’s Sunday Funday!

But in the meantime, let’s cover the bidness. Meaning, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I hope you’ve all been watching, if not, you’ve got some homework to do (She’s talking about me, I don’t get Bravo. Lame ass dish network, you hear that dish geeks!? Give it to me for free basts!) . This train wreck of a show is simply amazing. I’ve said it, and I’ll say it again, THIS is what every season of Real Housewives should’ve been. I mean money coming out da anus (as Puffy and Ma$e said, $$) and botox out the ears. I was hooked at the premiere episode. But, while a lot of things about the show made me chuckle, this is perhaps what perplexed me the most:

Meet Camille Grammer, Kelsey Grammer’s wife—soon to be ex-wife. She isn’t so shocking, but there is a part in the episode where she describes herself as “the powerhouse behind Kelsey Grammer.” See it here.

Ohhh really? Let’s just see about that. Gizzy, join me on a trip down memory lane. A street named Kelsey Grammer’s career highlights.

Kelsey Grammer was born February 21, 1955 (DAAAMN Kels! You old!) in the Virgin Islands. Holla.

He is most recognized for his role as Dr. Frasier Crane on Frasier, which lasted like…me & Gizzy’s entire life.

And yeah, he was on Broadway and did some voice work like in The Simpsons and Toy Story 2…but, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Grammer has had three wives—maybe THAT’s the part Camille is referring to? Anyway, in 1995 he was sued by his ex-girlfriend for defamation in his autobiography—SAY WHAT?!  No seriously, here is the cover of his book:

Hells yeah. So Fresh.  So Fly.

But wait, in 1998, Grammer filed a lawsuit against IEG claiming they had stolen a sex tape from his home. IEG then sued Grammer, saying they didn’t have any tape. All the best celebrities have sex tapes and sue people because of it. Just saying.  He had to keep up with the times right KimmyK and Paris? Kelsey knows what’s up. In an interview with Maxim Magazine, Grammer said this:

“Whether or not you’re a celebrity—even if you’re just an old slob with a video camera—you don’t realize you shouldn’t do it. So you throw the tape in the back of a dark closet until your old girlfriend remembers it’s there because you’re famous now and she’s not. But if you’re not prepared to do the time, don’t do the crime.”

Really, Kelsey? Really? I think we should all take away a valuable lesson from this: “If you’re not prepared to do the time, don’t do the crime,” will be my new catch-phrase. K? Spread it like wildfire and herpes. Kelso wins again. BAM. THE LAW.

In all honesty, I AM ready to do the time. I mean, what am I really doing with my life, anyway? And if I go to jail, I could totally spend my days reading and learning how to say the alphabet backward. No bills, and I eat for free? I mean, I’ve always strived to live like a queen! I actually thought about this the other day when I was driving and saw the guys in their orange vests picking up garbage along the highway.  First I got sad because I saw an old man and it reminded me of my dad/grandpa but then I thought he is probably a child molester and that passed.  Then I was thinking about, what if I went to jail.  I could hang, I love not showering and lying in bed all day, jail is pretty much my dream world.

Now, if that wasn’t enough to surprise you about one Mr. Kelsey Grammer, check THIS out—he started drinking at age 9. NINE. What the eff? What grade are you even in when you’re nine? Third grade? So while America’s youth is slurping down CapriSuns, Kelsey Grammer was ripping shots from his Batman Thermos, and then going out to recess to have a big fat cigar. My hero. The end.

In 1988 he was put in the slammer for drunk driving AND cocaine possession! Two years later, he was arrested again for more cocaine! Then, he violated his probation, because he was on cocaine. Who knew Kelsey Grammer was a total druggie? I did, that’s why I like him, he meets the same low standards that all my ex boyfriends forced me to set for any man entering into my life whether it be romantic or a father figure role model such as Kelsey. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll = a winner in my book. Apparently, he flipped his Viper while driving drunk and checked himself into the Betty Ford Center, where he bunked with LiLo and snorted cocaine from her belly button.

Tsk. Tsk.

To be honest, when I think of Kelsey Grammer, I think of Frasier, which makes me think of this:

Today, Kelsey has his own website where he offers fans a chance to chat with him live.  Which we are unofficially in charge of plugging every single day.  WWW.KELSEYLIVE.COM -Read it like it’s naked, neon, and flashing.

He was also on 30 Rock last week which I did not watch because Tracy Morgan pisses me off beyond belief.  The man is not funny, I’m sorry he tries too hard and his ghetto gold hurts my eyes and I think Kelsey can do better. Next.

More recently Kelsey twatted/tweeted (? I don’t know @#&^#&^) to us telling us that he won’t be returning to Los Angeles for the next year because he’ll be performing on Broadway, which I still haven’t figured out what show he’s doing because he won’t tell us.  Probably because he knows that Lucky and I will for reals buy all the tickets opening night so it’s like the performance was made for us.  We. Are. So. Creepy.  But we’re trying to tell you how much we love Kelsey Grammer.

He also takes Gizzy, Ella and Bubby on the red carpet! Evidence:

(Gizzy was going through a blonde phase, clearly.)(And a fake boob phase.)(And Bubby (Justin Bieber) was going through a really short phase as was Ella going through a really tall phase.  We’re a family of phases, what can I say?)

So, Kelsey Grammer, we tip our hats to you good sir.  Won’t you be… our neighbor?

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