Tag Archives: cat

Karma is with the bride.

Remember that post I wrote a few days ago…you know, about how I’m broke because of wedding season? Yeah, well all the brides-to-be must have gotten together and plotted a scheme against my life because I was complaining. But before I begin the rant on my latest failures…the Sex and The City episode I was referring to was “A Woman’s Right to Shoes.” Coincidentally, when I got home Tuesday night, that was the episode I had reached in my 3-week marathon of Sex and the City dvds.

The best part of the episode is when Carrie calls Kiera, leaves her a message saying “I’m getting married…to myself. And I’m registered an Monolo Blahnik,” and then she gets the shoes (as a wedding gift) from Kiera.

I need to do that.

Anyway, late last week I was doing the usual cleaning of the apartment, when I noticed a cluster of tiny black bugs near my kitchen sink. I figured they came from the drain, so I bleached my sink and drain, and called it a day. Well, that is until I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and saw another cluster of little black bugs.

Weird.

The next day, when I got home from work, I spotted a few more…not near any sink. One on the wall, one on my couch. I was utterly disgusted, so I got out my trusty vacuum, put the tiniest attachment on it, and proceeded to vacuum my entire place…every molding, every corner, even up to the ceiling.

I was bug-free. Or so I thought.

I had been doing some major Googling, trying to figure out what these little beasts were—they were a little bigger than a flee, body of a beetle, smaller than an ant, didn’t fly. However, many pictures and descriptions I found didn’t help. I searched my flours and pastas for weavals, and found nothing, I searched my mattress for bed bugs, again, nothing.

Tuesday night, I had just wrapped up my nightly routine in the bathroom, waltzed into my bedroom, to see a little black bitch on my clean white sheets.

Oh no he didn’t.

I had had enough. I refused to live in a garden. So I whipped open my computer again, to try and find the answers. A few scrolls down, and I saw a suggestion—bugs that eat cat food. Aha!

So I marched into my kitchen, and flung open my cat cabinet. Eh, saw a few bugs, nothing to satisfy this as the source. The article said to store cat food in air tight containers. So, I found some tupperware for the time being, and prepared to pour. Starting with a box of Friskies, I poured.

What came out of that box was quite possibly the sickest thing I’ve seen in my life. Every single morsel of food was half eaten…and the bugs were there. Everywhere.

I cried.

I cried because it was gross. I cried because I hate bugs. I cried because my cat had been eating bug food and I failed to notice. When I looked in his dish, sure enough, bug city. I was a shitty mom.

I composed myself, grabbed a trash bag, and started to throw everything away—the box of Friskies, any cat treats, even a new bag of Iams (i checked it, to find it oddly bug-free, but I didn’t want to take any chances). I emptied my cats dishes and put everything in the dishwasher. My kitty was left with a hungry belly for the night.

When I got on the Friskies website, I saw many complaints of the same thing. Apparently, I purchased a box of Friskies that was infested, and I was being punished for it.

I could hardly sleep that night, unable to get the image of the bugs out of my head, worried about my cat’s health, and overall just feeling disgusting. At lunch yesterday, I made a trip to the pet store and bought all fresh catfood (I opened everything before I bought it, inspecting for bugs) and it wasn’t Friskies.

I also purchased a large collection of air tight containers. Now, all my catfood, flours, pastas, sugars, etc are stored away, safe and sound.

On my drive home from work last night, I got an e-mail from Jesus Belt, saying the magazine was cutting back on freelancers.

Just what I needed to hear.

When I got home, I saw a few straggling bugs, which I expected. I’m still waiting for the rest of the crop to die of hunger. However, I dragged myself around the kitchen, cleaning once again. I was exhausted of my recent life. I was upset about losing freelance money. And I was tired of cleaning up bugs.

So here I am. Stricken my karma. Because I’m a big, single, bitch. Where’s The Bieb when I need him?

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A {Heidi} photo Montag{e}.

It’s been an interesting week for Gizzy & I, and by that, I simply mean nothing is going on. We are just trying to get by, make the ends meet, just like every other single mom in this chauvinist world. For that reason alone, we wanted to take you on a journey. So come along, we’re all friends here. And so we present, A Day in Photos by Gizzy & Lucky.

{6:00 a.m.} Lucky’s alarm goes off and she immediately hates her life. Editor’s note: I just realized just HOW homosexual my alarm clock is with that cat sticker on it. No wonder I’m single.

{9:00 a.m} Lucky writes. At work, where she’s sat since 7:30 a.m.

{12:00 p.m.} Lucky eats the world’s cheapest lunch, while simultaneously pretending she’s in first grade again.

{2:30 p.m} Lucky reading at work. And about to rip into her afternoon snackie.

{5:15 p.m.} Lucky getting skin cancer in the tanning bed. Nothing like a pair of bronze tootsies!

{6:00 p.m.} Lucky at the store selecting a bottle of white to go with her dinner…and her bad attitude.

{7:30 p.m.} Lucky’s dinner is served: baked chicken, sweet peas, and white mac n’ cheese. Where’s the Mac-A-Weenie??

{9:00 p.m.} Lucky’s third glass of vino, while rotting her brain with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

{9:30 p.m.} Lucky telling her cat, O.J., that indeed she is drunk.

{10:30 p.m.} Lucky’s all out. Sad face.

{10:45 p.m.} Lucky’s bedtime. Time to face plant.

Now on to Gizzy’s day. …

(10:30am) Gizzy rolls out of bed and starts to get ready for her interview.


(12:30pm) Gizzy is driving to her interview.  This is what she imagines being colorblind to look like and also did this sepia tone for added mysteriousness.  Did it work?


(3:00pm) Gizzy is enjoying a snack with Bubby (Justin Bieber.)


(6:00pm) Gizzy is teaching Ella how to draw baby dolls, but hers looks more like a scary version of Kathy Griffen then anything.


(9:00pm) Gizzy is getting ready in a bathroom disguised as a fun house to go work with The Captain in Polar Bear form & Captain’s Crystal’s Bff, Witchie.


(12:00am) Gizzy is pouring shots for a bar with 20 people in it.


(2:00am) Gizzy is checking to see if Kelsey Grammer is online and wants to talk about her long day.


He is not.

(3:00am) Gizzy is tucked away in bed ready to snooze until 1pm tomorrow. (This is a reenactment. The views of this blog are not in any way associated or supported by these actors (pillows.))

Well, there you have it kids.  A day in the life of Lucky and Gizzy.  See, we’re normal.

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