Tag Archives: co-workers

Valentine’s Day Re-Hashed

Did everyone have a super lovey dovey Valentine’s Day? This year didn’t pan out as bad for me as past years have, but I still kind of wanted to slit my wrists and lie in the bathtub.  Oh and I had a super weird meeting with one of my bosses that made me feel dirty.

I should back up a few months, I failed to mention to everyone that before I left for my big Christmas trip to Hawaii I got a promotion.  Go me! I was pretty excited about it, I would be getting more responsibility, a(n) slave intern, a small raise, and most importantly my own office – far far away from Ciggy Breath and his noises.  Ah, the thought of my cube days being over was enough to tickle my pickle.

I knew it would take some time for my bosses to hire my replacement, and they told me that my office was currently occupado because of another building being under construction.  But, I am happy to report the replacement for my old job started Monday and my office will be ready for move in on March 13th!

So that brings us to yesterday.  My boss’s boss sent me a meeting invitation to go over transitioning the new girl into my position and what I should be prepared to train her on, etc, etc. A few minutes before the meeting she comes to my desk and says to come with her because we’ll be meeting with the CFO and the Director of my department too.  My thoughts? OH SHIT! They found the blog! Goodbye job, goodbye money, goodbye big city, goodbye health insurance.  Hello moving back in with Mom.

They started off the meeting by kissing my ass “off the record”.  They went on for a solid 20 minutes about what an amazing job I’m doing, how they know I’m not using my full potential at the job, how they all know a lot of people outside of our company and if I’d ever like to go elsewhere I should let them know where and they can hook it up because they want to see me do big things.  And on that note, they said that they would like to see me continue at our company and they were willing to make it worthwhile for me by providing me with incentives.  So now I’m thinking I might get another raise and that would make me muy muy happy.  Because I am poor.  Seriously, my bank account has $37 in it and I don’t get paid for 2 more weeks. Sigh.

Anyway, THEN they were like… buuuutttttt we want to talk to you about some things happening in the office.  [insert here what your face looks like when your stomach falls into your butt.]  “We’d like to talk to you about your neighbor, Ciggy Breath.” Oh shew! “Does he bother you? Anything you say will be off the record, we won’t ever use your name.” Ok, this is weird right? Why is this whole meeting “off the record”?

I don’t think it’s a question in anyone’s mind whether Ciggy Breath is annoying or not, we all know he’s The Worst.  So I told them.  “I mean yeah, he irritates me and disrupts my workflow because he’s so loud and obnoxious.  But I think that’s because the rest of us are so quiet, and he’s so not.” Apparently this wasn’t the type of dirt they were looking for, they all exchanged glances and moved in closer, “But has he said anything inappropriate to you that makes you feel uncomfortable or that has crossed a line?” Hold the bus.  Am I understanding this right? Are we trying to slap Ciggy Breath with a sexual harassment suit?

If they would have given me some more time I probably could’ve come up with some things I had heard him say to other people on the phone that were inappropriate, but my brain was kind of scrambled, “Uhhh… I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that he’s said that was inappropriate or off color that offended me.” Then they were all like, “This is anonymous, we want you to tell us if ANYTHING has been said, we’ll never use your name, we just need to know.” Trust me.  If I had some dirt on Ciggy Breath I would ABSOLUTELY come forward in a heartbeat to get him fired.  But I don’t, which sucks.

So after that sufficiently awkward meeting I went back to my desk and facebook chatted with Lucky the rest of the day.  Apparently my slacking off every day keeps this business afloat.

Then I went home, and while most girls were enjoying a nice filet mingon steak and a bottle of the finest vino with their significant other, I sat in bed and watched Teen Mom and chowed on a couple of those super yummy Dunkin Donut Valentine’s Day heart shaped donuts, yeah the ones with the chocolate chips, and didn’t feel bad about it.  I win!

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Texas Returns and I still hate my job

Well the long weekend has come to an end and in my neck of the woods it seems like fall has almost arrived. Typically I hate fall, that’s when bad things always happen to me, but this year I don’t have some guy that can shit on me just because it’s getting cold out and because our summer time drunk has worn off, so I’m actually kind of looking forward to it for the first time ever.

And with that being said, I got a text from Texas this weekend. Does everyone remember Texas? Texas is one of the first gentleman callers that I introduced here on the blog, we’ve been friends for about a year and a half now and it’s almost been a year since we’ve spoken. I randomly facebook creep on him to see if him and his girlfriend are making the long distance thing work, which it looked like they broke up a few times – now the link is gone but she posts on his wall 24/7 as per usual.

So when I see an unknown number appear in my text box I google the area code and when I see a city in Texas I knew it could only be one person. I write back being all hey what are you up to long time no talk and he’s all yeah…. so I’m in your city for the next 2 weeks interviewing for jobs and I’ll be moving here at the end of September, up for hanging out? Um DUH!

Update on the count up: Months since I’ve had sex:16 — Months since I’ve made out with someone: 7 — so sad.

This is completely necessary, meeting up with him must happen. Because if you recall there were several occassions when we would talk about randomly hooking up but never made it happen. He might still have a girlfriend, but which I normally would want no part of… but I’m pretty desperate. We are supposed to meet up for dinner and drinks tonight, so hopefully come Thursday I will have some exciting news, and if not at least some good stories because we usually get stupid drunk together so I’m sure something entertaining will happen. Even if it is me puking in my shoes… again.

Annnd on to work news, story of my life. Does anyone else have people in their office that don’t pay attention to detail? I’m pretty sure I am the only one in my office that does and it’s really starting to irritate me. Like you best believe that if I am going to send someone an email acusing them of not doing their job I’m going to have my shit straight before I do so, so that I don’t look like the asshole. But yet no one else in my office seems to do this, they don’t care if they look stupid and if they are being petty.

So here’s the situation, I have to approve a lot of things – some of them have monthly deadlines some of them don’t. If something that I have to approve doesn’t meet the monthly deadline oh well, I don’t really care, the person submitting it to me should’ve gotten it to me further in advance and it’s their bad – it’ll get in next month. Especially when they are late to begin with, if something is older than 90 days we consider it “late” and if they want to do anything with it, first it needs my approval then it has to get my boss’ approval. Which can take a few days because she is a very busy lady.

So this morning I come in to find an email from someone in the payroll department bitching at me for not getting something to them when they think I should have, they sent it like literally the moment they got the packet that I sent over on Friday. I already deleted the email but it went something along the lines of telling me that the packet was going to miss the payroll month end cut off and how I should really pay more attention and try to get thing to them on time because they saw where I signed off on the packet on 8/30, but it didn’t get to them until 9/2 at 4:08 pm so it wouldn’t get processed until September.

Now, the thing is… IF they had flipped past the first page in the packet they would have seen the notification that it was late and that my boss didn’t sign off on the “late” transaction until 9/2 – therefore I got it to them the same fucking day that it received all of the necessary approvals and they can eat a big fat dick and shut their damn mouths. But they didn’t do that, instead they wasted their time and mine falsely accusing me of not doing my job. But did I reply bitching at them for falsely accusing me? Nope. They aren’t my boss, they aren’t in my department so I really don’t give 2 shits if they think I’m not doing my job correctly. If they want to man up and come talk to me in person I’ll ask if they flipped to the next page and when they say no I’ll say well why don’t you go do that and then tell me I’m not doing my job because then they’ll feel like idiots because I AM! And IF they say something to my boss about it and IF she comes to talk to me about it then I’ll tell her yeah, it was a late transaction and you didn’t sign it until 9/2 so we did nothing wrong, then she’ll talk shit about how they don’t pay attention to anything and how they all suck and I’ll agree and we’ll have a good old laugh about it.

But yeah, I’m not going to waste my time writing out an email to correct them because I really don’t care and I’m not petty because really whether the transaction gets processed in August or September really does not fucking matter and people just want something to complain about. What’s better is I am the youngest person in my office – yet clearly the most mature when it comes to matters of business. I’m seriously at my wits ends with these dumb fools. Thank god it’s almost Jerseday!

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This means war.

Halfway to the weekend.  Must keep going. 

I haven’t been very hush hush about the fact that I hate my job.  49% of why I hate it is because I have so much work and barely have enough time to blog, let alone eat lunch, or slack off.  The other 51% is because of my co-workers.  Specifically Ciggy Breath because he sucks at life and smells like old cigarettes and snot while he does it. 

Next week we have a new employee starting that will hold the same position as me, ciggy breath, k money foot dragger, the old asian man who wants to adopt me, and the young weird girl.  I am happy that we’re getting a new employee because inevitably she will be taking 20% of my workload.  Which will get me down to 144 things to do versus 180. 
But I have been hearing all this chatter about how the bosses are going through each of our accounts and pulling out any account with a problem to ensure they don’t give that one to the new girl.  A wiggy what?  No no no.  No one did this for me, when I took on this job I got accounts whether they were fucked up or not and they were my problem even though I didn’t contibute to any of the fucking up. 
 
Also, she gets a new computer.  Which REALLY pisses me off.  Before I came along, Corned Beef was sitting at my desk using my computer and when I was hired she moved to the non-window side of the office and they got her a brand spanking new computer with windows 7, a 15 inch monitor, a wireless mouse and keyboard, and working speakers even though she only works 2 days a week, and even though all of her files are on my computer and she’s constantly asking me to send her shit.  And now the new girl doesn’t have to sit next to ciggy breath, gets a nice new computer, AND gets all of the easy accounts?  All while I sit here with the oldest computer known to man, next to Ciggy Breath, with all of the fucked up accounts?  It hardly seems fair, and I want to know who a girl’s gotta bang in this company to catch a god damned break!
 
Anyway, what was I saying?  Oh yeah, so I still hate Ciggy Breath.  Not just because he smells bad and annoys the piss out of me, not because he sneezes and blesses himself when he sprays spit all over his computer monitor, not because he never washes his coffee cup, and not even because he licks his finger to pick the up crumbs off his desk to eat, I hate him more now than ever because he really is fucking trying to sabotage my job.
 
Our boss has told him numorous times to get it straightened up and to get himself organized but he never does and he never faces any reprocussions because of it.  Since he was in charge of my accounts before I came along he occassionally will find things that belong to my accounts (yes, still, even after I have been at this job for over 8 months).  And today my friends, was one of those days.  Today was also the day I blew my lid and not only cussed AT Ciggy Breath but cussed at him infront of our entire staff.   
So here I am minding my own business working like a dog and I see Ciggy Breath waving a check over my half wall.  I look over and say an annoyed, “WHAT!” He takes that as an invitation to come into my cube and tell me about how he’s over in his cube “cleaning” and found this check that belongs to one of my accounts, from last September.  I rip the check out of his hand as soon as I see that it’s for 13.6 million dollars.  Remember a few months ago when I was telling everyone about how little Mikey and myself were doing things for a top secret project aka the biggest account my company holds?  This 13.6 million dollar check is the payment for that top secret project that ciggy breath has had under his coffee cup for the past fucking year, this is just one of MANY million dollar payments. 
 
At this point everything pretty much went blank and I felt myself rising up out of my chair.  I slammed my fist down on my desk and screamed, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH AN UNORGANIZED PIECE OF SHIT TO DISREGARD A FUCKING 13 MILLION DOLLAR CHECK FOR A FUCKING YEAR!!!”  As most of you know, checks have expiration dates.  This project started September 1, 2010 and the check was dated August 31, 2010.  So I have today, today… to get ahold of everyone that needs to be gotten ahold of to make numerous people around this company drop what they are doing so that we can get this 13.6 fucking million dollar check cashed before it expires tomorrow. 
Of course the bosses heard all of the screaming and came running out.  I told them what happened and their only response was, “Do what you need to do to get it deposited today. Because it will be a sad day at the company if you have to go back and ask them to issue us another check.”  No reprocussions for Ciggy Breath, nothing, they basically acted like it was my fault that he’s had been wiping his mouth with a 13 million dollar check for the past year.  Basically this should have been taken care of and deposited before I was ever even hire.  When I get checks I get them out of the door THAT DAY because I don’t want to be the reason we lose a fuck ton of money. 
 
So anyway, I ran into little Mikey’s office with tears welling up in my eyes.  I told him what happened, and since he just got a promotion yesterday I knew he could do something about it.  He was especially infuriated because it’s his team that has to run around and drop everything to make sure the check gets cleared today. 
 
Bottle of wine or 3 after work? Don’t mind if I do!
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FOX stole my life

Did everyone just luuuurrrrveee the JERSEY SHORE last night? I did, I know it wasn’t very eventful but it was a good teaser.  My new goal in life is to get PaulyD to retweet my tweet or write me back.  It’s going to happen.  And when it does it’s going to be… AWESOME!

While watching the Jersey Shore last night I saw a preview for a new show on fox… “The New Girl”  It’s about a girl starting over and moving in with 3 guys.  Sound familiar? Yeah, that’s because it’s MY LIFE!! WTF FOX!!!

Yes Fox, you’re welcome for your new smash hit.  Do blog entries count as a poor mans copyright?  Think I could get them to hire me on as a writer?  Like hey guys, been there done ALL OF THIS! You know what though, I bet they don’t make her live in the basement for 6 months to earn her keep before giving her 4 walls and a door.  I’ll be curious to see how the story pans out, I would put money on 2 seasons from now she’s dating one of the roommates.  We shall see.

What do we think about people in the office who make their email signature look like an actual signature.  For example:

Dear Gizzy:

If you are ever in need of my services please do not hesitate to contact me.  Thank you.

Sincerely,

Pooper Scooper

Executive Director of Scooping Poopies

Personally, I’m not a big fan of it.  I think it’s unprofessional and makes you look like you have a lot of time on your hands.  But I’ve been noticing like EVERYONE that I email with at work does it.  Am I retarded and missed the memo that creating a fake e-signature is in? Like if you’re going to go to this much trouble why not type out the whole GD email in word, print it out, sign it, and then PDF or fax it to me? I just do not understand the purpose of using a different font for their name.  Baffling.  Granted they’re all old and amazed at all the cool things computers can do.  Just know that I had to look up how to do HTML coding in order to make this point and get that handwriting font to show up, so appreciate!  There’s more where that came from, friends.  

The best part of this is that I wrote all of the above about people being big gay wads with their cursive email signatures last night (Thursday) and a few minutes ago (on Friday) we received this email from CFO:

All,

Staff should use an e-mail signature on e-mail correspondence.  We have chosen the standard e-mail signature format below and include instructions to create a signature.  Please create or update your existing e-mail signature to reflect the e-mail standard example below using Calibri font, size 10, black, with no background, color or graphics.  At your department manager’s discretion, you may be asked to include department specific information.

Standard e-mail example

Jane Doe

Department Administrator

Company XYZ

Department ABC

123 Main Street- Suite (your suite number)

Partyville, USA 12345

T (555) 123-0000

janedoe@company.com

Looks like I wasn’t the only one that noticed all the tool bags making us look unprofessional.  Touche my good man CFO.  Touche.

Speaking of work, it’s been far too long since anything embarrassing happened to me while on the job.  Until today.  I’m walking to the copy machine with a pile of $1,000,000 checks to copy and my heel gets stuck in the cuff of my oh so stylish pants, the express flare leg dress pant.  I go to take a step and I felt it happening and said… “OH NO!!!” as I went down using the file cabinent to brace my fall.  It held me up so I didn’t completely faceplant.  But while I’m using all my strength and will to hold myself up using the file cabinent and while simultaneously trying to get my heel unstuck from the cuff of my pant leg a group of businessmen walk by to go to the conference room for a meeting (Little Mikey included) and the old asian man is standing there watching my struggles and asking if I’m ok.  It’s really a wonder that I’m still here and not off in a corner somewhere ugly girl crying.  So this has taught me a lesson, I’m officially too old and too clumsy to try and look stylish and cute while at work.  If I had on my high waters this wouldn’t have happened, or if I had been wearing flats this wouldn’t have happened.  It’s what I get.

Happy Friday everyone!  Thank god.

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