Tag Archives: crush

It’s that time of the month

Breathe in… and out… in… out.  I just reserved mine and Lucky’s hotel for VEGAS!!! That’s right, May 12-15th be there or be square and I am having to do breathing exercises to calm myself down from it.  What? You’re right; those are different dates than originally planned.  But I’ll let Lucky vent about the date change whenever she feels ready.  Also I’d like to apologize for my lack of posting and for the shortness of this post, my life is pretty boring (with the exception of going to see Lucky and our 5 day drinking binger) and I really don’t have much on my mind other than sleep, eat, and Vegas.

But today, let’s talk just a little about how all the men in my life are on their periods. Seriously.

Anth has had his panties in a twist for the past 3 weeks about St. Patrick’s Day. In The Big City St. Patty’s day is a big deal, there’s a parade, there’s festivities, and everyone gets really wasted.  Anth takes it upon himself to find a bar every year that has a drink deal and tries to force all of his friends to get tickets.  Usually people comply, but I don’t like to be told what to do, and I also don’t like buying a ticket to go out drinking a month in advance.  You know? Shit comes up and I don’t want to be out $30 if I can’t make it to the bar on said holiday. So, Anth has asked me every single day for the past 3 weeks if I have gotten my ticket yet for the bar, and every day I gave him the same answer: No.  There was a time when I wanted to invite High School Crush to come up, because it worked out that all of the people going to the St. Patty’s Day festivities in our group were couples, then I decided I didn’t want to do that.  And now I just don’t want to go because Anth is being so annoying about it.

Then, I came home from Lucky’s the other day and he started an all out BBM argument over St. Patrick’s Day.  Yes, Anth is fighting with me about a drinking schedule.  He went off about how I should just tell him that I don’t want to hang out with them because we’re all grown up’s and they can handle it.  It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with that group of people per say, it’s that I don’t want to be the 13th wheel in a group of a couples that will get drunk and ultimately be all over each other at the end of the day.  Like my life is depressing enough, I don’t need to be around that.

After I thought about the things he was saying it made a little more sense, some other comments he made were, “Why don’t you like me?” “Why don’t you like to hang out with me” etc.. etc.. Since Anth has started dating his girlfriend we really don’t hang out at all.  I’m okay with it, but apparently he isn’t, hence him trying to force me to go to St. Patty’s day to be their 3rd wheel.  Thanks, but no thanks.

Then there’s High School Crush.  Sigh.  We were to a point where we were talking pretty much every day.  It was nice.  But it was still through text, we’d talk about hanging out, but no concrete plans were ever made.  The whole distance thing seemed to still be holding him back, yada yada yada same old tune.  Then this week the texts just kind of stopped.  I’m not freaking out about it; that just uses up way too much energy.  And if it stops for a while? Fine. I’m  out of texting subjects at the moment anyway. I’m just going to blame it all on these boys having their periods.

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Me, myself, and I

Seriously guys, I have got like cray dramaz going on in my life right now.  As you know from Tuesday’s post, my love life has taken a turn to my liking, but of course that can’t come without other aspects of my life taking a giant shit on my face.

Like I said on Tuesday, Betty changed her mind about 180 times trying to decide whether or not to go to the festival.  I really only invited her so that she wouldn’t get mad if she found out Polly and I went, and as soon as she said she couldn’t go I was all, “Oh that’s too bad. We’ll drink one for ya!” I knew that if Betty came, she would make her own agenda, even though I was the one that invited her, and we’d be playing by her rules the whole day, and IF she let me meet up with HSC she would be saying weird shit to him like she did at the Christmas party.  Normally, this is fine and I just go with it because it’s just me and what do I care? But not this time, HSC was involved and I didn’t want to get stuck at Betty’s playing Mommy.  I told Betty that since she had plans earlier that day she could just meet us at the festival, since this wasn’t the plan she had worked out in her head, she chose to ignore that.

When the time rolled around for her to meet us she was super salty. She was pissed that we didn’t call to flip flop the plans around so that they worked for her, pissed because we disappointed her daughter, pissed because we disappointed her, pissed because her BF canceled his plans to go to a club to watch the baby sleep, pissed because she would have to drive to meet us alone, pissed because she’d have to finagle the crowd alone, pissed because she was sober, pissed because she’s had a hard 2 weeks and didn’t need this added on top of it. Uhhhh HOLD. THE. MOTHER. EFFING. BUS. ONE. SECOND.  Scusie?  Did I not offer to take off work, drive 3 hours, and sit in the ghetto ass abortion clinic with you a few weeks ago? Did I not offer to come down the next day and have a movie night with you? Did I not say, “Call me if you need ANYTHING.  ANYTHING!”? And you’re going to throw it in my face because something didn’t go your way you big fucking cry baby? OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T! I tell you what I’m pissed about, people being selfish.  It’s as simple as 1-2-3… The plan is this, you are invited, if you can’t make it, that is too bad.  End story.

I have spent the past 26 years of my life not being selfish (ok, I’ve probably been a little selfish, but not nearly as selfless as I’ve been when it comes to giving my stupid friends their way) and I’m done with it.  I’ve bent over backward for everyone else, and look at where I’m at? I’m alone and none of those selfish bastards are.  But damnit, I’m the sweetest, nicest person everyone knows, so why am I still alone? Because I do everything for everyone else and nothing for myself.  So, after much deliberation between Lucky and I (and somehelp from Lopez because Lucky has the same problem) her and I both decided that we needed to only do the things that we WANT to do.  And if other people get pissed in the process? Who cares! Fuck ‘em!

I should say that in the 12 or so years Betty and I have been friends I can’t think of 1 time when she’s really taken one for the team for me and done what I wanted to do.  Which is why you can probably count on 2 hands the number of times I have invited her to do things.  A PERFECT example is the Christmas party, I asked Betty to take one for the team as in, “Hey HSC is here, he wants to hang out, will you take one for the team and stay out?” As you know, she said yes, but we only stayed out another 45 minutes and she was blatantly yelling, “I wanna go home!!!!” within ear shot of HSC the whole time and inviting him to
sleep in her daughters bunk beds with me.  Making it awkward.  But me? Oh I’ve been there for 3 abortions, a divorce, a childbirth, multiple affairs, a bat shit crazy mom, her dad almost dying, and a cheating live in boyfriend. But you know not to keep tabs or anything, it’s cool if you can’t spend 2 hours of your life standing in a bar so that I can hang out with a guy I have liked since before I even knew you. NO BIG DEAL! I don’t ever need to be happy, I’ll just sit here chewing on my nails and I’ll be your go to person for the rest of my life.  I am here. to. serve. YOU!

So not giving a damn about Betty’s agenda and if I upset her kid was the first step to doing more things for me so that I can get what I want out of life.  The next came earlier this week when Betty texted me inviting HSC and I to go skiing with her and her boyfriend next Friday.  First, let me say, Betty only knows that I met up with him at the festival because I put a picture of us on facebook.  She doesn’t even know what happened.  Second, even if she did know what happened, hanging out once and making out in the street does not warrant a couple’s ski trip.  So I just replied telling her I already had plans that weekend and didn’t even address the HSC thing.  I just don’t want her to know any of the details because I don’t want her trying to play God by asking him to do things behind my back.

This is where I get really irritated.  You see, Betty does this with every guy I like/date.  Instead of asking, “Hey what happened with HSC this weekend?” and gauging the relationship from that, she assumes that he is my boyfriend, we made our anniversary the first day we met (6/1/1999), and we are looking at apartments this weekend to move in together.  Because that’s what she does.  It’s such a problem that even communicating with her won’t work, simply stating, “No Betty, we’re not there yet, we’re still talking”  wouldn’t fly.  If I would have said that, she would’ve taken it upon herself to send him a facebook message inviting him on the ski trip and saying to get me on board.  Then I would’ve gotten a text from him being like, “Uhhh yeah… Betty wants to go skiing?” And it would be weird, he’d never talk to me again, and I would drive to her house and kill her.

So the point to this 1200 word rant is that I’m always busy looking after my friend’s hot mess lives, and they’re all busy looking out for only themselves, who is looking out for me? No one.  Insert NEW New Year’s resolution: Be selfish and do only what YOU want.

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Living Will: Name your best friend as your relationship power of attorney.

MmmmHALLO!!! Aloha and Mahalo! I’m back on the mainland and not psyched about it.  There’s snow on the ground and it sucks, it sucks donkey. 

The trip was nice and relaxing, of course I got annoyed with Stepdad more than once, but thankfully AT&T is aware that Hawaii is a state and has thoughtfully included it in their nationwide plan, so Lucky and I BBMed it up the whole time at no extra charge.

Which also means…drumroll please…badadadaaaa…. High School Crush and I texted the whole trip too.  During the months before the big Christmas extravaganza in Hawaii I was all… “Yeah I’m totally shutting off my phone and not taking my computer.  I’m disconnecting and it’s going to be awesome.” But you know what? Shit happens, December 16th happened, and I wouldn’t have been able to go 2 weeks without talking to Lucky either.

I was pleasantly surprised that HSC and I texted the whole time I was gone, and even more excited that he texted me right at midnight his time on New Years Eve to wish me a Happy New Year.  But as we know, all good things must come to an end.  We’re still talking. But after I got back, Lucky and I had a long talk about how the next step needs to happen.  We need to hang out again.

During our vacation text sesh HSC suggested that we get a group of friends together to go on a Vegas trip in March.  I mean, I’m all for it, but we need to hang out before that. Because what’s going to happen? We’re going to go to Vegas after seeing each other once in the past 5 years back in December with our BFF’s in tow, get drunk, and get married or some shit?  Plus, that’s at least 3 months away, oh and it will never happen. BUH!

So Lucky and I decided that I needed to try and make plans with him this weekend.  Wednesday night I asked what his plans were for the weekend.  He said he was staying in his city because he was sick of driving after the holidays. Which is understandable, BUT THIS IS OUR ONLY CHANCE BECAUSE SUNDAY I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE BIG CITY WHICH IS MORE THAN 5 HOURS FROM HIS CITY WHY DOES HE NOT GET THIS?! I replied being all yeah it sucks you’re tired of driving because you need to come to hometown this weekend to hang, his response? “I know! We need to plan the Vegas trip.” At first, we (Lucky and I, because she is in this relationship just as much as I am and needed to be consulted) were pissed off at this response.  Because it’s lame.  We took it as him saying, “I know that it sucks that I’m sick of driving, but we need to plan the Vegas trip so we can hang out on that trip.”  Which in retrospect means, “See ya never loser.” 

Then I reread it and thought, well maybe he’s saying he knows that he needs to come to hometown so that we can plan the Vegas trip and we can hang out whilst planning the trip.  After a few minutes of analyzing, Lucky and I remembered our New Year’s resolution: To not give a flying fuck.  And with that I gave her power of attorney to tell me what to do with this situation, because clearly I like this guy and clearly he doesn’t like me enough to do anything but text me.  So it was a mutual agreement that I can give it until January 16th (MLK Jr. Day) because that’s a 3 day weekend and a good opportunity for both of us to find a way to meet up in some city between us.  And if it doesn’t happen by then? Well the ball is in his court and I will reply to his texts but will not initiate any conversation or mention hanging out or future plans and/or keep letting this shit consume my life. If you guys haven’t heard, letting guys consume your life is so out in 2012.

So that was that.  Then yesterday I woke up all sick and flu like and I was still annoyed at his lame response after I put myself out there. I decided that January 16th would be moved to January 6th.  We hung out once and have been texting for 3 weeks.  I realize I wasn’t in the continental US for 2 of those weeks, but still – if he was interested he’d drive the hour and come back this weekend to hang out, right?

I like him and if he likes me I shouldn’t have to wait 2 months for a faux Vegas trip to see him.  It could be easily argued that there hasn’t been a lot of communication in the “Hey I like you, do you like me also?” department and that’s why nothing has happened.  But we’ve been texting for 3 weeks – it’s kind of a given that we’re both at least semi-interested right? So yeah, I’m going to back off and maybe he’ll get that I was trying to make this happen (after 12 years) and it’s been 3 weeks and I’m already tired of the shit and if he is for realz interested he needs to ask me when we can see each other.  

So guys, we can mark this day as the end of High School Crush, because he won’t ask me to hang out.  And yeah, it sucks, but I can’t keep chasing 14 year old Gizzy’s dreams, 26 year old Gizzy needs to get some of her own and move on.  End chapter.

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The night I FINALLY hung out with HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH…Part 3

I promise this is the last part to the high school crush saga… for now.  Last week I told you about how HSC asked me to get together with him  on a dateish thing.  

Pretty much he didn’t text me until around dinner time Saturday night, which ended up being ok because I was busy most of the day anyway.  I definitely would’ve had to cancel plans with my dad in order to hang out with him, and I was ok with that because dad would totes understand.  I mean, it’s HSC, how could he not?! HSC asked if I’d be coming back that way and I told him I couldn’t decide because I was tired, hungover, unsure if he really wanted me to, feeling like I might get my period, etc, etc, etc…  

I ended up not going, because like I told Lucky, it was getting late and we would probably just end up going out to a bar.  I didn’t have anywhere to stay and I didn’t #1 want to be forced to stay with him and #2 didn’t want him to feel like he had to invite me to stay with him.  Plus, all of my relationships start out with drinking and going out together and they were all bad and awful and  I hate those guys.  So it was completely necessary to break the cycle, especially since it would be with HSC.  And I feel like getting to know the next guy I have a one night stand with because that’s what respectful girls do.

So we texted the rest of Saturday night and then Monday I heard from him again, picking up Saturday night’s conversation where it left off.  Just about random stuff, our lives, what we’re up to and we got reacquainted via text for about 13 hours straight on Monday.  It’s been a minute since I’ve had a hearty texting convo with someone other than Lucky and I have to say I didn’t hate it.  Tuesday we continued to text and I finally saw a little wall come down, he got really dramatic about picking out Christmas presents for his nephews annnnd it was pretty awesome and cute hearing the drama that goes into deciding between Batman and Superman action figures. It was nice to see someone show their colors because out of the two of us, if you didn’t know, he is way more proper and well rounded. If that’s what you want to call it.  And I’m like the Phoebe.  

So, as of last Wednesday (when the post was written) the last time we talked was Tuesday night.  And we had said that when I came back from my trip we would try to get together.  I told Lucky it’s now or never.  If he doesn’t like me now, he’s never going to.  So when I get back, I’m going to text him and say this, verbatim:  “So hey what are you doing? Lets hang out.  I’ll come there, we can get some dinner, make some sex, and see what happens.”  Obvi kidding about the sex, kind of, I’m going to text that part in white so really it’s there but secretly.  And if he says no, well, then I’m never talking to him again.  And if he says yes, I’m going to put in my order.

I totally realize this talking and what not means way more to me than it does him, and 99.99% of this drama is in my head, but these are great strides compared to the past when we didn’t talk at all and I just day dreamed about our wedding while looking at his facebook.  God, I swear if he ever reads this, I will kill myself.  High School Crush is like a fine wine, these things take time, and it can’t be rushed and I can’t come on too strong because that would be like popping the bottle before it’s properly aged, it would just be bad and cheap.  And he would probably think I was crazy if I came at him with my boobs out or something, because he is the shyest, nicest guy, ever.

So there you have it.  I don’t know what’s going on and it’s kind of nice and exciting.  Last week when we were texting I was at work and my stomach was all crazy and then it dawned on me, I had butterflies.  Which has not happened in like 3 years, so I’ll take it even if it is just from a text.


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The night I FINALLY hung out with HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH… Part 2!

So the night with High School Crush continues… Last time on “I can’t believe this is my effing life right now!”: High School Crush might like me, because he wants to hang some more.

We made our way through the crowd to bar #2 – you know I had to do the classic grab on to his arm dealio to make sure we didn’t get separated.  At one point I thought we might hold hands, but then I realized we aren’t 14 anymore and I shouldn’t let teenage Gizzy’s dreams get the best of me.  Because goddamnit, that little brat got all the action!  I could only imagine the kind of scrutiny I’d get from all my friends (especially Lucky) if I reported back that I made my move and we just sat around and held hands all night.  Because that’s what I did with my boyfriend in middle school.  We didn’t talk, we just held hands and it was like OMG – did you see us holding hands for like 5 hours? Our hand sweat totally made sweat babies up in there.

Anywayzzzz…we got to bar #2 and HSC bought us all drinks and we basically started sharing our life stories.  Honestly I can’t even remember what all we talked about, I just know neither of us would shut up.  Alcohol is the best invention EVER.  At one point I was telling him about how I’m over the big city and I need to find a place that doesn’t have a babillion people runnin’ round.  And he was all oh where are you going to look – so I named off a few cities, including the one he lives in.  He freaked out being all omg yes you have to move to my city, that’s the only option, don’t even waste your time with the other places.  I do like the city that he lives in, but really him and my high school ex boyfriend are the only people I know that live there, so that would be weird.  And I’m only gonna move there if we can get married or if Lucky moves with me.  It’s kind of a crap shoot on if anything would even happen if we lived in the same city, unless we started dating and did the long distance thing for a while.  I wouldn’t even feel totally comfortable moving there right now and relying on him to just be a friend to hang out with.  Who knows what he’s got going on in that zip code.

Finally his friend got a word in and made us all start reminiscing about high school.  Which made me really nervous.  Like I thought I might vom, in my head I just kept thinking, Please do not mention the time I threw up on you, please do not mention the time I threw up on you. And he didn’t.  Instead they questioned me about Lucky hooking up with one of their friends in high school.  HAHA.  It’s honestly mine and Lucky’s favorite story because it was the closet freak and we’re like yeah he’s all talk and Lucky was all, “Shit man, I’m gonna do it.  Take me over there.”  So I did, and they hooked up on the side of his house, while I circled the block, and it is by far the funniest thing that ever happened.

About this time Betty asks HSC where he’s staying, he said he didn’t know yet but probably with his friend or closet freak.  Then she leans forward over me and whispers into his ear, “We’re going to be leaving within the hour, if you want to come back with her that’s fine, it’s your decision.”  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I acted like I didn’t hear what she said because I didn’t want any part in it.  I’m sorry, but we are 26 years old – I don’t need you to invite guys home for me.  And secondly, if we wanted to hook up we sure as hell wouldn’t be going back to do it in your daughter’s midget bunk bed. 

So I looked at his friend and then his friend says to me, “So Betty said you wanted to come here because your ex was here?” I thought I was going to kill her.  I played it off an was like, “Whaaaat? Who?” and he was like, “Oh maybe not.” But I do recall when Betty said she wanted to go to bar #2 I said to her, “You know who we’ll probably see there? Douchearoo, that’s like his spot.” And she was all for it because she thought he would buy us drinks, and I’m like no I don’t even want to talk to him.  Seriously, Betty can never be around a guy I like ever again.  Next year I’ll go to the party alone if I have to.

Anyway, HSC and I chatted for a few more then Betty said they were going to get the car.  They’d circle around and if I wanted to come back with them I should come out when they pulled up.  There was really no question – I told her I was coming back with them and not to leave me. She said if I didn’t come out she was assuming that HSC and I were going somewhere.  So the fact that she would just leave me there is really reassuring, what a great friend.  Again, we are not in college, we are not 19, and at this point if something happens between high school crush and I it’s probably going to be the start of a legitimate relationship, I don’t think either of us are really looking for a hump and dump.  So step off!

I said my goodbyes to the friend and told HSC I had to go, and he honest to god had a really disappointing look on his face.  I mean, we still had 30 minutes before the bar closed so I was upset about it too, but what can ya do?  Then, we hugged and had one of those moments where you’re like, do we kiss? Is this weird? We just stood there at looked each other, it felt like it was about 6 hours even though it was probably only like 5 seconds. 

Just as I was about to walk away HSC grabbed my arm and was like, “Hey what are you doing tomorrow? Do you wanna get some food and watch the games?” Uhhh yeah I do! So I said yes and left.

Not 5 minutes after I left he was already texting me about how he was excited to hang out the next day. 

….To be continued! Part 3 coming Tuesday! – I’m so lame.

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The night I FINALLY hung out with HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH… Part 1

So if I didn’t let on enough, I was SUPER psyched up for this past Friday night.  I had seen on facebook that THE HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH and I would be attending the same party.  It was pretty much now or never.  Something had to happen because this shit has been 12 years in the making and if something didn’t happen this weekend – I was going to give up.  That’s a lie, but for dramaz I’ll keep it.

Betty, her boyfriend, and I went to the party fashionably late.  I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever been so nervous. Like, I was almost too nervous to drink.  ME, Gizzy, too nervous to drink! It’s insane.  Every room we walked into I was scanning to try and spot him, there were a few times when I had false alarms and got my hopes up.  I was pretty much convinced that he wasn’t coming and had already texted Lucky saying he wasn’t there.  When finally, the fog cleared (there was no fog) and there he was.  I wanted to feel it out to see how the night was going to go.  In my head, if he acknowledged me first it was going to go well because that means he’s grown up, if I had to acknowledge him it would probably be super awkward and nothing would happen. 

I was standing there chatting with Betty and her boyfriend peaking out of the corner of my eye when I heard someone yell, “GIZZZY!!!!” when I looked over, it was him.  YE-ES!! And a good night it would be!  He waved me over to come talk to him, and when I got to the group first I said hi to his best friend, then got the best effing hug of my life from HSC.

Honestly, it didn’t feel like none of us had hung out in 7 years.  It was like we were all still BFF’s and had just seen each other last week.

Of course, I had a ridiculous ugly Christmas sweater coozie on my beer and was holding the beer by the coozie.  And OF COURSE the beer fell out of the coozie, all over HSC, and I looked like a drunkass even though I was only halvsies drunk – mind you I was double fisting at this point, so it’s probably safe to say I already looked like a drunkass before the beer ever dropped.

There was one girl from high school there, Lindsay.  Lindsay was a girl I wasn’t really friends with in high school, but we were cordial to each other, and she hung out with this same group of guys, so sometimes Lucky and I had to tolerate her and her stupid friends.  Lindsay stood there and Judge Judyed me while I picked up the beer.  She also wasn’t drinking, nor was she wearing an ugly sweater.  When I popped up from picking up the beer I was all, “OMG I’M SO SORRY GUYS! IT WAS THE COOZIE!! THE COOZIE MADE ME DROP IT!!” And she was like, “Ugh I can’t take this, I’m tired, I’m leaving.”  Ok, Judgey McJudgerson – fucking BYE! Get out of here!

Later I told Lucky that it was a blessing from above that the rest of the girls weren’t there.  Because if they had been, things would not have transpired with HSC like they did.

These girls were constantly vagina blocking me in high school.  They snatched him up for every single dance, and basically didn’t give the rest of us an ice cube’s shot in hell with him.  

 But I digress.  Now hey are all married, ugly, and fat so it’s not like he would’ve been hooking up with one of them even if they were there – but his time probably would’ve been consumed by them.  Because they are whores.  I also wouldn’t have felt comfortable standing there talking to him like at all with them standing there looking at me all judgey.  So I owe the guy upstairs big time for throwing me a bone on that one.

Anyway, after Judge Judy left we continued to talk for a while.  The first thing he said to me, “So you live in The Big City now, right?” OOOOOH YEAH.. I never told him or his friends with that I moved – he totallllllly facebook stalks me.  THEN, he mentioned a picture I posted on facebook last week.  I’m probably getting ahead of myself in saying this, but I like to think of it as a little preemptive stalking before the party to see what my deal was.  Uh yes, I’m single, and yeah I look a little better than I did in high school – so leeeets do this!

Mid-conversation Betty pulled me away to ask me something stupid, and when I turned around he was gone.  A little later the party ended and Betty was ready to move on to the next bar.  We were taking 1 last shot when I spotted HSC on the other side of the bar.

Now, I didn’t remind Betty that I’ve liked him for 12 years because she would’ve said inappropriate things that would have turn him off of me. So if at all possible, I wanted to keep her out of the loop and let things progress on their own.  But now, now, we were about to leave and nothing had really happened so if I wanted to stay I was going to have to tell her.  So I did, and no sooner than the words came out of my mouth she took off toward him.  UGH.  Knew it.

I literally had to jump over top of people to grab her arm so that she wouldn’t go talk to him.  And she was all, “But Gizzy, I was just going to tell him that we’re going to a different bar if he’d like to join.” OK, well I’m not a 5 year old, and if I wanted to invite him I would.  Yeah, he gave me some good signals when we were talking earlier, but I don’t know what his deal is, I don’t know if he’s interested so lets just fucking go.  

Now I had to pee but I’d pee my pants before I left her unsupervised in that bar.  So we walked down to the other bar, saw there was a line, decided to go back into the first bar, pee, and then just go home.  Betty and I went into the bathroom together and while we were in there I looked at my phone and had a text. 

From high school crush!

HSC: Hey! It’s HSC.  Are you at bar #2?

At this point I took a time out.  Filled Betty and her bf in on the text and asked if they’d be down to wingman at bar #2?  They said yes.

Me: Not yet, we’re still at bar #1, but we’re about to head there.  Do you want to come with us?

HSC: Yeah, where you at?

Me: By the bathrooms, come meet us!!

HSC: Ok, on my way!

We found each other, took a shot, and headed off to bar #2…

…To be continued Wednesday…

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It’s on like donkey kong…with high school crush.

First things first, I want to say how upset I am with Lucky for making me upset that my real life isn’t like a Tommy Hilfiger commercial.  I saw the draft of her post yesterday bright and early Saturday morning and spent a good 45 minutes in bed watching commercials introducing us to the Hilfiger clan and day dreaming that I was there.  I was dating the hot door opening guy and Lucky the snowboarder, we would spend our weekends at the country club and watch our men play golf while we sipped dirty martini’s in our derby hats and puffed away on our quellazaires.  And it was ok, because in dreams you don’t get lung cancer and smoking is cool.  If there is ever a day when my family looks like that and are all bouncing around in their underwear decorating for Christmas I’ll start a world-wide petition that incest should be ok.  And you know how anti-incest I am.

Speaking of incest… (Like that transition?) Remember when my step-aunt and uncle wanted to bend the rules of morally right and set me up with their nephew and I was all cry baby about it because I think it’s gross to even flirt with someone that you can say you share an aunt and uncle with?  Well, he rejected me.  I wasn’t even interested and he rejected me. 

We sent a handful of facebook messages back and forth saying how funny step-aunt and uncle are for trying to set us up.  I didn’t ever mention meeting up because frankly every time I thought about it I threw up in my mouth a little.  And then, early last week, he sent the dreaded message asking if I had any days free between December 21st and New Years.  Uhh nopers, sure don’t.  And that’s not a lie; I will be on an island not worried about how my family is gross.  So I replied back telling him I’d be away on vacation, so that wouldn’t work and maybe we could get together the next time he was in the tri-state area.  Then he replied with this:

Sounds good, next year may be busy because the company now wants to move me to California to manage a new project for 2-3 years. I told Aunt I would apply for her company but California sounds like a good time.

Oh… okay, so you’re busy for the next 3 years.  No big deal, see you on the other side. I just thought this was hilarious. The way he says it makes it sound like I’ll still be around single and ready to mingle in 3 years and we can give it a try then (which probably isn’t wrong, but I’d like someone to give me the benefit of the doubt.  Especially since I was having dinner with Snatch and Anth the other night and they keep telling me to go on a date with their friend they call Dad and how they will still be trying to set me up with him when we are all retired.  And I was like for real? You think I’ll still be single at 70???!!! They made shifty eyes are were all… ummm heh heh jk jk!) Anyway, I know we were both just going to meet as a courtesy to our aunt and uncle who just thought we would be a match made in incest heaven, so I am relieved that I didn’t have to have an awkward date with someone who is basically family.

But, when one door you tried to lock shut to begin with closes another one opens, right?  Friday I’ll be seeing High School Crush at an ugly sweater themed charity thing.  I am excited to get inappropriately drunk with the possibility of getting my dreams crushed when he shows up with another girl, but I am not so excited to wear an ugly sweater that I don’t yet own.  I get it; dressing up in ugly things is fun.  But it stresses me out; wearing something ugly means my personality has to shine that much more on Friday night.  As if I don’t already have enough things going against me with this (barfing on him 8 years ago, the white elephant in the room that he picked dating an ugly horse over me after the barfing incident, the flashback he’ll surely have of the barfing incident when he sees me with a drink in my hand Friday) now I have to add in wearing something ugly.  And I can’t not do it, because what’s worse than being the girl who dresses sexy in a room full of people that are dressed ugly?

Usually when I think I’m going to see a guy I’ve had a crush on for 14 years I would spend all week making sure I had the perfect outfit planned out, my nails, hair, and skin all looked flawless.  But that all goes out the window this weekend.  It’s do or die time kids, this is what we’ve been waiting for.  This is like senior year spring break all over again.  8 years ago I was that barfing drunk girl and he still liked me (until the barfing happened).   So maybe now I can be that drunk girl dressed ugly and he’ll still like me.  God please do not let me barf on him again. 

And as if all of these factors already playing against me weren’t bad enough, Betty will be there.  Betty is like my kryptonite when it comes to guys.  If she says anything to him she will ruin 14 years of hard work and it’ll all be over.  I can see exactly what will happen, we’ll be chit chatting it up flirting away and zoning in for the long awaited make out and Betty will walk up and be like, “Hey you know Gizzy has liked you for half of her life?  Oh, and she poops.”  And he’ll be like, “Gross!!!  Laterz!” and I’ll never see him again.  The chances of this working out are about as good as a quadriplegic climbing a mountain. (Honestly, that’s probably happened, so the odds are worse, just as bad of odds as one can have.)

After I found out that I’d be seeing HSC this weekend I decided I needed to do something to take the pressure off (obvi).  Not that anything will happen (see, not jinxing it, that’s a good thing).  But say something works out and HSC and I decide to throw each other a drunken make out, I haven’t kissed anyone in 10 months, do I really want to break my dry spell and blow my only shot with HSC by licking his chin when I forget how to kiss because I’m so nervous? So, I went to the gym last night prowling for a date. 

I don’t know why, because my gym notoriously has a bunch of fugly guys walking around, but I went anyway.  I was on the elliptical doing my thing, scoping out the scene when I saw a hot guy come in.  It was perfect, not only was he hot and looked like he’d be down for some practice make outs he picked the machine right in front of mine.  He put all of his stuff on the little ledge then turned around and sat on the back of the treadmill for a solid 5 minutes and looked at me.  A little creepy, but he smiled at me so I took it as that he had ESP and was down for the make out, and then he said “Hi” and gave me some lets meet in the locker room after this eyes.  So it was on.  Then, he hopped up and was getting ready to start running when I noticed him pulling down his knee length shorts that unveiled his running panties.  The guy was wearing running panties.  If there is one thing that a guy can do to instantly turn a girl off it is wear running panties in public, or ever.  Blech!!  I don’t know, I guess I’ll just practice making out with my hand, because that is better than making out with a guy who wears running panties.

So there you have it, I have the triple threat of Betty, looking ugly, and rusty make out skills all working against me on this.  If I can come away from Friday night Scott free without crying I’ll consider it a success.

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