Tag Archives: dating

8. What’s a talent or superpower you wish you had and why?

I’ve always, ALWAYS wished that I could be invisible so I could spy on people…I don’t care if you all finally realize how nosey I am! I want to be Alex Mac, minus the whole silver puddle thing.

I thought about being invisible too, for the exact same reason as Lucky. But I think I would love to be able to fly because I’m scared of flying on planes so I think I would be less scared of dying this way. Also I want to be able to see the World! I’m a cheeseball, I know.

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7. Describe your perfect man/woman.

These are all so HARD.

Ever since all of the stuff with D, I feel really defeated in love.

I used to have this list of all these things I wanted in a man. And sometimes, I’ve gotten some of the things on that long list. But no matter who or what, that guy turns out to be an asshole. And now I’m in this place where I associate all of those good qualities I once wanted, with the bad ones that I got.

Like, yeah he looked great in a baseball hat…but he was controlling.

Hrmph.

So…my dream guy…looks like Zac Efron…smells like Abercrombie (or anything mountain-lodgey)…is sweet to me… thinks I’m awesome… tells me I’m beautiful… is funny… smart… honest… doesn’t lie to me or cheat on me… actually he pretty much is Zac Efron’s character in the Lucky One, okay, I said it.

The older I get and the more single I become the more convoluted my fantasy man becomes. Right now I’d like it to be a mix between Zac Efron, Bruno Mars, Ryan Gosling, and Harry Styles. A little piece of each of them.

I’d like everything about Zac Efron, his face, his abs, his penis (assuming it’s big, but not too big, the perfect peen). Bruno Mars’ personality, sense of humor, and voice. Bruno’s sense of humor is kind of he doesn’t take life too seriously and can make fun of himself, and I really love it and that’s what makes him so attractive to me. Any trait the guy could get from Ryan Gosling would be fine, because the man is perfect. Harry Styles’ humbleness and it would be ok if the guy looked like him a little too. 

On a non-celebrity level I really just want someone who is honest. In all of my relationships that has been the one thing that has always been missing.  Guys are either not honest about where they’ve been/who they’ve been talking to or aren’t honest about their feelings and what they want, and right now that’s at the top of my list. Right below that is someone who is fun/funny and not a serious Debbie Downer.  It’s pretty rare for me to be in a bad mood or to be super serious about anything at all. I laugh at everything, so I really want someone who just has fun all of the time in any situation.  Someone who can take a joke and can dish them right back out would fit right in with me.  I’d also like to find a guy who is secure and confident with who he is.  The more I date the more I realize guys are way more insecure than girls, and it’s a huge buzzkill. Any guys that want to date me I really just need 3 things – be hot as fuck, funny, and honest. If I can find a guy like that I’m confident we will have a lifetime of happiness and really attractive children.

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Gizzy’s Diary – Entry 1

Dear Diary,

This week has been mediocre, as is my life.  I accepted the role of ‘guinea pig’ for my team’s Halloween costume at work.  Meaning, I got to bring all the supplies home, make the costume, and then had to instruct everyone at work on how to make it.  They called me Miss Gizzy, and it felt good.  However, applying 2 layers of paper mache to a beach ball did not feel good.   In fact, it made me feel really fucking gross because the “paste” is made out of flour and water and when I went outside to walk the dog, my neighbor asked if I was aware that I had biscuit in my hair. I wanted to ask if he was aware that he should shut the fuck up, but be proud, Diary, I did not.

Last weekend I went to visit Gigi.  We threw ourselves a “I’m not getting married” Bachelorette party, which was fun because we got free drinks and negative attention, but ended in Gigi getting flowers from a guy that hit on me. I won’t even elaborate because I’m still pissed at that flower stealing whore face.

Earlier this week I threw 2 tantrums in public. Both over spaghetti squash, or rather the lack there of. I mean, I don’t live on fucking Antarctica. Can I not expect my local grocer to carry a common food item such as that? According to Walmart Manager Billy, I cannot.

Thanks for listening, Diary.

Love,

Your BFF, Gizzy<3

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Time to lay on the couch.

Tomorrow, I meet with my therapist (Lopez) for the first time in a month.

He’s been trying to push my appointments back to once a month, but I protested, until now—I felt like things were going pretty good.

And I would say, for the most part, things are pretty good.

You might recall my post last week, which was basically a list of successes I’ve encountered just in the last month. Really exciting!

But over this last year, I’ve found that in moments of success like that, sometimes it’s even more difficult for me to put on a happy face.

I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’ve got one theory.

I feel like I get so excited over these personal victories, but then my high comes crashing to a halt when I realize I’ve got no one to share my success with.

Okay, maybe that’s a little bit dramatic.

I do have good friends.

But I don’t have that guy…you know; the one who’s going to come see me succeed, cheer me on, and tell me how proud of me he is.

Am I pathetic for wanting that?

Over the weekend, I was asked to participate in a literature event; where I would sell books, do an interview, and a reading.

Wow… that’s been one of my biggest dreams for almost 10 years.

I was giddy. And I pictured myself there. And it was amazing.

And then I pictured the event being over, and me, alone, packing up my things and driving home to Blanche, my cat, then me eating leftovers, and crawling into bed by myself.

Sad.

I know these things take time, and I know, I’ve been through a FUCK TON this year. My emotions are certainly changing every single day.

But I’m just ready for things to be even keel. I’m ready for things to be okay again.

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Let me elaborate.

After I found out D was cheating on me, I was upset for about a day. Then, about a week later, I found out he got dumped.

This made me feel better. It even made me laugh a little.

About a week after that, I found out he got fired from his job.

For stealing cash.

This made me dance in the middle of the grocery store.

Later, when I told this story to one of my guy friends, he told me that was mean of me, and that I shouldn’t wish ill on someone.

Let me set the record straight. I never wished ill upon him, I was merely celebrating the fact that justice had been served.

Although I now know that Karma is a real thing, finding out that not only was my ex cheating on me, but he was also stealing money the entire time…makes me wonder about the kind of person I am.

How did I have clearly NO idea who this person was? We practically lived together and little did I know he was living like 3 lives.

Since all of this went down, I’ve been getting several calls from blocked numbers…could it be D?

I have no idea.

I hate to admit it, but all of this really has me questioning relationships in general. I feel like the more I date, the more clueless I become.

I spoke to my therapist about this, and he told me it was okay to feel this way. He said it was understandable that I’m feeling guarded and even a little bit bitter.

According to Lopez, when I find the one, he’s going to be the one even if I’m guarded, and even if it takes me 6 months to come around.

This thought comforts me. Tremendously.

Thoughts?

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Not dead.

Hey yo!!!!!!

I’m so so so sorry I’ve been MIA for a few weeks… I have been going through lots of crap and then just got swamped and…well, I’m still swamped, but I could use a little distraction.

So, where should I begin?

Well a few weeks ago, someone finally stepped forward and told me D was cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship.

Yep.

Let that sink in.

Cheating on me the whole time.

Talk about a punch to the stomach.

The person who told me knows his current girlfriend (well, I think she has dumped him since) and found out the details. So he was lying to me the whole time.

I spent a day being pissed and a few days connecting the dots.

I will say that it answers lots of questions for me, but it’s not really the most fun way to get answers.

It makes me regret how much time I apparently wasted on him. Yes, wasted.

I already knew he was a piece of shit, did I need to learn it again?

Hrmph.

Since then, I’ve been fucking a trainer at my gym.

Yes, fucking.

He’s fine as hell and that’s pretty much all I need to know about him.

Call me slutty and cynical at this point, but I just couldn’t have the last person I slept with be D.

And so far, I do NOT regret this decision.

But as you all know, nothing pans out the way I plan, now does it?

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I feel better.

After I gave myself a day to sulk about my ugly rejection from “Erik”—my first meet up on Match, I am feeling a little better.

It wasn’t that I was sitting across from Erik thinking OMFG, he’s so awesome, it was more about me being worried that I said the wrong things, or that I just wasn’t interesting anymore.

Either way, I reminded myself that I signed up for 30 days and in those 30 days, I’m going to put myself out there, even if it means being out of my comfort zone.

So, I sent a message to the guy I’ve been messaging with since day 2, “Aaron,” to see if he’d like to meet. He said that would “be cool,” so I gave him my number and we’ll see if he actually makes the plans.

Aside from him, I don’t have any other prospects, which means I’m going to have to sift through my 1500 “matches” again and see if there is anyone worth messaging.

Now is when you share your experiences with online dating…

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I signed up for Match.com

After weeks of consideration, I made a profile on Match.com.

I know it’s really soon after my relationship with D, but I feel like getting out there, meeting new people, and going on dates will be good for me.

I don’t know if any of you are familiar with Match, but there’s a few steps you can take before you have to pay/subscribe.

So I filled out some of a profile, added a few photos, took a “quiz” about the type of guy I was looking for, and then my initial “matches” appeared…

Talk about WOOF.

It was dozens of guys I’m NOT interested in.

However, I kept looking and after getting through only 25 pages (I have 1500 matches), I’ve got 2 guys that are handsome, seem legit & interesting…I consider that a major score.

I’ve been signed up for less that 24-hours and my profile has already been viewed more than 160 times, I’ve gotten 11 “winks,” and 7 emails.

Talk about an ego boost.

Anyway, I am still perfecting my profile and learning how to navigate this world of online dating. But while I wait, it’s always good to get a few laughs—and it’s from the things people put on their profiles… Please enjoy:

  • I want you to know that I know all the lyrics to “The Humpty Dance” by the Digital Underground. (And I didn’t realize that Shock G and Humpty were the same person until like three years ago.
  • Just looking for someone normal that does not do drugs
  • I am ready to settle down, but not looking to rush things. I took a little sabbatical from dating, actually a long one, and I’m ready to put myself back out there
  • I like red heads there cool and dogs are gross so no dog owners but if you have a cat I really like cats so that’s cool.
  • This is my second run on match.com. I have not been on here in close to 2 years.
  • Of course a person is going to boast about their strengths and down play their weaknesses. Well let me join the crowd!
  • Well, my fun days are over and I am looking for something serious if possible.
  • I have 25 pictures of Danny Glover saved on my phone just incase I will ever need them.
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‘I think I made a huge mistake’

That’s what D’s text said Wednesday morning at 12:46 am.

HA. HA. HA.

I just had to laugh when I saw it…

Let’s dissect.

First of all, YOU THINK??!!!

No, asshole, you DID make a huge mistake.

Second of all, AN huge mistake, as in one?

No, you made many, several, a lot of huge mistakes.

After I got over my initial laugh, I thought, “WOW, good tactic.”

The message is so vague it almost demands a response—is he referring to letting me go? The drinking? The arrest? Something that happened 5 minutes prior?—I will never know because I didn’t reply.

I really wasn’t tempted to. He obviously wants to continue these games, but I refuse to lock myself in that emotional hell.

Today, I feel free.

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Current state of…things.

I am alive after what was a great and awful weekend all at once.

Last week in general was rough. While I am going through the motions of getting my life back in order, my mind is still very caught up in D drama and my heart is still in pain.

D and I tried to plan a friendship-family night a few weeks ago and he cancelled last-minute, and I felt played. Since then, we’ve done nothing but fight; he says he loves and misses me, but then doesn’t reply my messages, or make attempts to see me.

I finally had a break down Wednesday at work; crying in the women’s bathroom and decided that I just needed to cut him out of my life. So I sent him a text asking him to come pick up his TV Friday.

The TV was his last item at my house; after he picked it up, there’d be no real reason for us to talk again. He agreed to pick it up Friday, so Friday morning (complete with a hangover) I dragged the near-60-inch flat screen into the hallway of my complex, threw a towel over it and sent him a text, “TV is ready for pickup” at 7:06 a.m.

Just as I expected, he replied to my message at 1:15 pm, saying “Can’t make it today.”

Little did he know that I’d already planned on him saying that, so my plan was to put the TV back in my apartment, keep it, and never talk to him again.

That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t reply to his message and I haven’t heard from him since.

It’s been 3 days—the longest time we’ve gone without talking to each other in 5 months—and I’m experiencing a range of emotions.

I had prepped myself for a weekend of drama; expecting D to send me rude texts, perhaps even show up at my door in the wee hours of the morning, blood pumping with alcohol.

But to my shock, not a peep.

Despite the silence, I hardly slept all weekend, and took out my frustrations on bowling and scrubbing my tub.

In unrelated news, I’ve got a massive crush on the new trainer, CJ, at our gym. All I can say is that he has really large muscles and that in my head we are already married and things are just perfect…

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