Tag Archives: diamonds

Wait for a Minute.

Anyone heard Justin Bieber’s new song, feat. Tyga, “Wait for a Minute”? …Because it is AWESOME.

Between hearing that on Friday and seeing The Biebs walk with Maywether to the ring, my love for Bieber has been rekindled. Not that it was on the rocks or anything.


Alright, enough of the bullshit, it’s time I come clean about me and this trainer. Here is what you need to know. His name is CR and he is a professional fighter and he’s really, really hot.

I want to post a picture of his naked body for you; but he has many distinctive tattoos that would give him away. After all, he was on a reality TV show last year.

When he started training at my gym, I was still dating D. I took a few of his classes, but honestly didn’t think much of it.

And then when D and I broke up, I thought he was cute. Then I thought he was kinda hot. Then I thought he was sexy as hell.

You know how it is.

At the gym, he would always talk to Marcy, but not me, so I thought maybe he was into her. Then one day he asked me why I never took his class.

“I do,” I said.

And that was that.

Then around mid-August, we added each other on Facebook.

That’s also the same time I discovered he was engaged.

A few days later, at the gym, I told him he was a pussy—really just kidding around. He told me I would pay for it during my next workout.

And he kicked. My. Ass.

“This is all your fault,” he said.

The next day, he sent me a message on Facebook saying he hoped I wasn’t sore…

Two days later, we had phone sex.

We started sending nasty sexts to each other—(in no order):

CR: That ass will be in my hands pulling down

ME: I want to get on top so you can touch

CR: I have my hands on that ass while you wrap ya legs around me against the wall

…Since then, we’ve sent nearly 8,000 messages to each other, including pictures, and we’ve had sex a handful (pun intended) of times.

I know, you’re probably ready to throw your computer or mobile device out the window right now, saying: LUCKY!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! HAVEN’T YOU BEEN HERE BEFORE?? YOU’RE INVITING BAD KARMA YOUR WAY…

Yes, yes I know.

I don’t have answers for you.

The only thing I can say is that I’m blaming it on D. I just couldn’t have him be the last person I slept with.

And although CR is engaged AND living with his fiancee, I can say without a doubt, he is THE hottest guy I’ve ever fucked, and it’s some of the best sex I’ve ever had.

That’s nothing to feel bad over, right?

I don’t feel an emotional attachment like I did when I was sleeping with the married guy…which is good.

I hate to say it, but I feel pretty bitter about men these days, so it doesn’t surprise me that CR is willing to cheat on his gorgeous-pharmacist of a fiancee. Because he’s a guy and that’s what guys do, right?

So, if he’s going to cheat, it may as well be with me.

Let the haters, hate.

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When a 6-year-old hates you.

Last Friday night, D told me he had to go out of town for work on Monday, and would be late picking up his daughter from the bus stop.

He asked if I’d be willing to pick her up and entertain her until about 6 p.m., when he got home. I said I would only do it if she wanted me to. So he said he’d call her on Saturday and find out what she wanted to do.

In the 24 hours that passed, I started thinking that if she wanted me to pick her up, we could finally complete the craft I’d gotten supplies for: decorating buckets to plant flowers in (I even bought flowers and potting soil). When D got home, he could make us dinner, and it would be a fun evening. D agreed that it would give me and E a chance to bond.

On Saturday night, D and I went out to meet a few of his friends and have a margarita. Mid-drink, I asked him if he talked to E.

“Yeah…um…my mom is just going to pick her up,” he said. “She really wasn’t too keen on you picking her up.”

I hung my head. “Oh,” I said.

The tears started to well-up in the rims of my eyes. I was heartbroken.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“It makes me really sad,” I said. “I didn’t think she liked me, but this just drives it right home that she doesn’t. I was really hoping she’d want me to pick her up.”

“Baby, don’t be upset,” he said. “She just likes for me to pick her up. She really wasn’t excited about my mom picking her up either.”

I stirred my drink.

“This is completely new for her,” he said. “She likes you, she’s just not ready to be with you one-on-one.”

I tried to just put it all out of my head, drink my tequila, and move on, but I was really upset. I understand this is new for her, but it’s new for me, too. I’ve never dated anyone with a child, and I’ve really never been around kids, so I don’t know how to act, and it’s frustrating.

The fact that she doesn’t like me is a strike against me. No matter how great a girlfriend I can be for D, the love of his life doesn’t like me. And I get it, if I were her, I wouldn’t like me either.

Because I can be honest here, I’ll tell you, that since this conversation, I don’t want to be around her at all. I feel like the evil stepmother. I understand that if I don’t spend time with her, she won’t get to know me and she’ll never like me. But if she doesn’t like me, I don’t want to be somewhere that I’m not wanted. I don’t want to intrude on daughter-father time.

I’m really torn. I like D, and I think our relationship is going to be around for awhile, so what do I do?

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The toothbrush moves in.

A few weeks ago, D arrived at my apartment one night and made an interesting comment.

“You know, staying at your place every night is really KILLING my hygiene.”

Oh? The standard routine has been that he comes over after work (which is usually late at night) and sleeps until he needs to get ready for his next shift. He throws on the same boxers and undershirt, puts on a pair of pants and a shirt fresh from the cleaners and goes to work.

“I normally like to put on a clean shirt and boxers when I get home from work, you know?” he said.

I asked him if he wanted a drawer.

“Why don’t you bring somethings over?” I asked.

He said he just always forgot.

I went into my bathroom and told him I had a toothbrush for him, which he appreciated. The next morning, however, I took a peek at his undershirt size and the number on his pants. I made a mental note, and that was that.

A few days later, I took a rather fun adventure to Walmart.

What resulted was a shopping cart full of things any guy could ask for in terms of showering/prepping for work: face wash, razors, body wash, shampoo/conditioner, Chapstick, a comb, deodorant, aftershave, and mouthwash… I even got a “Man tool” which was a manly loofah that I didn’t even know existed.

Although it sounds like I really knew what I was doing, looking for all of these items was mind-blowing. I had no idea all of the options men had out there! I cannot even describe to you the horror that was on my face when I entered the razor aisle… I didn’t know what razor to get and then I stood there for a solid 10 minutes wondering if he used shaving cream or not. I assumed not, and I was indeed right, he uses hot water.

IMG-20130321-00270Taking it one step further, I also purchased a pack of undershirts, boxers, and socks. And then I put it all together in a manly black basket on my bathroom counter.

Yeah. I’m awesome. Or am I? Because in the 24 hours that the basket sat there before he saw it, I was nervous as shit. I was worried he would see it and feel smothered or think I was moving too fast and then he would bolt and then I’d be left with a manly basket of crap.

Instead, he loved it. Because I’m not dating the men of my past.

IMG-20130322-00272He showered, got ready, and went to work in his new undergarments, and texted me saying it was a very comfortable shirt, and the socks were “amazing.”

“You did very good; I love my basket,” he said.

He was perplexed on how I got the correct sizes though. And I told him I just looked at his tags… he then concluded that I was a ninja and that my sneaky ways needed to be further reviewed.

Being the great girlfriend that I am, I washed the clothes (including the ones he left), folded them, and stacked them in their very own spot, the boyfriend drawer.

I’ve never given a guy a drawer or anything close. When I sent D the picture, he replied, “Major girlfriend points.”

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An unfamiliar routine.

Things are moving right along with me and D. So smoothly, in fact, that it feels weird.

NOTE: This is where all of you out there that have had successful relationships chime in.

Because I’ve never had this. I’ve never dated someone who misses me after just a few hours of being apart. I’ve never spent so much time with someone where I recognize their smell, or their breathing when they sleep. I’ve never fallen into a routine with someone.

I’ve heard about it, from other couples, but never experienced it.

In the last few weeks, there’s been one night we didn’t stay together, and even then, D was whining. While Marcy tells me that would get on her nerves, I enjoy it. I’ve never had anything quite like this, and I don’t feel like I have to put on an act around D, so why not spend the few free hours we have together?

The nights he has off from work, which are also the nights he has his daughter, we spend at his house. The nights he has to work late, he spends at mine—its 3 nights at one place, 4 at the other, so it’s as equal as it can be.

After he met Marcy and Craig, he asked me when I wanted to meet his parents. I was shocked. I’ve never had someone want me to meet their parents. He assured me, they were going to love me.

Before I meet his daughter, he has an agreement with his ex wife that she will meet me, too. He really wants me to meet his daughter, so don’t be surprised if you see a post on here of me freaking out before I meet his ex wife, then his daughter, and eventually, his family.

We’ve talked about meeting my family, which is awkward. Because my family has issues. So there’s that. I told him I see my family once a year (if I’m lucky..heh), so he was more than welcome to come with me in November when I do so.

“We’ll be engaged by then,” he said.

Because yes, he’s told me he is convinced I am his wife.

D came home (see I’m even doing it without realizing it) from work Saturday night and told me the guys at work voted him, “The guy with the best girlfriend.” I laughed, “I believe it, but why?”

He had showed him a picture of the breakfast I cooked us that morning: (my version of “Green Eggs & Ham”)—toasted English muffins, topped with prosciutto, a fried egg, spoonful of pesto, and freshly cracked pepper. I served it with a tamer version of Irish coffee: hazelnut coffee with a shot of Bailey’s, topped with homemade vanilla whipped cream and a sprinkle of ground cinnamon. I served it on a tray, in bed, with a vase of flowers.

Because I really am that awesome.

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If I was your boyfriend (part 1).

A lot has been happening over the past few weeks, so much so, that it seems like it has to be more than just a few weeks. But, as usual, I have no problem taking you on a journey to the past… bringing me to my current situation, of course.

A little more than a year ago, I wrote a short blog entry about a date I went on. I had such a great time, that I didn’t even want to write about it or analyze it for fear of it going south.

This is how it all went down. Last year, I was writing some stories for the magazine on a local, very popular restaurant. One of their managers at the time, invited me to attend their annual Oscars Dinner, to thank me. Basically, they decorated the restaurant, encouraged those attending to dress up, they (literally) rolled out the red carpet, and served a 5 course meal paired with wine, while watching the Oscars.

I invited my magazine editor to join me. When we arrived, we were seated at a table with 4 other “couples”…most of whom were actually couples unlike me and Kendra who looked like drunken lesbians. Two seats over from us was a gentleman and a lady, whom I didn’t pay much attention to as I was more worried about free wine refills (of course).

Once the dinner started to wind down, he moved seats to sit next to me, asking me what my deal was, if I had a boyfriend, etc. He was very bold and confident and told me he wanted to take me on a date. I was floored… was he not with his girlfriend, right there? I asked him about that.

“No, no that is my friend Jen. I take her to events like these if I don’t have a date,” he said. When the dinner was officially over, he ordered us additional wine, complimented my dress, and asked me if I would join him for a date the following night, on a Monday.

I was hesitant, not because of him, but because I was fresh out of my last stint with BEX and I was afraid that if I went on a date and it went poorly, I would feel even worse about myself. I had also just started going to therapy. I didn’t know if a date was really a great decision for me at that point.

He told me that I could decided later.

“I will be right here at 6:30 pm if you decide to come. If you do, I’ll see you there. If not, no pressure, and you never have to see me again,” he said. We didn’t even exchange numbers.

I waited until the last minute to decide if I was going to go or not, and I decided to just do it…what really did I have to lose? So I threw on some jeans and headed to the restaurant, arriving a little early and ordering a glass of wine at the bar.

At exactly 6:30, he appeared on the stool next to me.

“I’m actually shocked you’re here,” he said.


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Analyze this.

The gist: I met a guy (“M”) at an actor’s showcase two weeks ago. He is hot. Read the Facebook chat we had yesterday and tell me what you think. Ready? GO. 

M: Here is a link to that interview i was talking about. So funny!!

L: That video is genius! I hope I am a better interviewer than that…
M: I dunno…judging by our convo the other night I’m a little worried about your interviewing skills
L: I think you’d be surprised. I am working on the article now about Lauren and the class, you should be nice to me today!
M: I ain’t scurred! I will write my own article about workplace etiquette and how Lucky stole my drink tickets and got white girl schwasted whilst interviewing folks.
She had to use a tape recorder because she knew she wouldn’t remember anything the next day
L: So mean!
M: Lol I kid
L: 😦
M: Don’t be sad
L: I actually ran into Krystal last week and she was like I have no idea what i said to you
M: Sounds about right haha
L: I listened to what I had, didn’t hear anything bad!
M: That’s too bad
L: I would never write anything bad
M: I know, but it sure would have been funny to listen to some embarrassing thing someone told you while they were drunk
L: The worst thing she said, was that she was really wanted some giant pair of scissors from the Breaking Dawn set?? I’ve never seen those, so I’m out of that loop.
M: Neither have I. So how is like ma’am?
L: Yes you have. I know you are Team Edward.
M: Pssshh. Team Jacob if anything.
L: He is hotter.
M: Strictly off the record.
L: Fine.
M: Life is just fine? Nothing new or exciting?
L: Haha, no, I was saying “fine” to your off the record comment
M: Oh lol
L: Life is good. Had some great articles come out this week!
M: I need to check them out. They online by chance?
L: Yeah, one is on my Facebook page. The other one is on the magazine website.
M: Awesome, I’ll be sure to check them both out today.
L: You mean, you’re not busy at Sprint?
M: Lol, I go in at noon… and no, we are not that busy these days. I will have plenty of time to read your articles and Facebook creep on you.
L: Oohhh no, I am going to send an army over there to buy phones. And NOON? Damn, I am jealous.
M: Why are you jealous? You must like sleeping in. Hibernate in that new bed of yours.
L: I stay up late… so when my alarm goes off, I do wish I could sleep later. And yes, that bed is like a cloud.
M: Yeah I know what you mean. I got up early to let the dogs out, cooked breakfast, checked mail, and now I’m just laying in bed until it’s time to go to work.
L: Watching Live with Kelly and Michael?!!
M: No. Reading Harry Potter. Don’t judge me. Never read the books. My 8 year old cousin gave me the first. He said that for every book he finishes, his dad will let him watch its respective movie.
L: I have actually never read the books either, but saw every movie at its midnight opening…
M: I made fun of everyone for reading or watching potter related materials until the final movie came out. The week of the final movie releasing I decided to watch all of the movies so I would be caught up for opening day . Pretty intense experience. What really blew me away as an actor, was the thought of these kids spending the last 10 years of their lives together filming these movies.
L: Yeah! I really enjoyed the movies… even though I will admit sometimes I have difficulty keeping all of the details straight. I don’t like books with lots of characters.
M: Ahhh, aren’t you just adorable
L: AND the death eaters scare me. I jumped every single time.
M: Stick to books like Super Fudge eh?
L: LOL I like memoirs. True stories.
M: I see. One of my favorite series of books to read was Hank the Cowdog. No one has heard of it though.
L: Yeah, I’ve never heard of it. You made it up.
M: No way. I’ll make you up!!
L: I don’t know what that means, but it cannot be good.
M: Its death eater scary
M: Yup.
L: I am the biggest wuss.
M: Tread carefully
L: Everything scares me.
M: Lol lets go see Mama
M: I was planning on seeing a movie tomorrow, since I don’t work
L: You have Fridays off?
M: Sometimes.
L: I want to see The Impossible
M: Which one is that? I still want to see Silver Linings Playbook
L: About the tsunami in Sri Lanka
M: Ahh yeah
L: Yeah, me too! Is it still playing?
M: Yeah, it’s playing. 
L: Sweet, I thought I missed it
M: Nope. They recently released it nationwide. I will probably catch a movie tomorrow in the afternoon/evening…after I get a haircut. 
L: Going to get extensions?
M: Yes, but that’s our secret, K?
L: Maybe.
M: Remember, death eaters if you cross me. 
L: Do you think I plan on crossing you?
M: I dunno. You have a certain look about you. 
L: What does that mean!
M: It means I’m dumb and have a terrible sense of humor. 
L: Ha! I am a good person.
M: Jury is still out on that… but continue. 
L: Fair enough
M: I kid, I kid. From what I have gathered so far, you seem like a pretty nice young lady. Any person would be lucky to have you as a friend. 
L: Aw, thanks!
M: Even if you’re planning on purchasing a wine purse 
L: Haha! I know I am a drinker, but I still behave.
M: Nothing wrong with that, I’m the same way. Don’t tell anyone, but it’s ok to misbehave sometimes. 
L: I saw Lauren last night  and I was like omg, she probably thinks I am crazy
M: At which bar? 
L: I saw her at the gym.
M: Oh haha, my b 
L: See? Mean!
M: Me? Never. I just know how much of a social butterfly you are. Figured you were out and about spreading joy in the world. 
L: It is a rarity for me to drink during the week. I usually go to the gym… or work late.
M: Well kudos to you. Such a young professional. I could learn a thing or two from you. 
L: I think I am just lame.
M: Well miss Lucky…i must be getting in the shower. Need to get ready for work. Long day of slangin cellular devices ahead of me. Don’t be a stranger. Feel free to message me WHENEVER! Oh and fear not. You’re not lame. Just Normal. I prefer staying in during the week too. I enjoyed kicking it at the house during the week with a beer or wine watching me some Sports Center, so I’m just as lame. 
L: Ha, alright. Have a good day!
M: You too, maam. 
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Well, hello 2013.

I would imagine you are hungover reading this, which isn’t a bad thing.

I am not really huge on New Year’s resolutions, but this time of year always gets me thinking about the year gone by and the one ahead. Of course, I want each year to be better than the one before it.

2012 was really a year of growth for me. It’s been a year now that I’ve been in therapy, and while I’m still working on many of my original problems, I know I’ve made a change for the better.

Some of the decisions I made in 2012 weren’t my finer ones, but I learned from each and every one of them, and because of that, I consider them important.

For 2013, I’ve got a few things in mind.

1. Sleep more.

For years, I’ve struggled with sleep. I feel guilty when I go to bed early, because there is usually work I can be doing, or a book to be read. But then I stay up so late and feel even worse the next day. If I do hit the sack early, I usually toss and turn, or am wide awake at 3 am watching HLN.

Not this year. To combat this problem, I slapped down a mere $2,000 for a brand new bed frame, a new mattress, and all new bedding.

It is on, folks.

2. Get The Bachelor.

A few weeks ago, Marcy and I had a conversation about men. Somehow, we came to the conclusion that I need to date the Bachelor (the guy I interviewed for Cosmo’s hottest bachelor). At one point, this was on my mind, but I seemed to have lost my gusto for it and now I’m refocused.

It might not be easy, and it might take me all fucking year, but it’s happening.

Here we go, 2013.

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Holiday Jams: Best & Worst

For more than a month now, I’ve been listening to Christmas music. I don’t just mean slapping on that amazing *NSYNC Home for the Holidays album here and there (don’t act like you don’t listen), I mean I listen to it all the time. At bare minimum, I listen to it all 8 hours I am at work, and usually in the car.

I know, I’m sick. However, listening to it on the radio has opened my ears to some songs I didn’t even know were out there. Some are good, others are not, but hell, Santa is coming down the chimney tonight, so let’s party.

*LOVE: “Last Christmas” by Wham!*

Taylor Swift, try as she might to recreate this song, just doesn’t get it. Wham! is pure gold. And the video just adds to it (think: mid-80s haircuts, oversized coats, and a log cabin).

*LOVE: “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber*

Probably doesn’t shock you that this is on my list. A song about kissing the Biebs. Yeah, I’m into it. Call me.

*HATE: “The Christmas Shoes” by Newsong*

Yeah, I get it, the message is sweet, but I just can’t take it.

*LOVE: “Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney*

I think my opinion on this one changes every year, but it’s cheery, and catchy. I am into it…this year.

*LOVE: “Same Old Lang Syne” by Dan Fogelberg*

This is definitely a guilty pleasure of mine, but I just cannot help it.

*HATE: “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon*

“So This is Christmas,” whatever you want to call it and whoever sings it (I’m talking to you, Sarah McLachlan), I hate this song with a passion. The kids are annoying. And so is everything else about it.

*HATE: “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano*

Yeah. Hate it. Hate every version.

*LOVE: “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” by Frank Sinatra*

Not only do I love Frank, but this version also pays during my favorite part in Home Alone (my favorite movie of all year, all time) when the Wet Bandits are arrested and Kevin goes to bed safe on Christmas Eve.

Happy Christmas Eve, y’all!


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Fat girl slim.

A few weeks ago, I started using my first “fat cream.”

It’s by Bliss, called Fat Girl Slim. I’ve been eyeing it for probably a year or so at Sephora, but was always just too cheap to buy it. However, I had a gift card burning a hole in my purse, so I went for it and bought a starter kit.

The kit includes supplies for a 4-step plan: Fat Girl Scrub, the Slimulator, Fat Girl Slim, and Fat Girl Sleep.

Before using it, I had a great time looking up some reviews…most of which were good. Obviously, this cream isn’t going to make me skinny, but I would like the backs of my thighs and my ass to look a little tighter.

So, you start with the scrub, which smells delish—like a grapefruit. Then, you use “The Slimulator,” which is this nubbly thing you use to scrub your “less than perfect parts.” The scrub and the slimulator are supposed to wake up your fat cells and help them melt away…

Plus, every time I use The Slimulator, I say it in my best Arnold voice.

After showering, you use the Fat Girl Slim cream, which is minty. And before bed, you slather on the Fat Girl Sleep, which is supposed to use your sleeping hours to tighten and recover. It smells like lavender.

So far, I’ve noticed a bit of a difference, especially in the smoothness of my areas…in fact, the only guy who has touched them was shocked at how smooth they were.

All in all, a success!

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I’ll know I’ve made it when…

You might remember a little blog post last winter about my wish list of material things that would make me happy. You already know that I’m really not a materialistic bitch, but sometimes, SOMETIMES, I just really wish I didn’t have to clip coupons to eat or rely on fumes to get me the places I need to go. In those times, I dream of a life where I could spend, spend, spend and not even worry about the numbers in my checkbook.

And so, as shallow as it may be, I’d like to share with you the list of things I dream about during those times. And so, “I’ll know I’ve made it when…”

  • I don’t hit the snooze button 8 times before getting out of bed.
  • I have a real bed with a head and foot board, matching sheet sets, and decorative pillows
  • There are giant wall TVs in every room necessary
  • I actually have a proper cabinet to store my grandmother’s China
  • Fun girly things like a wax, or a massage, or a scrub aren’t factored into my annual budget
  • I carry an iPad
  • I buy a car with cash
  • Starbucks isn’t considered my once-a-month treat
  • I can pick up fresh muffins, fruit, and coffee on a Saturday without caring that they’d be cheaper by the dozen
  • I can get my hair colored on time instead of when it looks like shit
  • My bathroom cabinet is stocked with nice soaps and lotions, not the free hotel samples
  • I can host a real dinner party
  • I own a seriously nice bag, like a Michael Kors
  • I have at least five different bathing suits to choose from
  • My closet is 80 percent full of clothes I’ll actually wear
  • I can treat my friends to lunch, or brunch
  • The jewelry I purchase and wear is quality, even the costume stuff
  • My workout wardrobe is just as cute as my everyday wear
  • Purchasing things to improve my job, like a computer or a nice camera or a recorder, is really seen as an investment and not a waste
  • When shopping at DSW really feels like a discount

…sigh…a girl can dream, right?


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