Tag Archives: dreams

A conversation with John Mayer.

The radio show I listen to every morning (on my way to work) did a series of skits last week based around conversations they wish they could have if they met their favorite celebrity.

It got me thinking about my favorite celebrity, John Mayer.

I’ve been a fan of his since I was 16, after borrowing my dad’s copy of “Room for Squares,” and seeing this on TV:

In the years since then, I’ve often wondered what I would say to him if we ever did meet. Although I’ve seen him in concert a dozen times, in a dozen different states, I haven’t ever been in that position.

However, I’ve had several dreams where we talked, and in those moments, I never knew what to say. I mean, really what do you say? Late last year, I entered a raffle (several times) to spend the day with John doing charity work—that’s when the opportunity of meeting him seemed real.

Since I am a full-time journalist, people ask me all the time, “John Mayer must be your dream interview, right?”

Wrong.

I live very much in a fantasy world when it comes to my favorite musicians, actors, etc. Sometimes, I don’t even watch interviews with them, or read articles about them, because I don’t want to read the bad stuff.

Upon reading Rolling Stone’s article on Amy Winehouse, I started crying reading about the amount of drugs she was on… I had no idea, and I didn’t want her to die, at least before I could see her in concert. Yeah…

But here goes, my ideal conversation with John Mayer:

GRANNY’S GOURMET DONUTS-MID MORNING

Lucky is in Bozeman, MT, working through a quarter life crisis. It’s her second morning in town, and she walks into the crowded diner hoping to plan her day. She finds an empty stool at the counter. 

WAITRESS

Can I get t’chu somethin’, hun?

LUCKY

Oh yeah, can I get some coffee, please? And I’m still deciding on food, thanks.

Gentleman to the left of Lucky turns toward her. Lucky is reading the menu. 

JOHN MAYER

You should get the house omelet.

Lucky recognizes the voice, slowly looks up. 

LUCKY

Oh yeah? Is that your favorite?

JOHN MAYER

It’s good. I would probably like everything on their menu, though.

LUCKY

If I get the omelet, and it sucks, I can just blame you then?

JOHN MAYER

Sure, I can deal with that.

LUCKY

Alright, deal.

Lucky sips on her coffee, eventually laying out some brochures and her iPad. 

JOHN MAYER

Oh, no, tourist alert.

LUCKY

I’m not ashamed, yeah I’m a tourist.

JOHN MAYER

Care for some suggestions?

LUCKY

I already took your breakfast suggest, should I really bank my whole trip on your opinion?

JOHN MAYER

Good point. But I have lived here for a few years.

LUCKY

So what do you recommend?

JOHN MAYER

I think you should let me show you around, after you eat your omelet, of course.

LUCKY

What if I have a bad time?

JOHN MAYER

Tell me the second you’re not having fun and I’ll take you home, or wherever.

LUCKY

Will we see a bear or a moose or something?

JOHN MAYER

If that’s what you want.

LUCKY

Oh yeah, I want to see one. But there’s something else…

JOHN MAYER

What’s that?

LUCKY

Names. I’m Lucky.

JOHN MAYER

Oh right. Nice to meet you, my name is John.

*     *     *

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The night I FINALLY hung out with HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH… Part 2!

So the night with High School Crush continues… Last time on “I can’t believe this is my effing life right now!”: High School Crush might like me, because he wants to hang some more.

We made our way through the crowd to bar #2 – you know I had to do the classic grab on to his arm dealio to make sure we didn’t get separated.  At one point I thought we might hold hands, but then I realized we aren’t 14 anymore and I shouldn’t let teenage Gizzy’s dreams get the best of me.  Because goddamnit, that little brat got all the action!  I could only imagine the kind of scrutiny I’d get from all my friends (especially Lucky) if I reported back that I made my move and we just sat around and held hands all night.  Because that’s what I did with my boyfriend in middle school.  We didn’t talk, we just held hands and it was like OMG – did you see us holding hands for like 5 hours? Our hand sweat totally made sweat babies up in there.

Anywayzzzz…we got to bar #2 and HSC bought us all drinks and we basically started sharing our life stories.  Honestly I can’t even remember what all we talked about, I just know neither of us would shut up.  Alcohol is the best invention EVER.  At one point I was telling him about how I’m over the big city and I need to find a place that doesn’t have a babillion people runnin’ round.  And he was all oh where are you going to look – so I named off a few cities, including the one he lives in.  He freaked out being all omg yes you have to move to my city, that’s the only option, don’t even waste your time with the other places.  I do like the city that he lives in, but really him and my high school ex boyfriend are the only people I know that live there, so that would be weird.  And I’m only gonna move there if we can get married or if Lucky moves with me.  It’s kind of a crap shoot on if anything would even happen if we lived in the same city, unless we started dating and did the long distance thing for a while.  I wouldn’t even feel totally comfortable moving there right now and relying on him to just be a friend to hang out with.  Who knows what he’s got going on in that zip code.

Finally his friend got a word in and made us all start reminiscing about high school.  Which made me really nervous.  Like I thought I might vom, in my head I just kept thinking, Please do not mention the time I threw up on you, please do not mention the time I threw up on you. And he didn’t.  Instead they questioned me about Lucky hooking up with one of their friends in high school.  HAHA.  It’s honestly mine and Lucky’s favorite story because it was the closet freak and we’re like yeah he’s all talk and Lucky was all, “Shit man, I’m gonna do it.  Take me over there.”  So I did, and they hooked up on the side of his house, while I circled the block, and it is by far the funniest thing that ever happened.

About this time Betty asks HSC where he’s staying, he said he didn’t know yet but probably with his friend or closet freak.  Then she leans forward over me and whispers into his ear, “We’re going to be leaving within the hour, if you want to come back with her that’s fine, it’s your decision.”  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I acted like I didn’t hear what she said because I didn’t want any part in it.  I’m sorry, but we are 26 years old – I don’t need you to invite guys home for me.  And secondly, if we wanted to hook up we sure as hell wouldn’t be going back to do it in your daughter’s midget bunk bed. 

So I looked at his friend and then his friend says to me, “So Betty said you wanted to come here because your ex was here?” I thought I was going to kill her.  I played it off an was like, “Whaaaat? Who?” and he was like, “Oh maybe not.” But I do recall when Betty said she wanted to go to bar #2 I said to her, “You know who we’ll probably see there? Douchearoo, that’s like his spot.” And she was all for it because she thought he would buy us drinks, and I’m like no I don’t even want to talk to him.  Seriously, Betty can never be around a guy I like ever again.  Next year I’ll go to the party alone if I have to.

Anyway, HSC and I chatted for a few more then Betty said they were going to get the car.  They’d circle around and if I wanted to come back with them I should come out when they pulled up.  There was really no question – I told her I was coming back with them and not to leave me. She said if I didn’t come out she was assuming that HSC and I were going somewhere.  So the fact that she would just leave me there is really reassuring, what a great friend.  Again, we are not in college, we are not 19, and at this point if something happens between high school crush and I it’s probably going to be the start of a legitimate relationship, I don’t think either of us are really looking for a hump and dump.  So step off!

I said my goodbyes to the friend and told HSC I had to go, and he honest to god had a really disappointing look on his face.  I mean, we still had 30 minutes before the bar closed so I was upset about it too, but what can ya do?  Then, we hugged and had one of those moments where you’re like, do we kiss? Is this weird? We just stood there at looked each other, it felt like it was about 6 hours even though it was probably only like 5 seconds. 

Just as I was about to walk away HSC grabbed my arm and was like, “Hey what are you doing tomorrow? Do you wanna get some food and watch the games?” Uhhh yeah I do! So I said yes and left.

Not 5 minutes after I left he was already texting me about how he was excited to hang out the next day. 

….To be continued! Part 3 coming Tuesday! – I’m so lame.

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A place to call my own in blackout town

Does everyone remember how for the past 6 months I’ve been complaining about petty things like not having a door, 4 walls, or privacy at my apartment?  Well, it finally happened.  I finally got my own room and I’m in the midst of making it a lavish little suite for myself.  I got myself a huge dresser, some night stands, some new towels for all the guests that frequent MY bathroom.  It’s just wonderful.  Now I just need to get myself a king sized bed and a hot man to go in it and I’ll be all set.

As I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, JM moved out last weekend and crackhead Tim isn’t moving in within the foreseeable future.   So, we threw JM a little going away bash last Friday.  Like most nights we go out, I wasn’t excited to drink and spend money because I wanted to sit at home on the couch and relax.  Since it was his last night in town I forced myself to go and had the best night out since I’ve moved here.  Wamp, wamp, wamp.

Yeah, so I had a good time.  But, I also was sent home before 11pm and threw up in the barrel of my blow dryer and on my “inside  gym shoes.”  Not only did I lose what would’ve been a perfectly productive Saturday and my dignity, I also had to go out and buy a new blow dryer AND new shoes.  I can’t say I even remember much from the going away party, I just know that 4 beers and 4 shots later it was a blast.  And that’s really all I have to say.  Man, my life is boring.  Anyone up for another story about how I blew off a perfectly great guy, now he’s married, and I’m…. here?

 

Anyway,  do you guys remember high school crush?  I would put the link up from when we were supposed to hang out and it never happened back around Thanksgiving, but I’m at work.  Currently typing this whole blog out in an email so that I can copy and paste it and be on the site for as little time as possible.  In my head I’m telling myself keeping it under 30 seconds will keep any flags in IT from going off and sounding the horn that Gizzy is at work posting a blog about her lame life.  

 

 

 

But yeah, so he has been in my dreams like every single night this week.  It’s so weird, sometimes he’s just in the background and sometimes we’re talking and hanging out and what not.  They’re not like dreams from back in high school either of when we would hang out.  I would venture to call those nightmares, and been there done that.  I had those nightmares like every night for the 2 months following senior spring break after I didn’t get the final rose.  They are like present day dreams, where we have jobs and apartments and we live in our different cities, never talk to each other, and are basically strangers.

 

 

 

One of them was him and his friends came to my city for the weekend and he called me up and asked if I wanted to hang out with them, I agreed and we hit it off and made out.  I don’t know why I am even questioning if these are residual feelings from high school, clearly they are.  Everyone else in the world has sex dreams, and my subconscious is still back in high school trying to make out with my crush of 12 years.  BUT, this dream isn’t that farfetched, him and his friends do come here every summer.  So I just need to weasel my way into making him want to call me.  I should see the signs, he’s not that into me or else I would’ve gotten the final rose.  This is what we call, Charlie Sheen with me now… LOSING.

 

 

 

Anyway, I need some of you dream decoders out there to tell me what this means.  Maybe we are soul mates and my subconscious is trying to tell me to woman up and just call him and be like, “Oh hey high school crush do you want to be my BF and get married next summer?” “You do?!” “Cool, cause me and my subconscious already planned out the whole wedding last night while I was asleep.  Our colors are gray and rose pink.  You’ll be wearing one of those tuxes with the long tail, oh and it will be on the beach.  Let your parents know, see you there!” Mwahahah, I wish.  God, I am so lame.  For real. 

 

 

 

Well, there we have it.  Everything I just said is also going to be my whole entire weekend.  Ie: Enjoying my new room, taking baths in my new Jacuzzi tub while dreaming about high school crush and all the other men out there I’ve liked but never gotten.   Probably throw a little SIM action in there and call it a day.  I’m really glad that after 3 weeks of boot camp where my body is starting to look beach ready, I’m staying at home every night with only my SIMS to show it off to.  Really, don’t be surprised if you get on here this weekend and find bikini pictures with the face blurred out.  That will be me, fishing for compliments.

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It’s the saddest day, of the yeaaaaaar….

First things first, as of 12:45 pm today Neal Bledsoe has not accepted my facebook friend request.

I just had this crazy, sad dream about High School Crush.  I tried to make myself fall asleep so that I could fall back into it. But, what better to wake up to on a Friday afternoon then a  new post from your favorite bloggers about something that didn’t happen in real life with a guy who I’ll never get.

With all of the recent high school crush dramas going on around Thanksgiving where we almost hung out but didn’t quite make it, made me think that I am going to have to make the plunge and some week here soon I’m just going to say, “Hey HSC I am going to be in your city this Friday night, so let’s get together (ya ya yaaa.)”  If he agrees to it, I’ll make the haul, if he doesn’t, I’ll move away, never look back and won’t wonder what it could have been.

I know, this is all very melodramatic for me.  But, I am very close to getting a job offer pretty far away and Lucky and I have plans to skip town next summer for fresh start somewhere new.  I think I’m having anxiety about taking this job, even though I only plan on keeping it for 8 months, I was expecting to be at home until next summer and have some time to get things out of the way, the semi-relationship that needs to happen with HSC so I can get it out of my system once and for all, but I don’t want to move yet.  Hence the dream about HSC telling me, “Gizzy, it will NEVER happen if you take that job.”  But, I’m not going to not take an awesome job that will give me a little bit of experience just to see if things can get rolling with a guy who has chosen 2 fat ugly girls over me in the past.  Total foreshadowing into the dream. I know you want to hear it, so buckle your seat belt, here goes (from now on my dream sequences will be in green as it is quite difficult to distinguish my dreams from reality bruhahaha):

Lucky was home and we were boozin’ it up the night before the main scene of the dream takes place, we had gotten ourselves some tequila and Korbel (always classy.)  There wasn’t much going on the night we were boozin’ it up, just a flash of us sitting there with Korbel and tequila like big fat losers, honestly it was probably New Years Eve, but I have no idea.  To be quite honest I think it was the night before New Years Eve and this party you will read about in a minute was New Years Eve.

The next night rolls around and we have a big high school party to go to.  Obviously, this is a dream because Lucky and I wouldn’t go to a high school party now.  So we got ready, and for some reason I was putting my make up on like a weirdo.  I put lipstick on as eyeshadow and god knows what else, but it looked good.  Actually I looked better than I ever have in my whole entire life, but that’s beside the point.  No one puts lipstick on their eyelids, not even in dreams.  We grabbed our Korbel and our tequila and hit the road for the party.  I couldn’t tell you whose house the party was in or at.  Half of the people were in a room with a bar ripping shooters and the other half were in a different room sitting at tables and on couches and all that.

Lucky runs off with the tequila to take shooters at the bar and I wander into the other room (also would never happen in real life, Lucky and I wouldn’t leave each other’s side, no man left behind.) So I sit down and this girl, we’ll call her Meg, came up to me and was all, “GIZZY! OMG did you see who HSC is here with?” And I’m all, “WHAT!! HE’S HERE!!!? WITH A GIRL!?!!!? WHERE????” Not embarrassed at all that obviously everyone knows I heart him.   She pointed to where he was sitting, I cranked my neck and made it super obvious I was looking for him, “OH MY GOD! SUSIE?! HE’S HERE WITH SUSISE? HOW IN THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?” Susie from our school is a white trash ho.  Maybe not even a ho, but she is gross, ugly, fat, has a bad personality, and is known as a pathological liar.  Susie is her real name, and I won’t change it to protect her identity, actually Susie isn’t her real name, she changed it like our sophomore year in high school from Ashley, and told everyone “Susie” was her birth name and she was going by that now.  I think now she’s got some young ones running around and lives in a box or something.  IDK, clearly I still have bad feelings because she was at a party with HSC in my dream. AND by the way – HSC would never touch Susie with a 100 foot rod in real life.  I just have to keep telling myself that.

So anyway, Meg started telling me that Susie and HSC have been off and on for a few years and they’re off right now but talking again and how she won’t let him out of her sight yada yada yada.  So I sat in some rocking chairs with Meg and talked about what to do about this predicament for a while.   Here is another thing, Meg and I weren’t the greatest of friends in high school.  Lucky hated her with a passion and we did many eggings to her car, among other things.  So this is all just so bizzare.  Meg and I are sitting there watching HSC and Susie hold hands, laugh, and flirt together and every time they would get up to leave the room they would hold hands and it’s enough to make me want to puke right now typing it.

Lucky came in the room and we sat down on a couch, I told her what was up with HSC and Susie and the next thing we know HSC is getting up from him and Susie’s table and says he’ll be back.  Susie is all, “OH BABY! I’ll come with you.” (GAG!)  And he tells her no that he’s going alone and walks up to me doesn’t say a word and hugged me.  And I was like OMG! Freaking out and I’m pretty sure I was like, “Susie? Really?” And he pulled away from our hug and then I saw his face coming toward mine, in my head I was going OMG OMGOMG HE’S GOING TO KISS ME!!

And then I woke up.  Ok, so a dream kiss isn’t that big of a deal to most people, even though I don’t know if he really was going to kiss me, he could’ve been moving in to ralph on my face.  That’s the funny thing about dreams, you nevvvvveeer know what’s going to happen next.  (For example, say Greenville to Lucky and watch her shudder because of a dream a long long time ago, muhahaha.) But, remember I don’t have much recollection of the one other time HSC and I kissed back in high school.  So maybe if we had a dream kiss it would’ve been one of those things like on Armageddon when Bruce Willis pushes the button to blow up the meteor and has flashes of his whole life.  It would’ve been like my life from now to that night we kissed back in high school flashing back and then I would’ve seen the kiss from the night on spring break and remembered exactly how it happened.

Anyway,  I laid in bed for a good half hour trying to decipher what this dream really means.  Last night there was a charity party at a bar that a lot of people from high school were going to be at, I was going to go to with Gigi (some how she knows the guy that I went to high school with that was putting it on, small world) and I had even planned on texting high school crush on Thursday to ask him if he was going.  But my interview far away got in the way of it, and I never got to text him, and Gigi never called me to go to the party.  Also Lucky and I were discussing last night a party we attended in college that HSC was at, so that may have triggered it.  But, I mostly think it’s the job, I think I’m going to get this job and I’m going to take it so that I can move out of my parents house, and I’m going to move far away from high school crush and any chance that was there will go away and I’ll never know.

So, anyone who is like ze bomb at dream interpreting have at it.  I can even tell you what clothing we were wearing if anyone gives a shit lick.  I don’t know why I just said that, but I’m keeping it.

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Captain’s Quarrel

I had this awesome dream last night about me and Channing Tatum.  We were both soldiers leaving for Iraq.  We had both been eyeing each other before we boarded the plane, but this plane was like a super plane and we had bedrooms and 1 roommate.  Alas, Channing Tatum was my roommate.  But what! What is this? Our room only had ONE BED, and it was a full bed so we had to share. At first we did the appropriate respectful thing and slept head to combat boot.  But then I felt bad because every time we hit turbulence he would hit his head on the metal footboard so I told him if he wanted he could turn around and lay the same way as me.  So he did, and we made out, and then he started being cute and telling me about all my mannerisms that he had noticed since we boarded the plane like when Tad Hamilton recited all of Rosalee’s different laugh’s to her in Win a Date With Tad Hamilton but really they were the laughs that Pete had noticed. And I was like OMG Iraq is the best! And then I woke up and I was super pissed because obviously there was about to be a killer sex scene but you know, you can’t get any in real life so you sure as hell aren’t going to get any from Channing Tatum in your dream.  I kept replaying what I could remember  from the dream while I tried to fall back asleep in my head hoping that we could pick up where we left off but it never happened.  Sigh.

I believe I may have unknowingly gotten myself into a love triangle this past weekend and now I am scared of getting caught and I haven’t even really done anything wrong, yet. So I’ve been working Captain Morgan gig’s like none other.  I get paid $25 an hour so why not dress like a hooker 2 nights out of the week right?  I’ve been working in a nearby college town with a crew that I have met but never really worked with.  Typically when we’re working a Captain event it’s 1 captain, 2 Morganette’s, and a manager.  Well before I came along this girl, we’ll call her Crystal because it’s a trashy name, had always been the manager but now I was signing up for the manager and she was having to dress like a hooker.  However, Crystal dates the Captain for like 3 years.  They are 22 so it’s not like the forces of spiced rum and a horny pirate brought them together.

So last week Crystal is texting me getting all shitty because Captain is worried about the events that I am managing going well because they think I am inexperienced and don’t know what I am doing.  I hate to break it to them, but I have managed more events and been with the company longer which is why I AM THE MANAGER, so they should step off and learn a thing or 2.  I told her not to worry about it and just to show up dressed in her wench’s uniform 15 minutes before they were set to go on.  I had to go to Captain’s apartment and pick up some things for the event because he refused to mail them to me so we spent some time shooting the shit before we left for the event.  Friday night goes magnificently.

Saturday night it’s, me the Captain, and another girl Smashley working.  Smashley calls in and when I tell the Captain it’s just me and him he gets a little too excited and asks me to come over and drive us both to the event.  So I do and the event is a bust, there’s 5 people in the bar so we do our spiel then we sit down to have a drink since we have to stay there for an hour and he’s all over me.  We go back to his place I change, he tells me if I want to stay and go out tonight I can stay at his place.  I say maybe next time because I have no clothes.  I leave.

I’m about halfway home when he starts texting me asking if we can hang out next weekend because he likes me yada yada yada and we text all night Saturday night, all day/night Sunday, and already today.  Normally I would never come between a couple but I have heard that he is afraid to dump Crystal because he is afraid she will beat him.  Crystal is not nice and also a raging bitch.  She’s about the same size as Captain (and he’s not small) BUT she is gorgeous.  I have also heard that Captain has cheated on Crystal before and she caught him, and told all of the girls we work with that he was “actin’ up”  this scares me because I never heard how she caught him.  She might go through his phone, in which case I am a dead girl walking.  I haven’t done anything wrong, yet.  He is the one that has been making the inappropriate comments and asking to hang out.  AND if I do decide to hang out with him I will ask him what is going on between the two of them.  But, I kind of don’t feel bad because she is such a bitch and treats him horribly.  I’m not looking to date him because he’s kind of a dumb dumb but he is hot so I would throw him a few make out sesh’s.  We have gotten to know each other a little bit and have a few similar interests and I am starting to think he might be bi-sexual or maybe just a huge metro or maybe he is just sensitive I have no idea, but…

These are the things I know about Captain:

-He is creepily into chick flicks.  Especially those with Isla Fisher.

-He has a hobby of fidgeting with car stereos (and has graciously offered to fix mine.)

-He loves Halo.

-He’s into vampire movies, that he watches with a minimum of 1 light on.

-He calls himself a nerd.

-He doesn’t drink unless he is going out with a crew of at least 4 people.

-He has a weird asian roommate named Raymundo.

-He sends out texts that he thinks are deep.  Ex: “If you never stand for anything your going to be sitting your whole life.”  – “Your” dumb dumb.

-His mother taught him to never go through a woman’s purse, yet he went through mine anyway (with permission.)

-He thinks men with Australian accents are sexy.

-He whole heartedly believes that oreo’s will make anything better.

-He hates people (maybe we are soulmates.)

-He own’s a white faux fur winter hat.

-He thinks that “liar” is spelled “lier.”

-“House” is his favorite t.v. show.

-He can grow a beard in 3.5 days.

Now, take these Captain fun facts as you will.  I’m not sure what to do with them yet, but I will take diligent notes from here on out of any encounters I have with Captain and Captain’s Crystal.


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