Tag Archives: employment

WF Seeks job, will offer sexual favors for employment

I’m to a point in my job where I just do not give a flying fuck.  I don’t care if I’m late, I don’t care if I miss meetings, I don’t care if the work is done, and I don’t even care if I get in trouble for all of the above.  I would be ecstatic if I got fired, etc..etc..etc.. I’ve been relentlessly applying for new jobs in the city that I want to live in and before even being given an interview I already care about these companies more than the one I currently work at.  This is a problem, right?

Here’s what I don’t want, I don’t want to start a new job and be all amped up about it at first and then fall into the same pattern as my current job a year later.  This time, I want to do it right and make sure I’m going to love the job before I accept anything, even though I am pretty despie to get out of the big city.  I have compiled a list of the top 5 (legitimate) things I hate about my current job:

  1. Lack of communication between higher ups
  2. Un-organization (lack of training, lack of “who to go to if you need this” lists)
  3. Lack of fun activities to keep employees motivated
  4. Micromanagement
  5. Co-workers
  6. Task work flow (I had to add an extra for good measure)

I probably complain about my co-workers the most, but I think I could deal with them if the rest of the office environment was better.  This is the thing, I hear about other people’s jobs and I get really jealous of the fun things they get to do at work.  I have a friend that works for a pasta company and she gets to travel every few months to cool places, her office pays for her to take classes to learn Italian during work hours, they also send her to Italian cooking classes during work hours.  She’s not some big wig, she does marketing.  One of my new roommates works for a medical supply company, and his boss occasionally takes his team to the golf course for a day of fun instead of making them work.  But my office? We get a Christmas lunch and a fiscal year end party, where as we are supposed to be able to leave early after them but my boss makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong if you do. 

My company is known as a place where fun comes to die, seriously.  So why I expect to get treated to a day that doesn’t make me want to kill myself is beyond me.

Anyway, I have put every important person I know on the hunt to find a new job for me.  I even stooped so low as to ask the owner of the company my mom works for to help me out.  But he said he would see what he could do.  If it gets me a job, I don’t care who I have to have sex with.  Despie Debbie up in here.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Just some things..

Hey kids… things are getting spicy around here.  LIVENING UP THE PLACE! We’ve got a lot to cover today, mostly things that I feel like I need to document so that when my memory doesn’t serve me I can come back here and see what actually happened.  Here is our agenda:

*A super duper exciting awesome surprise for Lucky via our Vegas Trip

* My career advancement

* How 2 guys from my past almost messed shiz up with High School Crush

Ok, let’s get started!

Lucky – I was at this luncheon for work the other day and got to chatting with my only friends in the office.  We were yammering on about how none of us have any savings because we all lurve to travel.  The token single lady in the office – she is 50, owns a house with her sister, and has never been married (a story for another day) – but she travels all the time offered some Vegas advice.  First, she said we will have the time of our lives at MGM. CHECK! Then she was all, “LISTEN UP! I’m about to tell you some free things to do…” Some of them I was like eh whatevs, I’d rather pay $30 and get a margarita the size of my head but one thing stuck out in particular.  At one Caeser’s Palace there is a MARTHA STEWART garden that she MS, the hoodrat herself, comes to garden in every season.  Since you’re such a MS fan I thought it in our best interest to check it out whilst wearing our sequins and drinking our giant ‘ritas.

Next.

I had an interview Wednesday morning for a job in the city I want to live in.  I know right? I’m excited too.  Anyway, it started out as an in person interview, then somewhere along the way they figured out that I live far away and asked that we just do a phone interview for now.  So Wednesday morning I got up early for this interview and it went really well.  The guy that was interviewing me seemed like he was either 85 years old or not all there.  Either way, I think it worked to my advantage.  I’ll find out next week if I make it to the second round.  Clinky! Here’s hoping!

With that being said the guy had THE best job interview question I have ever heard, or maybe it’s just because I could totally relate to the question.

“What is your biggest pet peeve when it comes to co-workers?”

I had to hold the phone away from my face so he couldn’t hear me laughing.  I mean really, I could have kept the guy on the phone all day.  But in an attempt to not sound unprofessional by being like, “WELL! The guy next to me likes to announce what’s going on in his daughter’s sex life and that kind of bugs me.” I managed to dwindle it down to people being unprofessional and unorganized, which 99% of Ciggy Breath’s annoying habits fall under.

Moving on…

So, remember a few weeks ago when I spent the night with HSC? Right, I know.  How could you forget.  I forgot to mention a few things that happened, and honestly forgot about them until they were coming out of my mouth when I was talking to Lucky the other night on the phone.

So first, remember The Bed Wetter? I mean, this kid has got to have THE worst timing of anyone I know. Literally 5 seconds after HSC and I got to the bar, we’re standing there talking to his friends, and his sister’s husband when The Bed Wetter comes up from behind me, puts his arm around me and says, “Hey you’re pretty hot, can I buy you a drink?” Honestly dude? So I turn around see it’s him, act overly excited to see him like we are long lost pals and say, “Hey where’s your girlfriend!?” Within earshot of HSC.  Bed wetter apologized for interrupting and moved on.

The next morning after HSC and I woke up on Chuck’s basement futon, we decided to go get some breakfast.  So we’re sitting at breakfast chatting away and I look up and see Douchearoo’s roommate/best friend that I’ve hooked up with (his name is The Farmer) standing in front of our table.

Thankfully he is 9 feet tall and didn’t see my shrimpiness sitting there, but it could have been really bad had he seen me.  Or had we seen Douchearoo out the night before.  The unfortunate thing is he probably did see me and just didn’t say anything, but I’m sure he went back and told Douchearoo and now D-roo has got it on his radar to look out for me/ruin my life.  Sigh. The no drama part of the HSC stuff was fun while it lasted.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

28 before 28 – doing it!

As Lucky mentioned last week, Sunday was my birthday.  I’m 27 now and it doesn’t feel any different than 26, or 22 for that matter.  Except the fact that I’m closer to 30, which bums me out.  But people keep saying 30 is the new 20, so I’m going to believe it.

I know we drone on a lot about how we’re single and how everyone else our age is married and having babies and wah wah poor us.  Honestly, when I was a little girl and I thought all the time about what my life would be like when I was 27.  For starters, I was expecting to be married, to Zac Hanson/JTT (depending on the year).

Which clearly I’m still in the running for.  I was never one to be all about having babies though, from a pretty young age I knew that I would wait until I was in my mid thirties before I would start popping out noise makers.  I mean, why ruin a hot bod before its necessary? And when I start having babies that will most likely also be the end of it too.  Twins would be the ideal situation so I can get 2 for the price of one and be done.

Anyway, the point is that I’m 27 and my life is nothing like what I expected it to be.  I thought I would be married, not living in the big city, not hating my job, and that life would be peachy.  With the exception of my job sucking donkey, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at.  I don’t rely on anyone for money, some dude doesn’t run my life, and somehow I’ve held it together enough to not have a nervous breakdown and stab my co-workers in the eyes with pencils.

For my birthday celebration I went to visit a friend that lives in a college town with her mom.  When we were younger, hanging out with people’s parents was really a buzz kill, but since we’ve all become legal to drink it’s a lot more fun now.  Anyway, my friend’s mom is recently divorced and her new divorcee outlook on life is pretty much spot on with how I want to lead the rest of my life.  Her new motto is that she only wants to surround herself with people who bring light to her life, and people whose life she brings light to.  Yeah it’s kind of hippie dippie, but that’s her and she makes a good point.  It also lines up with what Lucky and I have been saying for a while now, that the negative people need to get the fuck out.  Since we’ve both been lacking the drama in our lives lately, I’d say we’re doing a pretty good job at that, with the exception of our work lives.

Since things are probably going to start going downhill after 27, I thought it best to make a list of all the things I’d like to accomplish before my 28th birthday, you know that’s the new thing to do 35 things to do before 35 blah blah, so I’m doing 28 things to do before I turn 28 –  most of mine aren’t life changing so don’t get too excited.  I will however keep everyone updated on my progress of marking things off the list:

  1. Quit my job
  2. Find a new job
  3. Move closer to hometown
  4. Have sex with Zac Efron and/or Ryan Gosling and ultimately trick one of them into marrying me
  5. Visit Las Vegas (almost there!)
  6. Get over my fear of having people touch my feet and get a pedicure
  7. Buy a new car
  8. Go on a date with a stranger
  9. Start a retirement savings account outside of the one my job offers
  10. Do Lucky’s infamous 14 day detox
  11. Finish learning to play the piano
  12. Buy living room/dining room furniture
  13. Complete a painting
  14. Pay off a student loan
  15. Take the GRE
  16. Apply for Masters programs
  17. Put money aside for mine and Lucky’s 30th birthday Euro trip
  18. Lose 8 pounds/tone up
  19. Buy a new camera
  20. Visit a winery
  21. Get renters insurance
  22. Try a gluten free diet
  23. Get the mole on my neck that bugs me removed
  24. Do something selfless to help out a stranger
  25. Take myself on an awesome date, that means a nice dinner and a movie – alone (already know which movie I’m going to see!)
  26. Volunteer some time to a good cause
  27. Buy the best anti-wrinkle/eye firming cream out there
  28. Find the DeLorean and Doc Brown, and take a drive back to my 18th birthday so I can do it all over again
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Valentine’s Day Re-Hashed

Did everyone have a super lovey dovey Valentine’s Day? This year didn’t pan out as bad for me as past years have, but I still kind of wanted to slit my wrists and lie in the bathtub.  Oh and I had a super weird meeting with one of my bosses that made me feel dirty.

I should back up a few months, I failed to mention to everyone that before I left for my big Christmas trip to Hawaii I got a promotion.  Go me! I was pretty excited about it, I would be getting more responsibility, a(n) slave intern, a small raise, and most importantly my own office – far far away from Ciggy Breath and his noises.  Ah, the thought of my cube days being over was enough to tickle my pickle.

I knew it would take some time for my bosses to hire my replacement, and they told me that my office was currently occupado because of another building being under construction.  But, I am happy to report the replacement for my old job started Monday and my office will be ready for move in on March 13th!

So that brings us to yesterday.  My boss’s boss sent me a meeting invitation to go over transitioning the new girl into my position and what I should be prepared to train her on, etc, etc. A few minutes before the meeting she comes to my desk and says to come with her because we’ll be meeting with the CFO and the Director of my department too.  My thoughts? OH SHIT! They found the blog! Goodbye job, goodbye money, goodbye big city, goodbye health insurance.  Hello moving back in with Mom.

They started off the meeting by kissing my ass “off the record”.  They went on for a solid 20 minutes about what an amazing job I’m doing, how they know I’m not using my full potential at the job, how they all know a lot of people outside of our company and if I’d ever like to go elsewhere I should let them know where and they can hook it up because they want to see me do big things.  And on that note, they said that they would like to see me continue at our company and they were willing to make it worthwhile for me by providing me with incentives.  So now I’m thinking I might get another raise and that would make me muy muy happy.  Because I am poor.  Seriously, my bank account has $37 in it and I don’t get paid for 2 more weeks. Sigh.

Anyway, THEN they were like… buuuutttttt we want to talk to you about some things happening in the office.  [insert here what your face looks like when your stomach falls into your butt.]  “We’d like to talk to you about your neighbor, Ciggy Breath.” Oh shew! “Does he bother you? Anything you say will be off the record, we won’t ever use your name.” Ok, this is weird right? Why is this whole meeting “off the record”?

I don’t think it’s a question in anyone’s mind whether Ciggy Breath is annoying or not, we all know he’s The Worst.  So I told them.  “I mean yeah, he irritates me and disrupts my workflow because he’s so loud and obnoxious.  But I think that’s because the rest of us are so quiet, and he’s so not.” Apparently this wasn’t the type of dirt they were looking for, they all exchanged glances and moved in closer, “But has he said anything inappropriate to you that makes you feel uncomfortable or that has crossed a line?” Hold the bus.  Am I understanding this right? Are we trying to slap Ciggy Breath with a sexual harassment suit?

If they would have given me some more time I probably could’ve come up with some things I had heard him say to other people on the phone that were inappropriate, but my brain was kind of scrambled, “Uhhh… I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that he’s said that was inappropriate or off color that offended me.” Then they were all like, “This is anonymous, we want you to tell us if ANYTHING has been said, we’ll never use your name, we just need to know.” Trust me.  If I had some dirt on Ciggy Breath I would ABSOLUTELY come forward in a heartbeat to get him fired.  But I don’t, which sucks.

So after that sufficiently awkward meeting I went back to my desk and facebook chatted with Lucky the rest of the day.  Apparently my slacking off every day keeps this business afloat.

Then I went home, and while most girls were enjoying a nice filet mingon steak and a bottle of the finest vino with their significant other, I sat in bed and watched Teen Mom and chowed on a couple of those super yummy Dunkin Donut Valentine’s Day heart shaped donuts, yeah the ones with the chocolate chips, and didn’t feel bad about it.  I win!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m being office sabotaged!

It’s the moment you’ve all been sitting on the edge of your chairs waiting for since Tuesday.  Drum roll please…. MY LUNCH WITH CORNED BEEF.  Annnd the crowd roaaars.  I’ve been wining and dining myself tonight, clearly.  But on to the story…if you haven’t read my post from last week about an email I got from a co-worker it may be helpful to catch up on the situation before reading the rest of this.

Tuesday quickly rolled around this week, and that morning I was so nervous I could hardly do any work before lunch.  I was texting Lucky on my way to work about how sweaty my hands were and I wasn’t even there to feel out the vibe yet.  When I did get to work I was there for a few hours and Corned Beef finally showed her face at my desk to ask if I had any questions.  She was normal.  Hrmmm.  She went back to her desk, then sent me an email:

11:30 sound ok for lunch?

I told her yes and then immediately texted Lucky saying how weird it was that she would email me that and not ask me when she was at my desk 2 SECONDS before that.  She definitely didn’t want anyone to know we were going out to lunch.  

Finally 11:30 rolled around, we made small talk on the way to the elevator and as soon as we stepped outside shit got cray cray.

“So the reason I didn’t want to talk in the office is because I didn’t want Cigarello to hear.”

Which was kind of what I had figured and I told her that.  Then she proceeded to tell me that she thinks he was trying to sabotage and mess up my accounts to make himself look better because she had found 40 pages worth of mistakes he had made on over 500 accounts (that’s half of my accounts, in case anyone was wondering) and it’s taken her 3 weeks to get it corrected.  She said she informed all of the bosses that it wasn’t me who was messing up that it was Cigarello.  I guess this is the exact same thing that the guy who I replaced got fired for, so it was some need to know info for me.  She didn’t want anyone to come to me accusing me of messing everything up and trying to fire me over it when I really did nothing wrong.

She proceeded to inform me that I’m doing a really good job and catching on really quickly but that I do need to watch out for Cigarello basically that he is crazy.  Which I have been starting to catch onto since he ran his face into the window a few weeks ago trying to look at the clouds and is still talking about it 3 weeks later.  

Apparently when she sat at my desk he would listen in on her private phone calls concerning her health and things of that matter and go and tell everyone and would just make laps around the office for no apparent reason.  Not to mention it’s super creepy and weird when he pops his head up over our half wall and just stares at me, just like Wilson – only creepier and weirder:


Personally I wouldn’t ever take/make any call that I didn’t want people to over hear at work, but I get what she’s saying – a grown up wouldn’t run and tell all their friends that Corned Beef has a bad heart and might die soon and then come back and look over the half wall like a child molester who just got caught with his hands down his pants.

But as we were entering the holy grail of lunch spots swarming with young hot doctors she tells me that Cigarello used to work at the Press at our company for 18 years and got fired for sabotaging his co-workers.  He’s friends from high school with our boss’ boss (the one who gave me the best baseball seats ever) and that’s how he got the job in our office, he doesn’t even have an accounting background.  Well that explains why he sucks at his job, but not so much why he sucks as a person.

So she went on to tell me some other Cigarello tid bits about how he has mastered the art of turning a professional phone call into a personal one, which I’ve noticed and I’ve also noticed he calls everyone he knows if he’s leaving an hour early or taking a day off.  She also said basically everyone hates him so I shouldn’t feel like other people won’t like me if I’m not nice to him. Pretty much solving all my problems 1 by 1.  

When we got back I saw all of the boss’ go into the conference room with Cigarello for the rest of the afternoon (we’re talking at least 3 hours.)  I crossed my fingers and wished on my lucky stars that he would get fired but he was still there today being annoying and weird as ever.  

The good part is I think my boss thought I was the one fucking everything up and now that she realizes it wasn’t me she has been overly nice to me.  She even came to my desk at quarter to five and asked why I was staying late.  Um you don’t have to tell me twice, I’ll leave.

Anyway, the moral of the story here is that Corned Beef is a nice lady and my friend like I thought and hoped, she was just looking out for me and wanted to make me aware of the situation.  She even sent me an email today asking if we could make going out to lunch a more regular thing so that we can get out of the office and she can introduce me to more people.  I agreed, especially considering when we walked into the young doctor lunch hot spot I nearly fainted and told her I was husband hunting for my dear friend Lucky and I while we chatted.  Hopefully she can introduce me to a few prospects, or at least a few friends more my age.

The end.   Wasn’t that a nice happy ending? For now…

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,