Tag Archives: engagement

And Then High School Crush Got Engaged

That’s right, you heard correctly.  High School Crush is engaged. If you’re a new reader, just go back in our blog posts about 2 years (or from the beginning, cause he was around then too) and it will all make sense.

Last night when I got home from work I decided to look up Peanut Butta Jelly Time (as I like to call her, aka HSC’s girlfriend/now fiance) on Facebook because I had a hankering he would propose around Christmas. Because he’s one of THOSE guys.  And by one of THOSE guys I mean one of those cheap bastards that pops the question around Christmas so he doesn’t have to get you a Christmas gift on top of the engagement ring.  So a couple posts in I see where she has done a reCRAP of all the cool shit she did in 2013.  The last thing was getting engaged to her best friend, soul mate, better half, love of her life. Gag me. So I scroll down to the next post and see the typical newly engaged couple pic of them: standing up doing a half hug with shit eating grins (her gummy grin still looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) on their faces while her hand rests ever so subtly on his chest displaying her new bling (princess cut with the small diamonds surrounding it. Typical of what you see all the 20 somethings wearing.)

In all honesty I am indifferent about it and really don’t give a shit. I’m over him and have been for a long time.  But what I’m not over is that he (along with many other scum buckets) got away with basically two timing his now fiance at the beginning of their relationship.  And she probably has no idea that I was in the picture DAYS before they moved in together. 

This also got me thinking about something I’m sure have mentioned before: I am ALWAYS the girl that guys date/hook-up with/have one last fling with before they find “the one” and get married. I mean, do I have some kind of power that makes these assholes decide they’re ready to settle down, just not with me? 

Here’s the running list of guys this has happened with:

  1. My 2nd long term boyfriend in high school
  2. My first college boyfriend
  3. Snatch (if you remember, he’s how I met Anth and all those characters)
  4. My “football buddy” from college
  5. Bi-polar Ex
  6. High School Crush
  7. HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON
  8. Nutter Butter (not engaged YET, but says he’s currently with “the one”
  9. Snoop-Linus (also not engaged YET,  but has been with the same girl since we broke up like 4 years ago.)

Now here’s the list of exes that aren’t engaged/still in a relationship with the person they dated after me:

  1. My first long term high school boyfriend
  2. Douchearoo

It would seem that the way this weighs out is a little more than a coincidence, right?

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In your opinion…

I need everyone’s help deciphering some texts.  Because I’m nosy, and a meddler, I have been bothering Anth and I’m getting quite upset that he’s not providing information up to my standards.  So I need all the eyes I can get reading between the lines on these babies:
 
Date: 11/16/2012
Gizzy: Are you proposing to your girlfriend at Christmas? Teheheheeee
Anth: Haaaaa. We’ll see.
Gizzy: Whaaaaat?! That means yes!!!!!!!!!! Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone 🙂
Anth: Do you think she’ll invite you to our wedding?
Gizzy: I don’t know, you don’t get a say in it? Although if you did, you’d probably just follow suit and not invite me 😥
Anth: Bahahaha we will see.
Gizzy: So can I get an affirmative YES that you will be proposing within the next 2 months? Also can you send me a picture of the ring? Spanks a million!
Anth: No and maybe when I get it.
Gizzy: Is that a no you aren’t proposing soon or a no I can’t get an affirmative yes? Please clarify 😀
Anth: The second is kind of dependent upon the first. And no means no.
Gizzy: That didn’t help clarify at all. But whatever, I’ll wait for the facebook link like the rest of the world, EVEN THOUGH I INTRODUCED YOU AND THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF ME.
Anth: You didn’t introduce us?
Gizzy: Whatever, ANTH!
 
Date: 12/25/2012
Anth: Merry Christmas Giz!
Gizzy: Merry Christmas Anth! Did you propose today?
 
Date: 12/26/2012
Anth: Bahhh she was using my phone for FaceTime the whole drive back up here yesterday I hope she didn’t see that.
Gizzy: So, that’s a no? You didn’t propose?
Anth: We’re going to Mexico tomorrow.
Gizzy: Sooooooo… you’re doing it in Mexico?
 
Date: 12/31/2012
Gizzy: ??????!!!!!!!!!!! Is a congratulations in order?
Anth: You are the worsssssssst
Gizzy: WHAT HAPPENED?!
 
So what do we think? Did I ruin the proposal? Was he even planning on it? Should I inquire again now that they are probably back from Mehico? Should I send an apology card and then follow up with a phone call to ask questions/get my answers approximately 4 days later? I need your help!!!!!
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Justified 2012.

New Year’s Eve was obviously awful for me, but Gizzy kept insisting that 2012 was/is indeed OUR year. It is.  It has to be, because the world is ending this year, remember?

I want to believe her, so I suggested we come up with a slogan for the year; some kind of catch phrase that we could say to each other if we were feeling low or unsure about something in our lives.

I racked my brain for sassy sayings. My initial thought was that of Atlanta Housewife, Sheree, “Who gonna check me, boo?” But Gizzy isn’t really into the Housewives as much as I am. We will be using this as a backup slogan if Justified doesn’t quite cut it.

The saying needed to be something that meant a lot to both of us. So, we thought some more.

Finally, I was on to something. Some of Gizzy and I’s fondest memories are from high school, when we’d drive around the rich neighborhoods where all the hot boys lived and be stalkers. Chances are, they probably all saw us drive by and that’s why we are still single. (Yep yep! That is why HSC does not like me.)

Anyway, our stalking adventures were always sound-tracked with the one and only Justin Timberlake (also knowns as J-Tim, or Mr. J-T.) circa 2003, album “Justified.”

I thought of the songs from that CD, perhaps we could take one of the lyrics and use it as our catch phrase. But the more we discussed, it was impossible, because every single one of those songs is fucking awesome. So, we decided on Justified 2012 as our phrase.

Because everything we do in 2012 is going to be Justified, just because we did it, and it doesn’t need any additional reason for being.

Shortly after the new year, Mr. JT decided to up and get engaged and I was super worried. We could not have a role model that was ENGAGED for 2012. But, as always, Gizzy assured me that our role model is J-Tim circa 2003, when he was single and singing songs about Brittany Spears to go cry him a river.

So whatever with the engagement.

The glorious thing about this catch phrase is that I really don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion on anything I do, because I know it’s Justified. And as a reminder, Justified (the album) has become a regular soundtrack in the Lucky household.

Don’t be surprised if I’ve thought of a whole new dance number for “Senorita” by spring.

As a reminder to keep things Justified in 2012, Lucky posted the Like I Love You music video to my facebook wall.  It is a constant reminder to keep everything we do Justified and to not let guys take a huge crap on us this year, like they have in the past.  

Things about this music video by itself that can keep us motivated to be Justified in 2012:

1. J-Tim looking smoking hot, if we keep things Justified we will land a man like him.  Obvi.

2. The awesome late 90’s early 00’s fashion.  That 7-eleven t-shirt is CLUTCH to a Justified year and only people who are in fact Justified can pull off irony such as that.

3. The N’Sync style dance moves.  Seeing those will be a constant reminder that we deserve a hot guy, like a guy in a boyband.  A hot guy who can also do those moves is 100% Justified.

4. The black hat and leather pants explain themselves.

5. The fact that after watching J-Tim being all over that music video girl you are left with a horned up feeling inside.  Horned up feelings are synonyms to Justified.

That’s pretty much it.  I can’t focus enough after number 5 to continue listing awesome things about this video/album. 

Since this blog is a major part of our lives and we pretty much tell our readers everything that goes down we’d like you all to help take part in making this a Justified year for us.  If you see us falling back into our old ways of letting guys poop on us, just let us know, a simple – JUSTIFIED – will do and we’ll be back to our Justified reality.

And with that, we wish you a Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day, because he was pretty effing Justified.

 

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Ring a ling

It happened.   The Christmas gift of all Christmas gifts is placed upon my finger (actually it’s sitting in the box looking at me because I’m freaking out)…

That’s a right ring finger there, not jinxing us again, Lucky!

I know, 3 pictures is overkill, but it’ll probably never happen again so I’m going to bask in it.

That’s gonna be your white gold band, aquamarine stone there in the middle, and chocolate diamonds on the outside (do I sound like one of those fancy schmancy jewelers? No?), I know you’re all waiting for the big clincher, that my dad or sister got me this lovely piece of jewelry, but that would be incorrect.  I actually got it from a guy, and that guy is…. *drumroll please*

HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON.

I guess I have a little explaining to do.  Most of you probably don’t remember who HOTTIE is, because he is an early character from the blog who only appeared in a few (10-12) posts in during our first few months.  For those of you who wish to read up on your HOTTIE literature:

My first HOTTIE encounter

My first date with HOTTIE

When HOTTIE took me home

The night I effed everything up with HOTTIE

When HOTTIE gave me a second chance and I effed it up, again

For those of you who don’t want to read the full HOTTIE run-down let me give you a short briefing,

HOTTIE is an ex-friend of my ex-boyfriend, thanks to me.  We ran into each other on the street one day, made plans to hang out, dated most of this past summer, I met his parents, we planned a wedding and a family, I got drunk and laid down in his elevator, then accidently answered the phone and let my ex-boyfriend hear us chattin’ it up one night which caused a full on brawl, and HOTTIE never called me again, with good reason.  Until recently.

About a month and a half ago I went to my alma mater to see my friends, we went out, I saw HOTTIE… this was the half post I wrote on it after it happened:

The last thing I remember was looking at my Ciroc Redberry bottle thinking  that it was almost gone and it would probably be a good idea for me to stop, but I didn’t.  Gigi informed me that once we arrived to the bar I immediately spotted HOTTIE and gave him the cold shoulder/ignored him for a solid 45 minutes until he brought over shots and won my heart again.  My online banking statement informed me that I spent upwards of $80 at one bar.  Since my phone died before I started drinking, these are the only types of evidence I have, my vagina informed me that we did not have sex.  And HOTTIE informed me that I smooth talked him well enough to want to start talking to me again/not thinking I’m a lush (I know, HOW?) and to treat me to breakfast and some heavy texting.  I won’t lie, I am quite excited I drank HOTTIE back into my life.  He’s the only decent guy I’ve ever semi-dated, with the exception of the time he threw me under the bus, but everyone gets a freebie, I mean I did lay down half naked in his elevator and find mystery poop outside of my apt the following day.  I think we’re even. But I also forgot until just this second that he’s 21. Damnit.

I was just watching Conan and Maroon 5 was performing when it occurred to me if I had to compare HOTTIE to anyone it would be Adam Levine:

I think everyone can see why the subject of losing HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON has been so troubling for me.

I haven’t seen HOTTIE since then but he calls and texts me every day.   It didn’t really occur to me that anything was going on between us until he called me on Christmas eve and asked if I could come up Sunday for a holiday party some family friends were having.  Mind you, HOTTIE lives about 3 hours away, so it was going to be quite a haul, he also lives 30 minutes from my new job so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone and go apartment hunting on Monday (which didn’t happen.)  Then, he told me he bought me a Christmas present so I was definitely on board, because if there’s one thing I love, it’s presents.  But, that meant I had to get him one.  He had mentioned these new shoes that came out that he wanted so I got him those and pretty much won his heart all over again because duh, I’m the best.

I was talking to Lucky last night about how it is a little awkward, HOTTIE and I haven’t had the talk, I honestly thought it was going to be one of those types of relationships where I give him a call when I go to my alma mater to see my friends and we get drunk and make out, I was never expecting a ring.  Even though I have complained to him for the past month about how no one buys me jewelry AND made him watch the Tiffany’s commercial with Neal Bledsoe (who BTW still has not confirmed my facebook friend request) in it about 25 times with me on the phone, I wasn’t expecting him to get me a ring.  I honestly have no idea why this guy likes me.  I mean I have decent boobs but that only goes so far.

But, when he handed me the bag I knew it was jewelry and I couldn’t decide whether to throw up or cry, thankfully I did neither, I just put it on my hand, said it was pretty and shiny, and waved it in front of his face, I basically have to ruin everything.  We went to the party where his family and family friends were all dressed to the nines and his mom ran up and was all, “Ooooh let me see The Ring!” I’m like whoa whoa whoa, we did not just get engaged, this is a birthstone ring, and we have been talking a month and a half and he’s still only 21, this means he will most likely buy MANY many more rings.  She blabbed on about how he was soooo excited to give it to me and could hardly contain himself.  HOTTIE is cute, this melted my heart a little bit, such a wee young lad.

Now here I am, sitting here with this ring from this guy who I don’t know if he is my boyfriend or my MOB (make out buddy, another fun fact, we haven’t slept together yet.)  And I’m not sure what to do.  I can’t pawn it, right? I mean I like it, I don’t want to pawn it, but what if I get drunk and mess it up again?  Soooo… yeah.  Cheers to Christmas!

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How not to propose…

…To Gizzy.

Here it is Christmas eve eve and millions of men all over the world are gearing up to ask the biggest question of their lives.

Will you marry me?

On Christmas.  VOOOOMMMIIIITTTT!!

If my boyfriend asked me to marry him on Christmas I would tell him to get the fuck out of my house.  That’s unacceptable.   So here Lucky and I are discussing Tuesday night’s episode of Minute To Win It where the two contestants were a young couple who met in the airport.  Standard.  Shortly after they won 75k, the guy got down on one knee and proposed.  She said yes blabbity blah.  Lucky said she cried, I said I threw up in my mouth a little, because I’ll be damned if a guy is proposing to me on Christmas or thereabouts, but on a game show too?! Awwww hell no!! (I guess it’s good that it didn’t actually happen to me then.)

So Lucky suggested I compose a list of all of the ways a guy shouldn’t propose to me, because the list is mighty long.  It actually would be more productive to list the ways in which I would accept a proposal but what’s the fun in that?  Giddy up!

*First I would like to tell everyone, I got the job!!!!!!!!! Wahoooo!!!! In 3 short weeks I’ll be moving to a rulllll big city and I am scared.  What if some gangs try to hi-jack me and I have to pull out the gun (that my dad is going to get me for Christmas, I know it) and they take it from me and shoot me!? AH! I am scared.*  Anyway…. back to the list….

*The only thing happening on or around the day of the proposal  must be the proposal itself.  Ie: Not on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, my birthday, our anniversary, or any other government observed holiday.  That’s just a cheap shot and a way to only buy me 1 gift.  Ohhhh you’re proposing on our 2 year anniversary, thanks for the diamond, now where’s my gd anniversary gift?!

*The proposal mustn’t be cluttered by anything else exciting happening on or around that day.  Ie: The day we go on Minute To Win It.  It’s really just cheating us both of the excitement of the actual proposal, because I’m already going to be excited that I’m taking home 75k, how does a measly $5,000 ring compare to that? It doesn’t because I could buy myself 15 $5,000 rings or one massive $75,000 ring.  See my point?  Wait until I am ALMOST poor enough to want to pawn the engagement ring, THEN PROPOSE.  I’ll really appreciate it then.

*The proposal shan’t take place where food is present.  Some people like the whole traditional proposing at a nice restaurant riff raff.  Not I.  To me that shows lack of creativity.  If you want The Gizzy to say yes you’re going to have to come up with something genuine that you haven’t seen done a million times.  I can buy myself a nice steak dinner and some champagne, lets pull out all of the stops here, because this is only happening once (IF you read the guide correctly.)

*To ensure a yes, at some point in the relationship a guy must buy me 1 dozen long stemmed roses, and show up at my door with them for no apparent reason.  “Roses because it’s Monday, M’dear!”  This would actually be a great way to propose to me, when I open the door be down on one knee with the flowers and a giant rock.  I’d say yes to that.  I know it’s lacking the aforementioned creativity factor but this specific proposal technique has the shock factor.  I would guess that upwards of 90% of women know when they are about to be proposed to, so when he takes you to the beach, or up in the hot air balloon, or kneels down beside the horse drawn carriage to tie his shoe just as you’re about to step on, you’re not really shocked when it happens.  But he’s coming over to pick you up to go get some wings and $1.50 drafts on a Sunday afternoon and you open the door and BAM! there it is, that’s gonna shock your pants off.

*The ring can’t have a hint of a pear shape, gold band, tiny diamonds, actually it has to be a platinum band with one giant stone on top.  Case closed, nothing else will be accepted.  This is a piece of jewelry I have to look at every day for the rest of my life so you can sure as hell bet a rats ass it’s going to look how I want it to look and if it doesn’t he must just not be the one.  I can imagine everyone at home is sitting there thinking, “Oh no wonder she is single, she’ll never get engaged with this bratty attitude!” I concur.

*He should probably ask my dad first, I say probably because #1 I am semi-drunk right now:

Side story:  Buttons, Button’s Husband, and I just went to a Winter White wine tasting, it was delish and I am buzzed.  I also got into an argument with a homeless man on my walk there.  It went like so:

Homeless dude:  Hey lady *ching ching ching* (Shaking his money making cup) got some change so I can have a Merry Christmas?

I snarled and shot him a dirty look.

Homeless guy:  Lady, it’s Christmas!

Me:  Really!?? You’ve got on nicer clothes than me.  How about you hand over that cup and give ME some money.  Greedy asshole.

Then his business partner chimes in as I walk away.

BP:  He’s real legit ma’am, he’s not gonna buy booze with that, I would, but he won’t, he’ll really buy food.

As he struts into a hotel which is my city’s equivalent to the Ritz Carlton.

I’m sorry, but homeless people can fuck off.  They have more money than me.  Case closed.

Anyway, yeah the guy should ask my dad for permission.   My dad would like that, even though he probably won’t like the guy.  It’s whatevs, it would just be a respectful thing to do.  He should probably ask Ella too, she’s pretty judgmental and if she approves I’d say its done deal and he can hang with the fam.

I know it’s a lot to ask for but if a guy passes all of these tests with flying colors I’ll know it was meant to be.  Wamppp wammmp.


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