Tag Archives: ex-boyfriends

I didn’t order any crazy this weekend

While we’re on the subject of ex-boyfriends and how much they are life-ruiners, I too had a blast from the past this weekend.  Unfortunately, mine wasn’t in a nightmare… it was in real life.

Friday night after work I went out for dinner and drinks with the ole crew.  JM and his girlfriend were in town and made me feel obligated to hang out with them at least once since I wouldn’t be participating in the St. Patty’s day festivities.  So I did, we got a little sauced and came home at 10:30 and I went to bed.

At 1:30 I was woken up by a call from a number not programed in my phone.  Since I was half drunk and still asleep it took me a good 10 minutes of staring at the number to figure out who it was.  Snoop-Linus.

You see, a few weeks ago I got a text from this same number: “Hey it’s Snoop-Linus, my phone got stolen and I wanted you to have my new #.  Hope all is well.  Would love to catch up sometime.”

Of course I didn’t reply, I didn’t save the number, and I didn’t feel anything.  It was more of an annoyance if anything.  Each time I hear from this kid it makes me more happy than the last that I’m not with him.  Seriously? You are 25 years old, how does your phone get stolen? I’ll tell you how, you’re high on drugs and wasted out of your mind at some stupid club and can’t keep track of your shit.  Not sad I wasn’t there. Get a life and stay out of mine.

So, when he called he didn’t leave a message.  But no one calls their ex-girlfriend that they haven’t spoken to in 6 months at 1:30 in the morning unless they are shitfaced.  Even though he didn’t leave some drunk tard voicemail this phone call really pissed me the fuck off.  Like hey dude, what’s it going to take for you to realize I want nothing to do with you? I’ve told you, multiple times.  I’ve also asked multiple times that you leave me alone, I hate you and fuck off. But mostly I was pissed because it woke me up out of a good drunken sleep.

So then comes Saturday night.  Typically when Snoop-Linus drunk dials me he’ll send a text in the morning apologizing and saying he hopes all is well yada yada yada [insert fake bullshit].  Which makes me hate him even more, how many apologetic texts does someone have to send before they say enough is enough, get embarrassed, and delete the number out of their phone? Christ!

Anyway, I didn’t get an apologetic text on Saturday.  Instead, Sunday morning I woke up to an obvious drunk text from him that was sent at 4am: “Really need someone to talk to if you’re up.” Tell me this.  Why would I be up at 4am you fucking douche? I don’t care if you need someone to talk to.  I don’t care if your dog is dying, I don’t care if you got into a car accident, I don’t care if you used your one phone call from jail Friday night to call me. I DON’T CARE.  You would think 6 months of not responding to phone calls and texts would reiterate the fact that I don’t care about him but it doesn’t and that’s why I’m frustrated.

I want him to leave me alone.  Him calling and texting is no sweat off my back because I’m not ever tempted to answer it or text back, but I just worry about my dating future.  I don’t want to be lying in bed with a boyfriend to be and still have my ex drunk dialing me because he’s an idiot, that’s certainly something that I could see becoming an issue in a future relationship if it continues.

So what are my possible solutions here? Lucky suggested changing my number which I have thought about several times in the past, but I’ve got about 10 job applications out there with my current number on them so I feel like that’s not really an option at the moment.

Anth suggested getting his number blocked, which would work if Snoop-Linus wasn’t such an idiot and didn’t lose his phone all the time and keep having to get new numbers.  With AT&T you have to pay $5 a month for each number you want to have blocked so I’m not really down with paying an extra $25 a month to get every number of his blocked.

So what else can I do? Suggestions?

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Free at last

Guess what day it is.  It’s the return of Douche Day!!! You know what that means, something happened with the man himself, Douchearoo.  Seriously, after all of the awful things that the ex Snoop-Linus did to me, I think I still hate Douchearoo more.  Because he just tries to be an asshole.

I was driving to work this morning, minding my own business, when I noticed a child’s toy chillin’ on the back of a semi.  I thought it was funny, because it was one of those alphabet caterpillars.  So I got as close as I could, took a picture, and posted it on facebook saying, “Aw some little kid lost its toy!” Not 2 minutes after, Douchearoo comments “The kid is an it?” Yeah asshole, IT is.  I didn’t see if it was a little boy or a little girl who left his or her toy on the back of this semi, and you know what else? With all the recent baby drama I like to call kid’s it.  So step off, you don’t know me! 

If anyone else would have made that comment I would’ve laughed and been like, “HA HA, yep, it is an IT!” But I think any other person that would have been jackass enough to think about leaving a comment like that would have concluded beforehand why I called the kid it.  Just for funsies let’s run through the scenarios of other words I could’ve used and why I didn’t:

1. Aw some little kid lost his or her toy

-No. This is facebook, not effing English class, I’m not going to sound like a tool.

Aw some little kid lost their toy

-Then his comment would’ve been, “Since when do kids multiply” or something just as pretentious.

It’s like I told Lucky, if he wants to be silent facebook friends, I am totally fine with that, but don’t comment on my shit! He would do things like this when we were together and it really got under my skin.  He didn’t do it to me so much as he would to others. But, it honestly made me mad that I was dating someone who preyed on the weaknesses of others so he could feel better about himself and try and make himself look cool.

But really, correcting people’s spelling and grammar is all he’s ever had.  He’s ugly, balding, and fat, so his feeble mind is all that he has going for him.  That’s not even saying much, because I think he has trouble holding entry level jobs.  As for me, well I’m just coming into my prime and I work at one of the best companies in the world in my industry.  So you know all of that has to make him feel really good about dumping me a few years ago, I sure am glad he did.

As much as I wanted to reply to the comment and tell him that he sucks and I hate him, I didn’t.  I deleted the picture, and deleted him as a friend.  I’m almost 27 years old and can’t be getting into facebook battles anymore. I also have to think about what I’ve got going on this weekend, the hangout with High School Crush, a public fight with my ex over facebook for all to see could easily ruin that.  How unattractive and trashy is it when people get in public fights over facebook and twitter? Ugh! I’m taking a classy approach in 2012.

I am happy to report that I am now no longer facebook friends with any of my ex-boyfriends.  I’m free!!!!

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