Tag Archives: family

The Welcome Back Party

Herrooo old friends!!! I’m going to be totally honest and tell you that I have no good excuse for going AWOL for a hot minute. Lucky and I have been talking for a few months about resurrecting the blog because we’re both kind of in the same place in our lives and we’ve got some things planned in the next few months that will probably be semi-entertaining to read about, so we thought better now than never! I just know I really haven’t been up to much the last couple of years and my life would have been SO boring to read about, unless you’d love to read about me trotting around the country drinking with my friends or recaps of Teen Mom and The Bachelor, in which case – I’m your girl!

After the whole Nutter Butter breakup and my failed attempt at dating a super-hot guy fresh out of college 2 years ago, I decided that I was tired of guys treating me like I was disposable and dating needed to be my last priority, so I stopped dating. It wasn’t long before it became really apparent to me that when you’re in your late 20s and you stop dating, that also means you stop having sex (side note: that doesn’t mean I didn’t TRY to have sex. I did try, with a really hot guy in the Navy that I met while I was out celebrating my 29th birthday. It is surprisingly hard to get a guy to just hook up with you and promise to never call you again.) When I came up with this plan I was about to turn 28 and hadn’t been without a guy since I was 14. I was serial dating all the wrong guys, knowing they were the wrong guys, but continuing to date them because I didn’t know how to be alone. And, what girl in her 20s doesn’t think she can rid a guy of all his bad habits? The stuff that I let those douchers get away with doing to me is so shameful, and I finally realized that if I didn’t take the time I needed to figure out who I was without a boyfriend, I would continue to date these awful guys and would probably end up married to and then divorced from one of them. If this is the part where you expect me to tell you that I finally met Prince Charming (See: Neal Bledsoe), then look away now, because that didn’t happen. I’m still single, but more stable and [I would hope] able to make better decisions. And when I say “better decisions,” I mean in the long run, I’m totally not opposed to bad decisions that are short term/one night stands with hot guys because… 2 years.

Also, this isn’t a post about self-discovery. I mean, come on, look who you’re talking to here: I’m still totally inappropriate and get way too drunk with my friends, albeit a lot less frequently now that we’re maturing. I’m still not really sure what I want to do with my life, but I finally realized that I’m not going to figure it out by dating assholes that cheat on me and have the audacity to manipulate me into thinking I deserved it. LOLZ – the fact that those things ever happened is so stupid, but it makes me pretty happy to know it’s all documented on this blog.

The whole “I’m not dating at all” concept is perplexing to basically everyone I tell. All my friends and family have tried to set me up so many times, like SO many times, these last 2 years and would then get super offended when I turned down the offer because they don’t understand why I would choose to be alone while I’m in my prime baby making years. Uh, maybe because guys are man whores and I don’t feel like being emotionally drained and worrying about STDs all the time? I don’t know! I’ve ruined a few friendships with guy friends who thought this stint of singledom would be the best time to finally ask me out. I know telling someone not to take it personal is almost always bullshit, and it is still total bullshit in my case because of course if the perfect guy came along (See: Neal Bledsoe above) I wouldn’t have turned him down, but I wasn’t about to waste my time or theirs when I already knew I wouldn’t be that into it. I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m a lesbian (as long as Neal is still out there that’ll never happen) since I’m not married and don’t have a bunch of babies, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re from a small town. My Grandma sat me down for a serious conversation a few months ago about getting artificially inseminated so I could have a family, there’s a cute guy at her church she thinks would do it – and by do it she meant jizz in a cup, not actually fuck me. My guy friends that are married have been pushing me to stay single for as long as possible and live the good life, because once you get married it’s a long road of misery, or at least that’s what they tell me. I overheard my Stepdad telling some other family members that it (my love life) will all be okay because I’ll be able to start catching guys on the next round. What’s the next round? Oh it’s just all the guys that got married and popped out a bunch of babies when they were 22 who are now 30 and getting divorced. Exactly what I want, a divorcee with a bunch of babies. Real talk, it’s kind of fun watching everyone squirm because they can’t figure me out. But, I’m almost ready to start dating again, like seeing one more Nicholas Sparks movie alone and then I’ll date anyone with a pulse almost ready.

P.s. As of today, Neal Bledsoe still has not approved my facebook friend request, but I’m okay with it. A few months ago, after 4 ½ years of persistence, he finally acknowledged my existence on twitter. Small victories.

P.p.s. We just got Instagram: Instagram.com/cocktailsattiffanys

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And Then High School Crush Got Engaged

That’s right, you heard correctly.  High School Crush is engaged. If you’re a new reader, just go back in our blog posts about 2 years (or from the beginning, cause he was around then too) and it will all make sense.

Last night when I got home from work I decided to look up Peanut Butta Jelly Time (as I like to call her, aka HSC’s girlfriend/now fiance) on Facebook because I had a hankering he would propose around Christmas. Because he’s one of THOSE guys.  And by one of THOSE guys I mean one of those cheap bastards that pops the question around Christmas so he doesn’t have to get you a Christmas gift on top of the engagement ring.  So a couple posts in I see where she has done a reCRAP of all the cool shit she did in 2013.  The last thing was getting engaged to her best friend, soul mate, better half, love of her life. Gag me. So I scroll down to the next post and see the typical newly engaged couple pic of them: standing up doing a half hug with shit eating grins (her gummy grin still looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) on their faces while her hand rests ever so subtly on his chest displaying her new bling (princess cut with the small diamonds surrounding it. Typical of what you see all the 20 somethings wearing.)

In all honesty I am indifferent about it and really don’t give a shit. I’m over him and have been for a long time.  But what I’m not over is that he (along with many other scum buckets) got away with basically two timing his now fiance at the beginning of their relationship.  And she probably has no idea that I was in the picture DAYS before they moved in together. 

This also got me thinking about something I’m sure have mentioned before: I am ALWAYS the girl that guys date/hook-up with/have one last fling with before they find “the one” and get married. I mean, do I have some kind of power that makes these assholes decide they’re ready to settle down, just not with me? 

Here’s the running list of guys this has happened with:

  1. My 2nd long term boyfriend in high school
  2. My first college boyfriend
  3. Snatch (if you remember, he’s how I met Anth and all those characters)
  4. My “football buddy” from college
  5. Bi-polar Ex
  6. High School Crush
  7. HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON
  8. Nutter Butter (not engaged YET, but says he’s currently with “the one”
  9. Snoop-Linus (also not engaged YET,  but has been with the same girl since we broke up like 4 years ago.)

Now here’s the list of exes that aren’t engaged/still in a relationship with the person they dated after me:

  1. My first long term high school boyfriend
  2. Douchearoo

It would seem that the way this weighs out is a little more than a coincidence, right?

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17. What is your family like? Personalities, strengths, weaknesses, etc.

LUCKY

Ah, I’ll start with my blood, my actual family.

Family has been on my mind a lot lately. I am an only child, and growing up, I often felt very loved by my mom and dad.

And then, the summer I turned 16, my dad filed for divorce and left me and my mom.

My parents had been married for 19 years.

When my dad left, there was no court-ruled visitation. Since I could drive, I drove the 2 hours to see him on weekends when I wasn’t working. Within one year, my dad was married to a woman who was in it for money.

A year after that, my dad was divorced again.

The relationship between my dad and I has, for the most part, been good on the surface. But there have been underlying control issues that I’ve pushed under the rug for years.

And on Thanksgiving Day, that rug was peeled back when my dad blew up at me for not replying a text message within one hour.

Currently, my dad and I aren’t speaking. I’ve spent the weeks since Thanksgiving wondering what I did to make my dad hate me—his only child—so much that he can’t even see my face or speak to me.

But I don’t know if that’s something I’m meant to understand.

The relationship with my mom is good. We are closer than ever. But it has not come easy—we went our own year without speaking, and it was one of the most difficult times in my life.

There are times when I have to remind myself that your “family” doesn’t have to be relatives. And although my relatives do have strengths, I often consider my friends to be my family, because that’s really all I have.

GIZZY

I too come from a broken family. My parents divorced when I was 6.  To this day I still don’t know the whole story of why my parents  got divorced and I don’t care to because I think it would make me hate my Dad. 

My Dad and I weren’t close until he started dating his current wife (I was 19 or 20).  I hated his second wife, her son, and going to their house.  I thought my Dad had anger issues, and I think he did until he divorced her.  When I was little and in my teenage years my Dad made me do all the things he loved, like ride horses and play on go karts.  <— How terrible, right? I’m such a brat. Now I am super close with my Dad, I can talk to him [and my Stepmom] about anything.

My Mom and I have always been close in the sense that we hang out a lot.  But I have never been that open with her about my feelings because I always thought she wouldn’t understand, as I get older that is changing.  My Mom raised me as a single parent and brought me up in a “tough-love” kind of household where I usually got whatever I wanted.  Does that make sense? She’s a very strong woman and is honestly probably one of the best people I know.  She is the type of person that really would do anything for anyone.

I’m lucky enough to have 2 parents that help me and are very supportive of everything I do.  But like Lucky, my friends are my family too and those are the people that I feel know me the best.

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And puppy makes 2

This past weekend I adopted a puppy.  I’ve been wanting to get one for the past few years and until I started living alone it didn’t seem like the right time.  So I’ve been looking for the past few months, and even sent a few emails out about some I liked but they never panned out.  Just when I was giving up hope, I saw this little guy on petfinder:

bruin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I mean how can you not love that face? Much to my surprise the rescue place that had him replied to my emails and we set up a time to meet.  I went to the meeting equipped with a leash, harness, and kennel for him to ride home in.  My mom and sister went with me to look at him and they ended up adopting his brother:

sooner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will say, it’s nice to not have to go through the “new puppy phase” alone.  The first couple of days were ROUGH.  He peed everywhere, like every 10 seconds.  He peed so much in fact that we (my mom and I) started calling him Whizzer. He cries every time I put him in the kennel, which is to be expected, but he never goes in without a yummy treat so if I were him I’d be looking forward to it.  He doesn’t like to go on walks, like whines and cries throughout the WHOLE thing, he’s a lazy bum.  He’s doing really well on the potty training though, since I got him to my apartment (the first night, Saturday night, we stayed at my parents so he could play with his brother) there have only been a few accidents. 

 The first night I had him alone (Sunday) I was ready to give up and ship him back to the rescue place, he’s cute and cuddly and I had no doubt he’d get swooped up in a second.  When it was bedtime and I put him in his cage he cried and barked for a solid half hour, when he finally did go to sleep he didn’t stay asleep long and got me back up at 3:45am.  I took him out and put him back in the cage.  Where he started barking again.   I live in an apartment and while dogs are allowed, I didn’t tell them about him because I’m planning to move in 3 months when my lease it up and didn’t feel like paying a $400 security deposit and $50 extra a month for pet rent.  So I’m a little worried that if he is constantly barking a neighbor will complain and I’ll get fined.  A few people at work gave me some pointers on how to get him to sleep through the night and go to bed without crying: put a hot water bottle and a ticking clock in his cage so he thinks a sibling or mom is in there with him, give him herbal calming treats before bed, don’t feed/water him 3 hours before bed, don’t let him nap from the time you get home from work until he goes to bed and cover the kennel with a blanket or towel.  I did all of these the last 2 nights and it worked! Monday night he slept from 10:30 to 6:15 and last night he slept from 10:30 until I woke him up to eat at 7 and only barked a couple of times when I first put him in his cage.  However, we’re still working on the no barking when I put him in the cage to just leave to go somewhere throughout the day. 

 I’m adjusting and things are getting better, I feel pretty tied down and like I have no life because I’m constantly on puppy duty.  I knew it would be a lot of work, but it is way more than I imagined.  None the less, I’m keeping him.  I know it will get better with time.

 The funny thing is that people at work are seriously acting like I had a child. They asked if I wanted a puppy shower, and ask me every day how he’s doing.  They’re making comments in meetings about how I’m a new mother, etc.  I just laugh and tell them that for about an hour each night I have postpartum depression and don’t want him.  Then I learned, this is a real thing. I just… have no words.

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Gizzy’s Christmas Letter

Since I’ve been MIA for about, oh forever, I figure you guys might like a little update on what’s going on in my life besides being a dumpee victim. So here I give you my Christmas-esk letter about all the other stuff.

Dear Family, Friends, Colleagues, and People I don’t know:

I hope this letter finds you well. As you know, in the past 6 months my life has done a 180 and back again. It’s been a weird ride, hopefully for the better but we’ll find out when this transitional phase in my life is over.

My new job near hometown is awesome. I really have no complaints, I mean working with numbers kind of sucks donkey but I couldn’t ask for a better office atmosphere. Basically take the complete opposite of my job in the big city times that by 10, douce it in glitter, have Elton John sing about it, and you’ve got my new job. My department is comprised of all women (13 of us), which you might think would be a lot of drama, but it’s not at all, most of them are older and hysterical. When my alma mater played the nearby University that everyone cheers for in basketball, they decorated my office space in streamers, banners, and memorabilia of their team, and interrupted me with the fight song every time I opened my mouth that day. My original plan was to take this job because it was a permanent position and keep it until I could find something permanent in the branch of the company I had originally started out in. But now I like working with these ladies so well, and they’ve honestly brought me out of my social anxiety shell, that I might just stay forever. They like to have office parties, literally every other week, and it’s awesome. At first I was like, okay are we ever going to do work around here? But now I love it and can’t wait until the next one – which happens to be my birthday celebration. Aside from Lucky and my family, no one has ever done anything special for my birthday, hell my co-workers in the Big City didn’t even know when my birthday was (assholes). But as soon as these guys found out my birthday was approaching they scheduled a party planning meeting where they asked me what my favorite types of foods were, what I didn’t like to eat, what my favorite colors are, and what theme I wanted (I picked Princess theme, because why the eff not? I will absolutely wear a sparkly tiara and fluffy dress for the day and I will rock the shit out of it). For the first time since I turned 21 I’m actually excited for my birthday.

And since I’ve started working there, I’ve discovered that if you go to graduate school at that nearby University that my office happens to be partnered with, if you can get in, you go for free. Getting an MBA has always been a big goal of mine, so I did all that riff-raff to apply, got accepted, and will be starting graduate classes this summer. I meet with my academic advisor Friday morning to schedule my classes – eck! So, for right now I’m pretty stoked, come July and August when I’m balancing school and work I’ll probably feel different but ya know, whatevs.

I signed up to run two 5Ks this summer, one supporting epilepsy research in honor of my sister (Team Ella!) and one that’s just for fun where there’s lot of beer at the end, I hope to run a mini-marathon or tough mudder race in the fall (if I don’t die of exhaustion before then).

Aside from that, I’m up to the same old shenanigans. I still like drinking beer, cussing like a sailor, watching trashy tv, and sitting on my couch. Some things never change.

Happy Holidays!

Gizzy

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The week after

Well it’s the week after I got dumped.  I’m still pretty much a big pile of cynical snotty gunk, but thanks to all of my friends and family I’ve been able to vent (a lot) this past weekend.  I took Thursday and Friday off work, I WAS sick, but I took it off because of the breakup.  I don’t think anyone would have appreciated me sitting at my desk crying on my work. 

After talking with my Stepmom, Lucky, Betty, and Gigi I decided to write Nutter Butter a letter.  He threw a lot at me last Wednesday night, with no warning.  I was blindsided and a blubbery mess while we were on the phone and could hardly get out words that made sense. On Thursday I sat down and wrote a rather lengthy letter, basically dissecting everything he said and telling him how it made me feel, since he didn’t know.  I challenged a lot of what he said too.  I struggled with the decision to send it, because even though my letter trumped everything he said during “the breakup call” the fact of the matter was that he still wanted to break up with me, whatever the true reason may be.  I slept on the decision and woke up Friday morning still feeling like there were things I needed to say to him.  So I sent it to gain some closure for myself.  I sent it with the expectation that I would get no response, because there really is nothing he can say back to it, and I haven’t heard anything from him since Wednesday.  Someday soon when all my emotions aren’t so raw I will most likely post it, but I don’t want to bum everyone out bright and early Monday morning.

With that being said, I had Stepdad’s family Christmas to attend on Saturday afternoon.  NB was supposed to go with me and they were all excited to meet him, so of course as soon as I walked in the door I was bombarded with questions about where he was.  So I cried into my ham and mashed potatoes and told my whole extended family about how I got dumped.  Not 15 seconds after the words came out of my mouth my uncle said “Aww, well now we can invite Jared to come meet you!!!” Um, please take a few moments to remember Jared. Seriously? Fuck me. Over a year later I am still dealing with this crap, but can you at least give me 5 seconds to be upset about getting dumped by someone I love before you start in with this again? I mean of course it came up like every 20 minutes the rest of the time we were there, so between that and Step Grandma telling me that I am the sweetest person she knows and someday I’ll find someone who won’t take advantage of that, basically the whole Christmas was about my love life.

Moving along to Sunday night, I was sitting on my couch watching The Golden Globes telling myself I was NOT going to cry myself to sleep that night when my phone went off.  I saw it was a number that I didn’t have stored in my phone, and the area code was from the big city – I looked at the text that read, “what’s going on??” and I knew exactly who it was. Snoop-Linus. Why is God punishing me?  A few minutes later I got a second text, “We were at my gpas house cleaning up everything since he passed and found the picture of you me and the dog.  Just was thinking about you. Would love to catch up with you. It’s been forever. Hope you and your family are doing great!!” I mean, seriously. I haven’t gotten a text from Snoop-Linus in 7 months and haven’t replied to one or talked to him in over 2 years. Why is this happening to me?! 

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Tootaloo

As I mentioned last week the ol’ boyfriend came to visit for the weekend to meet my parents.  And as I had expected they all loved him, and now I’m out the door as my Dad’s favorite person and he’s in. 

Aside from the meals with the family we got some quality “us” time in.  Which lacks a little when we are around his family because they keep us so busy.  By “us” time, I mean being lazy watching movies, going to dinners, and boozing – of course. 

Sunday night we were laying on my couch, drinking a few bottles of wine, some shots, and beers while watching Kitchen Nightmares and trying to see if we could make our eyes look in different directions…

 

All I was able to accomplish was successfully shutting one eye while leaving the other completely open.  But NB was able to make his eyes look in different directions, and I laughed so hard that I farted. Just a little..

It was pretty much exactly like this.  Only he does it in front of me all the time, so what was the big deal? I said it was my foot rubbing up against the couch (even though my couch is 100% cloth) and he laughed and laughed, said it was endearing, and wouldn’t let it go the rest of the weekend – like a typical dude.  I, of course, am humiliated beyond belief.  The only way I can ever recover from this, is to do something more embarrassing.  Lose-lose.

Anyway, later this week I’m taking a painting class, because of my job I’m able to get it at a discounted price and that makes it cheaper than buying actual art that looks nice for my apartment.  Instead of paying $20 for a piece of art from Target that you can clearly tell is a flower, I’m going to paint stick figures and polka dots and brag about how I’m a worldly cultured artist when my friends come over.  I’m pretty stoked.

Second, I’m hosting a slumber party this weekend.  It started out as a slumber party for my sister, but has slowly migrated into her and one friend to me and all my twenty seven year old friends looking for an excuse to play barbies and color.  We’re also going to make our own pizzas and creme brulee and by make our own I mean the children will be making and I will be supervising with my wine. Because that’s what adults do.

And that’s all folks.  I’m going to start making up things going on in my life again so you all have some interesting reading material.

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