Tag Archives: food

20. If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?

LUCKY

There is a restaurant that USED to be near my mom’s house….15 hours away.

They had delicious food. I’ve always known my last meal would be a meal from there…which makes me sound like a sick criminal. Here’s what I would have:

–Bread with olive tapinade

–Angel hair pasta with garlic, tomatoes, and shrimp

–Tiramisu

–And a bottle or two of Two Hands Zinfandel

GIZZY

If I’m on death row I’m not making it to the chair to get electrocuted. I’m going to kill myself by eating too much food before that can ever even happen.

My death row meal would be:

  • the petite filet and mashed potatoes from Flemmings
  • the buffalo chicken ranch wrap with buffalo chips and cheese (ranch on the side) and bud light lime from buffalo wild wings
  • a plain hamburger, fries, a chocolate milkshake, 3 chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of ketchup from mcdonalds
  • a spicy chicken sandwich, fries, a diet coke, and a bottle of ketchup from wendys
  • sushi and edamame, lots of it and a bottle of good red wine
  • 3 crunchy tacos, 2 orders of nachos, and a diet pepsi from taco bell

I think that about covers it. #fatass 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

6. If you could invent one thing, what would it be and why?

I’m sure this is probably already a thing…but I have always wanted to invent natural peanut butter in a can. You know, like cheese in a can, but peanut butter and actually healthy. Because I really love to eat peanut butter and think about how much easier it would be if you could spray it onto your apple slices or celery sticks???

I pack a jar in my lunch almost every day to eat with my apple and I have to bring a butter knife and then the sticky knife is in my lunchbox.

And yes, I realize I’m almost 30 and just said “Lunchbox.”

This is really tough for me because I’m not that creative and I’ve been racking my brain all day to try and think of something, but the clock is ticking so I’m just going to have to pull something out of my ass. I don’t even know. A belt that will hold your cup/water bottle/starbucks. It would look hideous, but think about how awesome having that free hand would be while you’re getting into your car, shopping, and paying for shit.  Then my invention would be featured on that lame invention commercial. 

P.s. I’m going to add in a shameless plug here, because I can.  We just started using bloglovin, and if you don’t know what it is go check it out at bloglovin.com, it’s pretty awesome. But make sure you follow us first!

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I turned into a hippie freak

As Lucky mentioned yesterday I too am doing a food challenge.  Mine isn’t so much for detox like Lucky’s, but is mostly just to increase overall wellness and a reason for me to take notice of all the garbage I’m putting into my body. And I’ll also say that I’ve done the Advocare challenge that Lucky is doing a few times, and it’s way harder than what I’m doing. WIth that you literally have to make everything yourself and it sucks donkey, so lets give props to her.

I’m doing a challenge to see if I can eat paleo for 30 days. I’m sure by now everyone knows what paleo is, but in the event that you don’t I’ll give you a little run down. There are different versions of paleo and all kinds of rules that go along with it, but the gist is that you eat food that caveman ate.  Which means fruit, veggies, nuts, lean meats and fish and that’s basically it. The super paleo people go so far as to make sure all the fruits, veggies, and nuts they eat are organic and the animals are grass fed and pasture raised. I like the idea of all that; but lets be honest, I’m a baller on a budget and that super paleo shit is expensive. So I do the best I can.  

I decided to do the challenge because of all the health benefits that come along with it. I read that those who suffer from headaches and joint pain often find that changing their diet helps relieve a lot of the ache, it helps clear skin, gives mental clarity and of course helps with weight loss.  So I figured why not, the worst that could happen is I would look good and feel great at the end of it, right? Right.

I’m a few weeks in and started the challenge reminding myself that it was only for 30 days, not forever and as soon as it was over I could have all the PSL (not really cause it’s going to be gone!) and cinnamon rolls I wanted. The only thing I have really had a huge craving for is chocolate and PSL.  And you’re allowed to have dark chocolate on paleo, but it’s just not the same.  Paleo has been around long enough that there are a lot of good recipes out there that are paleo substitutes for anything non-paleo you could want. Except grilled cheese, still haven’t found one for that.  But in general it’s pretty doable, unless you’re super busy, then you’re fucked because if you have a hankering for cookies or banana bread you’ve got to make that shit yourself. The groceries stores just got on board with gluten free stuff, so I’m sure paleo isn’t far behind, but for now we’re on our own.

Anyway, the challenge got me reading labels, something I rarely did before.  I started looking at ingredients to see if things were paleo friendly and realized how much shit I am putting in my body that I really have no clue what the hell it is.  (By the way, my new general rule of thumb when this is over is that if there are more than 2 ingredients that I can’t pronounce/don’t know what it is – I’m not going to eat it. I may regret this decision.) So I started googling. And that lead me to swearing to never put certain foods in my mouth again. One of those being peanuts. Want to know why? 

They add MSG to it.  Riddle me this, why the fuck do they need to add MSG to peanuts? They are born exactly the way you eat them.  There is really no processing needed aside from removing the shell and adding a little salt. But they add the one thing everyone wants to stay away from and people don’t even realize they are eating it because they are peanuts for God’s sake. But they add it, along with a whole gaggle of other shit you probably would prefer not to eat. At some point I’ll scare everyone to death and post everything else I found, but I ain’t got the times right now ya’ll.  

I blame this all on the health nut freaks I work with. They turned me. They turned me into one of them and I like it.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Rise and Fall of Crack Day

This past week I got to be the dumper instead of the dumpee.  No, I wasn’t lucky enough to dump an actual guy. I dumped Starbucks, and left it crying on the curb like a little baby.

You see, I haven’t always been a coffee advocate.  After hearing about the Pumpkin Spice Latte for literally the past decade, I decided to give it a try this year.  And then I became obsessed, and then it was all I talked about, and then I got my mom, my aunt, and my 9 year old sister obsessed too and we would have PSL parties on the weekend mornings and run around for the next 6 hours like crackheads in a crackhouse. And then when we came down from our high we would tell each other that we looked like crackwhores. Because we did. Sunken, tired eyes, aimlessly wandering around trying to remember what we needed to do before we drank the PSL. Yes I know, I am a horrible horrible person, I got a 9 year old addicted to espresso. But what the fuck ever, Italians let their kids drink espresso and they turn out all right.


jersey shore

Right?

Then I found this food challenge I wanted to try. It’s 30 days long and while you can have 1 cup of black coffee a day, we all know that the PSL is no where close to being black coffee. So I had to quit. Lucky suggested that I just straight up eat espresso beans like a fiend, but I think for the sake of everyone else I’ll just stop with the coffee all together. 

So that brings us to the breakup. You see, Fridays were my crack day. I would wake up with a shit eating grin on my face every Friday, first and foremost because it was Friday, but also because I got the crack on Fridays. My PSL and my cinnamon roll.

cinnamon heaven

(I’m convinced that in Heaven people swim in PSL and have cinnamon roll pillows.)

Each Friday I would get to work throw my shit down and skip off to Starbucks without a care in the world. After a few weeks my co-workers started to notice that after returning from my coffee run, I would ping from the walls for the next 4-6 hours and get absolutely no office related work done. I became a different person, I was a sociable spaz and told people (everyone, separately) in the office my opinions on things like cloth diapers and flavored beer. No one cared, but they loved it. After about a month of said behavior, when I would come to work on Fridays some would chant, “Crack day! Crack day! Crack day!” The pressure became too much, so when I decided to do the 30 day challenge I had to break it to everyone that the coming Friday would be my final crack day.  They cried, but they’ll get over it. Eventually.

When I went to Starbucks for my Final Crack Day, I broke the news to Jake the Barista (Baristo? What the hell do you call boy Baristas?) that he would not see me for at least the next month, possibly forever if I could withstand it, and that I really appreciated him always warming my cinnamon roll to the perfect temperature, hot enough to melt the frosting but not so hot that it burnt my mouth.  Jake was sad to see me go, he even drew little sad faces on my cup. But at last, we parted ways.

And that is how I dumped the PSL and cinnamon roll. The best relationship I’ve ever had.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Back on the salad train.

I know I am not the only woman out there who puts her diet on the back burner when you’ve got a guy gushing over you 24-7, right?

D is constantly complimenting me, telling me I’m sexy, and beautiful, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Usually, when I’m dating a guy, I want to hit the gym even harder, jump right into a new diet, and make sure I look good for my guy. But those were also times when I was dating super shallow assholes.

Of course, I still want to look good for D, but when he’s inviting me out to lunch and dinner and drinks, I always chose that over the gym. And then the whole chain reaction thing happens and the next thing you know I’m a fat sloth.

Not quite, but that’s what I feel like.

So, after a few weeks of only hitting the gym once or twice, I’m back at it.

I’ve been to the gym twice already this week (going once more tonight) and played kickball Tuesday night. I haven’t had a drink since Monday, and it was only half of a light beer. Go. Me.

Last night, I threw away anything unhealthy in my fridge and pantry and went grocery shopping for all things healthy.

Then, I cooked. I made lean tacos, skipped on the cheese, but loaded up all the fresh toppings. Then, I made individual cups of steel cut oatmeal with almond milk, cherries, and nuts…yum!

D doesn’t seem too thrilled about my health kick–he isn’t sold on the turkey tacos or my recipe for making him baked chicken wings instead of his usual fried ones.

But I refuse to look back a month from now and not be able to fit into my jeans!

I’m gonna go eat a string cheese now…

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Valentine’s Day Re-Hashed

Did everyone have a super lovey dovey Valentine’s Day? This year didn’t pan out as bad for me as past years have, but I still kind of wanted to slit my wrists and lie in the bathtub.  Oh and I had a super weird meeting with one of my bosses that made me feel dirty.

I should back up a few months, I failed to mention to everyone that before I left for my big Christmas trip to Hawaii I got a promotion.  Go me! I was pretty excited about it, I would be getting more responsibility, a(n) slave intern, a small raise, and most importantly my own office – far far away from Ciggy Breath and his noises.  Ah, the thought of my cube days being over was enough to tickle my pickle.

I knew it would take some time for my bosses to hire my replacement, and they told me that my office was currently occupado because of another building being under construction.  But, I am happy to report the replacement for my old job started Monday and my office will be ready for move in on March 13th!

So that brings us to yesterday.  My boss’s boss sent me a meeting invitation to go over transitioning the new girl into my position and what I should be prepared to train her on, etc, etc. A few minutes before the meeting she comes to my desk and says to come with her because we’ll be meeting with the CFO and the Director of my department too.  My thoughts? OH SHIT! They found the blog! Goodbye job, goodbye money, goodbye big city, goodbye health insurance.  Hello moving back in with Mom.

They started off the meeting by kissing my ass “off the record”.  They went on for a solid 20 minutes about what an amazing job I’m doing, how they know I’m not using my full potential at the job, how they all know a lot of people outside of our company and if I’d ever like to go elsewhere I should let them know where and they can hook it up because they want to see me do big things.  And on that note, they said that they would like to see me continue at our company and they were willing to make it worthwhile for me by providing me with incentives.  So now I’m thinking I might get another raise and that would make me muy muy happy.  Because I am poor.  Seriously, my bank account has $37 in it and I don’t get paid for 2 more weeks. Sigh.

Anyway, THEN they were like… buuuutttttt we want to talk to you about some things happening in the office.  [insert here what your face looks like when your stomach falls into your butt.]  “We’d like to talk to you about your neighbor, Ciggy Breath.” Oh shew! “Does he bother you? Anything you say will be off the record, we won’t ever use your name.” Ok, this is weird right? Why is this whole meeting “off the record”?

I don’t think it’s a question in anyone’s mind whether Ciggy Breath is annoying or not, we all know he’s The Worst.  So I told them.  “I mean yeah, he irritates me and disrupts my workflow because he’s so loud and obnoxious.  But I think that’s because the rest of us are so quiet, and he’s so not.” Apparently this wasn’t the type of dirt they were looking for, they all exchanged glances and moved in closer, “But has he said anything inappropriate to you that makes you feel uncomfortable or that has crossed a line?” Hold the bus.  Am I understanding this right? Are we trying to slap Ciggy Breath with a sexual harassment suit?

If they would have given me some more time I probably could’ve come up with some things I had heard him say to other people on the phone that were inappropriate, but my brain was kind of scrambled, “Uhhh… I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that he’s said that was inappropriate or off color that offended me.” Then they were all like, “This is anonymous, we want you to tell us if ANYTHING has been said, we’ll never use your name, we just need to know.” Trust me.  If I had some dirt on Ciggy Breath I would ABSOLUTELY come forward in a heartbeat to get him fired.  But I don’t, which sucks.

So after that sufficiently awkward meeting I went back to my desk and facebook chatted with Lucky the rest of the day.  Apparently my slacking off every day keeps this business afloat.

Then I went home, and while most girls were enjoying a nice filet mingon steak and a bottle of the finest vino with their significant other, I sat in bed and watched Teen Mom and chowed on a couple of those super yummy Dunkin Donut Valentine’s Day heart shaped donuts, yeah the ones with the chocolate chips, and didn’t feel bad about it.  I win!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have major white girl problems

As you may or may not recall, a few weeks ago I was getting the crowd amped up for me to make a move on High School Crush.  I had it all planned out, I was going to text him to see what he was doing over the weekend and we were going to get some plans in action.  Because I wear the pants!

When I saw his college had a basketball game on that night I knew how I could start up the conversation, but it would only work if they lost. And they did, it was a sign from God! My plan was to text him that Friday and give him a hard time about his team losing. It would be a PERFECT way to start up the conversation again since we hadn’t talked in a week. 

That Friday morning I rolled into work a few minutes past 9, got myself set up for the morning and pulled out my phone to see that I had a text from HSC. I was pretty effing happy that I didn’t have to feel like a creep for texting him first. Maybe I was a little too excited, because I replied right back, within 15 minutes of his text. (Now Anth has told me that I made a mistake and should’ve waited at least 2 hours before I replied.) So I waited…

And waited..

And waited…

And I never got a reply back from him. My text wasn’t scandy in the least. But, I was cutting right to the chase by asking about his weekend work schedule. I didn’t know how long our texting convo would go on, so I couldn’t waste any time. Little did I know, I wouldn’t even get to ask what his plans were because he made it a sure fire point to cut that convo after the first effing text exchange.

After I didn’t get a reply all weekend I decided that after his team lost again over the weekend I would text him Monday evening and follow through with my original plan, to give him a hard time about his team. I need to point out that our college’s are big rivals and a few weeks prior he sent me the same type of message because my team didn’t even show up for the game. So we had pretty much the exact same conversation this time with opposite roles. I was on the phone with Lucky during the texting convo, when I got a brilliant idea to reply back to him saying, “Well you know, someone told me once that it’s hard to win on the road so blame that.” Which is what he had told me about my team when I told him not to rub it in that we suck. It was flirty, yet breezy, almost the perfect reply. Then Lucky says, “ADD A SMILEY WINK! That means you want to have sex.” And done.

That was nearly 2 weeks ago and I am happy to report we are still texting our little hearts out.  We’re just going to ignore that whole post I wrote about being done and letting him initiate everything.  As sad as it may be, it’s High School Crush, and as long as there is not a ring on his finger or mine, I’ll never be done.  

Now that everyone is up to speed, I can say that we have tentative plans to hang out this coming Saturday.  I’m not going to get my hopes up because there is a lot that could happen that could easily lead to us not hanging out.  And that’s all I’m going to say because I am way scared of jinxing it.  

To take the pressure off and to unjinx anything that will happen this week that will lead to Saturday not happening, I accepted an invitation to go on a date this Wednesday night with a guy I went to college with.  It’s just dinner and drinks, but I have Lucky to thank for the pressure relief.  She’s the one that encouraged me to go on the date to ease the tension with the HSC situation and I think it will do just that! 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,