Tag Archives: friends

Call me Abe Froman.

That’s right, I’m playing hooky today just like one of my favorite movie characters, Ferris Bueller.

I have a hair appointment this morning, so I just decided to call in sick and make it a day of fabulousness all about ME.

So, what’s on my agenda? Well after I get my cut & color, I’m meeting one of my old bosses for a sushi lunch—it was a totally random post she made on my Facebook page over the weekend, but I’m completely excited about it.

Then? I think I’ll hang out at Starbucks for a few hours and read and do some blogging…. then? I’m heading to yoga to get my zen on.

And then? I’ll watch Catfish. And it’ll be Nev-tastic!

Days like these are becoming incredibly important to me. I’m slowly rebuilding things back to the life I had before D.

Although I maintained my jobs, my friends, my workouts, etc, during our relationship, I still get that feeling that he came in, crapped on mostly everything, and now I’m just trying to pick up the pieces.

I know I learned a lot, and I showed just how strong I can be, but a big part of me wishes this didn’t happen. I really, really want things back to the way they were.

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Meet my new kitty!!

943720_10151398530986434_1159808051_nI got a new cat!

If you’re a longtime reader, you know that last summer, I suffered a major loss when my beloved orange cat of 10 years suddenly passed away due to cancer.

I never thought I would get another cat, or any pet for that matter.

I donated all of my previous cat’s items (except for sentimental stuff) to a local shelter a little more than a month ago, and started looking at the cats they had posted pictures of on their Facebook page.

I saw several cats that were cute, but my mom told me to be on the lookout for The One. She said I would know.

She was right.

One Sunday I was looking at an album of new kitty pictures, when I saw a litter they named the Golden Girls litter. Each kitten was named after a character from The Golden Girls (there’s even Stanley).

Have I mentioned that I watch the Golden Girls everyday?

944729_10102300771402695_415425103_nBlanche is my favorite character, so I checked out the cat they named Blanche…and she looked like the cat I had when I was 2—a tortoise shell calico. So. Freaking. Cute.

I immediately jumped on what I needed to do to adopt her. I visited the shelter. I met up with her foster mom. I waited. And waited. Filled out papers. Did the interview. Completed the home visit. Paid the money. And finally, finally, she arrived at my apartment last night.

She immediately got right at home enjoying the new things I bought for her, leopard print food and water bowls, cat bed, and even took a polite piss in the hot green litter box.

Blanche Hollingsworth-Devereaux is quite a rowdy Southern Belle, but I am happy to have some company in the apartment again.

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Dear Mr. Nice Guy…

Dear Mr. Nice Guy,

A few months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. While we don’t talk anymore, we are still “friends” on Facebook and both of us have several photos of the two of us in our Facebook photo albums. While I’m not dating anyone new yet, I don’t want it to appear that I’m still attached or interested in my ex. If I delete him, and the photos, will it appear bitter? I want to move forward in the classiest way possible.

Thanks for your advice,

Facebook Confused 
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HeadshotDear Facebook Confused,

There are two ways to answer this for you; 1.)bluntly or 2.)a long-winded rant about Facebook and how annoying it is that it has made an alarming impact on how we handle our relationships (platonic and romantic) with others.

For the sake of actually answering your question, and not stepping onto a 2000-word soapbox, I’m going to give you my blunt response.

You’ve given me a couple of pretty strong clues in your original e-mail; “…we don’t talk anymore, we are still “friends” on Facebook…”

The two of you don’t talk, and obviously you’re not really friends if you have to use quotations around the word. From those two bits of information alone I say do whatever you want. Un-friend him. Delete the pictures. Remove tags. Do whatever you want, it’s your account.

Why worry about coming across as bitter? Maybe this is part of your process to move on, or it could just be the realization of why keep this connection with someone you’re obvious not really friends (or possibly even acquainted with) anymore. As for the concern over those who may view these actions as bitter, I say screw ’em. You know why you’re doing what you’re doing and that’s all that matters. If they wish to label it as a bitter lashing out, let them.

It’s respectable that you want to appear as classy as possible, but removing him as a “friend” and removing his pictures isn’t going to tarnish your image. If you had been writing passive-aggressive status updates, or writing mean-spirited comments on his wall; that would have been undignified.

What matters at the end of the day is that you are doing what is best for you.

I hope that helps, and good luck.

Got a question for Mr. Nice Guy? Email it to cocktailsattiffanys@gmail.com
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Back on the salad train.

I know I am not the only woman out there who puts her diet on the back burner when you’ve got a guy gushing over you 24-7, right?

D is constantly complimenting me, telling me I’m sexy, and beautiful, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Usually, when I’m dating a guy, I want to hit the gym even harder, jump right into a new diet, and make sure I look good for my guy. But those were also times when I was dating super shallow assholes.

Of course, I still want to look good for D, but when he’s inviting me out to lunch and dinner and drinks, I always chose that over the gym. And then the whole chain reaction thing happens and the next thing you know I’m a fat sloth.

Not quite, but that’s what I feel like.

So, after a few weeks of only hitting the gym once or twice, I’m back at it.

I’ve been to the gym twice already this week (going once more tonight) and played kickball Tuesday night. I haven’t had a drink since Monday, and it was only half of a light beer. Go. Me.

Last night, I threw away anything unhealthy in my fridge and pantry and went grocery shopping for all things healthy.

Then, I cooked. I made lean tacos, skipped on the cheese, but loaded up all the fresh toppings. Then, I made individual cups of steel cut oatmeal with almond milk, cherries, and nuts…yum!

D doesn’t seem too thrilled about my health kick–he isn’t sold on the turkey tacos or my recipe for making him baked chicken wings instead of his usual fried ones.

But I refuse to look back a month from now and not be able to fit into my jeans!

I’m gonna go eat a string cheese now…

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Country Drama (Part 3)

So Betty agreed and said thanks for reminding her that the world doesn’t revolve around her.  It’s about time.  So we headed off to breakfast, ate in the park, and then did a little shopping.  All was good for the first few stores, then Betty started complaining that she wanted to go drink.  So I said the exact same thing I had said earlier, this time not getting much of a response.  I was thinking whatever, if you want to go drink then go drink, but don’t expect me to leave the group like you made me do last night.  Of course she didn’t leave, but things just got more annoying after that.

She followed me around every store, commenting on everything I picked up, basically attached to my ass. If I had to pee, so did she, when we finally did go into a bar for a drink and a light meal, she ordered exactly what I did, down to the no onions and ranch on the side.  

As the evening continued, I just got wasted and left Betty on her own.  If she did her standard wander off to talk to strangers act then I let her do it and if everyone else decided to go to a different bar I left and didn’t try to go find her, I’m no one’s babysitter.  Aside from all the drama with Betty, I ended up having a great time but was definitely ready to get home and back to my solitude on Sunday afternoon.  

The wedding is next month in Florida, so get ready for round 2 of all this drama.  Sigh.

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Country Drama (Part 1)

Over the weekend I went to a bachelorette party in Nasvhille, Tennessee.  I’ve been there a handful of times and Nashville never disappoints, so I had high expectations for the weekend.  The only problem I could foresee was that Betty was going because she can be lot of anxiety and some drama.  

When the emails about the weekend started swirling and the MOH was getting deep into planning, Betty who has been to Nashville several times offered her assistance since she apparently knew where all the cool places were.  The MOH respectfully declined her help and said she would take care of everything.  Betty is kind of a control freak so I expected her to start having anxiety/panic attacks over the whole trip when she didn’t know/plan every last detail. I was also worried that when we actually went out, if people didn’t want to do what she wanted to do she would leave the group and expect me to go with her, which I knew I wouldn’t leave the group, but it would probably be more drama from Betty.  And that pretty much happened.

A few weeks before the party the MOH sent out an email saying she had rented a house because there were so many of us and all the hotels were booked up for some convention.  The house was 5 or 6 miles from downtown so she had also rented us a party bus to take us wherever we needed to go – the whole weekend excluding food and drinks was going to cost us $150.  To me, that sounded pretty awesome, I hate taking cabs and we’d be able to drink in the bus/leave whatever we didn’t want to take to the bar in the bus and have a ride wherever we needed to go.  Betty started complaining that she thought $150 was a lot and the house was really far from the strip, which I just ignored because whatever, if you don’t want to pay it then don’t go.  Then she came up with some idea that her and I should stay with a guy friend from high school, he lives close to the strip and would drop us off and pick us up and then we wouldn’t have to pay the money.  Um, no.  I told her she could do what she wanted, but I was staying with the group.  As soon as she realized I wasn’t going to do that, she dropped it.

The following week the MOH sent out another email saying she had everything booked, but the house only slept 7 and since there were 10 of us, she needed 3 people to volunteer to bring air mattresses.  This is when the freak out really started.  Betty then said that if she was going to have to sleep on an air mattress she wasn’t paying full price.  At first I just tried to calm her down, explaining that 3 out of 10 people had to sleep on air mattresses, and no where in the email did it say she had to be one of them.

A few days later she asked me if I was going to reply to the email.  Which I explained that I wasn’t, because while I do have an air mattress, it’s a piece of shit hand pump one and I sure as hell wasn’t pumping that thing up at 3am when I’m drunk as piss, so I wasn’t planning on bringing it.  To add to it, the planning for this weekend started well over 2 months ago, and when it started the MOH told us all to be sure to take Friday off work, Betty didn’t take the day off  so I automatically was expected to wait for her to get off work before flying out, which also meant everyone else got there a solid 4-5 hours before us.  Of course I wasn’t happy that I had to wait on her, but what could I do? Since we were going to be so late and the last to arrive I expected we would be sleeping on the air mattresses, but I never said anything to Betty for obvious reasons.  I honestly could have cared less though, we were going to be drunk as shit and I would have preferred sleeping on an air mattress alone to sharing a bed with someone anyway.

A few more days went by and Betty started getting anxiety that no one had replied about bringing air mattresses.  Betty said she was going to reply and ask how we would get into the house if they were gone already when we got there and would say we would bring my air mattress but it’s jank and no one would want to sleep on it.  At this point I started to get pissed, like why was this still an issue? She wasn’t planning the weekend, so I told her if no one volunteered to bring them, then the MOH could figure it out – it’s not our problem. But she didn’t, she kept saying she was going to reply until I finally said you know what, if you reply saying we’re bringing an air mattress I guaran-fucking-tee you will be sleeping on it, so if you don’t want to sleep on it don’t say anything. Also, it’s not your air mattress to offer, it’s mine and I already said I wasn’t bringing it, so that’s the end of it. Of course, as the weekend got closer 5 other people volunteered to bring air mattresses and it was no longer an issue.

The day of the trip arrived and I was not at all excited because of all of the stress leading up to it…

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Dear Mr. Nice Guy…

Dear Mr. Nice Guy, 

About 2 years ago, I got out of a string of abusive relationships. I’m now 28, and I feel like I’m ready to get back out there. However, guys I meet seem to just want to hook up—I want something serious. Recently, my hair stylist started asking me what kind of guy I was looking for. Once we got to talking, she said she knew of a few guys that might be a good match and wanted to set us up. I’ve always been afraid of setups because I don’t want the setter-upper to be upset if it goes sour. However, I feel like I shouldn’t rule it out. What do you think? Do you have any advice for a first-setup-date? 
 
Thank you, 
 
Ms. Single Setup 
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HeadshotDear Ms. Single Setup,

You most certainly are right, don’t rule out the idea of a Setup Date.

The people we keep in our lives; friends, family, and in your case your hair stylist, can often think “outside of the box” and see things in us that we would typically overlook, or even disregard because we’d think it a flaw rather than a selling point. This makes them an excellent source when it comes to finding potential dates and/or significant others.

There is one very important question I recommend everyone ask when they are approached with a potential setup.

Why do you think we’re compatible?”

You need to make sure there is more of a reason to set you up other than:

“Well…you’re both single.”

“Well…you both are sick of being single.”

“Well…you both have trouble going out and meeting people.”

“Well…you both have abysmal luck when it comes to finding someone on your own.”

“Well…you only find assholes/bitches.”

“Well…because.”

Fortunately, it seems like your stylist may be on the right track since she asked what kind of guy you’re looking for; just make sure they are valid reasons.

Do you have share interests? Similar backgrounds? Have you both expressed an interest in doing something new?

I must say I’m extremely impressed that your concern isn’t so much being set up on a date, but that if things don’t work out the relationship with your stylist may be altered. To be frankly honest, I had never thought of things turning out that way. My personal thoughts are, I doubt she’ll give it a second thought if things don’t work out with you and Guy A, B, or C. (unless one of them is a son/nephew/cousin/grandson/etc., that she’s absolutely crazy about)

When it comes to the date itself I highly recommend trying to make it happen during a group outing. Having been the subject of two Setup Dates in the past this helped avoid any potential awkward situations. The first one consisted of her meeting me at a bowling alley where I was with a good buddy of mine and his girlfriend. For the other setup a mutual friend brought her to an annual fondue event a group of my friends have every January.

The bowling date went well and we continued to go out on a few more dates after that. In the end things didn’t work out, but even now we are still friends. The fondue setup didn’t even really have a chance to gain momentum; which I will admit was largely to me being somewhat picky at that time.

Coincidentally, just two weeks ago my sister told me that a friend of hers wants to set me up with her daughter. Now, I don’t know much about the daughter other than the fact that she’s cute; and that she has apparently already Facebook stalked me and said I was cute. Not following my own advice, placing blame on the 25 ounces of beer I had already consumed on a virtually empty stomach, I slammed my hand on the table and said with a smile, “Set it up!” To the best of knowledge the tentative game plan is a double date night, consisting of dinner and games, which will include myself, the daughter, my sister, and my brother-in-law.

See? Safety in numbers.

Any of those situations not only helps take some pressure off the two of you, but it makes conversation and getting to know someone a LOT easier. Having trouble coming up with a question to ask? Perhaps someone else in the group will have something to say.

Better still, you will get to see how this person interacts with other people. You can learn a lot about a person even when not directly involved in the conversation taking place.

Here’s my final little conclusion of advice for you.

Take up your stylists offer to set you up, but do your homework first. Start off small and find out which one guy may be the best fit for the setup. Find an activity to do with a group of people; they could be your friends, they could be his friends, they could be a mix of the two. The focus here is a fun activity where interaction is a must.

Last, don’t try to think of it too much as ‘a date’. Think of it as a group of people going out to have fun. If, at the end of the day/night, you’re vibin’ this guy let him know. There’s no problem in saying, “It was great getting to meet you and I had a lot of fun. Do you want to, maybe, get drinks or dinner sometime.”

Good Luck, and let us know if anything develops!

Best,

-Mr. Nice Guy-

Got a question for Mr. Nice Guy? Email it to cocktailsattiffanys@gmail.com 

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