Tag Archives: friendship

The Welcome Back Party

Herrooo old friends!!! I’m going to be totally honest and tell you that I have no good excuse for going AWOL for a hot minute. Lucky and I have been talking for a few months about resurrecting the blog because we’re both kind of in the same place in our lives and we’ve got some things planned in the next few months that will probably be semi-entertaining to read about, so we thought better now than never! I just know I really haven’t been up to much the last couple of years and my life would have been SO boring to read about, unless you’d love to read about me trotting around the country drinking with my friends or recaps of Teen Mom and The Bachelor, in which case – I’m your girl!

After the whole Nutter Butter breakup and my failed attempt at dating a super-hot guy fresh out of college 2 years ago, I decided that I was tired of guys treating me like I was disposable and dating needed to be my last priority, so I stopped dating. It wasn’t long before it became really apparent to me that when you’re in your late 20s and you stop dating, that also means you stop having sex (side note: that doesn’t mean I didn’t TRY to have sex. I did try, with a really hot guy in the Navy that I met while I was out celebrating my 29th birthday. It is surprisingly hard to get a guy to just hook up with you and promise to never call you again.) When I came up with this plan I was about to turn 28 and hadn’t been without a guy since I was 14. I was serial dating all the wrong guys, knowing they were the wrong guys, but continuing to date them because I didn’t know how to be alone. And, what girl in her 20s doesn’t think she can rid a guy of all his bad habits? The stuff that I let those douchers get away with doing to me is so shameful, and I finally realized that if I didn’t take the time I needed to figure out who I was without a boyfriend, I would continue to date these awful guys and would probably end up married to and then divorced from one of them. If this is the part where you expect me to tell you that I finally met Prince Charming (See: Neal Bledsoe), then look away now, because that didn’t happen. I’m still single, but more stable and [I would hope] able to make better decisions. And when I say “better decisions,” I mean in the long run, I’m totally not opposed to bad decisions that are short term/one night stands with hot guys because… 2 years.

Also, this isn’t a post about self-discovery. I mean, come on, look who you’re talking to here: I’m still totally inappropriate and get way too drunk with my friends, albeit a lot less frequently now that we’re maturing. I’m still not really sure what I want to do with my life, but I finally realized that I’m not going to figure it out by dating assholes that cheat on me and have the audacity to manipulate me into thinking I deserved it. LOLZ – the fact that those things ever happened is so stupid, but it makes me pretty happy to know it’s all documented on this blog.

The whole “I’m not dating at all” concept is perplexing to basically everyone I tell. All my friends and family have tried to set me up so many times, like SO many times, these last 2 years and would then get super offended when I turned down the offer because they don’t understand why I would choose to be alone while I’m in my prime baby making years. Uh, maybe because guys are man whores and I don’t feel like being emotionally drained and worrying about STDs all the time? I don’t know! I’ve ruined a few friendships with guy friends who thought this stint of singledom would be the best time to finally ask me out. I know telling someone not to take it personal is almost always bullshit, and it is still total bullshit in my case because of course if the perfect guy came along (See: Neal Bledsoe above) I wouldn’t have turned him down, but I wasn’t about to waste my time or theirs when I already knew I wouldn’t be that into it. I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m a lesbian (as long as Neal is still out there that’ll never happen) since I’m not married and don’t have a bunch of babies, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re from a small town. My Grandma sat me down for a serious conversation a few months ago about getting artificially inseminated so I could have a family, there’s a cute guy at her church she thinks would do it – and by do it she meant jizz in a cup, not actually fuck me. My guy friends that are married have been pushing me to stay single for as long as possible and live the good life, because once you get married it’s a long road of misery, or at least that’s what they tell me. I overheard my Stepdad telling some other family members that it (my love life) will all be okay because I’ll be able to start catching guys on the next round. What’s the next round? Oh it’s just all the guys that got married and popped out a bunch of babies when they were 22 who are now 30 and getting divorced. Exactly what I want, a divorcee with a bunch of babies. Real talk, it’s kind of fun watching everyone squirm because they can’t figure me out. But, I’m almost ready to start dating again, like seeing one more Nicholas Sparks movie alone and then I’ll date anyone with a pulse almost ready.

P.s. As of today, Neal Bledsoe still has not approved my facebook friend request, but I’m okay with it. A few months ago, after 4 ½ years of persistence, he finally acknowledged my existence on twitter. Small victories.

P.p.s. We just got Instagram: Instagram.com/cocktailsattiffanys

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Mercedes the Mega-bitch

Do ya’ll remember that mega-bitch ex-friend of mine named MERCEDES? Yes, everyone take a moment to shudder in your chair.

Occasionally that stupid bitch rears her ugly head into my life and when that happens I get the fun reminder that there are still some things out there that do piss me the fuck off. And she is one of them.

Almost every time I hang out with Gigi or Chuck they talk about the last time they talked to her and how she says she misses me and would like us to be friends again, but not before I apologize. Which is never going to fucking happen, for the following reasons:

1. She’s a mega-bitch.
2. I did nothing wrong, she was the one who stabbed me in the back.
3. She’s a drama filled mega-bitch.

Every now and then someone (Anth or the likings there of) will tell me they ran into her and she asked how I was doing, where I’ve been, and what I’ve been doing. Which sends me instantly into a stink-eyed frenzy of questioning my friendship with said person for speaking my name to that mega-bitch.

But the most recent happenings are just… I can’t.

A little more than a month ago I got a random friend request from Snatch’s best friend from High School, Krusty Krabs.  I knew the guy in college. In fact, him and Snatch were roommates when he and I dated so we remained friends throughout college. 

After facebook stalking one afternoon I had come to the conclusion that the guy, Krusty Krabs, was no longer married (or maybe never got married, he was engaged at one point, but whatevs minor details) and that he was lookin’ mighty fine.  I explained to Lucky that very day that I was going to do some research and find out about whole ex-wife/fiance situation and see why they broke up/got a divorce, if it wasn’t too horrible of a reason (cause I’m not dealing with anymore lying cheating bastard asses), I was going to make my approach and start liking all of his stuff on facebook, because I’m 13, and then eventually he’d either talk to me or block me.  About 5 minutes later Snatch texted me about some random picture I had made a comment on.  Which was weird, he’s basically forbidden to talk to me unless his wife is present, but I didn’t think much of it.

I couldn’t find any solid evidence on the breakup/divorce so a few weeks ago I was prepared to start my liking approach, but he beat me to it and had already started liking all my stuff  so I started liking his back (side note: I am aware of how juvenile this all sounds, but do you want blog posts or no? Hokay then, lets continue.) Then a few nights ago I was texting with Betty and she’s all, “Oh by the way, how weird is it that Krusty Krabs and Mercedes are dating?”

Hold the mother fucking bus.  WHAT?! What. The. Fuck. We have totally been cyber flirting via facebook liking and this is not okay.

She said Mercedes had been posting a gaggle of pictures of the two of them, but since I have her blocked, I couldn’t see any of them. Betty thought I should intercept because Mercedes will muff it up anyway, but no. He’s ruined now. 

Betty gave me her login information so I could check out all the pictures for myself, and sure enough around the time he added me on facebook was when their whole shebang started. This got me thinking, Mercedes probably asked him to add me so she could stalk my shit. And then probably got a giant kick out of liking everything and then me reciprocating and liking back. 

Then, feeling like the whole world was conspiring against me, I wondered if Snatch was in on it too and texted me that one day to see if I would say anything about the two of them.

Mercedes and I haven’t spoken in nearly 3 years and this bitch will not get out of my life. The end.
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Cleanse…my soul?

Hey all!!!!!

Today is day 1 of my 10-day Advocare cleanse.

I feel like Advocare is a pretty popular cleanse choice, but don’t worry if you don’t know what it is… I’ll explain.

Basically, it’s a 10-day cleanse that consists of Advocare fiber drinks in the morning, and herbal supplements before bed. In between, I’m supposed to drink 4 liters of water, and eat anything that does NOT involve salt, sugar, white flour, starch, red meat, caffeine, alcohol, or dairy… or anything processed.

Yeah.

I did a similar cleanse a few years ago, and while it’s tough in the beginning, you feel GREAT afterward. Since you are ridding your body of toxins, by the end of the cleanse, you are relying on nothing but good things, so I found I slept really well, and my body woke up on it’s natural clock.

Aside from that, you lose a few pounds, but you feel so light and airy.

It’s kind of amazing.

The annoying thing about the cleanse is the preparation—you have to make everything from scratch so you can ensure there is no salt, sugar, etc. in it, so it takes awhile. Advocare recommends you prep ALL of your meals ahead of time, so you don’t get frustrated and run to the nearest fast food joint.

Smart.

So, I spent yesterday binge eating and drinking, while preparing all of my foods for the week. I made grilled chicken skewers (with veggies), brown rice, cleanse-friendly turkey & bean chili, hard-boiled eggs, plain oatmeal, and hummus. I even chopped, and bagged, all of my veggies to eat with the hummus.

So far, I’ve already drank about half the water I’m supposed to (I went to the gym this morning, so that helped), I had the fiber drink (disgusting) and I ate my breakfast (1 serving of oats, small serving of raw almonds, 1 serving of mixed berries) and I’m enjoying a cup of caffeine free apple cinnamon tea.

…So far so good… we’ll see if that continues.

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Call me Abe Froman.

That’s right, I’m playing hooky today just like one of my favorite movie characters, Ferris Bueller.

I have a hair appointment this morning, so I just decided to call in sick and make it a day of fabulousness all about ME.

So, what’s on my agenda? Well after I get my cut & color, I’m meeting one of my old bosses for a sushi lunch—it was a totally random post she made on my Facebook page over the weekend, but I’m completely excited about it.

Then? I think I’ll hang out at Starbucks for a few hours and read and do some blogging…. then? I’m heading to yoga to get my zen on.

And then? I’ll watch Catfish. And it’ll be Nev-tastic!

Days like these are becoming incredibly important to me. I’m slowly rebuilding things back to the life I had before D.

Although I maintained my jobs, my friends, my workouts, etc, during our relationship, I still get that feeling that he came in, crapped on mostly everything, and now I’m just trying to pick up the pieces.

I know I learned a lot, and I showed just how strong I can be, but a big part of me wishes this didn’t happen. I really, really want things back to the way they were.

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Meet my new kitty!!

943720_10151398530986434_1159808051_nI got a new cat!

If you’re a longtime reader, you know that last summer, I suffered a major loss when my beloved orange cat of 10 years suddenly passed away due to cancer.

I never thought I would get another cat, or any pet for that matter.

I donated all of my previous cat’s items (except for sentimental stuff) to a local shelter a little more than a month ago, and started looking at the cats they had posted pictures of on their Facebook page.

I saw several cats that were cute, but my mom told me to be on the lookout for The One. She said I would know.

She was right.

One Sunday I was looking at an album of new kitty pictures, when I saw a litter they named the Golden Girls litter. Each kitten was named after a character from The Golden Girls (there’s even Stanley).

Have I mentioned that I watch the Golden Girls everyday?

944729_10102300771402695_415425103_nBlanche is my favorite character, so I checked out the cat they named Blanche…and she looked like the cat I had when I was 2—a tortoise shell calico. So. Freaking. Cute.

I immediately jumped on what I needed to do to adopt her. I visited the shelter. I met up with her foster mom. I waited. And waited. Filled out papers. Did the interview. Completed the home visit. Paid the money. And finally, finally, she arrived at my apartment last night.

She immediately got right at home enjoying the new things I bought for her, leopard print food and water bowls, cat bed, and even took a polite piss in the hot green litter box.

Blanche Hollingsworth-Devereaux is quite a rowdy Southern Belle, but I am happy to have some company in the apartment again.

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Met the daughter.

I met D’s daughter, E, Monday night.

Considering I just met his parents a week before that, 2 things are happening in my mind. 1. Yeah, things are certainly faster than I am used to. And 2., my nerves are shot.

I was nervous to meet his parents, but even more nervous to meet his daughter. I have about ZERO experience with kids.

Considering she doesn’t like The Biebs (absolute bullshit), I resorted to the only other thing I’ve got: bribery. And I went to Justice.

D gave me about 5 hours notice on this meeting, so I ran to the mall on my lunch break, walked into Justice, bee-lining it for a salesclerk.

“I am meeting my boyfriend’s 6 year old daughter tonight and I wanted to get her a little gift and I am clueless,” I screamed.

Once we determined that I didn’t want to buy clothes, I was directed toward the accessories and told which items were “super popular.”

In the end, I purchased a wristlet (pink and white polka dot covered in glitter, complete with a hot green E), purple cheetah shoelaces, and two rhinestoned pink and purple friendship bracelets. I wrapped it all in hot pink wrapping paper and brought it with me to the pizza place.

Upon arrival, E was super shy, which is out of character from what I’d been told. She didn’t want to look at me, and was asking D things to ask me.

“Why don’t you ask her, she’s right there,” he told her.

Eventually, she came around and we talked about her school and the tooth fairy (did you know when you look at the tooth fairy, she becomes invisible?).

“Lucky is a rabbit, E, she eats salads,” D told her when our food arrived.

E was shocked to learn that rabbits eat salads.

When she was finished with her meal, I handed over the gift. I am convinced it could have been a box of turds and she would have loved it if it had a Justice tag on it.

After dinner we walked around some, going to the bookstore. I had fun looking at Barbie books with her (we picked out the Barbies wearing the prettiest dresses). Finally, we went to see Oz.

Of course, our order at the concession stand made me laugh—E making sure she got the BLUE sour punch straws. When we got to the theatre, E insisted on sitting between us, which resulted in a 2-hour long popcorn fight between D and I, behind her back.

According to E, her daddy is “OBSESSED” with butter.

At the end of the night, D told me he was glad to see us get along. He seemed extra sweet, telling me he “just spent a great evening with the two most important ladies in his life.”

I enjoyed hanging out as a threesome so much, I asked D if him and E would like to come over this Monday night to make pizzas. They said yes.

Anyone know how to make pizza?

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Country Drama (Part 3)

So Betty agreed and said thanks for reminding her that the world doesn’t revolve around her.  It’s about time.  So we headed off to breakfast, ate in the park, and then did a little shopping.  All was good for the first few stores, then Betty started complaining that she wanted to go drink.  So I said the exact same thing I had said earlier, this time not getting much of a response.  I was thinking whatever, if you want to go drink then go drink, but don’t expect me to leave the group like you made me do last night.  Of course she didn’t leave, but things just got more annoying after that.

She followed me around every store, commenting on everything I picked up, basically attached to my ass. If I had to pee, so did she, when we finally did go into a bar for a drink and a light meal, she ordered exactly what I did, down to the no onions and ranch on the side.  

As the evening continued, I just got wasted and left Betty on her own.  If she did her standard wander off to talk to strangers act then I let her do it and if everyone else decided to go to a different bar I left and didn’t try to go find her, I’m no one’s babysitter.  Aside from all the drama with Betty, I ended up having a great time but was definitely ready to get home and back to my solitude on Sunday afternoon.  

The wedding is next month in Florida, so get ready for round 2 of all this drama.  Sigh.

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