Tag Archives: Gizzy

The Welcome Back Party

Herrooo old friends!!! I’m going to be totally honest and tell you that I have no good excuse for going AWOL for a hot minute. Lucky and I have been talking for a few months about resurrecting the blog because we’re both kind of in the same place in our lives and we’ve got some things planned in the next few months that will probably be semi-entertaining to read about, so we thought better now than never! I just know I really haven’t been up to much the last couple of years and my life would have been SO boring to read about, unless you’d love to read about me trotting around the country drinking with my friends or recaps of Teen Mom and The Bachelor, in which case – I’m your girl!

After the whole Nutter Butter breakup and my failed attempt at dating a super-hot guy fresh out of college 2 years ago, I decided that I was tired of guys treating me like I was disposable and dating needed to be my last priority, so I stopped dating. It wasn’t long before it became really apparent to me that when you’re in your late 20s and you stop dating, that also means you stop having sex (side note: that doesn’t mean I didn’t TRY to have sex. I did try, with a really hot guy in the Navy that I met while I was out celebrating my 29th birthday. It is surprisingly hard to get a guy to just hook up with you and promise to never call you again.) When I came up with this plan I was about to turn 28 and hadn’t been without a guy since I was 14. I was serial dating all the wrong guys, knowing they were the wrong guys, but continuing to date them because I didn’t know how to be alone. And, what girl in her 20s doesn’t think she can rid a guy of all his bad habits? The stuff that I let those douchers get away with doing to me is so shameful, and I finally realized that if I didn’t take the time I needed to figure out who I was without a boyfriend, I would continue to date these awful guys and would probably end up married to and then divorced from one of them. If this is the part where you expect me to tell you that I finally met Prince Charming (See: Neal Bledsoe), then look away now, because that didn’t happen. I’m still single, but more stable and [I would hope] able to make better decisions. And when I say “better decisions,” I mean in the long run, I’m totally not opposed to bad decisions that are short term/one night stands with hot guys because… 2 years.

Also, this isn’t a post about self-discovery. I mean, come on, look who you’re talking to here: I’m still totally inappropriate and get way too drunk with my friends, albeit a lot less frequently now that we’re maturing. I’m still not really sure what I want to do with my life, but I finally realized that I’m not going to figure it out by dating assholes that cheat on me and have the audacity to manipulate me into thinking I deserved it. LOLZ – the fact that those things ever happened is so stupid, but it makes me pretty happy to know it’s all documented on this blog.

The whole “I’m not dating at all” concept is perplexing to basically everyone I tell. All my friends and family have tried to set me up so many times, like SO many times, these last 2 years and would then get super offended when I turned down the offer because they don’t understand why I would choose to be alone while I’m in my prime baby making years. Uh, maybe because guys are man whores and I don’t feel like being emotionally drained and worrying about STDs all the time? I don’t know! I’ve ruined a few friendships with guy friends who thought this stint of singledom would be the best time to finally ask me out. I know telling someone not to take it personal is almost always bullshit, and it is still total bullshit in my case because of course if the perfect guy came along (See: Neal Bledsoe above) I wouldn’t have turned him down, but I wasn’t about to waste my time or theirs when I already knew I wouldn’t be that into it. I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m a lesbian (as long as Neal is still out there that’ll never happen) since I’m not married and don’t have a bunch of babies, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re from a small town. My Grandma sat me down for a serious conversation a few months ago about getting artificially inseminated so I could have a family, there’s a cute guy at her church she thinks would do it – and by do it she meant jizz in a cup, not actually fuck me. My guy friends that are married have been pushing me to stay single for as long as possible and live the good life, because once you get married it’s a long road of misery, or at least that’s what they tell me. I overheard my Stepdad telling some other family members that it (my love life) will all be okay because I’ll be able to start catching guys on the next round. What’s the next round? Oh it’s just all the guys that got married and popped out a bunch of babies when they were 22 who are now 30 and getting divorced. Exactly what I want, a divorcee with a bunch of babies. Real talk, it’s kind of fun watching everyone squirm because they can’t figure me out. But, I’m almost ready to start dating again, like seeing one more Nicholas Sparks movie alone and then I’ll date anyone with a pulse almost ready.

P.s. As of today, Neal Bledsoe still has not approved my facebook friend request, but I’m okay with it. A few months ago, after 4 ½ years of persistence, he finally acknowledged my existence on twitter. Small victories.

P.p.s. We just got Instagram: Instagram.com/cocktailsattiffanys

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And Then High School Crush Got Engaged

That’s right, you heard correctly.  High School Crush is engaged. If you’re a new reader, just go back in our blog posts about 2 years (or from the beginning, cause he was around then too) and it will all make sense.

Last night when I got home from work I decided to look up Peanut Butta Jelly Time (as I like to call her, aka HSC’s girlfriend/now fiance) on Facebook because I had a hankering he would propose around Christmas. Because he’s one of THOSE guys.  And by one of THOSE guys I mean one of those cheap bastards that pops the question around Christmas so he doesn’t have to get you a Christmas gift on top of the engagement ring.  So a couple posts in I see where she has done a reCRAP of all the cool shit she did in 2013.  The last thing was getting engaged to her best friend, soul mate, better half, love of her life. Gag me. So I scroll down to the next post and see the typical newly engaged couple pic of them: standing up doing a half hug with shit eating grins (her gummy grin still looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) on their faces while her hand rests ever so subtly on his chest displaying her new bling (princess cut with the small diamonds surrounding it. Typical of what you see all the 20 somethings wearing.)

In all honesty I am indifferent about it and really don’t give a shit. I’m over him and have been for a long time.  But what I’m not over is that he (along with many other scum buckets) got away with basically two timing his now fiance at the beginning of their relationship.  And she probably has no idea that I was in the picture DAYS before they moved in together. 

This also got me thinking about something I’m sure have mentioned before: I am ALWAYS the girl that guys date/hook-up with/have one last fling with before they find “the one” and get married. I mean, do I have some kind of power that makes these assholes decide they’re ready to settle down, just not with me? 

Here’s the running list of guys this has happened with:

  1. My 2nd long term boyfriend in high school
  2. My first college boyfriend
  3. Snatch (if you remember, he’s how I met Anth and all those characters)
  4. My “football buddy” from college
  5. Bi-polar Ex
  6. High School Crush
  7. HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON
  8. Nutter Butter (not engaged YET, but says he’s currently with “the one”
  9. Snoop-Linus (also not engaged YET,  but has been with the same girl since we broke up like 4 years ago.)

Now here’s the list of exes that aren’t engaged/still in a relationship with the person they dated after me:

  1. My first long term high school boyfriend
  2. Douchearoo

It would seem that the way this weighs out is a little more than a coincidence, right?

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20. If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?

LUCKY

There is a restaurant that USED to be near my mom’s house….15 hours away.

They had delicious food. I’ve always known my last meal would be a meal from there…which makes me sound like a sick criminal. Here’s what I would have:

–Bread with olive tapinade

–Angel hair pasta with garlic, tomatoes, and shrimp

–Tiramisu

–And a bottle or two of Two Hands Zinfandel

GIZZY

If I’m on death row I’m not making it to the chair to get electrocuted. I’m going to kill myself by eating too much food before that can ever even happen.

My death row meal would be:

  • the petite filet and mashed potatoes from Flemmings
  • the buffalo chicken ranch wrap with buffalo chips and cheese (ranch on the side) and bud light lime from buffalo wild wings
  • a plain hamburger, fries, a chocolate milkshake, 3 chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of ketchup from mcdonalds
  • a spicy chicken sandwich, fries, a diet coke, and a bottle of ketchup from wendys
  • sushi and edamame, lots of it and a bottle of good red wine
  • 3 crunchy tacos, 2 orders of nachos, and a diet pepsi from taco bell

I think that about covers it. #fatass 

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19. What is a typical day in the life of you like?

LUCKY

Oh, like this is going to be interesting…

If it’s a Monday, then I usually wakeup around 5 am, brush my teeth, put on workout clothes, pack a bag of makeup, work clothes, and lunch, and I drive across town to do the 6:15 kickboxing class.

At around 7:15, I take a quick shower, and text my trainer to join me. Around 7:20, he joins me in the shower and we fuck until about 7:45.

Then he leaves and I get ready for work. At 8:30 I get to work, get a cup of coffee, and print off reports for the morning full of meetings ahead.

From 9-11, I’m sitting in meetings. Then I send a few emails, spin around in my chair, and eat my lunch.

In the afternoon, I usually work on freelance or look for freelance jobs or watch old episodes of Jimmy Fallon while I chat with Gizzy on Facebook.

After work, I usually get a spray tan or run errands or something equally lame … and chances are, when I get home, I do freelance or watch tv and dread going to work the next day.

GIZZY

My alarm usually starts going off at 7:15. Every day I reset it to 7:30, when that goes off I hit snooze until 7:40. Then I lay in bed looking at facebook, instagram, and twitter until 7:50 or thereabouts. Then I get up and cuss myself for not getting up at 7:15 when my “wakey wakey so you can get up and werk” alarm went off, because now I have to be at work in 10 minutes and still need to wash my face, walk the dog, put on my eye wrinkle creams, brush my teeth, and find something to wear. Fuck makeup and doing my hair, I work with all women.

About 8:30 I usually roll into work, 30 minutes late. I check emails, do financial reports, attend the occasional meeting, check facebook twitter instagram and hayday about 50 times each, and read some news articles until lunchtime.

At 12:15 every day I have an argument with myself inside my head about whether I should go home for lunch and let the dog out or if I should just order something in and sit at my desk.  Because if I leave then I have to worry about finding a parking spot when I get back and it’s cold out and qdoba and jimmy johns always sounds good and both deliver.

By 1:30 I’m usually back to work chatting on facebook with Lucky.  Which I do all afternoon while watching the clock tick.  At 4:59 I pack up my shit and wait at the door like a kid in school waiting for the bell to ring.

I’m usually home by 5:10, take the dog for a walk, lay around and watch tv until I get hungry and make dinner, then I watch some more tv.  Sometimes I work out or run. I take a shower and dry my hair, then I go to bed.

TA DAAAAA!!!

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18. A motto/quote/lyric that you live by and what it means to you.

LUCKY

AHHH!

I have so many quotes and lyrics that mean so much to me, but of course, some that stand out more than others.

“The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain,”—John Mayer, Clarity

This is a line from one of my favorite John Mayer songs, and I love this line, particularly the second part of it (which I’m considering getting tattooed on me). To me, it just means you’re done with the candy-coated stuff and the only thing that’s left is the real thing. I always want my life to be real, I want the people in it to be real and true.

GIZZY

I have a lot tooooooo.  But the one that I think I go by the most is:

“When you know, you know.”

A lot of people think this is about finding a spouse, but it’s not at all.  At least for me. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I get pretty strong premonitions about certain things.  A lot of them are about relationships, but I even had one once as I was leaving my parent’s house for a quick errand about my cat dying.  The cat was an outdoor cat and would come inside only at night to sleep.  When I pulled out of the driveway I saw the cat in the middle of the field accross the street and said to myself that I should chase him down and put him inside, which was something I had never done before, but I didn’t do it. When I got home 15 minutes later my neighbor was shoveling my cat into a box off of the street because it had been run over by a car and killed.  So, I’ve been reminding myself of this quote for a while now that when I get these feelings I need to go with them.  Because when you know, you know!

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17. What is your family like? Personalities, strengths, weaknesses, etc.

LUCKY

Ah, I’ll start with my blood, my actual family.

Family has been on my mind a lot lately. I am an only child, and growing up, I often felt very loved by my mom and dad.

And then, the summer I turned 16, my dad filed for divorce and left me and my mom.

My parents had been married for 19 years.

When my dad left, there was no court-ruled visitation. Since I could drive, I drove the 2 hours to see him on weekends when I wasn’t working. Within one year, my dad was married to a woman who was in it for money.

A year after that, my dad was divorced again.

The relationship between my dad and I has, for the most part, been good on the surface. But there have been underlying control issues that I’ve pushed under the rug for years.

And on Thanksgiving Day, that rug was peeled back when my dad blew up at me for not replying a text message within one hour.

Currently, my dad and I aren’t speaking. I’ve spent the weeks since Thanksgiving wondering what I did to make my dad hate me—his only child—so much that he can’t even see my face or speak to me.

But I don’t know if that’s something I’m meant to understand.

The relationship with my mom is good. We are closer than ever. But it has not come easy—we went our own year without speaking, and it was one of the most difficult times in my life.

There are times when I have to remind myself that your “family” doesn’t have to be relatives. And although my relatives do have strengths, I often consider my friends to be my family, because that’s really all I have.

GIZZY

I too come from a broken family. My parents divorced when I was 6.  To this day I still don’t know the whole story of why my parents  got divorced and I don’t care to because I think it would make me hate my Dad. 

My Dad and I weren’t close until he started dating his current wife (I was 19 or 20).  I hated his second wife, her son, and going to their house.  I thought my Dad had anger issues, and I think he did until he divorced her.  When I was little and in my teenage years my Dad made me do all the things he loved, like ride horses and play on go karts.  <— How terrible, right? I’m such a brat. Now I am super close with my Dad, I can talk to him [and my Stepmom] about anything.

My Mom and I have always been close in the sense that we hang out a lot.  But I have never been that open with her about my feelings because I always thought she wouldn’t understand, as I get older that is changing.  My Mom raised me as a single parent and brought me up in a “tough-love” kind of household where I usually got whatever I wanted.  Does that make sense? She’s a very strong woman and is honestly probably one of the best people I know.  She is the type of person that really would do anything for anyone.

I’m lucky enough to have 2 parents that help me and are very supportive of everything I do.  But like Lucky, my friends are my family too and those are the people that I feel know me the best.

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16. Goals for 2014.

LUCKY

I’ve really been thinking about this a lot lately… here’s what I’m thinking:

  • Stop giving a damn about what other people are doing. In other words, stop spending so much time worrying about other people, stalking them on social media, and in general just wasting time doing things that do not benefit ME.
  • Continue to be less judge-y. I already am pretty good at it, but I want to be even BETTER. Judging be gone!
  • Get happy. I am still working on being comfortable in my own skin, and dealing with life’s turns as they come.

GIZZY

  • To stop trying to make everyone else happy and just make myself happy. 
  • Get rid of the toxic people in my life and surround myself with people that are positive and make me feel good.
  • To figure out what I want to do with my life (career wise).
  • To start having more fun and stop worrying about all the stuff I “have” to do. As in, when someone wants me to do something during the weekend if my house isn’t clean or I have laundry I say no.  When I’m on my death bed I’m not going to be remembering all the times I cleaned my house.
  • To start stating my opinion more and to stop coddling everyone.
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