Tag Archives: happiness

My 20 biggest moments this year (according to facebook)

In order from most recent to oldest, no other introduction necessary:

1. I made 25 new friends 
2. I liked 8 new things
3. I made a video of my sister prank calling my college friend, calling him Daddy.
4. I updated my profile picture to a picture of me wearing a caldron costume with a baby in it, as the stew. Yes, baby stew.
5. Betty and I discovered how to put beer cans in Mcdonald’s cups inconspicuously so no one knew we were drinking.
6. I locked everyone out of Betty’s apartment and shoved my sister through a window to get back in.
7. I attended a sleepover and acted a fool.
8. I took a picture with 5 other girls, in the street.
9. I commented many times on a picture of a guy with a huge mustache.
10. I moved back to my home state.
11. My Mom got an iphone and I documented it.
12/13. Lucky and I went to Vegas.
14. I had a Birthday.
15. I went to visit Lucky.
16. Betty’s exboyfriend sent me several links regarding being a cat lady, and fat pets, which I enjoyed.
17. I had a basketball tailgate at my apartment in the Big City.
18. My alma matter’s basketball team lost to a really sucky school, and I was visibly really upset about it on Facebook.
19. I was in Havaii, and loving it. The V was intentional.
And that’s only 19, I’m not even cool enough for 20. Bah-humbug.
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If you’re happy and you know it…

The other day, someone to not be named told me that maybe if I was a little HAPPIER I wouldn’t still be single. Instead of snapping their neck, I decided to think about what it would take to make me one of those, don’t make me say it, Happy People. I had one of those moments like you get when you’re driving and your mind goes blank then all of a sudden you’re at home and you’re like OMG what just happened how did I get home? I don’t even remember driving here. Well right, that happened when I started thinking about being a happy person, and when I came to, I found the following:

Dear Personality Traits and Readers:

It is with great regret that I inform you my Cynicism and his assistant Negativity have announced their first retirement of January 31, 2012. With nearly 27 years of loyal service, these two will be undoubtedly missed by all. C & N have high hopes for their future outside of My Brain. They plan to travel and are optimistic that they will find their true loves: Pessimism and Despair in that of someone else.

A feeble attempt to fill the gaping holes they will leave in my heart will be made by two new traits, Bubbly and Optimism. We, here in My Brain, don’t have high hopes for these 2 new hires, as we suspect they will get walked all over by assholes and cuntwads, but upper management can be a real bitch.

With that being said, we hope that you will welcome these new un-funny personality traits with open arms. An incentive program will be offered to any other traits that can help B & O become accustomed to our late nights, love for tall dark and handsome men, and desire to become an Australian citizen by that of marriage. (Or don’t welcome them, tell me you hate them, and it will be an AWESOME excuse for me to fall back into being unlovable. I’m cool with it. My family, friends (except Lucky), and co-workers however, are not so kosher with my hatred for humanity, and insist I am still single because no one can love a sour puss.)

In order to have a smooth transition and on-board our new hires, I have brought in a few professionals to help with training: Mr. Captain Morgan and his associate Ms. Cherry Pie (because who can hate a fat drunk girl?). Mr. Morgan has been a colleague of mine since the early 2000’s and is proud to introduce his newest fad in training techniques, one he calls Lime Bite.

We, here in My Brain, are excited to work with Mr. Morgan and Ms. Pie and hope that you, out there, won’t judge us for being drunk and fat. Not only has Cynicism taken our best hidden asset Negativity with him on his travels, our Gym and Tanning memberships got word of the restructure we are undertaking and decided to jump ship as well. Gym and Tanning fees are rising in 2012, and with the outsourcing our new trainers Mr. Morgan and Ms. Pie, we can no longer afford to provide this benefit to our Body Department. Chances are, things are going to get pretty bad around here. We will be looking ugly and pale, not to mention fat and drunk, but by god people will like us because we’ll be happy. If upper management wants us to be peppy and upbeat, we will show them the repercussions of the kind of sacrifices we have to undertake in order to put up with our new posers, Bubbly and Optimistic.

I hope that you can bear with us in the coming weeks as C & N clean up their desks and tie up any lose ends of things that may be bothering us. 2012 is going to be bitchin!

That part of Gizzy’s brain that blacks out and writes weird letters

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Being single is saving me that $bling$bling$ in FURs

Saturday night was a typical Saturday “Date Night” evening for me.  I cuddled up on my parent’s couch with a good flick (Gnomeo and Juliet) and some brewskis and tucked myself in bed by midnight with my first non-alcoholic beverage of the day.

Just before I went to bed I hopped on the comp to see if “Find Lauren Day” was a success (it was not, 😦 sad), and when my comcast browser opened there was a story that caught my eye under the “Finance” category, the title? “Attention Singles: The True Price of Love” The subtitle? “7 SHOCKING Expenses of Romance.”  So I read, and I will paraphrase for the sake of space and voice my opinions of how much bullshit this article is the whole way through it.  If anyone doesn’t like my paraphrasing or comments and wants to read the article for them-Stupid-self, there you go.  But honestly, my version is way better.

1. Dinner Out On the Town  – Dinner at Delmonicos New York’s first fine dining restaurant.  Starters, you: $10 market salad – date: $26 shelfish chateau Main Course: you: some chicken dish for $28 date: $90 double porterhouse add in wine, desert, and all that other shit and you’ll be racking up a bill of at least $300.

Ummmm… I’m sorry, but who the fuck are these people dating that they have dinner dates on the reg costing $300? I know top medical professionals who would not drop $300 on a dinner date.  #2 Assuming this article is aimed toward men, because AHA! Why would a woman ever give 2 shits about how much a relationship is, we don’t have to pay for anything.  But, what woman is going to order a $90 double porterhouse after you just ordered a measly $28 piece of chicken?  A BITCH! That’s who, that’s when you excuse yourself and get the fuck out of there and leave her with the bill.  Bitch. 

2. Special Occasion Cards – Valentines Day, Birthday Cards, Cards to Say “I’m Sorry”, cards for your significant other’s family members on their birthday’s and anniversaries.  Estimated cost: $20 – $35 per year.

If the guy I’m dating can’t shell out 25 bucks a year to buy me a damn card on my birthday we’ve got bigger problems than birthday cards.

3. Gifts Just Because – Basically they tell a story about how people buy each other gifts for no reason and say liberated women don’t believe in Valentine’s Day.  

Every girl believes in Valentine’s Day if they have someone.  Give me a fucking break.  That’s like saying women hate diamonds and flowers.  And again, I go back to my who the fuck are these people dating where they get gifts for no reason? Clearly Lucky and I aren’t picking the winners.  No really, we already knew this, but are there really guys out there that will buy you lavish presents for no reason? Not like Donald Trump, normal guys that we actually have a chance with.  Think a Banker’s salary here.  It’s doubtful.

4. Wrapping Her In Furs  – $200+ but they like the $10,000+ coats from FurOutlets.com

Ummmm… does anyone outside of 1920 know anyone who wears a Fur coat for real? I actually do, but we won’t go there.  Ok we will, it’s Snoop-Linus’ mom.  And also Lucky and Buttons, but their Furs are fake and hilarious.  I thought everyone had kind of decided Fur coats were on the outs? I’m going to take a leap of faith and say when I get to the end of this article I’m going to see that it was written by a man because he clearly doesn’t know SHIT.  A fur coat would go nice with my quellazaire though. 

5. Flowers Say it for You – They say to avoid spending too much buy flowers for “no reason” during non-holiday times.

No comment here.  Cheapskate.

6. Pricing In The Hardware – $220 gets you 1/6 of a carat diamond ring.  3 figure minimum to make the right impression.

Now we’re talking.  Hey everyone, come check out my sixth of a carat!!  Any guy reading this should take this as a piece of advice: Skip the $300 Delmonico dinners, birthday cards, and Fur coats and splurge for the $200 engagement ring.  3 figures, really? I would like to assume anyone who can afford to spend $300 on dinner should be able to afford to spend more than a dinner would cost on jewelry.

7. What Happens Once You Commit – $1500 extra a year in high income marriage penalties.

Don’t worry, he saved that money when he bought the $220 1/6th of a carat engagement ring.

Annnnd drumroll please…. written by a woman.  I’m wrong, BUT she’s probably never been on a date or had a boyfriend.  Clearly.  I mean I am fully aware that being single is way cheaper than being in a relationship, but being in a relationship is not as expensive as this slorebag makes it out to be.  I guess I need to cut her a break, there isn’t much going on in finance right now with interest rates sitting pretty at 0%.

But, if these are the things women are demanding out of relationships these days I need to up my anti and put a fox fur coat with matching fox on my wish list.  Then again, I don’t plan on being that girl standing on the corner wearing my fur coat and cracker jack box ring, so maybe I’m good.  Yeah, I’m good.

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Missing Girl

It’s finally Friday and I personally could not be happier.  I’m heading home for the weekend to see an old friend and hang out with my wang out.  I’m so thankful to get away from the boys for the weekend, they’re driving me insane.  Anth mentioned “having to put up with my bitchiness lately” after I told him I wasn’t home and couldn’t preheat the oven for him, like really? Assholes.

Anyway, has anyone been following this missing student case at Indiana University? I’ve never found myself reading up on these missing persons cases but this one has particularly caught my attention.  I had a good friend from high school move to Indiana to work at IU after college, 2 summers ago Betty and I made the jaunt to visit her there and we went to this Kilroy’s Sports Bar that this girl was at the night she disappeared.  

First I’ll say I wasn’t impressed with it, it was definitely a sketchy bar in a super sketchy area and we met sketchy people while we were there.  My friend’s sister was visiting the same weekend and some how found these guys in from out of town.  They said they had a cabin in the woods and we should all come back with them.  Betty and I instantly said no but my friend and her sister wanted to smoke pot and these guys had it so of course they were all for it.  

Eventually we got my friend and her sister to agree it wasn’t a good idea and tell the guys we were just going home.  They insisted on giving us a ride to our car that was like a mile away maybe since it was raining out and all.  I of course noticed that the driver was pounding shots all night saying how wasted he was who then insisted he was fine.  We got in because we were stupid and thought what was the worst that could happen if they were just driving us down the street? 

Me, Betty, my friend, and her sister were all in the back row of the Tahoe and there were 5-6 guys in the front and middle rows.  The next thing I know they pass the car and head into the woods  East of the city “toward their cabin.”  I freaked out and started beating on the window with an umbrella that was in the back seat demanding they let us out.  They refused to stop so I started screaming that I was calling the police if they didn’t let us out.  Finally when I put the phone on speaker as I dialed 911 the guy pulled over and Betty, my friend and I all jumped out while her sister sat in the car and insisted on going to this cabin.  Really?!! Dumbass.  So we coaxed her out of the car and suddenly the guys wanted to be nice guys and were all, “We’re not leaving you in the middle of the woods.” And I’m all, “Well we’re not getting back in your damn car you creeps.” So they drove off and left us. 

We walked a while to we made it to some Boy Scout post and I 411ed us a cab – that never came.  After a while I called another one and finally at 5am one of them actually came.  Scariest night of my life, hands down; I can only imagine what that poor girl has gone through.  That night showed me how easy it would be to get abducted by someone and not even realize it until it was too late I was relatively sober and still felt helpless, I couldn’t even begin to imagine being as inebriated as the news articles are saying she was and have someone abduct you or have a friend harm you.  Just wow. None the less, this girl has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks and I hope they find her soon safe and sound.

In other news…like Lucky mentioned yesterday, we did our single girl date night alone Wednesday night.  My night started out a little rough but ended up an overall success I’d say.  My whole plan was to go to this bar where I thought the wallstreet type hung out after work.  I wandered around the building and only found a public transit station.  Blah! (Which I drove by again today and there is definitely a bar there! I just don’t know how to get to it.  Blast!)

Anyway, after 30 minutes of searching for a parking spot and another 30 wandering the downtown streets I finally came across a little pub attached to a non-franchise high class hotel.  From the outside looking in all I saw were men in suits. Ba-ba-BINGO! 

I walked in, told the hostess I’d sit at the bar, and made my way down the right side of the bar looking for a seat (the place was packed!) A (hot) guy jumped up and told me I could have his seat because he had been sitting all day, the seat was directly behind a giant pole, but who was I to complain?  I thanked him, sat down, and ordered a glass of Merlot.  

Then, the guy leans in over my shoulder and says, “I know I gave you my seat, but you have to promise not to have too great of a conversation with that pole.”  I giggled and messed with my hair.  I’m not good at flirting anymore, like what should I have said? Do you want to go next door and get a room? IDK! Then he asked if I was meeting anyone there.  I told him no, that I was just stopping in for a drink after work to avoid the bad traffic.  He told me I was a smart girl and then just lingered around for the next 10-15 minutes until he disappeared forever.  During his lingering time the guy next to me offered to scoot down so the guy could sit next to me and he declined.  Sad 😦 I feel like I should’ve made an attempt to keep the convo going, but I was so nervous!

The guy who was sitting next to me later apologized for offering the hot guy his seat.  He claimed he thought we were together and that he thought the guy wanted to sit next to me. No, no, I’m not that cool. YET! Sighhhh…. It was a good first attempt at the Patti Stanger project, I guess.

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Scum of the Earth (Part 2)

Last time we left off with Gigi informing me that my ex Snoop-Linus was trying to hook up with my Ex-friend Mercedes.  So, I made it for my mission for the night to find the hottest guy possible to hook up with…

We were at bar #1 for about 20 minutes when fight #1 between Gigi and her boyfriend broke out.  (Side note:  It is now my STRONG belief that boyfriends and girlfriends should not be drinking in social atmospheres together.  Dinner with friends where you don’t get up from the table? Ok! College bars? Not ok.) I was in the bathroom during the initial exchange of words, but when I got back Gigi was ready to roll out and no one else was coming with us.  Of course I couldn’t be a shitty friend and be like oook vagina blocks are gone lets get this party started! and had to suck it up and sit outside bar #1 and hear the sob story of why they were fighting (girl he hooked up with before they were together was within the 4 walls of the bar, not hanging out with them, or talking to him, crazy.)

Eventually we made it to bar #2 where upon entering a group of guys approached us and asked if we would hypothetically fuck their friend under the right circumstances.  HELLO! I didn’t want to sound like a slut, but this was EXACTLY what I was looking for!  I started giving said guy my sexy (drunk) eyes and licking my lips while his chatty friend wouldn’t shut up about how Gigi’s legs are a mile long and how she should be a runway model for Alexander McQueen.  Hold the bus.

Lets restate everything he just said and emphasize the important parts…

Asked if we would hypothetically fuck their friend under the right circumstances.  His chatty friend wouldn’t shut up about how Gigi’s legs are a mile long and how she should be a runway model for Alexander McQueen.

Is anyone else’s gaydar going off?

After he name dropped Alexander McQueen I checked out and ordered us a round of shots, and when I say us I mean me.  I ordered 4 and drank 4 all to myself.  I whip back around to hear, “Ahh if we weren’t gay we’d totally fuck the shit out of you girls.  Loves you!” Goddamnit, it’s true.  

After they walked away Gigi went back into depression mode.  “See gay guys think I’m hot, why can’t my own boyfriend appreciate me?!” And drug me over to the corner to hear more about how having a boyfriend is just soooo hard.  About that time here came Gigi’s boyfriend and his friends.  They tell us they are going back to his apartment and they’ll see us tomorrow.  It was 2:15 and I decided any chance I had at meeting a guy at that hour who wasn’t going to barf on me was slim to none.  I told Gigi that we should walk to taco bell and go back.  So we did, as we’re rounding the corner to her apartment she decided we needed to keep walking and go to her boyfriend’s.

We walk in and him and his friend are playing halo, Gigi sits down and immediately gets pissed that he’s not paying us any attention (mind you, it was also her boyfriend’s birthday) and says, “Fuck you assholes, we’re leaving.”  So off we go.  ALSO mind you, Gigi doesn’t have a phone and thus begins the fighting via MY PHONE.  They fought on the phone about nothing important for upwards of 2 hours until they finally drunkenly ended the relationship.  I love my friend to death, but thank god I couldn’t take it anymore, now I can get some sleep and dream about all the ass I’m not getting.  Nope.  Then Gigi sobs to me for another 2 hours first about her boyfriend which then turns into how her 4 best friends from high school are neglecting her and how no one bought her a birthday cake and god knows what else.  Sometime around 7am she finally decided she was all cried out and we went to sleep.  

At 8:24am her boyfriend starts non-stop calling my phone because why? They are supposed to leave at 10am to go on his birthday camping trip and need to go to the store before hand to get supplies.  I get up and tell her he’s calling, she waves her hand away so I take that as she doesn’t want to talk to him and go back to sleep.  30 minutes later she wakes up scrambling around and calls him back.  They fight for another 2 hours now about how he can’t remember what they were fighting about the night before, and then they decide they should meet up to fight and start to fight about whose place they should fight at.  Like really? I kind of wanted to die.  They break up again and Gigi says he can go on the camping trip alone.  Before she can get emotional/call him again I interject with a, “Heyyy lets go get some breakfast, that will make you feel better!” Honestly, if I didn’t get food in me ASAP I was going to be ralphing grade D beef, hot sauce, and tequila down my shirt.  We did and on the way Gigi FINALLY realized she was being a bitch because it was his birthday after all and decides to call him and invite him to breakfast.  Of course he doesn’t want to go, because who would? And they decide they will get together to fight when we’re done eating.  Post breakfast we walk over to his place, his friend and I pop Bad News Bears into the DVD player and pass out on our separate futons to be awoken 2 hours later by a back together Gigi and boyfriend.  Gigi takes me back to her place so I can slit my wrists and go home and tells me this is pretty typical of them when they drink.  Shit, I’d either be not drinking or breaking up.  That fight exhausted me and I was only an innocent bi-stander.  

So there you have it, another weekend of no action and another weekend to add to the 14 month dry spell.  If I stop posting and responding to comments all together it’s probably because I got arrested for selling it on the street.  Forrrr a nickel.

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A year and a day.

Well here we are, a year out from our first blog.

Last May, I was freshly dumped (it felt just like it sounds) and I was drinking heavily (sounds about right).

While getting dumped sucked a big hairy one at first, doing all that hopeful, powerful women stuff is kind of nice. You know, “HIS loss. I’m better off anyway!! Other fish in the sea!!!”

And I had this magical feeling of freedom. I could stay up until 2 am, eating frozen yogurt standing in my kitchen wearing a Golden Girls t-shirt. I had no obligations to anyone—didn’t have to clean my apartment, didn’t have to stock the fridge with his favorite foods, didn’t have to check my phone…

I don’t know where that Lucky scampered off to.

Sometimes I have to stop myself and wonder what am I doing? I’m certain everyone has those moments, the John Mayer question of “Am I living it right?” or that moment of a quarter-life crisis? I think I’ve had about 7 of those.

Although I bitch about dating more often than anything else, I don’t think that’s what troubles me the most. Pretty sure it’s my job. When I was younger, I had no desire to go to college. My parents didn’t go, and I figured they were doing okay, so what was the point? But as I grew older, I knew I needed college. Once I got there, it was tough at first. I thought I would go into business, or politics, or finance.

Never did I think about being a writer, an editor.

Yet, my path directed me here—and now, all I do is write, sometimes without realizing it. Once I got into writing, I particularly found a love for print journalism. I dreamed of working at a glossy magazine office with other women in pencil skirts. I wanted to stay late and stress over that deadline.

And today, I am the editor of a website that gets more than two million hits a month and I’m in misery.

I have always believed that I am attracted to challenge. Since my job is a breeze, I figure I’m just bored. But when I think of attacking a challenge, like packing my shit and moving to Gizzy’s city, I shrink in fear. I can say, with confidence, that I’m feeling a little lost.

And that’s definitely not where I pictured I would be today, one year out. And of course it isn’t, in general, no one is going to think they’re doing the same old shit, going to the same job, the same happy hour, the same apartment… did I just not work hard enough to get to my dream?

More than some swank office and runway clothes, I cheesily just want to be content in my life. Whether that means scooping frozen custard for soccer moms or alphabetizing books on a shelf, I just don’t want to waste a day doing something I don’t love, being with someone who doesn’t make me happy, or putting up with bullshit.

As small as it may seem, I think this blog is a part of what makes me content. Let’s face it, I get to write whatever the hell I want, you guys actually read it, and then I get to see what you think about it. I haven’t met any of you, but believe me when I say you make this little project fucking awesome.

Well, Lucky has made it quite hard to follow her with her whimsical wise words of a twenty something woman.  One year ago I was still in school, living alone, also freshly dumped, lusting after my ex-boyfriend’s friend, and wondering where my life would take me post-school.  I often wondered how long I would live at home and early last fall began to mentally prepare for living in my hometown for the rest of my life.  

Since then I have dated the ex-boyfriend’s friend, saw the red flags and dumped the ex-boyfriend’s friend, graduated, job hunted, moved back into my parents house, started a job, quit a job, moved to one of the biggest cities in the country, started a career in something I knew nothing about, and left everything I’ve ever known for a fresh start somewhere new.   

And surprisingly I’m actually doing OK with it.

The first two weeks after I moved to the big city I cried myself to sleep every night, I missed my family, I missed my bed, I missed the quiet and the peace.  I missed my old life.  I didn’t know how I would ever make it, I’m not a social person and I have a hard time meeting people, the ultimate question on my mind was, “Would I fail? Would I be a lonely old cat lady?” I still don’t know the answers to those questions, but I can tell you I’m making it.  While I don’t live in my dream apartment or work at my dream job, I have started to become passionate about the industry I’m in.  Not the research accounting, but more of the research.  

I know I’m not qualified to be conducting any kind of life saving research, but my goal for the next year is to volunteer.  The thought actually occurred to me when I was walking back to my office from lunch the other day when I walked passed the Children’s Hospital and I thought, “Why am I not in there playing a game with a little kid on my lunch hour to help make their day more fun?” So there you have it, basically my goal is that while I’m still figuring out who I am, I’m going to help someone else.  

Is anyone still dry eyed out there?

I know this is not mine and Lucky’s typical demeanor, but it will help us to once a year look back on our lives and reflect on what we’ve done and what we want to do with ourselves.  But in the mean time we’ll be on here, cussing like sailors and man hating all the way.

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Lets just jump on the bandwagon, shall we?

Well I’ve officially ran out of things to blog about, I could tell the story of how I finally broke out of my rut and went out on a week night last night but I’m afraid everyone would be poorly disappointed when I ended the story way short because I came home and got in bed at 9pm.  I blame it on my “adjusting” which is a period I have deemed to be 6 months, I have 2 more months until I officially become a loser again.  Until then, cheers to adjustment periods! At an attempt to clean out our drafts section, here’s an old blog I started working on but never made the cut for January…

I’m sure everyone is about as sick as I am of seeing facebook friend’s status updates saying, “For 27 yeras I have been a Scorpio and now I’m an Ophiuchus, WHAT IS AN OPHIUCHUS!!?” I don’t know friends, I don’t know.  Until it gets a picture/symbol of it’s own it’s really just a poser.

But all this nonsense has made me a Pisces.  Which is fine by me, because you know what?! My whole life I read the Aries horoscope thinking this does not sound like me AT ALL.  All that zodiac jibber jabber always talked about how Aries are these big strong outgoing pushy people, which is not me.  I’m timid and shy, a Pisces if you will.  I always read the Pisces horoscope and told myself I could be halvsies because I was born in on March 25, which is only 4 days into Aries, so it’s a little bit Pisces too. For example, Astrology.com says, “Aries are happiest engaging in martial arts,” Um yeah, no.  “Sun in Pisces people are frequently pegged as wishy-washy,” YES!! Except it also describes Pisces as what I would picture tree huggers and hobos chasing their dreams to be, which is not so much me either.  So, if Aries and Pisces had a baby, it would be born on March 25 and be just like me.  So that’s one problem in my life that has been solved, and you all just witnessed it first hand and wasted 2 minutes of your life reading that.  My sincerest apologies, glad you were there to see me work through this difficult time.

Moving on to my next sporadic thought.  Last week I watched The Talk.  I don’t know why I watched The Talk, I’m not particularly proud of it, but an interesting topic of conversation got started and it made me think of my Cocktails At Tiffany’s family here.   Someone in the crew of D list celebrities that host The Talk brought up how what you look for in a man changes as you get older.

Darlene from Roseanne said that when she was in her 20’s she would overlook the small things that should be stop signs in relationships.  An example she used was a drug addict. Which, ok girlfran, been there done that.  Lucky can vouch for me in saying that when I dated the druggie also known as Snoop-Linus that was a low point in my making excuses for worthless guys era.  I mean we’ve all done it, we like a guy so we make excuses for him even though we all know better and know that if we have to make an excuse we probably shouldn’t be with them.  But we’re in our 20’s and we’re learning so we’re allowed to be stupid as long as we learn from our mistakes.  Blah blah blahhh.

Anyway, they went on to say a study showed that women in their 20’s look for men who are “kind” and “faithful” while women in their 30’s look for men with a “good sense of humor,” then they made another valid point, that the study is full of shit.  Women in their 20’s WANT to like the kind guy, but instead they like the asshole.  Which just makes my whole entire life make more sense.

… This is where the post left off, but I’m going to roll with it.  At this point in my 26 year old life a guy could be about as funny as a box of rocks but if I knew he’d never cheat on me I’d marry him yesterday.  I don’t really get how these women on the talk can believe a person ever actually quits looking for someone who is faithful but if that day ever comes I give all of you permission to shoot me in the face.  The day I say, “Well he makes me laugh so I’ll just turn my head while he’s getting some whoopie from his sexretary,” will be the day hell freezes over.

(Side note: Has anyone seen the new jamster commercial? “Text your name: Miley, and the guy’s name: Justin to 234345” !!!! Jamster! Get with the times, the Bieb and Miley will NEVER be a couple.  Ugh)

Anyway, I get the whole idea of looking for different things as your age increases but faithfulness ever not being #1 in anyone’s book just blows my mind.

On another thought, tonight Heather on the Real World finds out her lover Dustin (Zito) did gay porn.  I absolutely cannot wait.  I may even muster up the energy to twatter through it all.  See you there.

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