Tag Archives: help me

Always a bridesmaid.

I really cannot remember if I’ve mentioned this or not, but I am a bridesmaid this summer, yet again.

It’s just one wedding, and it’s out of state, so it’s not like I’ve been bogged down with the details and all of the parties like I was last summer. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I have had to email the bride several times about details…details like “what shoes should we wear down the aisle?” Hair? Makeup? What should I wear to the rehearsal dinner? The bridal luncheon? etc.

At this point, I’ve got my dress, booked my flight and my hotel room (Totaling $650, just saying), and that’s pretty much all I know.

I got the flight that arrives in her city super early in the morning the day before the wedding thinking that I hadn’t seen this chick in a solid two years and she might want to catch up, or at the very least, might want company for errands or getting nails done or whatever.

When I emailed her saying just FYI, my flight gets in Friday at 7:30 am, let me know if you’d like help with anything! She wrote me back saying 7:30? Wow, don’t think the hotel will let you check in that early, but call and see. Don’t forget about the shuttle from the airport to the hotel.

Umm really bitch?

Like I do not expect a personal limo to pick me up, but I’m not just a guest. You asked me to stand in your wedding. I think you could pick me up from the airport. And no, the hotel charges to check in early so you would THINK that perhaps you could drop me off at your HOUSE for a nap or something? Oh but no, it’s ok.

I’ve decided to bring my laptop and a big fat book, and hang out at the local Starbucks until it’s acceptable pool hours, and then I will proceed to get hammered at the pool by myself.

There are the other 2 problems occurring during this awesome wedding weekend.

1. No drinking.

Ever since this girl has been dating this dude, she cut back on the drinking. And hey, I’m all for changing for the better. But this bitch used to PARTY until she pissed herself. And once we started planning the pre-wedding lingerie shower, I got the vibe that no alcohol would be present.

Umm scusie? But if I’m going to be drinking out of a dick straw, there will be vodka coming out of it. okay?

2. Out of all 6 bridesmaids, I’m the only one coming solo to this event and I refuse to be sober for more than 10 minutes the entire weekend. That’s just how I deal. If the other ladies don’t drink, that’s cool, but there will be no judgment, ok?

I was then wondering if the wedding would be dry. I have never been to a dry wedding. I’ve only been to open bar. The stories I’ve heard about dry weddings are awful…no one dances, and it’s rather boring.

Well, my nightmares came true, when I checked back on the invitation and the reception is at the church. Yippity do da. So, I am taking my flask, shoving that shit in my bra and I’ll be guzzling homemade vodka-sprites until the cake is cut and then I’m out of that bitch.

Anyone got any advice for surviving a dry wedding?

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