Tag Archives: high school crush

I’m officially disposable

Ok, so I lied. THIS will be the last post about High School Crush.  I need to get some things off my chest… and talk about how absolutely stupid this is.

So, like I said last week.  I pretty much got confirmation that he’s in a relationship with another girl with the picture and her tweet about the AWESOME night out they had.  But it gets worse.

Later in the week this girl changed her facebook picture to be the picture of them on their AWESOME night out, and then started tagging people in it so that her friends could write compliments on what a cute couple they are.  Mind you, he doesn’t have facebook so I’m sure he has no idea this is going on.  Or maybe he did since they are BFGF4LYFE.

After this, Lucky and I dug through all 2,000 of her tweets during an afternoon session of “Bash High School Crush’s New Girlfriend” and we learned several interesting tid bits about her.  

First off, she loves food, like a lot. Her favorites are Jimmy Johns, peanut butter, ice cream, and cookies.  Oh, and food, lets not forget that one. Literally every other tweet was about food, it was so bad that it made Lucky and I each take a second look at our personal twitters accounts to make sure we haven’t sounded like we have a binge eating problem like this chick does.  Verdict is in: we don’t.  We tweet about meaningful, hilarious things. Obvi.  

Second, we discovered that she’s pretty much still into her ex. We figured out that they broke up last September and they were still talking just a few months ago.  We also found out that she’s only 23 and that her birthday is the day after mine, g-hey. She has a tattoo (ick), and if there were a girl version of a douchebag, it would be her.

So that brings us to Saturday night,  HSC (I assume drunkenly) tweeted to her that “they say that this world was built for two.” Of course she retweeted it and then Sunday night she tweeted, yet another, picture of them being all cuddly and he retweeted that.  Stupid.  Social media is stupid, they are stupid, and if I ever use that shit to validate my relationships you all have permission to send me to time out to think about what I’ve done.

Some may say I’m jealous, but you know what I say? Of course I am. I put in 6 months with this guy and some gummy bull-dyke swoops in and gets the big pay off because she’s in the same city as him.  It’s not fair. Oh, did I mention she looks like a boy and has one of those gummy smiles?

 There she is! And just to add the icing on the cake I looked at her twitter again today and saw that she tweeted something about helping him build Ikea furniture last night.  That one really hurt.  Mostly because I’d like to think I had a little something to do with him going to Ikea for damn furniture in the first place.  It was MY suggestion! Second, he told me if he got the Ikea furniture like I had suggested he do, I had to help him build it.  And now this chick is doing that.  So, my conclusion is that I’m disposable… we’re all disposable.  I know I sound super cray cray right now, but I deserve to have a crazy moment or two after all of this, right?

I also know this is incredibly immature of me to do, but I need to do it here so that I don’t say all of this to his friends in a drunken rage the next time I see them.  I need to be calm, cool, and collected so that they can go back and tell him how stupid he is for screwing things up with me for a Jon Heder look alike.

Anyway, Lucky came up with the theory that this girl is posting all this stuff to make her ex jealous.  I concur, and I think he’s retweeting it to make me jealous. Why else would they tweet a picture of them sitting on the couch watching basketball? No one cares except the people that got hurt in it all. She’s doing it because she’s 23 and that’s what immature 23 year olds do to get back at their ex, and HSC is doing it because he’s a coward and this is his way of telling me it’s done. NOTED. Ass.

Anyway, I threw my fit and now I’m done.  I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted on the details when this relationship goes down in ass burning flames. 

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Relationship confirmed

So last you heard from me on Friday night/Saturday morning, I was 2 tweets away from becoming a cutter over this High School Crush bullshit.  I had a good cry about it, literally all night Friday night, like didn’t sleep a wink and got up looking like I got punched in my face. And now, I’m not going to let myself be sad about it anymore.  I’ve spent 3 weeks too many fretting about this already.

Yes, it sucks that I got fucked over, again.  And it sucks even more that it was by HSC, but that’s the name of the game and I’ve gotten pretty good at coping with people not caring about me.  You know, you cry really hard one night, wake up looking like shit the next day, go get drunk that night, and wake up still drunk feeling like a million bucks because you showed a bunch of strangers pictures of this guy’s new girlfriend and they all confirm that she’s gross and looks like a man.  Yep, I did that Saturday night and I’m not particularly proud of it, but it was nice to have an ego boost for a few hours.

So when I was going to twitter to pull up a picture of her ugly face to show people, I saw it.  Her latest tweet, “Another great night on the books with @HighSchoolCrush” then there it was… a picture of the two of them, confirming everything I had suspected. Ugh!

I know it will take time for me to really move on from this, not because we had this super long serious relationship, but because when it didn’t work out with other guys, I would always think to myself “Oh hey, there’s always HSC.” It would always make me feel better, even if just for a little bit, and I can’t do that this time.

The thing that has always been attractive to me about him, was that I thought he was a really good nice guy. Like wow, a guy who is not only physically attractive, but it also not an asshole… the 8th wonder of the world. As bad as it may sound, I still don’t think he’s a bad guy or an asshole. The odds of it working out for us were not in our favor.  Even though I did just move closer, we still live an hour away from each other.  He just bought a house in his city and I won’t be moving again anytime soon, so I don’t know if we ever would have lived in the same city.  I was aware of that the whole time, but the fact that things were easier with him than they ever had been with any other guy would have made it worth it to me to work harder at it if it was long distance.  And I won’t lie, I am  absolutely crushed that he didn’t feel the same way and that he didn’t like me enough to turn down an opportunity with someone else.  So yeah, I don’t think he’s a bad guy or an asshole. I do however, think he handled this in the wrong way, because he’s a coward. I think that after 6 months of this, whatever it was, he owed me the respect to tell me that he had met someone else.  But instead, he just gave me the fade to make me go away.  It still would have hurt just as bad, but I see that he is trying to do right by this other girl and I guess kind of by me (even though I’m getting the shit end of the stick) by not talking to multiple girls at once. So I can respect that. But, I can’t respect how he chose to end things with me and like Lucky said, I’ll get my justice because karma always comes back around. Basically, he made a temporary decision in how he ended this.  We are from the same hometown, we have the same friends, my friends know his friends, his friends know my friends, our families know each other, we get invited to the same parties/events, it is inevitable that we will see each other again and he knows that too. And when that time comes, he’ll have to make another choice of how to handle it.  He can pretend he doesn’t  know me or he can face the Gizzy fury, and it won’t be pretty.  It will probably be me reiterating most of what I’ve said here and using the word respect a lot, or throwing a drink in his face and having a good laugh about it, it all depends on my mood.  But won’t it be a peach if when he does run into me this girl is with him and he has to explain that.

So, this is the last you’ll be hearing about High School Crush.  That is, until I get my justice.  And when that happens we’ll pop a bottle of cyber Crystal and have a party up in this bitch. 

End chapter.

 

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3 strikes and you’re out… forever

And a happy Saturday to YOU! I would imagine you are all wondering what could possibly warrant a special Saturday post… Well, basically it’s 12:30 in the morning, I’m having a breakdown, and I have no one to talk to.  So wah-lah! That’s where you all come in.

So on Tuesday I informed you all about the latest with High School Crush, how he suddenly stopped talking to me and was being distant when I would initiate a conversation and I couldn’t quite figure out why.  Well, tonight I got my answer.

Before I get into the good stuff, let me back up a little bit.  When this all started to go down the only people I talked to about it were Lucky and Betty.  The only reason I talked to Betty about it was because I thought she might of had something to do with it.  But Lucky got all the deets I had on the situation.  She kept telling me that she thought I was taking it really well, and honestly I thought I was too.  I was surprised I wasn’t more upset, but I think that was mostly because I didn’t know what I should be upset about.

Que me sitting here ugly girl crying.

So, what happened, you ask, why did High School Crush stop talking to me? Let me just say, thank God for social media and all the secrets it holds.  Anyway, HSC and I follow each other on twitter and he doesn’t really tweet that much so I don’t really look at his twitter page that often.  Well, when things went down the shitter I started stalking that shit out looking for clues as to what happened.. Ie: He died, lost his phone, was in a coma, etc..etc.. within a day or two of when things first got weird I noticed this girl that he started to follow and that also followed him.  The first few days I didn’t think much of it because I could tell from some tweets she had sent that she worked with his then roommate.  So no big deal, right? The more time that passed and when things still didn’t get better I started to get even more weary of this girl.  I don’t know why, but I just had an instinct that something was going on with her. So then, in true stalker fashion, I started to look at this girl’s twitter pretty regularly.  

Tonight I decided to do some extra creeping, so I looked at her following and followers list and I see that she followed HSC’s Dad  and HSC’s sister followed her. If that’s not a sign that this chick is his girlfriend, I don’t know what is… and recently she’s been tweeting things about how happy she is, she went out of town and said she couldn’t wait to get back to what was waiting for her at home.  Yeah, so now I am upset about it.  This is kind of what I suspected all along, but to be honest HSC doesn’t really have that much game and I didn’t think he was an asshole that would do shit like that. But he is. They all are.

So here we are, the 3rd time I’ve gotten looked over by this guy.  Maybe I’m not aggressive enough with it, or maybe he just really doesn’t like me.  Whatever the reason, I need to cut all ties because I know I don’t deserve this. 

I could badmouth the girl and I could go into defense mode and play dumb and ask HSC why we haven’t been talking to try and force him to admit it to me, but that won’t change anything, and it definitely won’t make HSC have enough respect for me to tell me what happened himself. My guess is that he feels guilty, as he should, and that’s why he cut off all communication. So as hard as it will be to move on from a 13 year long crush, I have to force myself to get over him. Forever.

This post is so melodramatic. Ugh.

Anyone up for a Saturday night bonfire to burn some old pictures? I’ve never done that before, but if I’m ever going to try it this seems like the perfect opportunity.

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Bittersweet

I hope that everyone had a gay ole time celebrating ‘Merica last week.  I know I did!

I spent the week in hometown catching up with family and friends while soaking up the sun and as many non-work related activities as I could.  While I was home I was offered a position at a new job, in the city I want to be in, at the place I want to work.  I’m pretty much as ecstatic as I can be about it.  I got to go into work yesterday and lay the smack-down on my boss and tell them how much they suck.  Not really, but I did get to quit, which felt really awesome.  While all of that was happening, things with High School Crush were simultaneously going down the shitter, and I’m not sure why.  What’s the saying? When one door closes, another one opens? That’s totally the case here, but it still makes me feel like crap.
 
You see, a few weeks back Betty texted me that she ran into HSC’s best friend at a bar.  I said cool and told her to have fun.  The very next day High School Crush stopped pretty much all communication with me.  I’d like to think that these are two separate incidents, but because of Betty’s track record with saying fucked up things to guys I like, I can’t help but think she said something to his friend.
 
When I saw Betty the following weekend we talked about it, she relayed their conversation as the friend was just really interested in knowing what was going on with HSC and I.  If we were “official boyfriend/girlfriend” (because we are 5) and made some comments about how HSC talks to me more than he talks to his friends.  According to Betty, that was it and they carried on with their night, and for the first time in her life she didn’t say anything inappropriate.  Seemed pretty harmless.  I tried to chalk up the past 2 weeks of little to no communication to the fact that he closed on his house and told me he has a lot of work to do on it.  But I don’t want to make excuses for him.  Everyone has time to at least send one text a day to the person they like, and if not that, a hey sorry I dropped off the face of the Earth but I’m really busy message would have sufficed.
 
The thing is, if Betty did say something that she’s not telling me about, why wouldn’t HSC ask me about whatever she said if it was so upsetting to the point where he didn’t want to talk to me anymore? In the rare case that it was just a coincidence, I tried starting up a conversation with him a few times via text message to see how the house was coming along. The first time we had a short one sided conversation, and the second time I got a response more than a day later.  Say no more, I get the hint. The weirder part is that his responses were totally normal and upbeat.  Which is even more confusing.  If he is upset about something, why reply with totally normal conversation? Or better yet, why reply at all? However, the fact that it took him more than a day to respond to my message is all the clarification I needed.  I won’t be initiating a conversation again.
 
Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I am not a mind reader and if something is going on he should come to me to talk about it, right? I shouldn’t have to feel like the crazy, “OMG IS HE MAD AT ME?!” girl and constantly have to be like, what’s wrong? why are you mad? We are 27 years old.  Lets be adults and talk about things with each other, if I did something to make someone upset, I expect them to come to me and tell me because that’s what I would do if the situation were reversed. And lets also not have conversations through our friends, because we are not in junior high.  I’m not sending my friends off to find out what he’s thinking because I am an A-DULT.  I’d also like to think that after the nice talking to I had with Betty, if this happens again she’ll stay out of it and just say, “Oh he needs to talk to her about that.” Whatever the “that” may be.
 
I can honestly say that in all of my failed relationships, I’ve learned my lesson. This communicating through friends/getting blown off for no apparent reason business is not something I want to deal with and I kind of have zero tolerance for it, so I’m leaving the situation alone. In the past, I probably would have poked and prodded until I found out what was going on and how I could fix it. Not this time, even if it is with HSC, because I don’t want to have that be the standard of how to handle problems. I’ve constantly been the peacemaker and willing to do whatever it takes to make someone else happy and it’s gotten me cheated on and lied to, so I’m done.
 
So, that’s the current state of things.  I’m pretty excited to be moving, and disappointed in the fact that I can’t catch a break and have multiple things in my life go right at the same time. But whatever… new city, new guys.  Time to put my game face on.
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Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb

I didn’t hang out with Sweater Vest and Dina on Friday, I didn’t hang out with 2nd crush on Saturday. Instead, I hung out with Acts Gay but Says He’s Straight Friend Adam.  He just moved to the big city and we had to go out and do it right.  Doing it right included going to an outdoor rooftop bar, yes please.  Then we traversed the city to see all the sights, each with a 6 pack in tow.  I gave a homeless guy a beer, he took 1 sip and then wasted it, I got pissed and told the next homeless guy to go fuck himself.  Trouble ensued, and acts gay but says he’s straight friend Adam had to give the guy his last dollar so we wouldn’t get beaten.  Then, I sass talked multiple security guards and we got in more trouble and got kicked out of a park.  This is why I will never be a suitable mother.  All in all it was a good night, and at 2am I was walking home from the subway alone, which I’ve never done and it wasn’t so bad.  I had High School Crush on the phone to keep me company/make me feel like if I got mugged I’d be ok. 

When I got home and got into bed HSC and I were texting and he texted me something really sweet about how he wished I was there – to which I did not reply because I was face first into my pillow having a drunken snooze fest.  When I woke up 10 hours later, hungover as all hell, I was all, “Me too!” And asked him a question about the rest of his night.  I never got a response, and here it is Tuesday, and I’m still waiting….

Let me backup here, High School Crush and I have talked every single day since about oh March or so.  I’m trying not to freak out, but we’re on day 3 and this behavior is peculiar.  Right now I’m chalking it up to the fact that he’s probably overwhelmed because he’s closing on his house this week and trying to get the guts to double text, but I’m afraid I might not get a response, again. 

My horoscope for the week made me feel a little better… Beauty is nice, but it’s intelligence that turns on a lady like you. After all, substance is the only way to keep you interested, as superficial challenges can only excite for so long. Lucky for you this week will be a mind twister that will tease you in all the right ways. Seems curiosity will thrill your cat, and have you purring a sweeter tune.

That’s a good sign, right?

Tonight Dina and I are going to a baseball game, so that should do a good job of keeping me occupied and not checking my phone like a psycho.  Or it will backfire because I’ll get really drunk and text something inappropriate.  Tune in Thursday to see what happens in this hot mess.

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A Dinner with Sweater Vest

My bad guys, I forgot to write a post on Wednesday.  With that being said, TGIF!

This summer is starting out with a bang, and I’m trying to get out of my normal hum-de-dum lazy haze and do some things so that I’m not sitting at work watching the seasons change out the window like a tool.

Tuesday night I had dinner with Dina and wait for it…. Sweater Vest.  I know our dear friend Just Married Girl just got really excited!

I arrived at the restaurant first and SV came in a few minutes later.  Dina was, as always, 30 minutes late.  By the time she arrived SV and I were each 2 beers and an appetizer in, and had already caught up on the past 4 years.

He casually mentioned that he had a girlfriend, which I already knew because of facebook.  But it’s weird, we had a thing back in the day and I didn’t want it to be inappropriate if I asked questions so I just dropped it there.

Another beer later Dina brought up the girlfriend and asked when she was coming to visit.  Apparently the girl lives halfway across the country, who knows how they met.  But he mentioned that she’s moving to The Big City in a month and they are going to live together.  AND if that goes well he’s going to propose by the end of the year.

I’M SORRY! But how did this happen? Not 6 months ago SV was up Dina’s ass to get us to hang out, which I made excuses over and over that I was busy and now he’s engaged to be engaged?

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not interested in SV in that way, I semi have High School Crush now (Grand Prize, I win!) but is this what happens in adult relationships? If you have been dating the person for 6 months and you don’t hate each other it’s time to move in and get married?

This is just a little too much for me to handle, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that if I get a serious boyfriend I might have to take a poop while he’s under the same roof.  Or after 6 months I might start doing my nightly before bed rituals in front of him (chapstick, chapstick, chapstick, hair in an ugly girl bun, baggy t-shirt, and shorts – shacker style).  HSC and I have been talking for 6 months and I haven’t even let him see me without make up on yet but in SV’s world we could be engaged to be engaged.  The best part was that Sweater Vest’s reason for being engaged to be engaged was, “We’re compatiable, so why not?” PSHHHHHHHHH!  OK!

Clearly I’m not at the same emotional maturity level of SV and we’ll just leave it at that.  To make matters better, Dina wants the three of us to go out again tonight to get pants shitting drunk. Hrmph.

Wednesday night I got a text from 2nd Crush saying he was coming up to the big city Saturday night and asked if I wanted to hang.  I failed to mention that the last time I saw 2nd Crush was a few months back when I was face deep in HSC’s mouth… HSC and I spent the night at Chuck’s house, as did 2nd Crush and his partner in crime.  At one point in the night I went into the living room and found 2nd Crush and his friend sitting on the couch each wearing a woman’s big floppy hat just having a chat. 2nd Crush was all, “Who is this guy you’re with? I don’t know him!” and I was all, “Um mind your own beeswax, Grandma!” and we really haven’t talked since then.

If I’m not too hungover from the night out with SV and Dina that I’ll probably end up bailing on anyway, maybe I’ll go… for the blog.

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My past is back to haunt me…again

I was driving back to the big city last night thinking about the perfect weekend I was leaving behind.  I hung out with Betty with no drama, I hung out with High School Crush, had some quality family time, and got a nice tan while I was at it.

About an hour outside of the city I got this text from Betty…

“Mercedes just texted me all of this: Ran into Gizzy’s prom date last night. Pretty sure he’s in love with her lol. And I feel like every time I see him he’s wearing the same shirt. High School Crush something something.  That’s what his shirt said. And he was asking if she had a bf, if she was dating that High School Crush dude, if she was still in the big city…Lol all up in her biz!”

Uhhh… hold the bus.

As you may recall, Mercedes and I haven’t been friends nor have we spoken in a year and a half because she’s a cum guzzling drama whore.  So my first thought was forget prom date, why is SHE all up in MY biz? We are not friends.

This whole situation makes me nervous.  You see, back when Mercedes and I were friends she ran into my date to the senior prom at a party, they got to talking and realized they both knew me.  So they drunk dialed me.  We all had a good laugh about it and I haven’t heard of them running into each other since then, probably 3 or 4 years ago.

Also if you recall, my prom date was/is one of High School Crush’s best friends, and I also drunkenly told HSC back then that I didn’t want to go to prom with the guy.  Such a long dramatic history.

Anyway, this is bad.  I’ve tried really hard to cleanse my life of bad people like Mercedes. And now this, something that is beyond my control.  My biggest fear is that she’s still out to get me and will spill the guts to the prom date about my dating past (Snoop-Linus) and he’ll tell High School Crush all about it.  And I’ll look like a weak insecure idiot.

Don’t get me wrong here, I am not trying to hide my dating past from HSC, but we haven’t gotten into all that.  And frankly, if we never do I’ll be ok with it.  But, if we do have the “Ex talk”, I want to be the one to tell him about the awful life changing relationship with Snoop-Linus.  Because if Mercedes tells his friends the emphasis will be drugs, that he cheated on me and I stayed with him, and that I was crazy and looked through his stuff and was basically a stalker trying to figure out who and what he was doing behind my back.  When I talk about it I’d like to take the emphasis off the bad decision that I made to stay with him for so long and the crazy that took over me and highlight the fact that I learned about all the things I don’t want in a relationship/partner. Obviously in the right situation with the right guy I won’t be like that again, because I won’t have to. But an ex-friend certainly won’t shed light on how awesome I am.

Anyway, High School Crush is still talking me today so if anything was said and it was passed down the line to him he’s ok with it or doesn’t care, because it’s still normal.  So whatevs, I freak out for nothing.  

So onto the good stuff, HSC called me on Saturday and asked me to come to his friend’s pool party.  I had plans with my mom and sister so I told him I’d come later on that evening.  When I got there it was our friend from high school (Closet Freak, if anyone is keeping track), his brother and the brother’s girlfriend, his sister, High School Crush’s sister, and her husband.  And the friend’s mom. 

As the night wound down HSC asked if I wanted to come back to his parent’s house and hang out, so I said ok. 

A little back story here.  In high school, Lucky and I were stalkers.  We’d drive past the houses of the guys we liked jamming out to Justin Timberlake because it was an adreneline rush.  Occassionally when we’d drive past someone’s house they’d be outside, recognize our car and stop us to hang out.  I assume that’s why we did it, because we were losers and no one called us to hang out but if they ran into us they’d hang out with us by default. 

So as we were about to leave the party I texted Lucky cracking up at myself saying, “I’m about to go to HSC’s parent’s house and I have to pretend like I don’t know where he lives.”

10 years ago if you would’ve told me I’d be going over to his house to hang out I would have slapped you in the face.  But today? Not so shocking, and it was just like it would have been in high school.  By the time we got there his parent’s were already in bed so we had to sneak around the house in the dark to get to the basement.  He showed me his childhood room and we went back out to the tv hang out room to watch a movie. At that point I pictured 14 year old Gizzy and Lucky giving each other a high five.  They would be so proud.

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