Tag Archives: horoscope

A penny for my thoughts?

If you’re reading this, that means you’ve made it through our new fortress of protection.  But real talk here, can you guys believe that shiz? Nicole, Ben, and Ralphie will from now until forever be referred to as the trifecta of evil.  I, as the keeper of the Pearly Gates of Heaven, shun them. I hope you guys are ready for a ride to drama city, buckle up, ‘cause it’s ‘bout to get bumpy.

Seriously I am so lame.  Anymore I’m just a big walking talking 1 liner, because my life is that awesome.

Anywho, aside from bashing the trifecta of evil all weekend with Lucky, I didn’t really do much else.  I was sick, so I mostly whined to High School Crush about that via text, and then once my cough medicine kicked in I told him stories of excuses I’ve told my friends to get out of going to clubs in the big city, which he seemed to enjoy because he too makes excuses to not go out (see: soulmates).  He told me about how he got drunk and did his taxes, and I whined about being sick some more, then I found out his grandfather died (not from him) and now I feel like a big stupid whore for not asking every 5 seconds how his grandfather was doing.  But seriously, how nice is he to let me ramble aimlessly to him when he had real problems that didn’t involve flem and friends that are too fun?  With that being said, I don’t expect to hear from him again. 

BUT, in my defense, when we hung out at the festival that one night I did ask how his grandpa was doing but I said it like, “Um yeah, so I know this is probably like the worst time EVER to ask, since you know, we’re drunk, but uh, how’s your grandpa?” So he told me the story about how he really only had a week or two left before he died, and how it was hard, and his mom was really upset, and we had a really nice heart to heart and at the end he was like, “But yeah, thanks for bringing that up. HA HA.” I knew it would be awkward #1 because aside from his younger sister, I really don’t know his family at all, so he’s probably like “Why the eff does she care?” Uh because HSC, I care about YOU! MMKAY? I mean our mom’s are friends, and like my whole family is friends with his dad, but I’ve never been formally introduced like, “Mr. and Mrs. High School Crush meet Gizzy” my mom is always just like, “Eh.  They know who you are.” And I’m like, “But MOM, no one has ever formally introduced me, I am going to be their daughter-in-law one day and his mom mistakenly thought I was a prostitute once! COME ON!”  But nothing.

I don’t know where I was going with that.  But, per my horoscope things with my romantic life are going to scale back this week.  So, you win Mother Nature, it worked, I ruined it.  Whore.

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Lets just jump on the bandwagon, shall we?

Well I’ve officially ran out of things to blog about, I could tell the story of how I finally broke out of my rut and went out on a week night last night but I’m afraid everyone would be poorly disappointed when I ended the story way short because I came home and got in bed at 9pm.  I blame it on my “adjusting” which is a period I have deemed to be 6 months, I have 2 more months until I officially become a loser again.  Until then, cheers to adjustment periods! At an attempt to clean out our drafts section, here’s an old blog I started working on but never made the cut for January…

I’m sure everyone is about as sick as I am of seeing facebook friend’s status updates saying, “For 27 yeras I have been a Scorpio and now I’m an Ophiuchus, WHAT IS AN OPHIUCHUS!!?” I don’t know friends, I don’t know.  Until it gets a picture/symbol of it’s own it’s really just a poser.

But all this nonsense has made me a Pisces.  Which is fine by me, because you know what?! My whole life I read the Aries horoscope thinking this does not sound like me AT ALL.  All that zodiac jibber jabber always talked about how Aries are these big strong outgoing pushy people, which is not me.  I’m timid and shy, a Pisces if you will.  I always read the Pisces horoscope and told myself I could be halvsies because I was born in on March 25, which is only 4 days into Aries, so it’s a little bit Pisces too. For example, Astrology.com says, “Aries are happiest engaging in martial arts,” Um yeah, no.  “Sun in Pisces people are frequently pegged as wishy-washy,” YES!! Except it also describes Pisces as what I would picture tree huggers and hobos chasing their dreams to be, which is not so much me either.  So, if Aries and Pisces had a baby, it would be born on March 25 and be just like me.  So that’s one problem in my life that has been solved, and you all just witnessed it first hand and wasted 2 minutes of your life reading that.  My sincerest apologies, glad you were there to see me work through this difficult time.

Moving on to my next sporadic thought.  Last week I watched The Talk.  I don’t know why I watched The Talk, I’m not particularly proud of it, but an interesting topic of conversation got started and it made me think of my Cocktails At Tiffany’s family here.   Someone in the crew of D list celebrities that host The Talk brought up how what you look for in a man changes as you get older.

Darlene from Roseanne said that when she was in her 20’s she would overlook the small things that should be stop signs in relationships.  An example she used was a drug addict. Which, ok girlfran, been there done that.  Lucky can vouch for me in saying that when I dated the druggie also known as Snoop-Linus that was a low point in my making excuses for worthless guys era.  I mean we’ve all done it, we like a guy so we make excuses for him even though we all know better and know that if we have to make an excuse we probably shouldn’t be with them.  But we’re in our 20’s and we’re learning so we’re allowed to be stupid as long as we learn from our mistakes.  Blah blah blahhh.

Anyway, they went on to say a study showed that women in their 20’s look for men who are “kind” and “faithful” while women in their 30’s look for men with a “good sense of humor,” then they made another valid point, that the study is full of shit.  Women in their 20’s WANT to like the kind guy, but instead they like the asshole.  Which just makes my whole entire life make more sense.

… This is where the post left off, but I’m going to roll with it.  At this point in my 26 year old life a guy could be about as funny as a box of rocks but if I knew he’d never cheat on me I’d marry him yesterday.  I don’t really get how these women on the talk can believe a person ever actually quits looking for someone who is faithful but if that day ever comes I give all of you permission to shoot me in the face.  The day I say, “Well he makes me laugh so I’ll just turn my head while he’s getting some whoopie from his sexretary,” will be the day hell freezes over.

(Side note: Has anyone seen the new jamster commercial? “Text your name: Miley, and the guy’s name: Justin to 234345” !!!! Jamster! Get with the times, the Bieb and Miley will NEVER be a couple.  Ugh)

Anyway, I get the whole idea of looking for different things as your age increases but faithfulness ever not being #1 in anyone’s book just blows my mind.

On another thought, tonight Heather on the Real World finds out her lover Dustin (Zito) did gay porn.  I absolutely cannot wait.  I may even muster up the energy to twatter through it all.  See you there.

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