Tag Archives: hot men

Ok Neal, I forgive you!

Monday night Lucky and I were BBMing whilst watching Most Eligible Dallas, a guilty pleasure for us both.  We were freaking out over Courtney and Matt’s so hot hot tub kiss and moments later getting pissed at Courtney ruining it by opening up her big ugly mouth.   Which got us on the topic of hot kisses and hot guys which ultimately lead to us talking about my one true love, Neal Bledsoe, and how my facebook friend request is still pending nearly 1 year (10 months, to the day) later.  

Lucky tried making me feel better by insisting he was in a part of the world where he didn’t have internet access or that he’s been busy working.  But we all know that’ s a lie, his profile picture is different.

Part of my New Year’s resolution is going to be to let the past be the past and not hold grudges, to some extent, Douchearoo and Snoop-Linus?  Grudge.  The girl in my sorority who told on me for having hot Australians back to the sorority house one night, which ultimately got me “sober ride” duty for 3 weekends?  Forgiven.  

So I figured why not try this new and improved Gizzy out with Neal?  It can only help.  So, Neal Bledsoe… I know you google yourself and you will read this, this is Gizzy speaking, I forgive you for not accepting my friend request, even though it’s probably the biggest mistake you’ve ever made… cauuuse I think you’d like my goods.  Just saying.  Your loss, you’ll regret this, but I forgive you.

Don’t worry though, I’m not going to cancel my friend request just in case one day he decides to accept me, and propose to me, and have some sex with me, or eat some chicken, whatever, I’ll be there.

Wow, I sound like a stalker. 

Anyway…

Wouldn’t it be funny if I actually did meet Neal Bledsoe one day and we like, fell in love and I was like omg guess what I used to hate on you so bad on my blog and always talked about how you were such a jerk for not accepting my facebook friend request yet so so hot at the same time?  And he’d be like, YES Gizzy… that is soooo funny, aren’t you glad you were wrong and I’m like the nicest guy ever?  And I’d be like yeah and then we’d make out.

So if you ever come here and one day Cocktails At Tiffany’s is just gone out of thin air, it’s because I met Neal Bledsoe and he CAN NEVER KNOW ABOUT THIS.  And you and I, we can’t be blog friends anymore.

So my boss is on vacation for the next week and I am soOoOoOoOoO excited!  I was telling Lucky that I feel like a teenager whose parents finally decided it was ok to leave me at home alone for the weekend.  Like I was acting like a child.  I ate so much candy that I gave myself a stomach ache, talked to my friends all day, and googled things I shouldn’t have been while at work, I even left early yesterday and gave the office a big su-fi as I walked on the elevator.  I mean my boss like NEVER takes vacation and it’s the most annoying thing ever.  Like I always feel like when she is there I have to be working hard in case she walks around the corner, I don’t want her seeing me on facebook, playing games, or looking up flights to go visit Lucky.  Not only is she giving herself a vacation for the next week, she’s giving me a vacation too! WAHOO!!!!

Back track!  I just spent more time then I care to admit googling Neal Bledsoe to find out if he is single and if I should seriously be on the prowl, and he’s not.  He has a girlfriend… for like years.  And she’s like 9 feet tall, blonde, and gorgeous.  CHRIST! Just when you think things are starting to turn around.   I’m done.  I’m just done.  I’m going to stop wasting my time on all these hot men and just start reading the encyclopedia.   Reading the encyclopedia = FAIL.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

WWPSD – What would Patti Stanger Do?

Lately I’ve been thinking WWPSD like A LOT.  I know I know, she’s not married so what does she know about relationships? Mostly I’ve been thinking about why she would tell me I am still single.   Because lets be honest… I’m semi-successful, not retarded, not completely hideous, and not that big of a bitch so the reasons must be hidden within.

I think Patti would tell me that I need to move out of the frat house, get highlights, and face my fears and have sex with a black guy.  And then wa-lah! Mr. Perfect would appear at my front door down on one knee with a dozen long stemmed roses and a gift certificate for lypo (a girl can dream arrite!)

She would also probably tell me that I should stop bringing a bowl of cereal to work for lunch because no guy is going to think slurping milk and coco crispies is attractive. (Or will they?! He..he.)  But that’s beside the point.

Last night I envisioned myself on Millionaire Matchmaker and thought what am I looking for in a guy/relationship….

#1: Sense of humor – nobody wants someone with a stick up their ass, no matter how hot they are.  Example: Neal Bledsoe… He used to be my dream man, but then he rejected my friend request on facebook.  Like you are not that famous Neal.  Get the stick out of your ass!

#2: I have to think they’re attractive. 

#3: They have to be able to engage my mom, stepdad, and sister in a conversation.  So far I’ve only brought home 2 guys that my mom and stepdad swooned over.  1 of them wasn’t even a boyfriend and they willingly took me to visit him at college like 5 states away because they missed him so much, and the other was a guy I dated casually in high school.  Him and his soccer buddies would drop by my house, not to hang out with me, but to hang out with my mom… I’d come home from Lucky’s house or from work and my semi-boyfriend would be there with the soccer team munching on freshed baked cookies.  So in Patti words: a family man.

#4 Religion is not a deal breaker.  However, a family history of male pattern baldness is.

Then, Patti would ask me who my celebrity crush is and I would get all hot and bothered talking about Alexander Skarsgard:

And she’d make fun of me being like.. “Oh come on.. guys in the real world aren’t that perfect.”  And I’d be all “Ok, well set me up with him then because we are soulmates.  Kthanks! “(I am getting hot and bothered looking at the picture.  Seriously, I’m sweating. It’s gross.)

I don’t know if I can go on with this.  Now I’ve got Alexander Skarsgard on the brain and I kind of just want to go home and lay in my bed.  I’ll try…

So I don’t know, maybe Patti would do some exercises with me to get me to small talk with people.  Maybe I’d have to ride an elevator for an hour and find out a fun fact about every person that got on the elevator, because that would make me personable and warm… which I’m not? Maybe she would make me do stand up to face my fears of public embarassment?  I think I might cry. This is turning into a therapy session.

Anyway, my thoughts are how can I make myself approachable to be asked on dates? I’m not looking for a relationship, but I wouldn’t mind getting to know some people before I move out of this god forsaken city I also wouldn’t mind some sex, but… lets try for a dinner first.  Do I need to wear a sign or a button that says, “Ask ME out!” Is there an international color for single that I should be wearing?  Should I just shut my mouth and become a lesbian?  I don’t know this is stressing me out.

I also feel like I need to comment on the egg donor thing Lucky mentioned yesterday.  Yes, it WAS my idea to be an egg donor to earn fast cash and if Lucky wants to do it by god I’ll be there to hold her hand because she is more selfless than I am.  I was all, “Yeah I just don’t know if I could be walking around all day knowing I had a kid out there somewhere.” And she was all, “Well I’d be thinking of it like, these people can’t have kids.” Which is a valid point, but I think I’m still too selfish. I’d get in there and see them take my egg out and be like, um that’s my egg bitch give it back!

Clearly I’ve got some things to work on during this long weekend.  Happy holidays everyone.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,