Tag Archives: insurance


We’re baaaackkk!!  I know Lucky apologized for us sucking last week, but I’ll do it again.  SO SORRY!  I’m sure everyone was just so so upset that they didn’t get their fill of Lucky and Gizzy dramaz last week (because there’s always SO much of it). 

Well, let me just begin to tell you about the week from hell I had.  Let’s start with Monday…

I wake up late (pretty typical) run in the bathroom, flip the light switch (don’t notice that the light didn’t turn on), and start the shower.  I’m almost naked when I realize I’m in the dark and it’s Hurricane Katrinaing outside.  I paced back and forth for a good 15 minutes about the power being out before I realized I wouldn’t be able to get my car out of the garage, and wouldn’t be able to get to work.  Yes, I could have used public transhit, but seriously who wants to go stand outside in a monsoon and wait for a bus or hail a cab? Not this girl.  So I went to the garage to double check that I couldn’t get my car out before I called in to work.

So I call in, my boss doesn’t answer (also typical), I leave a frantic message about how I’m dying but that all should be right with the world by Tuesday and I’ll be back to work.  So by this time the monsoon was pretty much over and it was just raining. I laid down to try and go back to sleep when I heard my douche neighbor trying to open his garage door 50 million times.  Let me also say that the power wasn’t COMPLETELY out, it was like very low voltage, think horror film – dim flickering lights that make the bzzzzzzzzz noise because they’re like power surging.  Super freaky. 

So anyway, I hear my retarded neighbor trying to open his garage door, literally like 10 times.  The next thing I know it’s about 10 minutes later and there is pounding on the front door.  I go downstairs and it’s the fire department, telling me that my garage (with my car in it) is on fire and I need to evacuate (without a bra.) The convo literally went like this:

Hot Fireman:  You need to evacuate so we can put out the fire in your garage.

Gizzy: There’s a fire in my garage?

HF: You don’t smell the smoke?

Gizzy: *Snif*Snif* Oh, hmm.  Can I put a bra on first?

HF: There’s no time, get outside.

Thankfully I was smart enough to not put a bra on but take my purse downstairs with me, so I was able to walk to the coffee shop down the street to get some breakfast, also without my shoes, in the rain.

When I returned back from my breakfast where everyone thought I was homeless, the fire was out and the hottie firemen were checking out our outlets to make sure no other fires would start.  They also cut our power, so even when power was restored we still couldn’t have life’s little pleasures like A/C, tv, or a way to get my torched car out of the garage so I could drive it off a cliff and get rid of it once and for all.

Luckily, one of the coffee shop workers had the same phone as me and allowed me to use his phone charger while I ate so I could have SOME connection to the outside world. 

After the fire department left I laid in bed, in the 96 degree heat, painted my nails, organized my room, and eventually laid out on the roof when the sun came out.  All while on the phone with insurance claims departments (for the car accident, the fire, and my lame accident prone life.)

*Side note: The investigators determined the cause of the fire was from the motor on my neighbors garage door when he was retardedly trying to open it for 2 hours non-stop.  Hooray!

Apparently, when you file a claim with your insurance company regarding a fire they take it upon themselves to let their life insurance department know and belittle you into thinking your existence is only hurting you, and mankind.

Life Insurance Bitch: Hello Gizzy, we were recently made aware of the fire in your home, I am so sorry to hear about this horrible tragedy, but you are now aware of the surprises life can bring upon you in an instant.  Could you imagine if you had been badly harmed or even suffered from death? How would your family have gone on without you, both emotionally and financially?

Gizzy: Um, yeah, they’d be ok.

LIB: I think you are underestimating the things you bring to the table for your growing family.  How would they have paid the mortgage, the bills, for your funeral? How would your children go to college?

Gizzy: My children? I don’t have kids lady. 

LIB: What about little Gizzy, and little Ella.

*It was at this point that I realized this lady thought I was my mom, and that our house caught on fire.  Clearly the other bastards didn’t tell her I was inquiring about a renter’s insurance claim.  MWHAAA*

Gizzy:  I’ll haunt those little betches.



So at that point I was literally going crazy, not to mention I was finally getting calls that day from the insurance companies about the car accident that happened almost 3 weeks ago. 

It seems as though homegirl that I got in the accident with got word that I was filing a claim against her with her insurance company (Duh! Because it was her fault) and decided to try and one up me and file a claim with my insurance company saying it was my fault.  Of course her insurance company finally took liability on it on Friday – because look it up slutski, you were pulling out of a parking spot it’s your fault 100% of the time! Even if I was doing lines of crack off the dashboard while driving, still your fault.  Ugh! People.   

So that was Monday…

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RIP my car

Ellooooo governa! This is going to be short and sweet as I’ve had one of the longest most whirlwind days of my life (talking about Wednesday here, not Thursday).  Not only was work hell and I made the executive decision to try and go through all of my emails and stay until 7pm when I should’ve left at 4 I came home to find one of my old college friends Periwinkle at my apartment.

I should back up a little, yes Lucky is coming to my house this weekend and I am SOOOOO excited, but Anth is also hosting a bachelor party of 20 guys at our house.  Hrmph.  Lucky and I have a list of things to do and places to be so hopefully they don’t get in the way.   Anyway, it’s Periwinkle’s bachelor party and he came in town yesterday to do some business before hand.

So when I got home, instead of doing my normal lay in my bed and nap for 3 hours, eat some dinner, and go back to bed I had to sit downstairs and socialize.  AND miss The Voice 😦 so not fair.  So I was already feeling a little out of my element.

9pm rolled around and I decided I should go tanning since I have 2 days left on my contract.  So I go and on my way home BAM CRASH BOOM.  Car accident.  I knew it was inevitable with traffic being the way it is here and the 8 million people, but I would’ve never guessed I would’ve gotten in an accident at 10 o’clock at night when there is 0 traffic.

So what happened? I’m minding my own business driving home and was about .2 miles from my apartment, like literally had to turn a corner and I’d be home when I go down a little slope and run into the side of this chick’s car.  She was pulling out of a parallel parking space and I don’t know she seemed pretty dingy, so she probably didn’t even look to see if any cars were coming.  I tried to stop but it didn’t happen.  My car is drivable… but it looks pretty rough…

So after I slam into the side of this girl’s car a guy jumps out and is looking at the damage, I fall out of my car like I almost died and he asks if I’m ok, I say yeah and dig through my purse to find my phone to call the cops all the while the driver is just sitting in the car.  I’m all, “Uhh is she ok?” And he’s like “Oh she hit her head.”  Eventually she gets out and says she’s fine, the cops tell us if the cars are driveable they’re not coming and we should just exchange information and come to the police station within 48 hours to file a report.  Some city huh?

So we do, by this time it’s pushing 10 (my bedtime) and I don’t feel like subjecting myself to a big city police station before bed.   The couple tells me they are going to go tonight to get it over with and I tell them I’m going to go tomorrow to kick off my vacation the right way. We leave and 30 minutes later I get a call from them saying they’re at a police station in the suburbs and the cops told them to tell me not to file another police report because having 2 would make it confusing.  Hrmmm… ok, and they also didn’t need a statement from me.  It’s weird.  They gave me a report number so I’m going to go to the police station and see if they’ll give me a copy of the report.  

BUT, I googled it and in anyway shape or form this accident is this girls fault, whether they filed the report or I did…. people pulling out of parking spots have to yield to oncoming traffic no matter what so I guess I should chillax.  

My poor little old car, now every time I go over a bump it makes this horrifying sound like it wants to die.  Stay strong car, stay strong, help is coming in the form of an insurance check. 

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