Tag Archives: movies

Things I need to tell Simba.

Simba = Michael.

A Blackberry Memo

Edit Memo

Title: Things I Need To Tell Simba

1. Chef B*** doesn’t work at B** ** anymore.

2. Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake Batter is on sale at the grocery.

3. Reversible disco hoodies are made of 100% pure disconium.

4. Out of respect for people like you, I saw Silver Linings again, sober. It was alright. And by people like you, I mean actors. Sorry I was so drunk the first time. And sorry I keep wishing we’d talk.

5. I miss you.

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3 degrees of separation to my [right now] 4th runner up

Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned I was OB-SESSED with the new teeny bopper show Hollywood Heights? 

Well, I still am.  And every day I think the lead actor, Cody Longo, gets hotter and hotter.  At this moment in time he is my 4th runner up soul-mate.

1. Ryan Gosling (obvi)

2.  Zac Efron

3. Alexander Skarsgard

4. Cody Longo

Number 4 changes pretty frequently, but this guy will probably hold this spot for the remainder of the summer.  

Anyway, I did some twitter creeping and figured out our 3 degrees of separation.

1st degree – My friend, we’ll call her Karen, is in the biz and is friends with…

2nd degree – Miley Cyrus, who is friends with…

3rd degree – Cherie Daly, who is the girlfriend of…

Cody Longo

Boom! We’re practically married. 

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A Dinner with Sweater Vest

My bad guys, I forgot to write a post on Wednesday.  With that being said, TGIF!

This summer is starting out with a bang, and I’m trying to get out of my normal hum-de-dum lazy haze and do some things so that I’m not sitting at work watching the seasons change out the window like a tool.

Tuesday night I had dinner with Dina and wait for it…. Sweater Vest.  I know our dear friend Just Married Girl just got really excited!

I arrived at the restaurant first and SV came in a few minutes later.  Dina was, as always, 30 minutes late.  By the time she arrived SV and I were each 2 beers and an appetizer in, and had already caught up on the past 4 years.

He casually mentioned that he had a girlfriend, which I already knew because of facebook.  But it’s weird, we had a thing back in the day and I didn’t want it to be inappropriate if I asked questions so I just dropped it there.

Another beer later Dina brought up the girlfriend and asked when she was coming to visit.  Apparently the girl lives halfway across the country, who knows how they met.  But he mentioned that she’s moving to The Big City in a month and they are going to live together.  AND if that goes well he’s going to propose by the end of the year.

I’M SORRY! But how did this happen? Not 6 months ago SV was up Dina’s ass to get us to hang out, which I made excuses over and over that I was busy and now he’s engaged to be engaged?

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not interested in SV in that way, I semi have High School Crush now (Grand Prize, I win!) but is this what happens in adult relationships? If you have been dating the person for 6 months and you don’t hate each other it’s time to move in and get married?

This is just a little too much for me to handle, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that if I get a serious boyfriend I might have to take a poop while he’s under the same roof.  Or after 6 months I might start doing my nightly before bed rituals in front of him (chapstick, chapstick, chapstick, hair in an ugly girl bun, baggy t-shirt, and shorts – shacker style).  HSC and I have been talking for 6 months and I haven’t even let him see me without make up on yet but in SV’s world we could be engaged to be engaged.  The best part was that Sweater Vest’s reason for being engaged to be engaged was, “We’re compatiable, so why not?” PSHHHHHHHHH!  OK!

Clearly I’m not at the same emotional maturity level of SV and we’ll just leave it at that.  To make matters better, Dina wants the three of us to go out again tonight to get pants shitting drunk. Hrmph.

Wednesday night I got a text from 2nd Crush saying he was coming up to the big city Saturday night and asked if I wanted to hang.  I failed to mention that the last time I saw 2nd Crush was a few months back when I was face deep in HSC’s mouth… HSC and I spent the night at Chuck’s house, as did 2nd Crush and his partner in crime.  At one point in the night I went into the living room and found 2nd Crush and his friend sitting on the couch each wearing a woman’s big floppy hat just having a chat. 2nd Crush was all, “Who is this guy you’re with? I don’t know him!” and I was all, “Um mind your own beeswax, Grandma!” and we really haven’t talked since then.

If I’m not too hungover from the night out with SV and Dina that I’ll probably end up bailing on anyway, maybe I’ll go… for the blog.

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My past is back to haunt me…again

I was driving back to the big city last night thinking about the perfect weekend I was leaving behind.  I hung out with Betty with no drama, I hung out with High School Crush, had some quality family time, and got a nice tan while I was at it.

About an hour outside of the city I got this text from Betty…

“Mercedes just texted me all of this: Ran into Gizzy’s prom date last night. Pretty sure he’s in love with her lol. And I feel like every time I see him he’s wearing the same shirt. High School Crush something something.  That’s what his shirt said. And he was asking if she had a bf, if she was dating that High School Crush dude, if she was still in the big city…Lol all up in her biz!”

Uhhh… hold the bus.

As you may recall, Mercedes and I haven’t been friends nor have we spoken in a year and a half because she’s a cum guzzling drama whore.  So my first thought was forget prom date, why is SHE all up in MY biz? We are not friends.

This whole situation makes me nervous.  You see, back when Mercedes and I were friends she ran into my date to the senior prom at a party, they got to talking and realized they both knew me.  So they drunk dialed me.  We all had a good laugh about it and I haven’t heard of them running into each other since then, probably 3 or 4 years ago.

Also if you recall, my prom date was/is one of High School Crush’s best friends, and I also drunkenly told HSC back then that I didn’t want to go to prom with the guy.  Such a long dramatic history.

Anyway, this is bad.  I’ve tried really hard to cleanse my life of bad people like Mercedes. And now this, something that is beyond my control.  My biggest fear is that she’s still out to get me and will spill the guts to the prom date about my dating past (Snoop-Linus) and he’ll tell High School Crush all about it.  And I’ll look like a weak insecure idiot.

Don’t get me wrong here, I am not trying to hide my dating past from HSC, but we haven’t gotten into all that.  And frankly, if we never do I’ll be ok with it.  But, if we do have the “Ex talk”, I want to be the one to tell him about the awful life changing relationship with Snoop-Linus.  Because if Mercedes tells his friends the emphasis will be drugs, that he cheated on me and I stayed with him, and that I was crazy and looked through his stuff and was basically a stalker trying to figure out who and what he was doing behind my back.  When I talk about it I’d like to take the emphasis off the bad decision that I made to stay with him for so long and the crazy that took over me and highlight the fact that I learned about all the things I don’t want in a relationship/partner. Obviously in the right situation with the right guy I won’t be like that again, because I won’t have to. But an ex-friend certainly won’t shed light on how awesome I am.

Anyway, High School Crush is still talking me today so if anything was said and it was passed down the line to him he’s ok with it or doesn’t care, because it’s still normal.  So whatevs, I freak out for nothing.  

So onto the good stuff, HSC called me on Saturday and asked me to come to his friend’s pool party.  I had plans with my mom and sister so I told him I’d come later on that evening.  When I got there it was our friend from high school (Closet Freak, if anyone is keeping track), his brother and the brother’s girlfriend, his sister, High School Crush’s sister, and her husband.  And the friend’s mom. 

As the night wound down HSC asked if I wanted to come back to his parent’s house and hang out, so I said ok. 

A little back story here.  In high school, Lucky and I were stalkers.  We’d drive past the houses of the guys we liked jamming out to Justin Timberlake because it was an adreneline rush.  Occassionally when we’d drive past someone’s house they’d be outside, recognize our car and stop us to hang out.  I assume that’s why we did it, because we were losers and no one called us to hang out but if they ran into us they’d hang out with us by default. 

So as we were about to leave the party I texted Lucky cracking up at myself saying, “I’m about to go to HSC’s parent’s house and I have to pretend like I don’t know where he lives.”

10 years ago if you would’ve told me I’d be going over to his house to hang out I would have slapped you in the face.  But today? Not so shocking, and it was just like it would have been in high school.  By the time we got there his parent’s were already in bed so we had to sneak around the house in the dark to get to the basement.  He showed me his childhood room and we went back out to the tv hang out room to watch a movie. At that point I pictured 14 year old Gizzy and Lucky giving each other a high five.  They would be so proud.

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The reasons behind the misery

Today is a good day.  Let me tell you why.

First, it’s Friday.  Friday’s are ALWAYS good.

Second, Ciggy Breath AND my boss are both out of the office today.  A-ching-ching!

Third, I am going back to hometown for the second 3 day weekend in a row.

The downside is that I have to come back to hell on Tuesday.

I don’t have much planned for the long weekend, Betty and I are going to hit up her pool with some brewskis Saturday afternoon.  And I’m going to hang out with High School Crush this weekend, in our hometown, probably high school style at one of our parent’s houses.  14 year old Gizzy is so envious of 27 year old Gizzy’s dating life right now!

Ok, real talk here, I need your help.  How can I politely tell Anth to stop being an annoying mother fucker in the mornings?  I realize that I live in an open room with no door and people have to walk past my area to leave our apartment.  I know I’m going to get woken up.  But, I feel like Anth doesn’t try to be quiet at all in the sense that he will run in and out of the house 10 times in the morning doing god knows what and slams the door when he leaves as hard as he can…. OR he leaves the door wide open for a solid 10 minutes.  Which also keeps me up, because I’m lying there thinking, “Ok, is he coming back? Should I get up and close the door? What if a robber comes in and kills me?”

The second thing he does is he moves the dishes around banging them on the counter as hard as he can without breaking them.  Don’t get me wrong here, he is not DOING the dishes, he’s just moving them from one spot on the counter to another.  A while back when I told a mutual friend of ours that Anth is the loudest person I’ve ever met he said, “Yeah I think he’s the type of person where if he’s up he thinks everyone should be and if you’re not up he wants you to know he is and he’s there.” Perfectly said.

My next complaint is about the fucking barbarian I am now living with, the guy from Alaska.  For whatever reason this guy creeps me out and just rubs me the wrong way.  I don’t like him.  Call me Judge Judy, but I am entitled to my closed minded opinion.

First off the guy does laundry every fucking day.  I just don’t understand how one person produces so many dirty clothes.  This annoys me because my room is in the laundry room so he’s constantly knocking on the wall outside of my room saying, “Gizzy? Can I jump in here and do some laundry?” Seriously, every fucking day.  At some point, maybe when I’m drunk, I’m going to snap back and be like “What the hell is wrong with you bro? Do you poop in your pants or something?” I just don’t get it. 

Second, Anth has met his match when it comes to being a disgusting slob.  This guy is worse. Not only does he produce more dirty dishes than he does clothes, he refuses to unload a dishwasher full of dishes that are 95% from him.  Instead, he fills up one side of the sink with water and piles his dishes in there, with food on them.  So by the time the dishwasher finally gets unloaded (when I do it) the water smells like dead people and there’s chunks of food floating around in it.  On that note, last night (after unloading the dishwasher) I found a dirty cutting board that had been conveniently placed BEHIND the toaster oven, with chunks of raw chicken still stuck to it.  Yep.  This is what I’m dealing with.  I won’t even get into how gross the buttons on the oven and microwave are because he fries everything he eats.

So anyway, now you all know the reasoning behind why I am miserable in my big city life.  I’m on the job hunt for a job near home town, but as I explained to lucky last night there just aren’t jobs out there.  I spend my evenings racking my brain trying to think of companies to apply to and once I get to their website there are no open jobs in finance.  Hrmph.  My plan, once I get a new job, is to go back to school.  Now I’m thinking that going back to school may be my only way out of the big shitty city.

But hey, Happy Memorial Day everyone…. Thank a soldier.

 

MERICA!

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Check, double check!

I’ve got some things to check off my 28 before 28 list…

  1. Quit my job
  2. Find a new job
  3. Move closer to hometown
  4. Have sex with Zac Efron and/or Ryan Gosling and ultimately trick one of them into marrying me
  5. Visit Las Vegas (almost there!)
  6. Get over my fear of having people touch my feet and get a pedicure
  7. Buy a new car
  8. Go on a date with a stranger
  9. Start a retirement savings account outside of the one my job offers
  10. Do Lucky’s infamous 14 day detox
  11. Finish learning to play the piano
  12. Buy living room/dining room furniture
  13. Complete a painting
  14. Pay off a student loan
  15. Take the GRE
  16. Apply for Masters programs
  17. Put money aside for mine and Lucky’s 30th birthday Euro trip
  18. Lose 8 pounds/tone up
  19. Buy a new camera
  20. Visit a winery
  21. Get renters insurance
  22. Try a gluten free diet
  23. Get the mole on my neck that bugs me removed
  24. Do something selfless to help out a stranger
  25. Take myself on an awesome date, that means a nice dinner and a movie – alone (already know which movie I’m going to see!)
  26. Volunteer some time to a good cause
  27. Buy the best anti-wrinkle/eye firming cream out there
  28. Find the DeLorean and Doc Brown, and take a drive back to my 18th birthday so I can do it all over again

2 down, 26 to go!!! I’ll be crossing one more off the list this weekend, VEGAS BABY!

 

 

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Weekend To-Do list

Today, Friday, I am spending my whole day not working as I tend to do on Fridays. I typically use Fridays to make lists of the things I need to do over the weekend.  Mostly errands I’ll end up finding ways to tell myself I don’t actually need to do, because doing them would involve wearing pants and sitting in traffic.

So friends, here I am to share my freak show weekend list with you:

*Pack (I’m moving back to the dungeon on Tuesday, remember? Hrmph)

*Clean

*Take one last bubble bath in my garden tub before I am sent back to sharing a bathroom with dirty boys

*Lay in bed naked while I still have 4 walls

*Do activities in my spacious 4 walled bedroom

                -Activities list-

                *Floor angels

                *Spreading my mail out all over the floor just because I can

                *Cheerleading high kicks

*Sit on my toilet and poop for literally the next 4 days. How am I going to poop when I share a bathroom with boys again? I’m pretty sure the last time I lived in the dungeon I held it in for 5 months.  I’ve really been taking pooping in the comfort of my own bathroom for granted.

*Re-master changing clothes without ever getting naked in case one of these new bros is a peeper.

*Apply for a babillion jobs so I can get the F out of the dungeon and the big city.

That’s all I can think about for now.  I am like really hung up on this pooping thing.

P.S. Happy Birthday to our main squeeze SHY GUY!!!!

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