Tag Archives: movies

I’m the new girl, again.

Let me start off with my standard, sorry I sucked last week apology.  Big changes are coming my way and I can’t always put my feelings into words.  Also, I’m lazy.

You may recall a post from a few weeks ago when I mentioned I was going to try and spice things up round here by moving back into the dungeon. 

Well, the time has come.  Next weekend is moving day and I’m quite excited.  Not just because I’ll be saving $600 a month in rent and as the lone girl in the house I’ll have virtually no privacy, but because 2 new boys are moving it.

That’s right. Fresh meat. Literally. Gross.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting one of the new roomies, we’ll call him “I’m hot Henry”.  So there I was sitting in my bed sewing sequins on my Vegas clothes, when Anth is at my door asking if I want to meet the new roomie.  I looked at myself in the mirror, realized I looked like asshole but didn’t care because what were the odds that I’d actually be attracted to the guy? Mistake #1.

He is HOT. Hence the name, I’m hot Henry.

So me, Anth, and IHH sat on the couch for a while and chatted.  Anth has told me that IHH and the other new roomie both have girlfriends.  However, in the 20 minutes I talked to the guy he did not mention her. 

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not going to shit where I sleep (is that the saying?).  I’m just excited to have something nice to look at while I’m making dinner. Plus, I’ve got that whole High School Crush thing going.

And it’ll be extra fun having a hot roommate if Anth can take his head out of his girlfriend’s ass long enough for us to start having roomie night again.  Something we would do when JM still lived with us.

Anyway, IHH left and I immediately went to facebook creep mode trying to figure out his deal.  In the process I found the other new roomie, Hillbilly Hank.  Hillbilly Hank comes to the big city from the backwoods of Alaska.  I know we’ve tried to keep our locale on the DL up in here, but let me just say the big city is pretty much the complete opposite of Alaska. Honestly, Hillbilly Hank reminds me a lot of that hilljack cousin my aunt and uncle tried to set me up with last year. All his profile pictures are of him in camoflauge, holding a gun, and a dead animal.

I don’t know if you’ve gotten any kind of mental image of the type of guy Anth is all these years of me talking about him, but he is not like Hillbilly Hank. At all.  Anth is the epitome of a frat guy.  He wears polos, he gels his hair, he plays beer pong, he watches sports because he thinks it’s cool not because he likes them, and pre-girlfriend he would go to bars for one reason: ass.  I’m hot Henry seems, from what I can gauge, to be exactly the same as Anth.  I just would love to be around this fall when Hillbilly Hank goes hunting and hangs a dead animal in the garage to drain it’s blood.  Shits going to be good!

Anyway, I just cannot wait to watch all the drama unfold when these two guys, who are said to be very neat and tidy find out what a trash bag Anth is.  And when Anth starts with his bitching emails.  You see, since Doogie has been MIA the past 6 months and it has just been Anth and I, there have been no emails. Anth and I have come to an understanding and it is that he can be as dirty as he wants and I’ll stay in my room. Guys, it’s just going to be so good, you don’t know what you’re in for.

In other news, Lucky and I leave for Vegas in T-minus 20 days! AHHHHHHHHH!

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28 before 28 – doing it!

As Lucky mentioned last week, Sunday was my birthday.  I’m 27 now and it doesn’t feel any different than 26, or 22 for that matter.  Except the fact that I’m closer to 30, which bums me out.  But people keep saying 30 is the new 20, so I’m going to believe it.

I know we drone on a lot about how we’re single and how everyone else our age is married and having babies and wah wah poor us.  Honestly, when I was a little girl and I thought all the time about what my life would be like when I was 27.  For starters, I was expecting to be married, to Zac Hanson/JTT (depending on the year).

Which clearly I’m still in the running for.  I was never one to be all about having babies though, from a pretty young age I knew that I would wait until I was in my mid thirties before I would start popping out noise makers.  I mean, why ruin a hot bod before its necessary? And when I start having babies that will most likely also be the end of it too.  Twins would be the ideal situation so I can get 2 for the price of one and be done.

Anyway, the point is that I’m 27 and my life is nothing like what I expected it to be.  I thought I would be married, not living in the big city, not hating my job, and that life would be peachy.  With the exception of my job sucking donkey, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at.  I don’t rely on anyone for money, some dude doesn’t run my life, and somehow I’ve held it together enough to not have a nervous breakdown and stab my co-workers in the eyes with pencils.

For my birthday celebration I went to visit a friend that lives in a college town with her mom.  When we were younger, hanging out with people’s parents was really a buzz kill, but since we’ve all become legal to drink it’s a lot more fun now.  Anyway, my friend’s mom is recently divorced and her new divorcee outlook on life is pretty much spot on with how I want to lead the rest of my life.  Her new motto is that she only wants to surround herself with people who bring light to her life, and people whose life she brings light to.  Yeah it’s kind of hippie dippie, but that’s her and she makes a good point.  It also lines up with what Lucky and I have been saying for a while now, that the negative people need to get the fuck out.  Since we’ve both been lacking the drama in our lives lately, I’d say we’re doing a pretty good job at that, with the exception of our work lives.

Since things are probably going to start going downhill after 27, I thought it best to make a list of all the things I’d like to accomplish before my 28th birthday, you know that’s the new thing to do 35 things to do before 35 blah blah, so I’m doing 28 things to do before I turn 28 –  most of mine aren’t life changing so don’t get too excited.  I will however keep everyone updated on my progress of marking things off the list:

  1. Quit my job
  2. Find a new job
  3. Move closer to hometown
  4. Have sex with Zac Efron and/or Ryan Gosling and ultimately trick one of them into marrying me
  5. Visit Las Vegas (almost there!)
  6. Get over my fear of having people touch my feet and get a pedicure
  7. Buy a new car
  8. Go on a date with a stranger
  9. Start a retirement savings account outside of the one my job offers
  10. Do Lucky’s infamous 14 day detox
  11. Finish learning to play the piano
  12. Buy living room/dining room furniture
  13. Complete a painting
  14. Pay off a student loan
  15. Take the GRE
  16. Apply for Masters programs
  17. Put money aside for mine and Lucky’s 30th birthday Euro trip
  18. Lose 8 pounds/tone up
  19. Buy a new camera
  20. Visit a winery
  21. Get renters insurance
  22. Try a gluten free diet
  23. Get the mole on my neck that bugs me removed
  24. Do something selfless to help out a stranger
  25. Take myself on an awesome date, that means a nice dinner and a movie – alone (already know which movie I’m going to see!)
  26. Volunteer some time to a good cause
  27. Buy the best anti-wrinkle/eye firming cream out there
  28. Find the DeLorean and Doc Brown, and take a drive back to my 18th birthday so I can do it all over again
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I solemnly swear to never walk alone again

Lately I’ve been trying to make an effort to make myself not be so miserable in the big city.  I’ve applied for several jobs and gotten no phone calls for interviews, so as much as I don’t want to admit it – I may be stuck here for a while.  I thought maybe I should try to embrace the city and figure out a way to make it work until someone decides to throw a new job at me.

It’s been unseasonably warm the past few weeks so yesterday I decided that after I got home from work I would walk to Target to get a few things I needed.  I could get some exercise while enjoying the nice weather and get my errands done, why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone? With that being said, yesterday will probably be the first and last time I walk anywhere that’s more than a block or two away.

The area that I live in isn’t the best, but it’s not bad by any means.  There are some sketchy blocks here and there where there is some low-income housing, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

On my way to Target it wasn’t so bad, it was still daylight and yes all the hood rats were outside on the sidewalks most of them didn’t bat an eye when I walked by.  After I passed one group and got a pretty good distance away, I heard one of the women yelling at me, “Hey pink! Hey pink come back here! Hey girl, hey why don’t you come back here?” I knew she was talking about me because the word PINK was plastered across my ass.  I didn’t turn around, I didn’t know what she wanted and I definitely didn’t want to find out.

I probably could have avoided that happening at all if I had thought it out a little more.  Note to self: Don’t wear name brand clothing or bring your faux Jimmy Choo along for the walk through the hood.

So I made it to Target, got everything I wanted and decided to walk to the bookstore to get a new Nicholas Sparks book (Lucky gave me The Lucky One to read and now I’m hooked). So after the book store I was headed home, it was dark out but you know the big city has lots of lights so I didn’t feel like I was going to get murdered in an alley or anything or that it was unsafe to walk by myself.

As I was walking by this abandoned building/parking lot I noticed man probably in his mid forties wandering around the parking lot aimlessly.  It was a little weird because he definitely didn’t seem like he was walking because he was going somewhere.  I got to a cross walk and stopped but I could see him stumbling toward me out of the corner of my eye.  I positioned myself so that if he came up to the corner I would be facing him and not have my back turned to him.  Better to be safe than sorry.  I was hoping the light would change and I could scurry across the street before the guy reached the corner, but of course that didn’t happen.

The man made it to the corner and I got a better look at him, he was heavy-set – probably like 250 pounds at least and wasn’t much taller than me, he couldn’t have been more than 5’8”.  But then, the guy kept walking and got super close to me, like right in my face.  Literally like 6 inches away and I could just smell his nasty breath.  He was missing most of his teeth and his eyes looked freaking cray cray.  [Insert Gizzy crapping her pants.]

The intersection we were at is pretty busy, so I’d like to hope that if I screamed or if the guy tried to attack me and people saw me struggling someone would get out of their car and help.  But who knows, it’s the big city and people are assholes.  What I was more afraid of was that the guy was just going to pull out a gun and shoot me in the stomach.  But instead, he was right in my face and said, “I know you.” After he talked I could tell he definitely wasn’t all there, he was either super wasted or semi-retarded, maybe both.  So I backed away, and said, “Um, NO.. you don’t.”  Then he got in my face again, “Yes. I do.” Then he just kept staring at me from inches away and every time I backed away he got right up in my face again.  Seriously, this was the longest damn stoplight of my life.

So then I had backed up as far as I could and I was up against the guard rail on the sidewalk and the guy said, “I’m just going across the street. Come with me.” I screamed, “NO!” and still had nowhere to go. Just in time this guy running stopped at the cross walk and came over and asked if he could walk me across the street.  I said “THANK GOD! YES!” Then the light changed and we started walking, the old fat man followed us but he was slow so I didn’t think he’d be able to catch up again unless I stopped.  The guy asked if I’d be ok to walk alone and I said yes that I didn’t live far and I was just going to run the rest of it with my shopping bags in tow to make sure I got far far away from that weirdo.

So I made it home, thankfully.  But I think from now on I’ll be driving wherever I need to go.

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I didn’t order any crazy this weekend

While we’re on the subject of ex-boyfriends and how much they are life-ruiners, I too had a blast from the past this weekend.  Unfortunately, mine wasn’t in a nightmare… it was in real life.

Friday night after work I went out for dinner and drinks with the ole crew.  JM and his girlfriend were in town and made me feel obligated to hang out with them at least once since I wouldn’t be participating in the St. Patty’s day festivities.  So I did, we got a little sauced and came home at 10:30 and I went to bed.

At 1:30 I was woken up by a call from a number not programed in my phone.  Since I was half drunk and still asleep it took me a good 10 minutes of staring at the number to figure out who it was.  Snoop-Linus.

You see, a few weeks ago I got a text from this same number: “Hey it’s Snoop-Linus, my phone got stolen and I wanted you to have my new #.  Hope all is well.  Would love to catch up sometime.”

Of course I didn’t reply, I didn’t save the number, and I didn’t feel anything.  It was more of an annoyance if anything.  Each time I hear from this kid it makes me more happy than the last that I’m not with him.  Seriously? You are 25 years old, how does your phone get stolen? I’ll tell you how, you’re high on drugs and wasted out of your mind at some stupid club and can’t keep track of your shit.  Not sad I wasn’t there. Get a life and stay out of mine.

So, when he called he didn’t leave a message.  But no one calls their ex-girlfriend that they haven’t spoken to in 6 months at 1:30 in the morning unless they are shitfaced.  Even though he didn’t leave some drunk tard voicemail this phone call really pissed me the fuck off.  Like hey dude, what’s it going to take for you to realize I want nothing to do with you? I’ve told you, multiple times.  I’ve also asked multiple times that you leave me alone, I hate you and fuck off. But mostly I was pissed because it woke me up out of a good drunken sleep.

So then comes Saturday night.  Typically when Snoop-Linus drunk dials me he’ll send a text in the morning apologizing and saying he hopes all is well yada yada yada [insert fake bullshit].  Which makes me hate him even more, how many apologetic texts does someone have to send before they say enough is enough, get embarrassed, and delete the number out of their phone? Christ!

Anyway, I didn’t get an apologetic text on Saturday.  Instead, Sunday morning I woke up to an obvious drunk text from him that was sent at 4am: “Really need someone to talk to if you’re up.” Tell me this.  Why would I be up at 4am you fucking douche? I don’t care if you need someone to talk to.  I don’t care if your dog is dying, I don’t care if you got into a car accident, I don’t care if you used your one phone call from jail Friday night to call me. I DON’T CARE.  You would think 6 months of not responding to phone calls and texts would reiterate the fact that I don’t care about him but it doesn’t and that’s why I’m frustrated.

I want him to leave me alone.  Him calling and texting is no sweat off my back because I’m not ever tempted to answer it or text back, but I just worry about my dating future.  I don’t want to be lying in bed with a boyfriend to be and still have my ex drunk dialing me because he’s an idiot, that’s certainly something that I could see becoming an issue in a future relationship if it continues.

So what are my possible solutions here? Lucky suggested changing my number which I have thought about several times in the past, but I’ve got about 10 job applications out there with my current number on them so I feel like that’s not really an option at the moment.

Anth suggested getting his number blocked, which would work if Snoop-Linus wasn’t such an idiot and didn’t lose his phone all the time and keep having to get new numbers.  With AT&T you have to pay $5 a month for each number you want to have blocked so I’m not really down with paying an extra $25 a month to get every number of his blocked.

So what else can I do? Suggestions?

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Pre-Vegas prep

I’m at a loss for blogging words. My life has never been duller, thus…. I’m going to make a list of things that Lucky and I need to bring for our Vegas Trip slash a list of things we have to make sure we do slash don’t do while in Vegas.

Stuff to bring:

*Our party pants
*Velour track suit complete with sequins
*Downey refresh your laundry without having to wash it spray, for the track suits that we plan to wear all 3 days
*Metallic fanny pack
*Sequin Swim suit
*Chappy stick
*Cellular device charger
*Face wash
*Hair brush
*Star shaped shades with glitter
*Flippy flops, with rhinestones
*Driver’s license
*Cash money
*Extra sequins
*A great attitude

That should do it.

We’ve been googling things to do in Vegas for some time, so we have a pretty good idea of what all we’d like to accomplish while we’re there, but in case we don’t have time I took the liberty of doing a little prioritizing for us.

1. Purchase oversized Vegas souvenir cup, complete with booze
2. Get drunk
3. Get drunker
4. Sleep less
5. Lay on the lazy river at MGM
6. Get drunk while laying on the lazy river at MGM
7. Do the CSI experience at MGM
8. Do the CSI experience at MGM while getting drunk
9. Go see the pirate show at Treasure Island
10. See the pirate show at Treasure Island while getting drunk

We also have a list of things not to do in Vegas from most important to least:

1. Run out of sequins
2. Hook up with a hooker (? I assume there are also male hookers that look nice for despie Debbies such as ourselves)
3. Get a tattoo
4. Go to jail
5. Get married
6. End up in the hospital

I think that about covers it. If you have any Vegas advice, tips, or tricks for us let us know. We’ll be boarding our planes in t-minus 57 days. Vegas baby!

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It’s that time of the month

Breathe in… and out… in… out.  I just reserved mine and Lucky’s hotel for VEGAS!!! That’s right, May 12-15th be there or be square and I am having to do breathing exercises to calm myself down from it.  What? You’re right; those are different dates than originally planned.  But I’ll let Lucky vent about the date change whenever she feels ready.  Also I’d like to apologize for my lack of posting and for the shortness of this post, my life is pretty boring (with the exception of going to see Lucky and our 5 day drinking binger) and I really don’t have much on my mind other than sleep, eat, and Vegas.

But today, let’s talk just a little about how all the men in my life are on their periods. Seriously.

Anth has had his panties in a twist for the past 3 weeks about St. Patrick’s Day. In The Big City St. Patty’s day is a big deal, there’s a parade, there’s festivities, and everyone gets really wasted.  Anth takes it upon himself to find a bar every year that has a drink deal and tries to force all of his friends to get tickets.  Usually people comply, but I don’t like to be told what to do, and I also don’t like buying a ticket to go out drinking a month in advance.  You know? Shit comes up and I don’t want to be out $30 if I can’t make it to the bar on said holiday. So, Anth has asked me every single day for the past 3 weeks if I have gotten my ticket yet for the bar, and every day I gave him the same answer: No.  There was a time when I wanted to invite High School Crush to come up, because it worked out that all of the people going to the St. Patty’s Day festivities in our group were couples, then I decided I didn’t want to do that.  And now I just don’t want to go because Anth is being so annoying about it.

Then, I came home from Lucky’s the other day and he started an all out BBM argument over St. Patrick’s Day.  Yes, Anth is fighting with me about a drinking schedule.  He went off about how I should just tell him that I don’t want to hang out with them because we’re all grown up’s and they can handle it.  It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with that group of people per say, it’s that I don’t want to be the 13th wheel in a group of a couples that will get drunk and ultimately be all over each other at the end of the day.  Like my life is depressing enough, I don’t need to be around that.

After I thought about the things he was saying it made a little more sense, some other comments he made were, “Why don’t you like me?” “Why don’t you like to hang out with me” etc.. etc.. Since Anth has started dating his girlfriend we really don’t hang out at all.  I’m okay with it, but apparently he isn’t, hence him trying to force me to go to St. Patty’s day to be their 3rd wheel.  Thanks, but no thanks.

Then there’s High School Crush.  Sigh.  We were to a point where we were talking pretty much every day.  It was nice.  But it was still through text, we’d talk about hanging out, but no concrete plans were ever made.  The whole distance thing seemed to still be holding him back, yada yada yada same old tune.  Then this week the texts just kind of stopped.  I’m not freaking out about it; that just uses up way too much energy.  And if it stops for a while? Fine. I’m  out of texting subjects at the moment anyway. I’m just going to blame it all on these boys having their periods.

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Valentine’s Day Re-Hashed

Did everyone have a super lovey dovey Valentine’s Day? This year didn’t pan out as bad for me as past years have, but I still kind of wanted to slit my wrists and lie in the bathtub.  Oh and I had a super weird meeting with one of my bosses that made me feel dirty.

I should back up a few months, I failed to mention to everyone that before I left for my big Christmas trip to Hawaii I got a promotion.  Go me! I was pretty excited about it, I would be getting more responsibility, a(n) slave intern, a small raise, and most importantly my own office – far far away from Ciggy Breath and his noises.  Ah, the thought of my cube days being over was enough to tickle my pickle.

I knew it would take some time for my bosses to hire my replacement, and they told me that my office was currently occupado because of another building being under construction.  But, I am happy to report the replacement for my old job started Monday and my office will be ready for move in on March 13th!

So that brings us to yesterday.  My boss’s boss sent me a meeting invitation to go over transitioning the new girl into my position and what I should be prepared to train her on, etc, etc. A few minutes before the meeting she comes to my desk and says to come with her because we’ll be meeting with the CFO and the Director of my department too.  My thoughts? OH SHIT! They found the blog! Goodbye job, goodbye money, goodbye big city, goodbye health insurance.  Hello moving back in with Mom.

They started off the meeting by kissing my ass “off the record”.  They went on for a solid 20 minutes about what an amazing job I’m doing, how they know I’m not using my full potential at the job, how they all know a lot of people outside of our company and if I’d ever like to go elsewhere I should let them know where and they can hook it up because they want to see me do big things.  And on that note, they said that they would like to see me continue at our company and they were willing to make it worthwhile for me by providing me with incentives.  So now I’m thinking I might get another raise and that would make me muy muy happy.  Because I am poor.  Seriously, my bank account has $37 in it and I don’t get paid for 2 more weeks. Sigh.

Anyway, THEN they were like… buuuutttttt we want to talk to you about some things happening in the office.  [insert here what your face looks like when your stomach falls into your butt.]  “We’d like to talk to you about your neighbor, Ciggy Breath.” Oh shew! “Does he bother you? Anything you say will be off the record, we won’t ever use your name.” Ok, this is weird right? Why is this whole meeting “off the record”?

I don’t think it’s a question in anyone’s mind whether Ciggy Breath is annoying or not, we all know he’s The Worst.  So I told them.  “I mean yeah, he irritates me and disrupts my workflow because he’s so loud and obnoxious.  But I think that’s because the rest of us are so quiet, and he’s so not.” Apparently this wasn’t the type of dirt they were looking for, they all exchanged glances and moved in closer, “But has he said anything inappropriate to you that makes you feel uncomfortable or that has crossed a line?” Hold the bus.  Am I understanding this right? Are we trying to slap Ciggy Breath with a sexual harassment suit?

If they would have given me some more time I probably could’ve come up with some things I had heard him say to other people on the phone that were inappropriate, but my brain was kind of scrambled, “Uhhh… I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that he’s said that was inappropriate or off color that offended me.” Then they were all like, “This is anonymous, we want you to tell us if ANYTHING has been said, we’ll never use your name, we just need to know.” Trust me.  If I had some dirt on Ciggy Breath I would ABSOLUTELY come forward in a heartbeat to get him fired.  But I don’t, which sucks.

So after that sufficiently awkward meeting I went back to my desk and facebook chatted with Lucky the rest of the day.  Apparently my slacking off every day keeps this business afloat.

Then I went home, and while most girls were enjoying a nice filet mingon steak and a bottle of the finest vino with their significant other, I sat in bed and watched Teen Mom and chowed on a couple of those super yummy Dunkin Donut Valentine’s Day heart shaped donuts, yeah the ones with the chocolate chips, and didn’t feel bad about it.  I win!

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