Well I had to work last night, so I’m guessing Lucky had better luck than I did on the whole meet 100 guys challenge. I knocked 3 out today with The Captain present. Honestly though, I should probably just use these 3 as practice because they really pooped on the party, what I’m trying to say is they were no Kelsey Grammer.
Description: Slightly overweight, balding, pale, and weird (basically everything I hate in life, See: Devil) but, liked me enough to ask me awkward questions for 2 hours and keep me company while The Captain and Captain’s Crystal were at each other’s throats whilst we promoted The Product. Literally, this convo happened:
Captains Crystal: CAPTAIN, I FUCKING HATE YOU WHEN YOU’RE IN CHARACTER.
I snicker to myself: In character! heheheheeee
The Captain: Ok! Ok! It’s cool, I’m cool you’re cool, Gizzy’s cool, we’re all good here.
Me: In character! AHHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAHA
Captain’s Crystal: YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING PISSING. ME. OFF. GO SELL SOME BOTTLES!!!!!!!!
So I moved over to the wine isle and snapped all the little Torres Wine action figures off the bottles and made them have a rodeo around the Four Loko.
Anyway, back to #1…
Relationship Status: Single
Occupation: Liquor Store Clerk (He only gets a 10% discount, not enough for me to go on a pity date to get some discounted booze)
Fun Fact: Secretly gets drunk in the bathroom while he’s at work. (Maybe we are soul mates?)
Did I give him my number: No … Was this a mistake? Maybe, I mean, the booze.. NO NO IT WAS NOT, DEVIL.
Relationship Status: It’s Complicated
Description: Medium height, medium build, dark hair, cute
Occupation: Student, The Captain’s Assistant (We work together as of tonight)
Fun Fact: He thinks everything is lame and doesn’t get excited easily
Did I give him my number? Yes, for work. Obvi
Description: Short, cute, tan, dark hair, aggressive, drunk
Relationship Status: Married Separated (Still means married to me)
Occupation: Works for Budweiser
Fun Fact: Thinks I look “Absolutely Fabulous.” (<— might be gay? Reason for the separation?)
Did I give him my number?: FUUUUCK NO but maybe I should have because, the booze. This is going to be my weak point in this project, if a guy offers me anything for free I’m going to snap off my tear-away underwear and lay down like a real jew in the starfish position.
Sorry I don’t have better stories to report. But, the good ones will come when I am drunk, trust me. And when I say “good” I mean good for you because anything for me when I am drunk is an absolute train wreck waiting to happen. It usually occurs when I pronounce I am drunk and push myself to take that 1 last shot. At that point it’s like I’m running around with my eyes closed licking whatever I run into.
Anyway, we had 3 hours between events this evening and when The Captain asked me to hang out for that little Captain Break, if you will, I told him I had plans. He was pretty taken aback, I mean I know it’s no surprise that Lucky is my only friend but I had a hot date planned, with myself.
First, I drove to the nearest blockbuster I could find, rented myself the girliest movie I could find (When In Rome ahh Josh Duhamel, my love) no big deal, then I went to a steakhouse ordered myself a steak, salad, baked potato, and rolls, to go, got in my car went to the grocery bought plastic forks and knives, A1 for the steak, and a bottle of water, still no big deal. I parked in a parking lot and watched my movie on the portable dvd player I had packed ahead of time and ate myself a steak dinner. No big deal! If I would have thought to bring a candle and some wine I would’ve had sex with myself in the backseat. I am so good at dates. Not to mention I was still dressed in full Morganette attire-red lace up corset, fishnets, short black skirt, knee high boots, the usual. Yep, role play. No big deal. With a show of hands how many people feel sorry for me because I’m a loser?
Anybody? It’s cool, it was nbd.