Tag Archives: psycho

How did I get so lucky?

As I’m sure you all can recall, I’ve had a tough time getting Snoop-Linus to leave me alone.  We’ve been broken up for over 2 years now, and I haven’t spoken to him in over 9 months.  He’s had like 3 or 4 different phone numbers in that time and always makes it a point to let me know his new number.  I haven’t saved the last few in my phone but I still always knew it was him calling/texting because of the area code. 

After some serious debating with Lucky, we decided that I should save the number as the girl I walked in on him cheating on me with (as a reminder and so it also doesn’t look like I have my ex callng me all the damn time) and put the ringer and text notifications as silent.  Done and done.

The last I heard/knew he was actively dating this girl and he had also told people that he dumped me to be with her.  Harrrrr OK!  The last time I checked I dumped his ass because he cheated on me a babillion times.  But whatevs, as long as I’m not with him I don’t give a flying fuck why people think we broke up.  Anyway… apparently this girl is a runner and every few months she gets bored with Snoop-Linus so she stops talking to him and dates someone else.  HAHA.  I cannot express in words how awesome this is.  But this also explains why he intermittently calls and texts me and acts like we are BFF when really I just wish he would die.

ALSO, my friend that told me that he is dating this whore bag also told me that a few months back she ran into this other girl that Snoop-Linus knew in college at a club and she revealed some pretty disgusting stuff about when he used to cheat on me with her.  The cheating count is up to 4 different girls now.  So this new found whore bag said that she used to come over during the day when I was at class or work and her and SL would hook up, she would and I quote, “Give him really good head and he would smack her ass and they had nice sex.” At this point I’m 200% over Snoop-Linus, so hearing this stuff doesn’t upset me in the slightest, it just disgusts me and makes me thank my lucky stars that I didn’t get STDs from him.  Honestly he just deserves to die and rot in hell, that’s the only way to simply put it.

So anyway, last week my aunt and cousins came up to the big city for a visit.  We went out to dinner and did some sightseeing and when I looked at my phone a few hours later I had a text and a missed call from Snoop-Linus.  Since the last time I posted about how he was annoying me I’ve gotten a few texts but no phone calls…

March 26th

Happy belated birthday!!!! Sorry lost another phone again in Miami this time lol. Hope all is well

April 8th

Happy Easter to you and your family!

April 29th

Heyy! How’s everything been going?! Been thinking about you a lot

And then the most recent, after the phone call last Tuesday June 14th

What up stranger?! Was calling to see how life is going.  Give me a call back.  Would love to catch up with ya! Hope all is well!

So he didn’t leave a voicemail with his call and sent that text instead.  I know the last time I posted about him I went off about why he has to act like we are BFFs.   He’s having a conversation with himself here because I haven’t replied to a text from him since October.  OCTOBER! And he still has the audacity to demand that I call him back.  Whatever douchebag, go die.

I got over being pissed about that and Wednesday night I went to a baseball game with Anth and his GF.  I came back all drunkity drunk and got into bed.  Then I heard my phone start ringing. It was midnight, so I thought that was pretty strange.  I pick it up and it’s Douchearoo.  Wow.  Seriously, what did I do to deserve a double whammy within a week?

I didn’t pick up his call, but I was actually kind of tempted.  It’s been YEARS since Douceharoo called me, I get texts from him every 6 months or so but a call has been unheard of.  I didn’t consider answering it because I so badly wanted to talk to him, I just honestly wondered what he could possibly have to say at midnight on a Wednesday.  Then I realized that I didn’t even need to hear whatever he had to say, because him calling me at midnight on a Wednesday said it all, that he is still the exact same person he was when I dated him.  Going out and getting shitfaced and then drunk dialing everything with a vagina in his phone.  Yep, yeppers.

I was halfway expecting to get a text from him the next day apologizing for the call but I never got anything.  At some point in the midst of all of this while I was at work one day Snoop-Linus threw up a picture on facebook of him looking like an idiot at some rave.  He tagged one of our mutual friends in it so even though we aren’t friends it came up on my mini-feed. I’ve had just about all the Snoop-Linus I can handle, so I blocked him. 

And apparently, even though he can see nothing but my profile picture – he still checks that on the reg. Last night around 10:30 I look over at my phone and see I have a missed call and voicemail.  Then I see it was him.  Gr-eat.

The voicemail…

“Hey it’s me.  Call me back.  Stop being weak and stop like blocking me on facebook girl.”

You all know me well enough to know my reaction to this.  What. The. Fuck.  This is the first time, in a long time, I’ve considered sending him a text saying that if he doesn’t leave me alone I’m going to get a restraining order.  It’s taking everything I have to not snap off and send him a big long message about how big of a schizophrenic psycho he is.  But I’m not doing it.  Deep breaths… deep breaths… and weekend.

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Wack-a-doodle-doo

Chello kids.  In case anyone was wondering, Anth and the girl that stood him up rescheduled their date for Friday – so no funny stories to report on that mess, BLAST!

 

Today I need to discuss a serious issue.  Whore houses.  I’m pretty sure my neighbor is running one, and the right and left sides of my brain are having an all out civil war trying to figure out what to do about it. 

 

When I moved in with the boys last February they sent out an email to all of their friends inviting them to our super bowl party, and when they described how to get to our townhome in all seriousness they said:  “1234 Main Street Unit 5, 2 doors down from the whore house.”  I guess people were supposed to be like, “Hrmm… Main street… hmm… where is that?  OH the whore house, ok got it.”  At the time, I had only been living there for 2 weeks so I didn’t know what whore house they were referring to or if they were secretly talking about me in code with 35 of their closes friends while I was CC’d on the email, so I just left it alone.

 

Let me first say, our neighborhood has been described as “Posh” by the British man Betty forced me to bring home.  Our house is not posh, but the neighborhood is.  And for those of you that don’t speak British, that means nice.  So to me, it was rather unlikely that there would be an actual whore house on our block so all talk of the whore house the first 5 months I lived there got filed away in my brain.

 

When summer rolled around I started to notice random whorish looking girls hanging around outside of the condo 2 doors down looking like they had nowhere to be but on their backs. I took that and the comments with a grain of salt since I had never seen the person that lived in the apartment.  One night, I’m getting myself all tucked into bed around midnight when I heard someone right outside my door saying, “Marcy…Marcy…Marcyyyyyyyyyyyyy I need youuuu!!”  This was when I lived in the dungeon so I wasn’t about to flip on the light and find some cray cray staring in the window at me.  In the morning JM had told me he heard it too and was looking out his window and eventually saw the person go in the Whore House.   That was enough justification for me to believe it was actually a whore house.

 

Later that day I googled, “1234 Main Street Whore House” and found, “Marcy, PhD, Sex Addiction Psychiatrist -1234 Main Street Unit 3” AND “Barry’s Salon and Massage Parlor –  A Happy Ending Massage 1235 Main Street”  So I don’t know, this is either really smart or really mean on Marcy PhD’s part, but it explained a lot.

 

Apparently at the following home owners association meeting someone filed a complaint that Marcy PhD’s coo-coo birds were littering in the courtyard and you know having a business out of her home was illegal in the association, but they’d look past it as long as the crazies kept their condoms and their cigs off of the lawn.  Fair enough, right?

 

Everything was all good in the hood until last night when I heard that familiar song, “Marccccyy…. Marcyyy… I need you!!”  Now that I don’t live in the dungeon I had no problem flipping on my light and sticking my head out the window to see what all the commotion was about.  And when I did, I saw a full grown man, I kid you not, dressed in women’s lingerie.  I get that I live in a big city and I do live near the neighborhood that houses all of the gay bars and some of those gay bars have drag shows so I shouldn’t really be surprised to see a man walking around in lingerie.  Except that it was snowing, and it was 4am and we are a good mile from said bars, and he was barefoot, but you know I probably still shouldn’t be surprised because I’ve seen weirder things in my life.   It was a hard argument for me to not call the cops at 4am on this wackadoo, but I thought… you know Marcy PhD is doing a good thing, she’s trying to help these crazies out and if this guy goes to jail it’s not going to help his disease to get gang banged in the butt all night.  Plus, I don’t want Marcy PhD to get kicked out of the association; I need her to stay there in case I ever get addicted to sex.  Right? It’s a reasonable worry for someone who is 18 months celibate.   

 

And then he reached around into his little knapsack on his back and I thought, “Oh good, he’s going to put some clothes on.  I did the right thing not calling the cops.” And he pulled out a big giant black dildo.  Christ.  There are children in this neighborhood! The children man!!  Honestly, this was so cray cray I could’ve been dreaming, I’m still having a hard time believing I actually saw this happen.  I just couldn’t watch anymore, I turned on my fan to drown out whatever noises he would surely be making and went to bed.  This morning I saw trace amounts of red lace strewn about the lawn, I never heard the cops show up so I really don’t care to know what else happened outside my window last night. 

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Anth’s breakup story

Something is seriously wrong with me.  It’s 1:15 in the morning and I can’t sleep, yet come tomorrow morning I’m going to feel like the biggest narco monster ever when I can’t get up for the life of me.  I looked this up, it’s a legitimate sleeping disorder…it’s called DSPS (delayed sleep phase syndrome) and effects 3 out of 2000 and is called an invisible disability.  How does it make you guys feel to be reading the blog of a disabled person? It doesn’t make me feel good to be disabled, but I’m not going to take drugs to fix it just because wikipedia tells me my circadian cycle is off.  My cycles are fine, ok wikipedia! 

So last night one of THE FUNNIEST THINGS EVER happened.  The past few weeks/last month Anth has kind of been dating this girl (they’ve hung out like 3 times), we’ll call her Schmanna, and this past weekend he decided to take her to his co-workers wedding.  They stayed at her friend’s apartment near the reception hall, he told me he was pretty sure that he fell asleep on top of the girl mid-hookup because she kept saying – “You don’t REALLY think we’re going to hookup in my friend’s guest room do you?” Apparently this killed his hard on and I guess that just instantly means sleep? 

He told me she was kind of weird and way into him and he didn’t know about all that.  He also told me that they hadn’t done it yet, “Because her mom told her she needs to make guys wait.” To which I said, “How old is this girl?” he said 27 or 28 and I said, “Uhh yeah, she sounds weird.”  And he got all defensive asking how her age made her weird.  I said, “Umm because any 27 or 28 year old girl isn’t going to tell the guy she likes they can’t sleep together because her mommy told her not to.  She’s going to say they can’t sleep together because she wants to get to know him better/wants him to repsect her/doesn’t want him to use her for sex aka hump and dump, she’s not going to say because my mom said so.” Anth retorted that “It wasn’t like her mom told him not to sleep with him specifically right off the bat, just guys in general and who did I learn not to be a whore from?  My mom.”   Which is totally not the case, and I don’t think it is for most women.  You learn not to be a whore by watching other girls be whores and get treated like shit, not because your mom sits you down at 16 and says, “Make guys wait. Don’t be a whore.”  He’s so stupid.  And I said, “Yes, it is weird that she would tell YOU that, but if you like her enough to defend her against ME then maybe you should fucking date her.  ASS.”  I immediately changed the subject to how excited I was for the 90 minute Teen Mom, I knew I was right and didn’t want to listen to him defend some girl who can’t make judgement calls for herself at 27.   

He was telling me the next night that he just didn’t really like her because he should just be more into it than he is.  Which is convienently what he says about every single girl he dates.  Personally, I think it’s because he is still stuck on his ex that dumped him like 4 years ago, because he still talks about her on the reg but does not talk TO her and claims he sees her all over the city.   But I just nod and agree and say, “You’ll find the right one someday!”

Anyway, when I got home from work yesterday Anth started telling me about how Schmanna told him to let her know if he needed some company to watch Jersey Shore (clearly he has not told this girl that Jerzday is a weekly holiday in our household and that all the roomies would be in attendance).  So he replied lying to her, telling her that he was going to DVR it because he was working and in the zone.  Then, she asked if he wanted to do something this weekend, we’ve got a stage 5 clinger on our hands! I mean this was like the 10th time Anth had denied the girl a hang out just this week. 

He told her he was booked up for the weekend, which was another lie, and she replied asking him if she did something to piss him off.  He wanted to just ignore her until she got the hint that he didn’t like her, but against his better judgement he took my advice when I screamed at him, “NO! FOR WOMAN KIND YOU NEED TO TELL THIS GIRL YOU WANT TO JUST BE FRIENDS!!!! You’ve been on 3 dates and it shouldn’t be that big of a deal.”  He told me that he didn’t know about that because it would be really mean since he had just taken her to that wedding.   He thought telling her that he wanted to just be friends because he didn’t like her would be like saying, “Hey thanks for coming but I had a horrible time and you suck.”  To which I replied, “You know, soemtimes that happens but at least then she knows she needs to work on some things.  Like spreading her legs.”

So he replied telling her that no she didn’t do anything to piss him off, but he thought they should just be friends.   She called him, he ignored it, she sent a text asking if he could talk for 2 minutes, he said yeah he’d call her back later but he was working.  And she was all desperate saying, please don’t leave me hanging here I thought everything was great, you didn’t even give me a fair chance, we were always drunk you don’t even really know me, lets do something this weekend and you’ll see… blah blah blah.

Hearing this pretty much nausiated me, because why do girls try to fucking bargain with guys and sell themselves when the guy doesn’t want them?  I am guilty of it too, I’ve defintiely done it before with long term boyfriends, never a guy I only hung out with 3 times… but that’s past Gizzy.  NEW Gizzy wouldn’t respond and wouldn’t need to hear a reason why.

So eventually he called her back, I was downstairs getting my tacos ready for Jersey Shore, and Anth bolts down the stairs saying, “MAN! I wish you could’ve heard that convo, that shit was BRUTAL, she just kept saying that same thing over and over and I had to have a 30 minute long breakup talk with a girl I hung out with 3 times.”

I snort and say, “WHAT A CRAZY!!! Time for some Jersey Shore!!!” Then he looks at his phone and sees that she’s still on the line.

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