Tag Archives: random hookup

And the single girl loses again…

Did everyone have a lovely Halloween weekend? I was all amped up for my weekend and it was a miserable disappointment.

I went home with the hopes of finding myself a nice small city boy to canoodle with for the night. Betty and I suited up in our Justin Bieber fan gear and her boyfriend combed forward his hair, laced up the high tops, and went as the Biebs himself.

Betty said that she had a party we needed to stop by before we went out, which I was perfectly fine with – it was still early and we needed to get our preparty drank on. The party was ok, it was in a barn, which is to be expected. The people there were nice and seemed pretty fun, but they were all hammered and I was not. Surprisingly, I was having an ok time, but took the first chance to bolt out the door when Betty said she wanted to go to a bar.

Since Betty and her bf are basically an old married couple, I thought we would at least go somewhere fun and twenty-something oriented so they could be old losers and I could still be entertained. And I kind of thought maaaybe if we went to this certain strip of bars we would run into high school crush and all my dreams could come true. Instead, they took me to a neighborhood bar a block from their house named after an old actor. Sounds like a blast.

We walked in the bar and were the only people dressed up, no one was under the age of 40 and everyone stared at us like we were douchebags. Which we were. We got a bucket of beer, played 2 rounds of pool, and were back at Betty’s house by midnight to watch paranormal activity.

When the movie was over I retreated to Betty’s daughter’s room to pass out. I slept in a bunk-bed made for a 4 year old and in the morning I was upsie daisy with the sun at 8:30, I tried to go back to sleep but I was in a strange bed and just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

At 9:30 Betty and her bf still weren’t up so I texted her telling her I was going to have to leave soon. No reply and no sign of Betty. A little after 10 I texted Lucky asking her if I should just send Betty a text and tell her I had to go and just peace out. I decided to wait until 11 and as I was packing up my bags in walks Betty to tell me goodbye.

This wasn’t exactly my dream big Halloween night out scenario. I would’ve much rather been sneaking out of a guy’s house and doing the walk of shame still drunk, but instead I was fully rested without a hangover and still just as sexually frustrated.

I know that as I get older and as my friends all start to get re-married (yes, remember Betty has already been married AND divorced, and is about to be proposed to again, all before I even get into a serious relationship) and have more children if I’m still single this is how it’s going to be. There won’t be any waking up early still drunk to rehash the craziness that ensued the night before, or going out for brunch and getting drunk again, there won’t be any stories of random make outs at the bars. It will be me, sleeping in my married friend’s children’s beds, and my friends sleeping in on a Sunday morning because they’re childless for the day.

But I mean, we aren’t THAT old. We’re 26. It’s still totally ok to get inappropriately drunk, at least until you’re 30; we have 4 good years left in us to make fools of ourselves! What are these people doing!?!! I need some more single friends, STAT.

On the other hand, tomorrow I leave with Anth & company for a weekend away to attend an away game for our college football team. There are 2 couples and 6 single people going. Yes. And thank you. I fully intend to make out with a guy whose name I will not know come Sunday. Full report on Monday.

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To Gizzy’s house: part II.

After we ripped the shots with the 20-somethings, we played a nice round of beer pong with them.  I don’t even remember who won, TMA.  Too much alcohol.

And we’d had enough, so we went back to the roof to continue our personal drinking antics.

At some point or other, we decided it was time to go inside and start getting ready for the night (birthday dinner at a sushi joint!) while watching a little Teen Mom, of course.

This is when we decided to put the wine glasses to the test (Gizzy got one for herself). And yes, we’ve got pics to prove it (coming soon, Thoughtsappear!). So we got all fresh and clean and into some slutastic dresses and headed out.  I mean, not to brag, but we looked good.

Once we were seated, Gizzy was completely disturbed and overtaken by a couple across the room. They were acting as though they were on a first date, but in fact, they were married.  They also looked Amish.  I may have also made the comment, “I didn’t know Amish people ate sushi.”  They were just about as awkward as you could imagine, no conversation, no footsie, not even any eye contact.  I wanted to order a round of shots for them laced with viagra.  At the end of the dinner they got up from the table and held hands as they walked away, really?! I’m sure they went home and got it on all over their beige furniture and against their white walls after like the best date EVER. Christ.

Anyway, we ordered a bottle of sake, some edamame, and several sushi rolls that were absolutely heaven. The waiter even brought us a delish dessert with a birthday candle in it! Happy Birfday Lucky!

We left, and hopped into a cab to get to this bar the guys swore was always a good time. Well…the atmosphere was pretty cool, but it was really cliquey, and we were looking for single, hot guys. so we ventured to the bathroom and as soon as we came out, this guy is all, “HEY HAVE YOU MET MY FRIEND?” So we go and chat it up with his friend, who insists we go get ourselves a drink and meet him later.  One of them wasn’t bad looking, but they also informed us they had been drinking all day, we took that as though they weren’t looking for some friendly conversation and peaced out.  I would’ve been really into it about 4 drinks later.

He doesn’t offer to buy us the drink. So we took a shot and left.

Our next stop was actually full of hotties, along with some lady who had her tits painted in red, white, and blue. So we had a drink there, I tried to dance with some sistas, but it didn’t work out. Upon our arrival, we got free passes to this supposed dance club upstairs, so we decided to check it out…only to see that it was basically loser central with a blowup doll on stage.  And a retard, I love me some retards, but not on the dance floor.  And especially not when a stripper pole is in the hizzy.


We went across the street and THAT’S where the party was. They had awesome music, the place was packed, and the DJ kept being like, “IT’S LUCKY’S BIIIIRTHDAY!” And she gave out free shots of something…it was good.

So G and I were talking, dancing, or something when this guy comes up to Gizzy all dressed in a white button down with a skinny black tie, and tells her he’s a billionare…He said his name was Danny, and he didn’t want to tell me his last name because I would only use him for his money (versus… his penis? IDK) and I simply said, “Unless it’s Bonaduce, I don’t care.”  Still, he was cute enough and I was drunk enough that I was contemplating throwing him a make out.

And, just when you think he’s sort of cocky, yet sort of cute, he completely falls over backward, pulling a bistro table down with him.

Seriously! Funniest part of the night!

I was certain he was going to get kicked out, but he popped right up like it never happened. And kept dancing. Regardless, Gizzy and I turned our backs to him. Just then, this smokin’ hot guy comes up to Gizzy, introduces himself and they are chatting it up while I’m probably stumbling around alone.

The hot guy leaves for a brief second, comes back, and is all, “Hey guys! Meet my friend Danny”—the billionaire. Hot guy was laughing, knowing full well this Danny guy was hammered and that we had just been talking to him and shunned him. Danny is all dancing like Lady Gags, doing some robot shit, and his friends are off in the distance laughing hysterically, while Danny sloshes drink all over my party dress.

All the while, I’m talking to hottie, who’s name is Mat (yes another one, but spelled different.) He had big muscles that Lucky kept feeling and was tall, and hot, and even asked for my number.  He has texted me quite a bit since that weekend, and I”ve been somewhat responsive.  I start out strong and then get too drunk and forget to write him back. Also take note that I don’t question why I’m single anymore.  I just know why now.

Around 1:30, we bolted. I had a good buzz and didn’t want to over do it and end up with my head in the toilet.

So we head back to the house, in an interesting cab, who told us everything we needed to know about driving one.  They have to lease the cabs for $300-450 A WEEK! I might now be interested in starting a cab business.

Once we get back to the house, half of the bachelor party is missing.  Gizzy surprises me with a huge German chocolate cake (my favorite) that’s basically in a safe. My new friends sang me happy birthday and we chow down.

Then, we venture back to Gizzy’s room for a game of Mouse Trap. At this point, we are sipping on the remaining wine in our glasses that have already collected dust—and no, we don’t seem to care.

One of the guys from the party joins us, and begins to tell us rousing information that he’s learned as a med student. During this conversation we learned a lot about how we can contract STD’s and not even see the symptoms basically until we die. Med student then discussed giving us each a pap-smear in my bathroom to check for unsuspected STDS we may have contracted in our days sleeping with dirty gentlemen suitor whores and we all got up from our chairs…


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