Tag Archives: reflection

18. A motto/quote/lyric that you live by and what it means to you.



I have so many quotes and lyrics that mean so much to me, but of course, some that stand out more than others.

“The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain,”—John Mayer, Clarity

This is a line from one of my favorite John Mayer songs, and I love this line, particularly the second part of it (which I’m considering getting tattooed on me). To me, it just means you’re done with the candy-coated stuff and the only thing that’s left is the real thing. I always want my life to be real, I want the people in it to be real and true.


I have a lot tooooooo.  But the one that I think I go by the most is:

“When you know, you know.”

A lot of people think this is about finding a spouse, but it’s not at all.  At least for me. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I get pretty strong premonitions about certain things.  A lot of them are about relationships, but I even had one once as I was leaving my parent’s house for a quick errand about my cat dying.  The cat was an outdoor cat and would come inside only at night to sleep.  When I pulled out of the driveway I saw the cat in the middle of the field accross the street and said to myself that I should chase him down and put him inside, which was something I had never done before, but I didn’t do it. When I got home 15 minutes later my neighbor was shoveling my cat into a box off of the street because it had been run over by a car and killed.  So, I’ve been reminding myself of this quote for a while now that when I get these feelings I need to go with them.  Because when you know, you know!

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16. Goals for 2014.


I’ve really been thinking about this a lot lately… here’s what I’m thinking:

  • Stop giving a damn about what other people are doing. In other words, stop spending so much time worrying about other people, stalking them on social media, and in general just wasting time doing things that do not benefit ME.
  • Continue to be less judge-y. I already am pretty good at it, but I want to be even BETTER. Judging be gone!
  • Get happy. I am still working on being comfortable in my own skin, and dealing with life’s turns as they come.


  • To stop trying to make everyone else happy and just make myself happy. 
  • Get rid of the toxic people in my life and surround myself with people that are positive and make me feel good.
  • To figure out what I want to do with my life (career wise).
  • To start having more fun and stop worrying about all the stuff I “have” to do. As in, when someone wants me to do something during the weekend if my house isn’t clean or I have laundry I say no.  When I’m on my death bed I’m not going to be remembering all the times I cleaned my house.
  • To start stating my opinion more and to stop coddling everyone.
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5. What are your 5 biggest fears and why?

    1. Living/dying alone. I think you all probably know this one. And I’m not really sure WHY I’m terrified of living the rest of my life, and ultimately dying, alone…I guess it’s human nature to want to couple up and be together, right?
    2. Masks. This is why I hate Halloween. This isn’t just a, “Oh I don’t like masks” thing. I’m terrified of them. Like it’s not even funny to me. According to my mom, I’ve hated them always, and I think it’s just a constant fear of not knowing who people truly are.
    3. Not reaching my dreams. Like most people, my dreams have changed a lot over the years. I’m still not sure what exactly they are. But I know I want to stay writing and stay creating and I hope one day, doing that will pay my bills, in  a way that I’m never feeling like I have to “work.”
    4. Being bitter. I know I’ve been hurt a lot in my past and I’m still working to move past it. But if I have to be single forever, I at least hope I can be a pleasant, happy person to be around and not bitter and jealous.
    5. Complacency. This kind of goes with #3, but a lot of my coworkers have just let their brains turn to mush and I’m terrified of that. I’m always trying to stay on top of things and stay creative so that I’m never complacent.


Losing my parents, dying, going blind, spiders, and snakes. BOOM next question. Oh right, I have to tell you why. Alright here goes…

1. Losing my parents. I’ve heard people use this exact phrase on Dr. Phil and Opera about a million times, but it really sums it up.  I don’t know how to live in a World where my parents don’t. I know one day I’ll have to do it (unless I go first, eck!) but it really brings me to tears even thinking about it.

2. Dying. I mean, who isn’t afraid of dying? Except Jesus. You know I don’t want to get all philosophical and spiritual here, but I get super weirded out when I think about how life will go on without me and what really happens to you/your spirit when you die. Alright, enough about death. Damn.

3. Going blind.  I have horrible eyesight and I am honestly terrified that one day I will go completely blind.  I couldn’t imagine not being able to see the people I love, watch tv (of course), and see all the beautiful things in the world.

4. Spiders. Okay, so once when I was in high school I woke up in the middle of the night to a gust of wind over my face.  I was thinking I needed to close my window or shut my ceiling fan off, but when I opened my eyes there was a gigantic spider hanging over my face. I still have nightmares about this and to this day when I see a spider I cry like a baby.

5. Snakes. I think it’s because they hide and they don’t blink, but they fucking creep me out. I’ve done stupid things to try and conquer this fear. Like this (side note: at the time I was like “I’M BRITNEY BITCH!” that was the only way I could talk myself into doing this):



(P.S. Mines bigger.)

But yes, that is a giant python around my neck. I should have been high off my ass when I did that, but I wasn’t, and I still can’t believe I actually did it.  However, take note that I am standing all awkward and refused to actually touch it, somehow that made it ok but didn’t help with my fear at all.

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We’re baaaackkk!!  I know Lucky apologized for us sucking last week, but I’ll do it again.  SO SORRY!  I’m sure everyone was just so so upset that they didn’t get their fill of Lucky and Gizzy dramaz last week (because there’s always SO much of it). 

Well, let me just begin to tell you about the week from hell I had.  Let’s start with Monday…

I wake up late (pretty typical) run in the bathroom, flip the light switch (don’t notice that the light didn’t turn on), and start the shower.  I’m almost naked when I realize I’m in the dark and it’s Hurricane Katrinaing outside.  I paced back and forth for a good 15 minutes about the power being out before I realized I wouldn’t be able to get my car out of the garage, and wouldn’t be able to get to work.  Yes, I could have used public transhit, but seriously who wants to go stand outside in a monsoon and wait for a bus or hail a cab? Not this girl.  So I went to the garage to double check that I couldn’t get my car out before I called in to work.

So I call in, my boss doesn’t answer (also typical), I leave a frantic message about how I’m dying but that all should be right with the world by Tuesday and I’ll be back to work.  So by this time the monsoon was pretty much over and it was just raining. I laid down to try and go back to sleep when I heard my douche neighbor trying to open his garage door 50 million times.  Let me also say that the power wasn’t COMPLETELY out, it was like very low voltage, think horror film – dim flickering lights that make the bzzzzzzzzz noise because they’re like power surging.  Super freaky. 

So anyway, I hear my retarded neighbor trying to open his garage door, literally like 10 times.  The next thing I know it’s about 10 minutes later and there is pounding on the front door.  I go downstairs and it’s the fire department, telling me that my garage (with my car in it) is on fire and I need to evacuate (without a bra.) The convo literally went like this:

Hot Fireman:  You need to evacuate so we can put out the fire in your garage.

Gizzy: There’s a fire in my garage?

HF: You don’t smell the smoke?

Gizzy: *Snif*Snif* Oh, hmm.  Can I put a bra on first?

HF: There’s no time, get outside.

Thankfully I was smart enough to not put a bra on but take my purse downstairs with me, so I was able to walk to the coffee shop down the street to get some breakfast, also without my shoes, in the rain.

When I returned back from my breakfast where everyone thought I was homeless, the fire was out and the hottie firemen were checking out our outlets to make sure no other fires would start.  They also cut our power, so even when power was restored we still couldn’t have life’s little pleasures like A/C, tv, or a way to get my torched car out of the garage so I could drive it off a cliff and get rid of it once and for all.

Luckily, one of the coffee shop workers had the same phone as me and allowed me to use his phone charger while I ate so I could have SOME connection to the outside world. 

After the fire department left I laid in bed, in the 96 degree heat, painted my nails, organized my room, and eventually laid out on the roof when the sun came out.  All while on the phone with insurance claims departments (for the car accident, the fire, and my lame accident prone life.)

*Side note: The investigators determined the cause of the fire was from the motor on my neighbors garage door when he was retardedly trying to open it for 2 hours non-stop.  Hooray!

Apparently, when you file a claim with your insurance company regarding a fire they take it upon themselves to let their life insurance department know and belittle you into thinking your existence is only hurting you, and mankind.

Life Insurance Bitch: Hello Gizzy, we were recently made aware of the fire in your home, I am so sorry to hear about this horrible tragedy, but you are now aware of the surprises life can bring upon you in an instant.  Could you imagine if you had been badly harmed or even suffered from death? How would your family have gone on without you, both emotionally and financially?

Gizzy: Um, yeah, they’d be ok.

LIB: I think you are underestimating the things you bring to the table for your growing family.  How would they have paid the mortgage, the bills, for your funeral? How would your children go to college?

Gizzy: My children? I don’t have kids lady. 

LIB: What about little Gizzy, and little Ella.

*It was at this point that I realized this lady thought I was my mom, and that our house caught on fire.  Clearly the other bastards didn’t tell her I was inquiring about a renter’s insurance claim.  MWHAAA*

Gizzy:  I’ll haunt those little betches.



So at that point I was literally going crazy, not to mention I was finally getting calls that day from the insurance companies about the car accident that happened almost 3 weeks ago. 

It seems as though homegirl that I got in the accident with got word that I was filing a claim against her with her insurance company (Duh! Because it was her fault) and decided to try and one up me and file a claim with my insurance company saying it was my fault.  Of course her insurance company finally took liability on it on Friday – because look it up slutski, you were pulling out of a parking spot it’s your fault 100% of the time! Even if I was doing lines of crack off the dashboard while driving, still your fault.  Ugh! People.   

So that was Monday…

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Gizzy’s Top 5 Worst Dates

All this talk of blind dates really got my wheels a turnin’.  I was mentally trying to go through all the dates I have been on and realized that I have actually been on 3 blind dates and all 3 of them fall into the worst date ever category and then there was a few pity dates I went on that sucked ass too.  So let’s just jump right to it shall we?

#5 The Quadruple Date

This date is exactly how it’s sounds.   Twas my fifth year of college and my old roommate Jan told me she had a guy who “was like obsessed” with me and she wanted to know if I would be interested on going on a group date, I said hey why the hell not.  When it came to be go time Jan and her fiance came to pick me up (sans date) and told me we were going to the Red Lobster, because I would always make Jan go eat there with me and she told this guy that I absolutely loooveee Red Lobby.  Ok, yes I love me some Red Lobby but that’s not really where I wanted guys to think my dream date would take place.  Anyway, Jan tells me Brad (the date) is meeting us there for some reason or another and we walk in and get to the table and it’s like a frickin surprise party for Gizzy, not only is Brad sitting there but there’s 4 other people at the table who I do not know.  Some of Jan, Jan’s Fiance, and Brad’s friends.  So as you can imagine it was literally the most awkward meal of my life having 6 people sitting there making no conversation amongst themselves and just watching Brad and myself to see if sparks were flying, which they were not.

#4 The Ruby Boobie Guy

One summer I worked at Ruby Tuesday, I’ll pause here for you to quiet your laughter.  And there wasn’t much going on with me romantically because I worked all the time and knew I was only home for the summer so I wasn’t looking to hook up with any townies from home.  But there was this one guy, Brett, that worked with me who was tall and kind of pot heady looking but he was funny and at work I would flirt with him.  The whole Ruby boobie crew were all friends with each other, most of them were 21 and I wasn’t so they would go out to the bars together blah blah blah.  So one day Brett asks me on a date, I think he’s joking and laugh in his face and walk away.   Then the bartender comes up and tells me that Brett was serious and has a whole date planned out to take me on.  So then I felt bad so I told him I would go.  Well it gets to be the day before the date and one of my Ruby boobie co-workers pulls me aside and informs me that Brett is going to take me to a nice dinner and to this place called the canal where you can pay and take a romantic ride in a gondolier.  Well then I freaked out, “EWW I don’t want my first gondolier ride to be with HIM!” So naturally I made up some lie about how I couldn’t go and he insisted that we go on a date the following day.  So I had to agree but thankfully I was able to convince him I only have enough time to see a movie, so that’s what we did and we met there because I was not looking forward to it.  He tried to hold my hand and I told him no that I was a germaphobe and touching people’s hands would send me into an anxiety attack.  The poor guy, I think in the end he maybe got a half ass hug, if that.

#3 Senior Prom Date

I was and still am friends with the guy who took me to prom my senior year, and we had an ok time, I’m lying, it sucked.  But not because he was such a sucky date but because I wanted to go with someone else, my high school crush.  Ahhh, the guy I liked for four long years (and still do, I guess) that nothing ever happened with.  Well, once we made out, I think. On senior spring break, he was daring this girl who he dated for a short stint that she should chug this half pint of jack daniels, she wasn’t dumb enough to do it, but I was.  So sure enough, I chugged the whole thing (like a trooper!) and he was so impressed that we went to my hotel room and hopped into my twin bed, where he told me he would sleep with me for the night.  I’m guessing we made out, but the next thing I know I’m leaning over the side of the bed puking and he has gone to get Lucky to tell her he thinks I’m sick. Then, our 2 big guy friends are throwing me in the shower to sober me up.  Awful.  But anyway, I had already been asked to prom by my date and apparently in my drunken stupor I told my crush that I didn’t want to go with my date (they were best friends) and that I wanted to go with him and how miserable I was going to be and blah blah blah just basically everything embarrassing you’d never want to tell the guy you like.  So prom rolls around and a big group of us go to this girl’s house and have dinner and take pictures and all that.  Not only is my crush there with his ugly date, and I’m there with his best friend who at this point everyone knew I didn’t really want to go with, my crush made fun of me the whole night because I was the only one in the group with one of those giant puffy marshmallow dresses and I couldn’t fit through any of the doors.

#2 ‘Bama Boy

This one can be blamed on good ole Lucky.  Bahaha.  She was dating this guy Tank when I came to visit her one summer for her birthday, Tank had a friend Bill flying in from Alabama that weekend, so we obviously all thought it would be a great idea to go on a double date and all hang out.  I was down because after Lucky and I both facebook creeped on Bill we came to the conclusion that he wasn’t that unfortunate looking and I should give it a shot.  So we go to dinner at P.F. Changs (Lucky’s fave!) and from what I remember (Lucky may be able to fill in a little more because I blocked most of the date out) Tank was acting like a huge doucher (I’ll allow Lucky to fill you in on the Tank story if she pleases, I’ll just say I hope he dies a horrible death) and I don’t think Bill was acting much better, I’m pretty sure he was calling Lucky and I lame and all sorts of cool stuff like that.  But then we went to the bar where Lucky was working and Bill and I took a seat at the bar where Tank ran off to hang with some flusey’s. So I order a vodka tonic and Bill orders a redbull.  Lucky and I both immediately start badgering him on why he isn’t drinking, he feeds us some story about how he’s an alcoholic or can’t handle booze with his temper or some shit but informs us that he’s still going to be effed up because he’s drinking this red bull and just took a handful of xanex.   A few more minutes passed, Bill creepily asked me to fly to Nashville to go to a Coldplay concert with him 6 months later to which I replied, “Yeah maybe, we’ll have to see when it gets closer,” Lucky overheard and drove me back to her apt, and when she got off work I’m pretty sure I remember her telling me that Tank told her I suck or something of that sort.  And then Bill would creepily text me for like the next year about the sunshine.  Really, it’s not Lucky’s fault, I was totes kidding about blaming her she had no idea he was a nut job and thank the lord jesus she’s not with Tank anymore.

#1 Church Boy

My stepdad’s sister decided it would be a FAB-U-LOUS idea to set me up with a guy from her church.  Probably to make me pure again or something.  I don’t know.  All I know is that the whole family would always hoot and holler over how cute this guy was and how I should really let her give him my phone number, so I finally agreed.  He called me up and after doing my standard canceling on him a few times because I really didn’t want to go I finally agreed to meet him on a Sunday afternoon after church at Applebees for lunch.  It was my senior year in high school and I was kind of talking to this guy named Ryan, but we weren’t official so I was down for the date.  So anyway, we go and sit down and start talking, the guy’s name was Pete.  Pete asks what I like to do on the weekends, to which I replied oh I usually go to parties with my friends and things like that.  He asked if I drank, and I wasn’t going to lie to a God’s man, so I said yeah sometimes.  I noticed him fiddling under the table but I just wrote it off as nervousness.  Once our food arrived I started nibbling on my fries and it looked like Pete had fallen asleep.  “What in the heck are you doing?” I asked him.  “Praying! Don’t use that language!!” He said as he crossed himself and started tonguing his rosary at the table.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people who want to pray before they eat, I get it, you’ve gotta bless your food, but at least give me a warning or do the short version of the prayer, he sat there with his eyes shut for like 3 minutes.  Anyway, the date ended, lord knows nothing happened physically, I think we shook hands or did a high five or something.  I figured that was it because I was too much of a “bad girl” for him but he called and called some more wanting to hang out until he finally got the hint I wasn’t into it.

There you have it, my worst dates and most embarrassing memories.  Doesn’t it feel good to be in the know?

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