Tag Archives: single ladies

To Gizzy’s house: part III.

When we woke up the next morning (4th of July Eve), we were nice and hungover.

But that didn’t stop us from our original plans—hitting up the beach. so we put on our swimsuits and headed that way. Parking seemed to be an issue, so we ended up on the other side of the beach, but we found a little restaurant, and as long as they have Bloodys, it’s all good.  They even had little palm trees and Jamaican aluminum bongo music.  I felt like I was in the tropics.  Ahhh vacation.

Well they didn’t have bloodys. Or any alcohol. Why? Because the bartender was late to work. And HE is the only one who can make a drink, pour it, whatever.  I asked about our server pouring us a draft beer.  I know he can do it, because to bring us that beer he has to have a liquor license… that means he can effing pour it too.   He said no he couldn’t, because they’re on the beach there’s weird laws.  Lies.

Christ.

Thank the high heavens he showed up to work shortly, because I was cranky.  When Lucky got her bloody she was able to precisely pin point the kind of Bloody mix they were using, it was not her fave.

As we waited, I was watching this lady across the restaurant who was eating an egg white omelet with fruit with a fork and knife. It was really pissing me off.  Only after it took her 35 minutes to take the first bite.

Anyway, after lunch, we wanted to catch a baseball game. So we got ready, and start trying to get a cab. Which doesn’t work until after we’d walked a good 15 blocks.

Once we get to the game, we find that it’s sold out and it’s already the 4th inning, so there are no scalpers.

Effin sweet! It seemed like nothing was going our way that day. Now that I look back, I should have insisted that we have a drink in one of the bars around the sadium, during the game the bars are almost just as fun as actually being there. But we were pissed.  I had heard about a block party going on, so we got back in the cab and headed that way. I prayed this would work out and at least we’d get a few beers.

And it was a success—the place was packed, but there was tons of food, beer, music, and free prizes—including Disney temporary tats that were freakin’ cool.  Not to mention we made a few friends and got a free cheese burger – which was… DA BOMB.  Hello 2002.

So we stay at this place until 6 or so, and we head toward the train station to catch a ride back. However, we find a cool little bar near the station and decide to continue our beer buzz with a round of brews and shots. I would say everyone has probably been to or seen the bar we stopped at.  Does The Tilted Kilt ring a bell to anyone?  Sometimes you can get lucky and you won’t have to look at a bunch of flubby nasty girls.  I mean neither Lucky or myself are into girls but if they’re going to be prancing around in their bra and underwear they can at least not make us want to hurl.  Anyway, this place had nasty fat tatted up girls.  Ugh.  So when we’re downtown near the financial district you can imagine that most of the guys aren’t looking for fat hedge hogs so idk what the deal was.

After that, we manage to get our drunk selves a seat on the train.

We get home, the guys are there, making all kinds of food on the grill, (supposively Anth made us hot dogs and we ate them??) but we then decide it’s absolutely necessary to put on the Disney tats, tramp-stamp style. So I put Gizzy’s on for her (all of the main Disney characters, holding hands) and she put mine on (pirates!).

Here’s mine: Best tat EVER!

We then joined the guys on the roof for some drinking games, a roast to the bachelor, and some AMAZING fireworks from a random person in the alley!

The fireworks were complete with floating lanterns JUST LIKE in Tangled.  I think I kept saying that every time they let another one go.  I don’t know how I have friends over the age of 6, I don’t know.

We mosied back down to the kitchen because I was craving some Cherry Garcia.  At this moment the bachelor and an old flame of mine who was in attendance, who is ALSO engaged wander into the room.  Some how it gets brought up that I didn’t get invited to either of their weddings, Lucky makes them feel like shit about it and tells them their wives must be insecure and they say because it’s because I’m attractive and it would make the bride feel bad or some bullshit.  I don’t know, it’s whatever.  That’s an argument/story for another day.

When this convo begins to fizzle another one of the guys from the party joins us.  A guy who Lucky and I had already written off because he was a big douche.  His name was Bill, he was the quarterback at our college, and he didn’t shower or change his clothes all weekend and Lucky and I told him he smelled.  He rebuttled by asking us to come out with them to which one of us made a snide remark saying we wouldn’t be caught dead near him and he basically called us ugly fat whores by saying, “Anyone who knows me would know as soon as they saw you two that you guys are NOT my type.”  Oh really? Well thin, cute, and funny must not be your type then, ass.

Later, more of the guys said they wanted to go out and we should join them. After a few minutes of persuasion, we bolt to Gizzy’s room, change clothes, and what? The guys are gone.

Lucky, remember when I called Anth and he didn’t answer?  He later told me that he was still at the apartment in his room changing.  Apparently he was left too and never went out.  I think it’s a good thing we didn’t go out with the 4 guys that actually went out.  Yikes.

Oh well, we walk down the street to a bar. There were all of five people inside, but the second we sit down, this chick comes up and introduces herself—meet Miranda. She has a boyfriend, but also a single guy in tow…yeah, he was kind of a loser.  I got her number, we were supposed to be friends because I have none and she was going to introduce me to all her single male friends, still hasn’t happened.  I don’t even think I could recognize her the beer goggles were so thick.

Anyway, she used her boyfriend’s credit card to buy us a round of shots, and Gizzy and I damn near slept on the bar. It was then we realized we’d been walking around (and drinking) since we woke up that morning. Miranda definitely thought we were lame, especially when we turned down her offer to late night when the bartender called last call.  I was tempted, because I think they said something about playing board games.  And I love board games, but in the adult world board games probably means snort crack so it’s probably good we didn’t go.

So, we walk back to Gizzy’s…

TO BE CONTINUED…

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Oh by the way, I’m married.

From today forward Tuesdays are going to be known as Shit on Gizzy Day.  Does everyone remember Little Mikey (name courtesy of Bridget over at Girls With Prius Envy, thanks Bridget!) the guy I met at the copy machine at work? Things have slowly progressed, I would venture to call us friends with a mild flirtation at this point.  We talk almost daily and make eyes at each other when I walk past his office.  At least that’s what I thought was going on.  Normally I am not one to mix up signals, but like with many other things my ripe old age of 26 is wearing on me.

The signal mixing happened yesterday afternoon after my boss’s boss emailed everyone in our department (Little Mikey is in another department so he didn’t get the email) saying that the company had purchased club seats to several of our local baseball team’s games this week if anyone was interested.  I emailed back that I wanted 2 and was given tickets for the Saturday game.  Jaaaaackkkpoooot.  When I asked for the tickets it was mainly because I knew I’d never have the opportunity to sit in club seats again, and then I remembered Little Mikey is a huge fan of the team, and this was my in.

I scoured my desk for something I needed Little Mikey’s assistance on and ran into his office.  We had our work chat and then I told him about the tickets, he was immediately green with envy and I thought, “This is it! He’s going to say he wants to come and I can invite him and we’ll fall in love!” Well Little Mikey never asked to come so I just strutted away thinking I’d come back later and give it a second shot.

Not 30 seconds after I had been back at my desk Little Mikey walked up and started the conversation back up.  We talked for a few minutes about how awesome it was that I got these tickets because he’s been with the company 2 years and hasn’t ever gotten tickets like this.  Then he dropped the bomb up that when he first started with the company he had a broken arm and everyone joked that his wife beat him.  Hold the bus.

YOUR WIFE???????!!!!!!!!!!!

Ummmmm, yeah.  Little Mikey is married.  I’m sure he must’ve seen the disappointment in my face because the conversation stopped right there when I flipped my chair around and went right back to work.  I mean, how do I come back from that? Oh! You have a wife? Great! Let’s do dinner and I’ll bring my child molester roommate as my date.

*Story intermission*

I don’t think I’ve told everyone about how Anth is dating a 20 year old.  I mean a 6 year difference is NBD later in life.  But she can’t legally drink alcohol and they have already had a pregnancy scare.  We don’t refer to her by her name, only as the 20 year old.   That’s really all you need to know, but more to come on this at a later date…

*End intermission*

The tragedy of hearing Little Mikey is married pretty much ruined my whole day.  Honest to god he is the only decent looking man I’ve seen in the past 3 months between the hours of 9am and 5pm and I don’t know what I’m going to do now.  For the sake of my sanity lets do a little analysis and see if my desperation got the best of me or if Little Mikey really was sending out signals that he is single and ready to mingle:

#1 Offering to help me find an apt 2 seconds after meeting me.

#2 The flirting/making eyes.  Ie: making fun of my lunchbox because it’s pink and has a giant owl on it that says, “Whooo recycles? I do!”

#3 He doesn’t wear a wedding ring.

#4 He has never mentioned a woman and/or family or that he communicates with women outside of work.  I was starting to think he’s gay.

#5 He doesn’t have pictures of him and his wife in his office.

#6 His wife’s relationship status on facebook is “No longer listed as married.” Yeah, I’m creepy, I looked but I can’t see his.

#7 His wife never comes to visit/go out to lunch with him.

Clues I should’ve picked up on indicating he’s married:

#1 He’s always gone by dinner time.

#2 He drives a large “family oriented” SUV.

#3 His shirts and pants are always neatly pressed.

#4 He smells nice.

#5 He tells stories about his “buddies” and then later in the story reveals that said buddies are actually 70 year old men.


I guess from here on out I should assume that every man I meet is either married or taken, life just can’t be simple enough to cut me a break and place a hot successful single man right in my lap now can it?

There are certain clues pointing to the fact that Little Mikey could be divorced but come on, that’s just plain unattractive.  He’s only 32.  No offense to anyone who has been divorced – but I’m not into baggage.

So that’s that and I’m back to square 1 and work just got boring again.  I was totally looking forward to things progressing over the years and getting involved in some hot make out seshes in the storage closet and all that sexual tension in meetings.  Ahhh… a girl can dream I guess.


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