First thing’s first before I dive right into the heart of the matter. 1. Gizzy’s thank you post was much-needed, oddly, yesterday we received 69 (heh heh) hits and for some reason our number 1 search term is “large hanging appendage black penis.” Why is someone searching that phrase in Google? It’s not even in the right order…but hey, whatever works. My parents would be so proud to know I’m writing for a blog that features large hanging appendage black penis (that just got us 69 MORE hits). And D. I am currently drinking my first caffeinated beverage (grande soy carmel machiatto) since I finished detox and I’m buzzing around like a crack fiend searching for crumbs in the carpet.
Today, sweet Friday, I wanted to update you on all of my situations—because they pretty much have all exploded in my face.
Let’s start with my disgusting trashy cheating bastard ex. I haven’t mentioned him lately, because I’ve been trying to avoid everything that has to do with him. But he will not leave me alone. Last weekend, we had our final closure talk, I had some questions I needed answered as did he. Which I thought was fine. However, he told me that he was already in a new relationship. This is always hard to hear, but it was important for me to know so I can finally close the door for good and move on. Now, I write for another blog where I try to keep things more professional than I do here, but I do write about some of my dating woes. I mentioned my frustration with his new relationship and said I was convinced he was cheating on me and now I could finally put the puzzle together. I posted that last Saturday.
Well I woke up around 2:30 this morning to see I had a missed call from my ex, along with two text messages—
Ex (10:30 p.m.): You need to reconsider what your saying about me. You don’t have the right to post lies on your online journal project.
Ex (10:43): I didn’t think you would respond. In my experience, people who add their own twist to peoples statements never have the guts to answer to their lies.
Ummm…I don’t even know where to begin. For starters, it’s MY fucking blog, which means it is the one place on this earth that is all about ME and MY opinions. If you don’t like it, then quit fucking stalking me and stop reading it. Second of all, I never ever mentioned his name or any details that would lead people to believe it was him—so get over yourself. Because of the early hour, I did the quick fix and replaced my blog with a 404 Error message for the time-being. In the morning, I searched the blog with a clear mind, and spoke with my attorney friend—always comes in handy. She told me I was in the clear and to put the blog back up, so I did.
In all honesty, I have had things published about me that were not true, but the best thing to do is to rise above it and move on. If he wasn’t feeling guilty about it, then why bother? He is the one who dumped me, so why not just be done with me? Especially out of respect for his new girlfriend.
Now onto the latest with Marko Polo. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from him, thank God. About three weeks ago, he sent me a text on a Thursday night asking what I was doing the next day. I told him I already had plans, which was the truth—I had already bought a ticket to a concert. He replied back with “have fun!” Ok dude, I’m planning on it. I didn’t text him back and haven’t heard from him since.
Until last night, when my friend Leslie came over to watch Jersey Shore and DC Housewives.
“So I talked to Marko last night,” she said. “He just doesn’t know what to do with you anymore. I told him that it was okay, not everyone is meant to be together.”
I threw my hands up—”Are you freaking serious?”
“Yeah, he said he talked to you a few weeks back and you had a date?”
“Um no, I just told him I had plans.”
Here is my thing. First of all, don’t ask me what I’m doing the day before you want to hang out and get mad because I have plans. I am a busy girl, okay? I have plans every weekend usually a week in advance, so get over it. I am so tired of feeling like I need to move my schedule around for a guy simply because he doesn’t feel like putting in the work. If a guy wants to see me, then he can ask me in advance. End of discussion.
Onto the latest withNew Guy. Nothing really huge here other than he sent me a text Wednesday night.
NG (8:47 p.m.): Hey babe, come see me at the bar tonight.
Ugh, please. We haven’t spoken in three weeks and THAT’S the text I get? Honestly, I think it was a mass text to every girl in his phone.
In other news, things have come to a standstill with myDC Crush. After he NEVER responded to my text message—the one and only one I sent—he sent me another message on Facebook saying he had a long shift at The White House, and his phone was dead the entire time.
Sure, whatever. Later faggot.
RememberThe Cuddler??? Since he sent me the first “cuddle??” text, there have been several more which, as you can guess, is incredibly annoying. A few Friday nights back, he asked me what I was up to. I told him the truth—I was hanging out, having dinner at a friend’s house. He said, “are we ever going to hang out?” I said…”honestly, I am unsure about your intentions?” Of course, he pulled the innocent card and said, “ummm…hanging out like friends. What, did you think I was trying to hook up with you or something?”
Ok so NOW you try to insult me and act like you don’t want it. Please. No one sends late night “cuddle?” texts if they want to hang out as FRIENDS. Idiot.
Of course, some dramz at the office has occurred since I last told you aboutFatso. Remember when I went to ask about the flex schedule policy? Yeah, well that administrative coordinator then went behind my back and over my boss’ head to our supervisor and told HER that I was talking bad about my supervisor and being generally disrespectful. So now, everyone hates me.
Fuck you, you bitch.
Sigh, now that I’ve recapped my shitty week for you, I want to leave things on a good note. So, since I saw Winnie Cooper on the Today show Wednesday (when I played hooky from work), I leave you with a little Wonder Years…
“What would you do, if I sang, out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ear and I’ll sing you a song…I will try not to sing out of key.”