Tag Archives: television

Gizzy Investigates: What happened to Bruno Mars’ Mother’s Hawaii Home

It’s no secret that I am a huge Bruno Mars fan.  So this past weekend when a new docu-series about his 4 sisters “The Lylas” premiered on WEtv, I was beyond excited to watch it.  After I found out about the series a few months ago I followed all of the sisters on twitter and have been laughing hysterically at their back and forth banter ever since.  They seem like really genuine, down to Earth girls, much like Bruno, so I couldn’t help but love them too.  They honestly make you want to have a whole gaggle of sisters to laugh and make jokes with, and it made me upset that I don’t have any siblings close to me in age.

The first episode, “Aloha LA” was centered around the girls picking up and moving from Hawaii to LA to start their music career.  Many of the scenes featured their late mother, Bernadette, which would have brought a tear to anyone’s eye, but since I follow the family and see their tweets and pictures of her, I was crying like a baby 10 seconds into it when the 4 sisters were getting tattoos in memory of her. They even put her ashes in the ink!  Like her children, she also seemed very down to Earth and fun loving, and after watching her for 5 minutes in the first episode, I could totally sympathize with how much they must miss her. I didn’t even know her and I already know that I’ll miss seeing her on the show.

The scenes she was featured in took place at the home Bruno bought for her in Honolulu, Hawaii.  A huge beautiful dream house on the beach. You all know that I am investigator Gizzy, so seeing this beautiful house and knowing all her children now live in LA, I started to wonder what happened to the house.  I wondered if the family would keep the house for a place to stay and remember her when they were visiting Hawaii, or would they sell it?  So I took to the almighty Google and came up with nothing. 

Since I often scour the internet for homes for sale that I can’t afford in cities I’ll only ever visit, I knew exactly where to go next. Good ol’ Trulia. Surprisingly enough, I found that the house is for sale, and has been on the market for all of 8 days, and it is even more beautiful than what you see in the show.

When my Grandfather passed away a few years ago we had his house cleaned out and a buyer lined up within about 6 weeks.  I know for my family, selling the house was a good way to cope. So I feel for them and hope their family is able to find peace with it.

Anyway, in the show Bernadette mentions the house and alludes to how amazing it is and that she needs the girls to be really successful so she can have another house just like it in LA. So here you go, check it out, she wasn’t kidding:

Bruno Mars’ Mother’s House

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Rise and Fall of Crack Day

This past week I got to be the dumper instead of the dumpee.  No, I wasn’t lucky enough to dump an actual guy. I dumped Starbucks, and left it crying on the curb like a little baby.

You see, I haven’t always been a coffee advocate.  After hearing about the Pumpkin Spice Latte for literally the past decade, I decided to give it a try this year.  And then I became obsessed, and then it was all I talked about, and then I got my mom, my aunt, and my 9 year old sister obsessed too and we would have PSL parties on the weekend mornings and run around for the next 6 hours like crackheads in a crackhouse. And then when we came down from our high we would tell each other that we looked like crackwhores. Because we did. Sunken, tired eyes, aimlessly wandering around trying to remember what we needed to do before we drank the PSL. Yes I know, I am a horrible horrible person, I got a 9 year old addicted to espresso. But what the fuck ever, Italians let their kids drink espresso and they turn out all right.


jersey shore

Right?

Then I found this food challenge I wanted to try. It’s 30 days long and while you can have 1 cup of black coffee a day, we all know that the PSL is no where close to being black coffee. So I had to quit. Lucky suggested that I just straight up eat espresso beans like a fiend, but I think for the sake of everyone else I’ll just stop with the coffee all together. 

So that brings us to the breakup. You see, Fridays were my crack day. I would wake up with a shit eating grin on my face every Friday, first and foremost because it was Friday, but also because I got the crack on Fridays. My PSL and my cinnamon roll.

cinnamon heaven

(I’m convinced that in Heaven people swim in PSL and have cinnamon roll pillows.)

Each Friday I would get to work throw my shit down and skip off to Starbucks without a care in the world. After a few weeks my co-workers started to notice that after returning from my coffee run, I would ping from the walls for the next 4-6 hours and get absolutely no office related work done. I became a different person, I was a sociable spaz and told people (everyone, separately) in the office my opinions on things like cloth diapers and flavored beer. No one cared, but they loved it. After about a month of said behavior, when I would come to work on Fridays some would chant, “Crack day! Crack day! Crack day!” The pressure became too much, so when I decided to do the 30 day challenge I had to break it to everyone that the coming Friday would be my final crack day.  They cried, but they’ll get over it. Eventually.

When I went to Starbucks for my Final Crack Day, I broke the news to Jake the Barista (Baristo? What the hell do you call boy Baristas?) that he would not see me for at least the next month, possibly forever if I could withstand it, and that I really appreciated him always warming my cinnamon roll to the perfect temperature, hot enough to melt the frosting but not so hot that it burnt my mouth.  Jake was sad to see me go, he even drew little sad faces on my cup. But at last, we parted ways.

And that is how I dumped the PSL and cinnamon roll. The best relationship I’ve ever had.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

10 things you should know about Reginald VelJohnson

1. Per the below photo taken from his twitter, I don’t think he enjoys wearing pants.  See: pants in the background on the ottoman with the belt still in tact.

We can also conclude #2 from this photo, in that he enjoys wearing snuggies while not wearing pants.  That royal blue fleece material you see in the background is particular of said snuggies.

Number 3 comes to us from Reg Vel’s bedroom.

 Reg Vel told us on twitter that his bedspread caught on fire because he had his laptop on top of a lighter.  So, either A: Reginald VelJohnson likes to enjoy a smokey smoke after sexytime with Mrs. Reg Vel… or B: he was getting high and looking at this picture of Lil Wayne with the Bieb’s hair that “tickles” him.

4. Reg Vel’s twitter puns are getting better by the day:

seriously tho, I can’t wait to eat this sushi #shrimplythebest #calimarimoon #crabtownraces #koimeariver #likeasturgeoun #embarrassingmyself

If Osama bin Laden was a Japanese food, he’d be Osama bin Ramen

5. Rev Vel attends the BET awards every year.  I know what you’re thinking.  He claims it just smells like weed and hairspray though.

6. Rev Vel truly enjoys thinking outside of the box.  He did so with the hit movie “Mean Girls” where he claims if you watch it backward it’s just about a girl that becomes so unpopular she moves to Africa.

7. In his old age Reg Vel thinks that Tim Tebow’s name is actually JIM Tebow. Lolz.

8. Jaleel White (Steve Urkle) and Reg Vel still keep in touch.  Sometimes The Reg tweets to Jaleel White, but JW seems to be on some other shit.  You’re better off Reg.

9. Some Reg Vel fan sites claim that donuts got their holes because every time a donut is made Reg Vel shoots the hole through the middle.  They also claim that The Reg doesn’t walk, he rides Chuck Norris piggy back regulating Chuck’s direction and pace with Urkle’s suspenders. Bad. Ass.

10. In 2010 Reg Vel made a movie called Sex Tax.  You be the judge.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Anth’s breakup story

Something is seriously wrong with me.  It’s 1:15 in the morning and I can’t sleep, yet come tomorrow morning I’m going to feel like the biggest narco monster ever when I can’t get up for the life of me.  I looked this up, it’s a legitimate sleeping disorder…it’s called DSPS (delayed sleep phase syndrome) and effects 3 out of 2000 and is called an invisible disability.  How does it make you guys feel to be reading the blog of a disabled person? It doesn’t make me feel good to be disabled, but I’m not going to take drugs to fix it just because wikipedia tells me my circadian cycle is off.  My cycles are fine, ok wikipedia! 

So last night one of THE FUNNIEST THINGS EVER happened.  The past few weeks/last month Anth has kind of been dating this girl (they’ve hung out like 3 times), we’ll call her Schmanna, and this past weekend he decided to take her to his co-workers wedding.  They stayed at her friend’s apartment near the reception hall, he told me he was pretty sure that he fell asleep on top of the girl mid-hookup because she kept saying – “You don’t REALLY think we’re going to hookup in my friend’s guest room do you?” Apparently this killed his hard on and I guess that just instantly means sleep? 

He told me she was kind of weird and way into him and he didn’t know about all that.  He also told me that they hadn’t done it yet, “Because her mom told her she needs to make guys wait.” To which I said, “How old is this girl?” he said 27 or 28 and I said, “Uhh yeah, she sounds weird.”  And he got all defensive asking how her age made her weird.  I said, “Umm because any 27 or 28 year old girl isn’t going to tell the guy she likes they can’t sleep together because her mommy told her not to.  She’s going to say they can’t sleep together because she wants to get to know him better/wants him to repsect her/doesn’t want him to use her for sex aka hump and dump, she’s not going to say because my mom said so.” Anth retorted that “It wasn’t like her mom told him not to sleep with him specifically right off the bat, just guys in general and who did I learn not to be a whore from?  My mom.”   Which is totally not the case, and I don’t think it is for most women.  You learn not to be a whore by watching other girls be whores and get treated like shit, not because your mom sits you down at 16 and says, “Make guys wait. Don’t be a whore.”  He’s so stupid.  And I said, “Yes, it is weird that she would tell YOU that, but if you like her enough to defend her against ME then maybe you should fucking date her.  ASS.”  I immediately changed the subject to how excited I was for the 90 minute Teen Mom, I knew I was right and didn’t want to listen to him defend some girl who can’t make judgement calls for herself at 27.   

He was telling me the next night that he just didn’t really like her because he should just be more into it than he is.  Which is convienently what he says about every single girl he dates.  Personally, I think it’s because he is still stuck on his ex that dumped him like 4 years ago, because he still talks about her on the reg but does not talk TO her and claims he sees her all over the city.   But I just nod and agree and say, “You’ll find the right one someday!”

Anyway, when I got home from work yesterday Anth started telling me about how Schmanna told him to let her know if he needed some company to watch Jersey Shore (clearly he has not told this girl that Jerzday is a weekly holiday in our household and that all the roomies would be in attendance).  So he replied lying to her, telling her that he was going to DVR it because he was working and in the zone.  Then, she asked if he wanted to do something this weekend, we’ve got a stage 5 clinger on our hands! I mean this was like the 10th time Anth had denied the girl a hang out just this week. 

He told her he was booked up for the weekend, which was another lie, and she replied asking him if she did something to piss him off.  He wanted to just ignore her until she got the hint that he didn’t like her, but against his better judgement he took my advice when I screamed at him, “NO! FOR WOMAN KIND YOU NEED TO TELL THIS GIRL YOU WANT TO JUST BE FRIENDS!!!! You’ve been on 3 dates and it shouldn’t be that big of a deal.”  He told me that he didn’t know about that because it would be really mean since he had just taken her to that wedding.   He thought telling her that he wanted to just be friends because he didn’t like her would be like saying, “Hey thanks for coming but I had a horrible time and you suck.”  To which I replied, “You know, soemtimes that happens but at least then she knows she needs to work on some things.  Like spreading her legs.”

So he replied telling her that no she didn’t do anything to piss him off, but he thought they should just be friends.   She called him, he ignored it, she sent a text asking if he could talk for 2 minutes, he said yeah he’d call her back later but he was working.  And she was all desperate saying, please don’t leave me hanging here I thought everything was great, you didn’t even give me a fair chance, we were always drunk you don’t even really know me, lets do something this weekend and you’ll see… blah blah blah.

Hearing this pretty much nausiated me, because why do girls try to fucking bargain with guys and sell themselves when the guy doesn’t want them?  I am guilty of it too, I’ve defintiely done it before with long term boyfriends, never a guy I only hung out with 3 times… but that’s past Gizzy.  NEW Gizzy wouldn’t respond and wouldn’t need to hear a reason why.

So eventually he called her back, I was downstairs getting my tacos ready for Jersey Shore, and Anth bolts down the stairs saying, “MAN! I wish you could’ve heard that convo, that shit was BRUTAL, she just kept saying that same thing over and over and I had to have a 30 minute long breakup talk with a girl I hung out with 3 times.”

I snort and say, “WHAT A CRAZY!!! Time for some Jersey Shore!!!” Then he looks at his phone and sees that she’s still on the line.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Family Ties

I just want to let everyone know that Lucky is OK.  I know it’s very rare that she misses a posting day (unlike myself, the slack ass of the group) but she is like kind of dying.  Seriously she sent me a text on Monday asking how high her temperature has to get before she should go to the hospital.  So she is like RULL sick, and then she had all that life ruining dental work done yesterday, but she is a strong girl and SHE WILL SURVIVE and she will be BACK, and thank goodness because this 1 woman circus is not all that entertaining… Gloria Gaynor with me now…First I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinking I would never live….Anyone? No? Hrmph.

As if anyone cares for an update on the “Road to Find Myself:  Stories of a Lost Blogger” there really aren’t any.  I’m just as bi-polar about what I want to do with myself as I was 2 days ago.  I go from YEAH! I’m moving to LA and I’m going to do something really cool/I wonder which celebrity I can convince to marry me? to wanting to move in next door to my parents so that I don’t ever have to cook for myself  or do my own laundry again .  I know, it’s called compromise, I have 4 months.. I’ll find it.  And if I don’t, there’s always stripping.  Also my dad told me the other day that he thinks homeless people begging for money on the streets probably make more a week than I do.  So, there’s a thought.  “Please help.  Will tell testicle jokes for quarters.  If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?” I try really hard, ok? I also firmly believe that I would be a good candidate for Wipeout.  I would call myself Frizzy Gizzy, crimp and tease my hair, and act all mad scientist like.  It could work.

Anyway, what was I going to blog about today?  Oh right, my family.  So I helped my aunt throw a birthday party this past weekend for my mom and her son, “Cousin B”… here’s a family tree to help you keep track:

gizzy’s family tree

So all is good in the hood, a lot of people showed up… I was running around being super hostess, making sure everyone had enough to eat and something to drink.   Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Cousin Z was off in a lawn chair sleeping, which he does at every gathering.  He was supposed to help with this party so of course I’m like what a jackass blah blah blah.

My family is also notorious for practical jokes.  After unsuccessfully convincing no one to smash a cupcake in Cousin Z’s face to wake him up I decided to go for it myself.  WAM! Pink cup cake up the nose… mwhahaa.  It was bitter sweet.  Sweet because I got him good, bitter because he didn’t say a word and just got up and walked away. 

The next thing I know it’s 20 minutes later and I see Cousin Z flying out of the house with a pan of baked beans toward 2nd Cousin W, 2nd Cousin S, and Baby D.  It was like slow motion, I could hear myself in that low movie voice saying… “NOOOOO…OOOOOOOO” as he dumped the beans all over 2nd Cousin W’s head, all over 2nd Cousin S’s left arm, and all over Baby D’s face. 

Of course the whole family goes ape shit because he got beans all over the baby.  Yeah, I realize how white trash this sounds, mostly because it is white trash.  So we’ve got 2nd Cousin W jumping up and down screaming “WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK!” in Cousin Z’s face all while Cousin S is slinging beans off her arm and 3 month old Baby D is enjoying licking the tastey bean juice off his lips.  All while half of the family is coming to me asking why I did that because I knew he would retaliate and the other half is screaming at Cousin Z for throwing beans at a baby. 

There were a lot of words exchanged, I offered to out myself and to tell Cousin Z that I was the cupcake culprit (which stained his face pink) and everyone told me not to because that would just lead to more chaos. 

So basically everyone left the party except Cousin Z and Cousin B’s half brother D, 2nd Cousin S, me and a few others.  I was facebook creeping on the party attendees and noticed that in fact Cousin Z and Cousin B’s half brother D and Cousin S are in a relationship.  Really family?  We’re doing incest now?  I mean I know they aren’t technically blood related, but that is gross, right?

Like what would you tell your kids, um yeah you know your uncle Z and uncle B? Well they are Mommy’s cousins and my brothers.  LIKE WTF! The world is not ending, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and we do not need to be doing this right now.  I know they’re in high school so the odds of it actually working out are slim to none, but still… I can’t imagine the high school kids are supportive of this.  If I knew someone who was dating their 2nd cousin’s brother I would absolutely point laugh and tell them they were going to have retarded babies.  They should be ashamed of it.  JESUS!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!?

I need to get out of this country.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A little bit of Texas in my….

It’s Ja Ja Ja JERSEDAY!!!!! This week a Priest tells Snooki to cover up her ta ta’s and I cannot wait!!

You’ll all be happy to hear that I made my first responsible adult romantic decision Tuesday night while I was out for drinks with Texas.  I saw a red flag and called him on it.

The evening kicked off about 9pm at a bar between our two places.  Anth dropped me off and on our way there we discussed what Texas and I were going to talk about since it was just going to be the two of us.  I knew there would be the typical what have you been up to for the past year convo but I really didn’t know where the conversation would lead.  I really wanted to find out for sure if he still had the girlfriend so that was at the top of the agenda.  

We got the typical work talk out of the way pretty quickly, I told him about my job and all of the old people I work with and he told me he’s been running a ski lodge in Colorado for the past year, and living at the lodge so that he could ski everyday.  That was a yellow flag.  My thoughts coming into this were wondering if he had become an “adult” since we graduated from college a year ago, and him telling me this little tid bit of info told me no he hadn’t grown up at all and was probably still a big partier.   He was quick to mention the “EX-girlfriend” so that I knew he was single and ready to mingle.  

The conversation turned to music and he asked me if I liked electronic music, I made a face and grunted “NO!” and he took it upon himself to try and change my mind.  Telling me I had to come to a concert with him and I had to do X so that I enjoyed it.  At first I laughed it off and just said, “Uh yeah that’ll happen.”  But he was persistent, telling me how it makes you feel and blah blah blah.  All stuff I had heard before when Snoop-Linus did that shit every weekend.  Then after he was done with his sales pitch he asked, “So do you want to do it?” I looked at him like he was an idiot and said “Um NO! I am 26 years old, peer pressuring me isn’t going to work.  I have no desire to do that stuff.  And aren’t you afraid it’s going to mess up your brain?”  He came back with some unconvincing spiel about how he only does it a few times a year when he goes to a concert or something so it’s not like he does it every weekend.  Eventually I asked if we could just change the subject.  He knows Snoop-Linus and already knows a lot of what I went through with that so at that point I was pretty much over the drug talk.  And at that point I held up my hand and said, “THIS! This is what we like to call a red flag.  Don’t try and date me or anything ok?  I’m not going to date another guy who does drugs, so just don’t even try it.”  

Anth and Lucky both got a good chuckle out of that.  I mean yeah it’s the first time we’ve talked in a year and I’m already turning him down before he even made a move.  I knew saying that wouldn’t turn him away though, but I just had to say it because really… I’m not going to date another guy who does that shit, not even casually.   

Lucky and I talked about this today, and discussed how 2 years ago I would’ve been swept off my feet after last night and ignored the major red flag.  Because everything else about this guy is spot on what I like.  He’s hot, he’s the type of guy who looks you in the eye when he talks to you, he’s a gentleman, easy to talk to, funny, smart… blah blah blah… but I’m not going to let all of the things I like about him override the major thing that I don’t like, that would inevitably cause a problem in any type of relationship we had even if it was casual.  So I put a stop to it before it even started.  Which probably won’t keep me from drunkenly making out with him, but at least I’ve already told myself I won’t emotionally invest myself in liking this guy.

So that’s that… I made the big adult decision to not waste my time on a guy that I would probably end it with in 6 months because it reminded me too much of my relationship with Snoop-Linus.  I’m still going to be his friend and hang out with him, but that’s it.   And I know he won’t stop trying to get it to be more, he’s already asked me to dinner (that I declined) and posted on my facebook wall that he had fun (putting it on blast for the world, MWHAHA).

I just don’t know how I attract these druggies.  Don’t get me wrong either, they aren’t like dirty scumlord meth heads.  They are clean cut, cute, frat guy types and I just don’t know what this world is coming to.   Like how hard could it be to meet a guy who is hot and doesn’t want to snort his paycheck up his nose in the city?

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Plain Jane

One of my favorite things about having a blog is looking at the things that people google that gives them this blog as a search result.  Some of the better ones lately:

zit on vagina – old bitch in boot – why won’t he respond to friend request – kelsey grammer’s penis – italian sex fucking style – semen cocktails

Anyway, has anyone seen the show Plain Jane on the CW?  I caught it last Thursday while I was at the gym running, it kept my attention and the next thing I knew I had run like 6 miles.

The show stars Louise Roe, who apparently is a big fashion guru and looks strikingly similar to Kelly Bensimon from the Real Housewives of New York.  She picks a girl who is, you guessed it… a plain Jane and transforms her into her own little mini-me who is confident, sexy, fashionable, and all that other stuff you want to be.  Now there’s a twist, each “Plain Jane” has a crush that has put her into the friend zone and after their life changing make over and “confidence building exercises” (the episode I saw, they made the girl do a burlesque dance to find her femininity, and ask guys for their numbers at a dog park to give her confidence) they tell the guy that they want to set him up on a blind date.  There he is waiting for his blind date and in walks BFF plain Jane looking sparkly and new.  They’re all… Omg bet you didn’t guess it was me for like 10 minutes then they sit down and start talking about how they have had crushes on each other for like ever and live happily ever after. 

First, I am going to watch this show every Thursday for 2 reasons #1 I’m a dork and #2 not every episode can end happily ever after, right? I want to see one where the guy is like, well… I’ve kind of been banging this playboy model on the side and yeah, I can do better than you. 

Like most shows, this got me thinking.  If I were selected to be on this show and got a makeover to impress some guy who would the guy even be?  I have absolutely 0 prospects.  Like, I don’t even have a crush.  I guess for this reason alone they would never pick me to be on the show.  I’d have to pay Anth in fake boobs and blondes to have him pretend to be my crush so that I could get a free makeover.  This is what my life has come to.

On that note, I got asked out for coffee today at work.  I don’t know if it was in a romantic way or in a friendly you do a lot of shit for me at work so let me buy you a cup of joe to make you feel appreciated way.  Either way, I agreed.  So, the guy’s name is Alex he is decent looking and funny, but the downfall is that he is dumb.  I don’t know how else to put it nicely, the guy is just not the brightest crayon in the box?  When he sees a round hole he puts a square peg in it?  I don’t know what you want me to say.  I guess you’ll have that, but it’s a big turn off for me – which is why I wasn’t interested in him when I met him.  Yes he’s attractive, but in my world dumb trumps attractive.

At this stage in my life I’ve got to give a guy the least amount of reasons to cheat on me.  Because apparently just being my awesome self isn’t good enough.  I’ve begun to realize that it’s pretty much all about power with guys, the better they feel about themselves when they’re with you – the less likely they are to go looking for someone else to make them feel better.  Now don’t get me wrong here, I would never change who I am just to get a guy or to make a guy feel good about himself, fuck that, but let’s cut to the chase… I want a guy who is smarter than I am, and if he’s not, he needs to at least be on the same level as me.  I don’t want a guy who is going to be all… “Well she’s smarter than me, and makes more money, and half of the time I don’t know what she’s talking about so I’m going to go find a dumb girl to bang so I don’t feel like a loser.” NO!

And this guy makes comments about how I am smarter than him, so I wouldn’t even go there.  Whenever I have to do work with him I honestly have to explain what we’re doing about 50 times and then he still doesn’t get it and I just have to do everything myself.

So anyway, he called me up this morning to talk about a project we’re working on.  At the end of the call he asked if I ever make my way near his building.  I said not that often, but I occasionally walk over to the Starbucks in the morning for coffee if I’m feeling frisky, then he asked if he could buy me a cup of coffee Friday morning.  I said sure and he said he’d call me Thursday so we could set a time to meet. I said okay, he said okay I’m looking forward to it I’ll talk to you Thursday.  Done deal. 

So we’ll see what happens.  I need you guys to help me think of some exit strategies if things go awry. 

P.S. 300th POST! Wahoo!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,