Tag Archives: texting

In your opinion…

I need everyone’s help deciphering some texts.  Because I’m nosy, and a meddler, I have been bothering Anth and I’m getting quite upset that he’s not providing information up to my standards.  So I need all the eyes I can get reading between the lines on these babies:
Date: 11/16/2012
Gizzy: Are you proposing to your girlfriend at Christmas? Teheheheeee
Anth: Haaaaa. We’ll see.
Gizzy: Whaaaaat?! That means yes!!!!!!!!!! Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone 🙂
Anth: Do you think she’ll invite you to our wedding?
Gizzy: I don’t know, you don’t get a say in it? Although if you did, you’d probably just follow suit and not invite me 😥
Anth: Bahahaha we will see.
Gizzy: So can I get an affirmative YES that you will be proposing within the next 2 months? Also can you send me a picture of the ring? Spanks a million!
Anth: No and maybe when I get it.
Gizzy: Is that a no you aren’t proposing soon or a no I can’t get an affirmative yes? Please clarify 😀
Anth: The second is kind of dependent upon the first. And no means no.
Gizzy: That didn’t help clarify at all. But whatever, I’ll wait for the facebook link like the rest of the world, EVEN THOUGH I INTRODUCED YOU AND THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF ME.
Anth: You didn’t introduce us?
Gizzy: Whatever, ANTH!
Date: 12/25/2012
Anth: Merry Christmas Giz!
Gizzy: Merry Christmas Anth! Did you propose today?
Date: 12/26/2012
Anth: Bahhh she was using my phone for FaceTime the whole drive back up here yesterday I hope she didn’t see that.
Gizzy: So, that’s a no? You didn’t propose?
Anth: We’re going to Mexico tomorrow.
Gizzy: Sooooooo… you’re doing it in Mexico?
Date: 12/31/2012
Gizzy: ??????!!!!!!!!!!! Is a congratulations in order?
Anth: You are the worsssssssst
So what do we think? Did I ruin the proposal? Was he even planning on it? Should I inquire again now that they are probably back from Mehico? Should I send an apology card and then follow up with a phone call to ask questions/get my answers approximately 4 days later? I need your help!!!!!
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I have major white girl problems

As you may or may not recall, a few weeks ago I was getting the crowd amped up for me to make a move on High School Crush.  I had it all planned out, I was going to text him to see what he was doing over the weekend and we were going to get some plans in action.  Because I wear the pants!

When I saw his college had a basketball game on that night I knew how I could start up the conversation, but it would only work if they lost. And they did, it was a sign from God! My plan was to text him that Friday and give him a hard time about his team losing. It would be a PERFECT way to start up the conversation again since we hadn’t talked in a week. 

That Friday morning I rolled into work a few minutes past 9, got myself set up for the morning and pulled out my phone to see that I had a text from HSC. I was pretty effing happy that I didn’t have to feel like a creep for texting him first. Maybe I was a little too excited, because I replied right back, within 15 minutes of his text. (Now Anth has told me that I made a mistake and should’ve waited at least 2 hours before I replied.) So I waited…

And waited..

And waited…

And I never got a reply back from him. My text wasn’t scandy in the least. But, I was cutting right to the chase by asking about his weekend work schedule. I didn’t know how long our texting convo would go on, so I couldn’t waste any time. Little did I know, I wouldn’t even get to ask what his plans were because he made it a sure fire point to cut that convo after the first effing text exchange.

After I didn’t get a reply all weekend I decided that after his team lost again over the weekend I would text him Monday evening and follow through with my original plan, to give him a hard time about his team. I need to point out that our college’s are big rivals and a few weeks prior he sent me the same type of message because my team didn’t even show up for the game. So we had pretty much the exact same conversation this time with opposite roles. I was on the phone with Lucky during the texting convo, when I got a brilliant idea to reply back to him saying, “Well you know, someone told me once that it’s hard to win on the road so blame that.” Which is what he had told me about my team when I told him not to rub it in that we suck. It was flirty, yet breezy, almost the perfect reply. Then Lucky says, “ADD A SMILEY WINK! That means you want to have sex.” And done.

That was nearly 2 weeks ago and I am happy to report we are still texting our little hearts out.  We’re just going to ignore that whole post I wrote about being done and letting him initiate everything.  As sad as it may be, it’s High School Crush, and as long as there is not a ring on his finger or mine, I’ll never be done.  

Now that everyone is up to speed, I can say that we have tentative plans to hang out this coming Saturday.  I’m not going to get my hopes up because there is a lot that could happen that could easily lead to us not hanging out.  And that’s all I’m going to say because I am way scared of jinxing it.  

To take the pressure off and to unjinx anything that will happen this week that will lead to Saturday not happening, I accepted an invitation to go on a date this Wednesday night with a guy I went to college with.  It’s just dinner and drinks, but I have Lucky to thank for the pressure relief.  She’s the one that encouraged me to go on the date to ease the tension with the HSC situation and I think it will do just that! 

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Living Will: Name your best friend as your relationship power of attorney.

MmmmHALLO!!! Aloha and Mahalo! I’m back on the mainland and not psyched about it.  There’s snow on the ground and it sucks, it sucks donkey. 

The trip was nice and relaxing, of course I got annoyed with Stepdad more than once, but thankfully AT&T is aware that Hawaii is a state and has thoughtfully included it in their nationwide plan, so Lucky and I BBMed it up the whole time at no extra charge.

Which also means…drumroll please…badadadaaaa…. High School Crush and I texted the whole trip too.  During the months before the big Christmas extravaganza in Hawaii I was all… “Yeah I’m totally shutting off my phone and not taking my computer.  I’m disconnecting and it’s going to be awesome.” But you know what? Shit happens, December 16th happened, and I wouldn’t have been able to go 2 weeks without talking to Lucky either.

I was pleasantly surprised that HSC and I texted the whole time I was gone, and even more excited that he texted me right at midnight his time on New Years Eve to wish me a Happy New Year.  But as we know, all good things must come to an end.  We’re still talking. But after I got back, Lucky and I had a long talk about how the next step needs to happen.  We need to hang out again.

During our vacation text sesh HSC suggested that we get a group of friends together to go on a Vegas trip in March.  I mean, I’m all for it, but we need to hang out before that. Because what’s going to happen? We’re going to go to Vegas after seeing each other once in the past 5 years back in December with our BFF’s in tow, get drunk, and get married or some shit?  Plus, that’s at least 3 months away, oh and it will never happen. BUH!

So Lucky and I decided that I needed to try and make plans with him this weekend.  Wednesday night I asked what his plans were for the weekend.  He said he was staying in his city because he was sick of driving after the holidays. Which is understandable, BUT THIS IS OUR ONLY CHANCE BECAUSE SUNDAY I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE BIG CITY WHICH IS MORE THAN 5 HOURS FROM HIS CITY WHY DOES HE NOT GET THIS?! I replied being all yeah it sucks you’re tired of driving because you need to come to hometown this weekend to hang, his response? “I know! We need to plan the Vegas trip.” At first, we (Lucky and I, because she is in this relationship just as much as I am and needed to be consulted) were pissed off at this response.  Because it’s lame.  We took it as him saying, “I know that it sucks that I’m sick of driving, but we need to plan the Vegas trip so we can hang out on that trip.”  Which in retrospect means, “See ya never loser.” 

Then I reread it and thought, well maybe he’s saying he knows that he needs to come to hometown so that we can plan the Vegas trip and we can hang out whilst planning the trip.  After a few minutes of analyzing, Lucky and I remembered our New Year’s resolution: To not give a flying fuck.  And with that I gave her power of attorney to tell me what to do with this situation, because clearly I like this guy and clearly he doesn’t like me enough to do anything but text me.  So it was a mutual agreement that I can give it until January 16th (MLK Jr. Day) because that’s a 3 day weekend and a good opportunity for both of us to find a way to meet up in some city between us.  And if it doesn’t happen by then? Well the ball is in his court and I will reply to his texts but will not initiate any conversation or mention hanging out or future plans and/or keep letting this shit consume my life. If you guys haven’t heard, letting guys consume your life is so out in 2012.

So that was that.  Then yesterday I woke up all sick and flu like and I was still annoyed at his lame response after I put myself out there. I decided that January 16th would be moved to January 6th.  We hung out once and have been texting for 3 weeks.  I realize I wasn’t in the continental US for 2 of those weeks, but still – if he was interested he’d drive the hour and come back this weekend to hang out, right?

I like him and if he likes me I shouldn’t have to wait 2 months for a faux Vegas trip to see him.  It could be easily argued that there hasn’t been a lot of communication in the “Hey I like you, do you like me also?” department and that’s why nothing has happened.  But we’ve been texting for 3 weeks – it’s kind of a given that we’re both at least semi-interested right? So yeah, I’m going to back off and maybe he’ll get that I was trying to make this happen (after 12 years) and it’s been 3 weeks and I’m already tired of the shit and if he is for realz interested he needs to ask me when we can see each other.  

So guys, we can mark this day as the end of High School Crush, because he won’t ask me to hang out.  And yeah, it sucks, but I can’t keep chasing 14 year old Gizzy’s dreams, 26 year old Gizzy needs to get some of her own and move on.  End chapter.

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Men suck, all of them

Well, we are officially back in action.  WordPress shut us down for a hot minute saying we violated their terms of service.  Which was a big lie.  I emailed them and they said it was a mistake.  You’re damn right it was a mistake! They must have been trying to put us on freshly pressed and deactivated us instead.  That’s gotta be it.  Anyway…

Lately I’ve been in a slump, I don’t feel like going out or doing anything fun, and I really just want to be left the hell alone.  By everyone other than my family and Lucky.  I’d like to go entire days without making fake conversation with people at work about the weather and how slow the copy machine is.  I don’t want to hang out with my roommates.  I want to come home, eat my dinner, and relax in my room alone while drinking a glass of wine or 5.

It seems like if I am short with people at work I’m constantly getting the, “What’s wrong, is everything ok?” Look/questioning from everyone.  Yes! Everything is fucking fine, I just want to come in here, do my job, and leave.  I don’t care about your grandkids, or what you had for dinner, or what your plans are this weekend.  If there were people my age I’d probably feel different, especially if there were hot guys or halfway decent girls I could possibly be friends with.  But I’m tired, and I have a lot of work, and hearing about peoples lives gives me less energy to do work and stay up past 8:30.  But last Friday I had to hear a 20 minute long explanation of what Ciggy Breath was doing for his wife’s birthday month.   That I never asked about.  And I just had to leave, that was it – I was cashed after hearing that.

So to add to hating everyone last week I woke up with a 6AM text from Anth saying, “Did you stand there while they fucked with my sunglasses? And, where did you go?”

A little backstory, a few weeks ago my old college pal Gigi came for a visit and we went to a concert on the beach.  After the concert we were walking to catch a cab, something happened and I smacked Anth’s chest.  His sunglasses were on the inside of his shirt and when I smacked his chest one of the lenses popped out of his shades.  I offered to take them to get them fixed and that was the end of it.  

So, when the whole fire thing happened I sat down to take a looksie at his sunglasses.  The lenses are held in with fishing wire so I figured I could put it back in myself.  I did and then I cleaned them and all was good.  A week and a half later I got that text from Anth.

Now, I don’t condone lying to anyone, but in a case like this if I would have told Anth that I fixed his sunglasses he would’ve gone off on me and accused me of messing them up somehow.  So when I told him I would get them fixed he said I could go to any optometry place and it would be fine.  I told him I took him to sunglass hut because they’re probably all high and wouldn’t recall if I came in there like an optometry place would.  So then he goes off on a tangent about how there’s a chip missing from the bottom of the lens, you can barely notice it, and how I should’ve gone to an optometry place because they have better tools for that stuff.  Well you know what dbag? I fixed it and I didn’t use any tools, and I sure as hell didn’t chip the god damn lens using my fingers to put it back in.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m extra irritable or what the deal is, but I just did not want to deal with this.  I immediately texted Lucky and told her the sitch, she said it was stupid and I agreed.  Once all was said and done I just ignored him, if he wants me to take them to get the lens fixed (which I’m not entirely sure happened because of something I did) I will get them fixed.  But, he’s going to have to grow some damn balls and ask me to do it.  Because it’s time to be a man and stop confronting people through emails and text messages.  Yes, I confronted them about my cheese through an email, but I would’ve said it to their faces had they been at the apartment when I noticed it was all gone, I just wanted my cheese replaced before the next morning damnit. 

The day before that or after, I can’t even remember now they all run together, he was texting me complaining about me turning the air conditioning up 1 degree in the morning when I left.  God forbit it is 1 degree warmer in the apartment when NO ONE is there all day long so that we save some money/help Earth.  So I asked what his problem with it was, he said that he gets hot when he sleeps.  Ok, so turn it down when you sleep or if you get hot, who cares.  No that wasn’t good enough, he had to complain about how sometimes he forgets to turn it down and then he wakes up sweating.  But of course he’s too lazy to get out of bed and turn it down or not use a fucking down comforter in the middle of summer.  But I digress.  See what I’m dealing with here?

It gets slightly worse, after fending off my nagging non-husband all week, the weekend had finally arrived.  I was planning on eating buffalo wild wings and drinking my bud light limes and laying in bed all weekend and talking to NO ONE.   I am all independant woman the past year or so, don’t need a man, yada yada… I’m sure there are songs about it.  But, when Lucky called me last weekend to tell me about the latest with her cray cray dad I ventured out of my room and went to the roof so that I could have good cell service.  As I do, I hadn’t been up there for more than 2 seconds and here comes Anth.  So I go down to the kitchem, 2 seconds later here comes Anth.  Why?  I don’t know, I guess he needed attention or something.  Because he wasn’t following me around because he had a purpose for being in either of those rooms, he was just lingering.

So I go into my room and lay halfway in my room and halfway out my sliding doors so my phone would still get service (HATE AT&T btw) and not 15 minutes later JM busts in  my bedroom door because he’s visiting and thought I was gone, so he was going to sleep in my bed.  

Then every time I come downstairs I get shit about how I don’t hang out with them and how I’m boring and will die a lonely old cat lady because I never come out of my room.  And that is exactly why I don’t come out of my room, so I don’t have to hear shit like that.

I like my roommates, and I like to party with them occassionally.  But I don’t want to hang out with them from the time I wake up in the morning until I go to bed.  #1 they watch bad tv (sports – not the good ones either, they watch boring stuff, like wrestling, tennis, and golf) #2 I don’t want to hear about how I’m so lame #3 I don’t want to hear about your girlfriend/girl you’ve been banging because I don’t care. 

So men, I get it.  I get what you’re going through having a nagging wife and no sex.  I get it.

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A {text} conversation with JBelt.

JBelt (5:35 pm): Drinking? Tomorrow? Or perhaps bare-knuckle punching? I’m going to fencing tonight.

Lucky (9:40 pm): I’m gonna have to witness some fencing to appreciate it more.

(10:36 pm): Just got done. You could come by Thursday late, if you really want to see some.

(12:28 am): A practice or a real duel (match)? I’m gonna need to Google.

(12:33 am): Yeah…we don’t really fight duels anymore, Lucky. In fact, it’s been illegal for almost 200 years. Practice from 7 to 8:30 or so, open fencing until ten…Bouts. They’re called bouts. We should YouTube some so you know what you’re looking at. The rules are complex, so it can be tough on spectators. That’s why you don’t see much fan merch.

(12:38 am): Well I didn’t think you were going to slice someone’s face off or anything. Rule #1: Don’t call it a duel. Sheesh!

(12:39 am): Tee hee. I suppose I took advantage of you a little, but it was irresistible. I will make it up to you with a beer and YouTube.

(12:41 am): I swear I’m not an idiot. But I am a natural blonde. Shit happens!

(12:41 am): I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. Not one bit.

(12:47 am): About how many people come to the practices?

(12:47 am): Maybe 12-15. Less if it’s hot outside.

(12:48 am): That’s not too bad.

(12:50 am): Too bad? What do you mean? And, why are you still up?

(12:51 am): It’s more people than I expected it what I meant. Yet not a ton of people. Still up because the boxing gets my mind kind of wired.

(12:52 am): I know exactly what you mean.

(12:53 am): My body is dead. But I notice I’m usually pretty energetic afterward. And sometimes I’m completely pissed off. Really pissed.

(12:54 am): Pissed off? It’s supposed to be cathartic.

(12:55 am): Yeah…when I’m punching the bag I think about shit that pisses me off. And I guess it lingers.

(12:56 am): Fair enough. I boxed in the Navy I get the same stuff, the endorphins and adrenaline, from fencing, too. Tons of energy. Sometimes the wrong kind of energy.

(12:57 am): Wrong kind of energy?

(12:58 am): The cold shower kind. Or, just fast-mind insomnia—too much to recall, nothing to do with it, no rest but hours of lying awake.

(12:59 am): I gotcha. Is that why you’re up?

(1:00 am): Indeed. Melatonin. Soon.

(1:01 am): I will drift soon enough. I wish it was still raining out.

(1:02 am): Why?

(1:02 am): I love the sound.

(1:05 am): I like the thunder. The rain doesn’t really show up for me here. Can’t hear it.

(1:07 am): Really? And you have an actual roof. I have an apt above mine.

(1:18 am): Not much, anyway. Tell me not to start a movie. Tell me to eat sleepy pills and go to bed.

(1:19 am): Time for bed, Dave. No movies!

(1:22 am): I’m all awake and stuff. I feel pent up. I might have an endorphin allergy.

(1:23 am): Sounds like you’ve succumbed.

(1:23 am): I’m still here.

(1:24 am): Has your boxing rage worn off?

(1:25 am): I wasn’t too pissed off today actually. In my class yesterday this dude next to me was trying to hit on me the whole time. That REALLY pissed me off.

(1:26 am): Did you whip his ass?

(1:28 am): When it came time for a little partner work he immediately claimed me. I wanted to punch him in his beer gut.

(1:29 am): But didn’t?

(1:31 am): No. We were doing situps passing a medicine ball back and forth. The best I could do was aim for his face with the 13 ponder. See? Now I’m getting pissed.

(1:33 am): Excellent.

(1:34 am): I went on a few nightmare dates a little while ago and I suppose the subject of dating in general pisses me off.

(1:35 am): I’m not counted on the “nightmare” list, am I? How bad were they?

(1:36 am): No this was just a week ago. One guy still had a gf, so it was interesting when he flipped his shit thinking she found out. The other I didn’t know was a date. It was a friend of mine who I thought we were going to a movie. Instead he confessed to liking me and tried to kiss me.

(1:37 am): Poor baby. That’s pretty rugged. The second an old friend?

(1:38 am): We’d known each other for 3 years, and really, I’m not attracted to him at all. So it was really awkward and I was really caught off guard, although when it comes to dating he’s so forward and cocky it was kind of scary. He was saying all kinds of weird shit.

(1:42 am): Shitfire. What sort of weird shit? You seem fairly resistant to that to me.

(1:43 am): He moved out of state, and we really hadn’t kept in touch but he had to do some stuff here so we made plans. I thought it was innocent so I was pretty excited to catch up. He said “when we worked together I wanted to ask you out” so I thought it was past tense. Then he tried to hold my hand.

(1:43 am): Oh for gods sake. That doesn’t sound that bad.

(1:44 am): After the movie he was saying stuff like “are you going to give me a reason to come back more often” what the fuck?! He also also asked me if I ever slept naked. What. The. Fuck.

(1:44 am): Okay. That’s pretty fucked. Creeper.

(1:47 am): How on earth did I not weird you out? That’s still surprising to me.

(1:50 am): I suppose to someone who actually liked him that stuff wouldn’t be weird. So I guess if you did anything weird maybe I overlooked it. But I don’t recall it.

(1:52 am): I didn’t DO anything weird, I just AM a little weird.

(1:54 am): Well you didn’t say anything scary. Here’s the bottom line. If I don’t want to eventually fuck the guy, it won’t work. Sounds slutty. But it’s true.

(1:56 am): I take that as a premium compliment. And slutty is an antiquated term.

(1:58 am): I just figure you have to have something physically plus the chemistry…or else every little quirk is going to be annoying. But, I’m no dating expert.

(2:04 am): I am also a novice. Of sorts. That’s probably not the right word at all, but I think you know what I mean.

(2:05 am): Yeah. I went through a breakup after three years last summer. Since then, dating is just different. And often, it’s a hassle.

(2:08 am): I’ve had several of the long ones like that. It changes things, a bit. Harder to take things seriously, or to risk much at all.

(2:09 am): Exactly. Did you take your sleepy pills yet or you went against what I said and are watching a movie?

(2:10 am): And by the way, I’m of course attracted to you, too. I can’t believe I had any self control with you at all. You are quite charming, and plenty hot to boot.

(2:10 am): Niether. In bed, mulling. Not the regular kind of sleepy yet. You about to cash in?

(2:12 am): No, I just didn’t want to bore you with my embarrassing dating stories any longer.

(2:12 am): Not at all! You’re fine.

(2:13 am): Thank you for the compliments. I won’t buy that I’m charming. Hot? Okay. Charming? Hrmmm…

(2:13 am) You are plenty charming. I’m rarely attracted to blondes or busts…as odd as that sounds. You are hot in a different way than that. You are hot as a writer, and you have good locomotion. In a variety of situations.

(2:15 am): I felt like I scared you off by saying I had a crush on you and I definitely was not trying to jump into anything.

(2:18 am) I know. But the reality was, any commitment at all would’ve been too much. I know you, and I like you—quite a bit. And I would, naturally, love to fuck. But I don’t want to be that guy…I knew I wasn’t ready for anything at all.

(2:20 am) You weren’t, and aren’t, that guy. I was, and still am, weary that we won’t be able to hang out at all. I don’t want that. And, what’s so wrong with boobs?!?!

 (2:20 am): Nothing. In fact, yours are delightful, and I’ve replayed the experience over many times (especially the arching of which you bragged…that text put me in an awkward public situation, so you know). As I said, you are the exception; I was plenty attracted.

(2:21 am): HA sorry!

(2:21 am): We can hang out. I just hate being a douche, and sometimes I am one. …no worries, it was absolutely worth the glares.

(2:24 am): Wait…how did people see the text? Did you have your phone on a projector screen?

(2:25 am): No, Lucky. Jesus. It gave me an erection, goofy. I will withhold blonde joke.

(2:26 am): Well I didn’t know!!! Fuck.

(2:27 am): Dammit…now my mind is very much in the gutter. Thanks, Lucky.

(2:27 am) I honestly thought you meant someone saw the text. Silly.

(2:28 am): No, but when I saw it I was definitely like, ‘sweet Christ, what’s she trying to pull here?’

(2:30 am): I wasn’t trying to stir it up. Really. It was the truth. Now I know not to tell you that shit.

(2:32 am) I didn’t say that. It was a delightful message to receive. Only oddly timed. I was just looking for it again…too bad I can’t find it.

(2:36 am): What happened to it?!

(2:40 am): I give up. I’m just being creepy now. I don’t know what I want with it anyway, we’re having a conversation. Just thinking about it this late at night has me plenty turned on. I fear a cold shower awaits.

(2:41 am): A cold shower. Does that shit really help?

(2:41 am): No.

(2:42 am): I didn’t realize the text was that hot.

(2:43 am): It probably wasn’t…but the arching certainly was. It’s too late. My mind has wandered, and apparently decided to be a creeper.

(2:46 am): You’re not a creeper.

(2:47 am): You falling asleep?

(2:48 am): No. Are you trying to get rid of me yet?

(2:48 am): No.

(2:50 am): I’m watching an episode of Sex and the City.

(2:50 am): Oh no! I’m trying to get my mind back in a wholesome place, perhaps…

(2:50 am): Don’t worry. It’s on TV. It’s so watered down. Nothing racy.

(2:52 am): Shall I leave you to it? And, wow…

(2:52 am): And wow, what???

(2:52 am): Sex and the City. It was a very mild jab.

(2:53 am): Every guy gives women shit for Sex and The City. It’s just candy.

(2:55 am): The other day you said the chick lit you were reading had gotten a little steamy. I laughed at that, too.

(2:55 am): That’s why I told you. I think it’s funny that I read that shit. But you know what? I like it and I’m not ashamed.

(2:56 am): I knew that was your intention in telling. Charming. It was noted. Makes you cuter.

(2:56 am): I always assume Nicholas Sparks is the laughing stock of his poker night. But he has a ton of books. They’re all the same, but still.

(2:57 am): I don’t know him. Shoot. We should’ve started chatting earlier. Fencing…damn.

(2:58 am): I use the chick lit to break it up. Now, I’m reading Congo. Not sexy. At all.

(2:59 am): Michael Chrichton is my chick lit. And no, not sexy. Guilty pleasure. I realize how arrogant that sounded. Please consider it retroactively tempered.

(3:00 am): Really? I never would’ve thought that. This is my first.

(3:03 am): They are great. Jurassic Park ensured I would be teased throughout middle school. I’m rereading Gatsby. You should bring yours in Friday. Reading and a beer after the meeting. Real hot times, and cheap.

(3:05 am): I definitely won’t be at the meeting Friday. Rain check. I know you’re sad.

(3:06 am): I am sad! What are you doing?

(3:06 am): I’m going out of town for another bachelorette weekend.

(3:07 am): Jesus. Maybe Thursday?

(3:08 am): Sure.

(3:09 am): Perfect. I think I’m fading. Somewhat.

(3:09 am): Alright. Sleepy time.

(3:10 am) Adieu, my dear.

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100th Post! 100 goodies!

The day has finally come everyone! (Sorry about the tags, I got carried away/wanted to get a bunch of hits.) Our 100th post has arrived!!!! HAPPY 100TH POST DAY TO US AND TO YOU!!! WOOHOOO!!!! (Picture me twirling my noise maker.) And for the 100th post Lucky and I have decided to revamp Cocktails at Tiffany’s so that we can not only tickle our 5 readers to death with all of these exciting changes but also so that we can grab the attention of some people with lots of money (Kelsey Grammer) who might be interested in sponsoring us to be us.  Here’s what you have to look forward to in the coming weeks/months:

Weekend posts, audio posts(mostly drunken), a new COCKTAILSATTIFFANYS.COM web address DOT COM!, a Dear L,G,&ShyGuy advice segment , posts about Lucky and Gizzy’s upcoming reunion and the shenanigans that will ensue *ahem* black wednesday, new years eve, and dressing up as fruit of the loom at 7 o’clock in the morning to drink and be merry at Gizzy’s alma mater’s rival football game, but mostly the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the announcement of what won the 100th post poll.  It was a 3 way tie between post our middle school pics, 100 Lucky and Gizzy fun facts, and meet 100 guys. It was a hard decision and the winner is…






Not Yet…

ALL 3! (I said WHOMP! DER it is! Everyboday! WHOMP! Der it is)So let’s jump right on in the 100th post pool like we waited 20 minutes after eating but we really only waited 2.

100 Fun Facts on Lucky & Gizzy:

1. Gizzy will not eat boneless wings from Buffalo Wild Wings unless they are accompanied by Bud Light Lime and buffalo chips and cheese with 2 cups of ranch.  Some call this OCD.
2. Lucky has a massive fear of soggy bread, which she thinks derived from watching people throw bread at ducks in a pond at a young age. As a result, she doesn’t eat stuffing, dumplings, bread bowls, or double-decker sandwiches. (G Note: HAHA Should’ve thrown them some QUACKERS! God, I am funny.)
3. Gizzy puts on 3 coats of burts bees chapstick every night before bed. More OCD.
4. Lucky’s favorite movie has, and always will be, Home Alone.
5. Gizzy habitually eats old candy out of the bottom of her purse in front of people and thinks it’s ok.
6. Lucky’s lucky numbers are 3, 7, and 35.
7. Gizzy’s first job was at Osh Kosh B’Gosh where she remained for 6 years, well into college.
8. Lucky hates Dan Brown. And wishes him a painful death.
9. Gizzy sleeps with a giant stuffed pink flamingo.
10. Lucky is currently on the hunt for a faux fur vest. Eat that, PETA.
11. Gizzy suffers from insomnia which is really hurting her chances at ever getting a real job but enables her to think with new inventors via late night infomercials.
12. Lucky knows how to play one song on the guitar: The Nicest Thing by Kate Nash.
13. Gizzy and Lucky have recently discovered if they attend their 1o year high school reunion it will be exactly like Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion.  Instead of inventing the post it, they have decided to purchase cubic zirconia rings and say their fiances are in London making deals.
14. Lucky wishes MTV would’ve had a second season of “Rich Girls,” starring Ali Hilfiger.
15. Gizzy’s mother agreed to let her name her little sister (Ella) because there is a good chance she will never get to name a child of her own.
16. Lucky knows everyone hates Dane Cook, but she still thinks he is hot and really funny.
17. Gizzy lost her virginity drunk, high, in a frat shower and under blue christmas lights to her ex-boyfriend, and moments later found out he had a new girlfriend. She is scarred for life.
18. Gizzy & Lucky were mildly obsessed with Justin Timberlake’s debut solo album, Justified.
19. Gizzy can text at the rate of 150 wpm.
20. Lucky is convinced that John Mayer is indeed the love of her life. No seriously, she isn’t just saying that. She truly believes that is why love hasn’t worked with anyone else.
21. Gizzy doesn’t care, she will watch Full House reruns and laugh at them like they are new until the day she dies.
22. Lucky auditioned for Playboy when she was in college. No, she didn’t make it. Only because she didn’t eff the photographer.
23. Gizzy strives to be fashionable but fails and fails again.
24. Lucky & Gizzy met over an out-of-control love for Hanson. That, and their phone numbers were one-digit different from each other’s.
25. Gizzy got dumped in high school by a guy with 2 letters for a name who she didn’t know was her boyfriend until he stated, “I just don’t like calling you my girlfriend.”
26. Lucky lives on the second floor of an apartment complex because she thinks she has less of a chance of getting robbed.
27. On senior spring break in high school Gizzy finally drunkenly made out with her high school crush in a bed in her and Lucky’s hotel room, then threw up on him.  A girl who would later become his girlfriend did the exact same thing the following night.
28. Lucky saves all of her ticket stubs.
29. Once Gizzy got hired as the assistant manager of the snack shop at a golf course and got fired after a month for being too awesome.
30. Lucky has never smoked weed. Ever. And she never will.
31. Gizzy firmly believes her life should play out like a romantic comedy.
32. Lucky’s favorite cereal is Lucky Charms. She eats the bread/cereal first, then the marshmallows.
33. Gizzy went to college for pre-med, then discovered frat parties.
34. Lucky & Gizzy purposely bought each other silver flasks for Christmas one year.
35. The only condiment Gizzy will eat is ketchup, and lots of it.
36. Lucky was a bartender in college…and afterward. She got fired for “not being slutty enough.”
37. Gizzy could eat nacho cheese doritos until the cows come home.  Even after stepdad told her he found rat poop in a bag of them once.
38. Lucky has fond memories of riding her tricycle indoors as a child.
39. Gizzy had diarrhea in her pants on the first day of 8th grade during a convocation in the school gym and stayed until the end.
40. Lucky is a Mac. (G too! And damn proud of it!)
41. Once Gizzy flashed an ex-boyfriend in the Red Lobster.
42. One of Lucky’s favorite books is Truman Capote’s, In Cold Blood.
43. Lucky and Gizzy were ecstatic when Kelsey Grammer followed them on twitter.  He is their new favorite celeb.
44. Lucky was the captain of her high school dance team.
45. Her freshman year of high school Gizzy tried to convince a guy to let her practice making out with him for her senior boyfriend. He said no.
46. Lucky & Gizzy played a game of speed on Lucky’s 19th birthday. Instead of beer, they drank screwdrivers. They believe they both barfed glitter, and Lucky was convinced she was going to die at 19.
47. Gizzy refuses to wear the color brown.
48. Lucky hasn’t been able to take a shot of Rumplemintz since she got sick from it. Jager, however, is a different story.
49. Gizzy will go out as a braless hippie as often as possible.
50. Lucky secretly wants to be like Carrie Underwood and marry a professional hockey player (you know, if John Mayer doesn’t come to his senses).
51. This is totally disgusting, but sometimes Gizzy thinks that after a big ol’ poop she’ll have no problem giving birth to a baby.
52. Lucky enjoys every movie featuring Vince Vaughn.
53. Gizzy likes to drink Goldschlager just because the little gold pieces cut your throat and she thinks it makes her more badass.
54. It isn’t a rare thing for Lucky to turn on Bonnie Raitt’s greatest hits and sing a full-fledged concert to no one, using a broom for a microphone.
55. Gizzy has an odd obsession with monkeys.
56. Lucky hasn’t watched an episode of The Office since they ripped the wedding dance from YouTube.
57. If the guys from The Buried Life came to Gizzy’s town and asked what she wanted to do before she died she would say, “Be inducted into the Cyrus family.”
58. If she wasn’t a writer, Lucky would want to be a chef. Maybe one day, she’ll be both.
59. Gizzy’s middle name is Rae.  Gizzy Rae Cyrus, at your service.
60. Lucky is an only child.
61. Gizzy aspires to one day be a good enough bowler that someone will ask her to join a league.
62. In high school, Lucky saw a psychic who told her that her parents would get divorced. And they did.
63. Gizzy likes to play The Sims (nerd alert) and recently forced her male rockstar sim to father 24 children, for funsies.
64. Lucky drinks dark beer, and as far as wine, she loves Merlot and Malbec. Mixed drink? Stoli and soda with one lime.
65. At age 7 Gizzy broke her arm and was stung by a pack of jellyfish.  On the same day.  Which happened to be Easter.
66. Lucky & Gizzy wore acrylic nails their senior year of high school. And it still didn’t help them get guys.
67. Gizzy was kicked out of a bar in college for her friend Dave’s 21st birthday for throwing a glass of water at the bartender because he cut her off.
68. If Lucky could eat one food for the rest of her life, it would be french fries. Or anything with peanut butter.
69. Gizzy tried to 69 once and failed. (Lucky says, for rizzle? How do you fail at that?)(Gizzy says, gravity and weak arms.)
70. Lucky once had a job as a carhop, slinging fried tenderloins and ice cream.
71. Gizzy eats her hamburgers plain with nothing on them.
72. Lucky is certain that Tu-Pac is alive, but not Biggie. She also thinks Aliyah was reincarnated to become Ashanti.
73. Gizzy’s drink choices are as follows: Captain Morgan, Red Wine, and Bud Light Lime.
74. She goes to the movies by herself more than she does with friends.
75. As a child Gizzy idolized Baywatch.
76. Lucky does not have an iPhone. She rocks a red Blackberry curve.
77. Gizzy was kicked out of another bar in college for falling asleep in a booth.
78. Gizzy & Lucky both have horrible eyesight, resulting in contacts and coke bottle glasses.
79. Gizzy was kicked out of a 3rd and final bar in college for standing on a table after the San Diego Chargers beat the Chicago Bears and screaming, “VICTORY BITCHES!” Gizzy does not like football and does not recall this, but heard it happened.
80. Lucky is a jealous person. She is envious of the rich and famous, anyone who is engaged or married, and anyone who drives a nicer car than her.
81. For Halloween in 8th grade Lucky threw a “Dress As Your Favorite Musician” party.  Gizzy dressed as Zac Hanson and Lucky as Alanis Morisette.
82. Lucky has naturally blond hair, but has dyed it dark brown for the last six years.
83. Gizzy will lie about her college gpa to anyone who will listen.
84. Lucky has only been out of the country once, on a cruise to Cozumel. She came close when she visited the Virgin Islands, but it doesn’t count.
85. On her 21st birthday, Gizzy took 26 shots and did not throw up, on her roommates 21st birthday Gizzy took 26 shots and threw up a whole cheesestick.
86. Lucky wants to start reading Lauren Conrad’s book series, and the Style book.
87. Gizzy worked at Victoria’s Secret for 1 month last Christmas in order to get a free bra for going through training.
88. Lucky agrees with ex-countess Luann, that “Money can’t buy you class,” but she still wants a lot of it.
89. Gizzy dry heaves when she sees snakes.
90. Lucky isn’t a movie buff. And she is especially bad at remembering names of actors/actresses.
91. Gizzy and Lucky once made out with the same guy in the same night.  His name was Karl.  They both slept on couches in his frat house living room in sleeping bags.
92. Lucky donates money to the local food bank each Thanksgiving.
93. Gizzy donates her time to the local American Legion Post in order to drink free beer.
94. Lucky doesn’t like Tyra or Oprah, and it’s because they’re annoying, not because they’re black.
95. Gizzy painted her bedroom red in high school and her parents still cringe at the sight of it.
96. Gizzy & Lucky both have huge racks (or, booberries).
97. Gizzy is a certified hypochondriac.
98. Lucky wears a pair of pink argyle slippers around her apartment (or white sweater boots, or leopard slippers).
99. Gizzy and Lucky almost got arrested once for underage drinking while home for the summer from college at a friend’s lakehouse.  The only words exchanged during the encounter: Gizzy to Lucky -> “We’re going to jail.”
100. Lucky has painted all of the paintings in her apartment (total: 8).

Next up on THE FUN FABULOUS 100TH POST DAY… is our pictures.  Aweeee, with captions, how exciting!

That’s me in 6th grade, with my parents. Before they got divorced. And no, I’m not from Miami—although my mom could’ve fooled you with her ring watch and fanny pack and everything.

Hey loser, Lucky! Yep, that’s me in 8th grade, wearing my uniform for the school dance team, the faggots.

That’s Gizzy, on the last day of 8th grade. Don’t worry Giz, Nike Air was cool then. THIS, WAS A ROUGH TIME! Also that is stepdad’s shirt, so embarrassing.

That’s me in high school, probably freshman or sophomore year. And I thought I was Hillary Duff. And I’m carry an Espirit purse. Christ.

Gizzy and I at our friends’ high school graduation party. Yeah, we look so cool in our Hollister gear. Since we are surfers and all.

Gizzy and me on winter break our freshman year of college. Which is why I look disgusting. I mean seriously, the freshman 15 didn’t miss a pound. Gawd.

Gizzy and me about to go to a Hanson concert. We were shitty drunk, I was in my cigarette phase. And still pretty huge. This is the summer before sophomore year in college.

Starting off pictures de Gizzy, we have me here dressed to the nines, clearly, with a fake dog trying to look innocent and sexy.  Moving on…

This is me dressed as Zac Hanson before Lucky’s “Dress As Your Favorite Musician” party in 8th grade.  Obviously, still going through that rough time.  Oh, what’s that framed photo on the wall you ask? Why here, it’s me and my mom’s glamour shots:

Also embarrassing.  But funny story, after we got these done a girl in my class at school stole the proofs and never gave them back.  Obviously she was jealous of my beauty.  I can see why.

Moving on to later in the 8th grade year we have my slumber party.  In the first photo you see we are playing light as a feather stiff as a board with Lucky’s body, obviously it’s working. The second picture is me with my Hanson cake.  That is all.

Here we find Lucky and myself on our last day of school sophomore year in high school.  I like this picture because of Lucky’s luscious half golden locks and my 1 strap tank top.  Christ.

Here we find Lucky getting ready before our senior winter formal posing with her self portrait back there on the wall (she says it’s not a self portrait because it has red hair but I think that’s up for interpretation.)

Here we are all ready to go to the formal.  As each other’s dates, but not before we take each other out to dinner first. And there I am with that awesome 1 strap again. 2003 fashion is so fetch.

Here is me, our friend E, and Lucky on twins day before our senior spring break.  We’re such a good time in our white tee’s and saucy jean skirts and pig tails. I love how I am like, the conservative one here in my long skirt and elbow tee. Fuck my ass.

Here Lucky and I are sitting outside of Hooters on our Senior spring break to Ft. Myers Beach, Florida, this was mere hours before I puked on my crush.  See the smile?

Here we are, the freaks waaaayyy in the back wearing Mardi Gras masks on Bourbon Street in NOLA (Pre-Katrina) where Lucky and I flew in, met up, and joined forces for our fall breaks freshman year of college.  Some may call this foreshadowing, but you can expect us to post a new picture of us on Bourbon Street on New Years *HINT*HINT* OK cats out of the bag.  Lucky and I are joining forces again and flying into New Orleans to party hardy for New Years Eve.  WAHOO!! You know we’ll get some good bloggin’ out of dat!

Here you’ll find me in the front, Lucky in the black, and Jossie peeing… after the bars one night I’m assuming? But who knows. Yes, I used to make it my goal to piss in public after the bars. No really.

Candice Cameron aka DJ TANNER wanted to stop in and say she approves this message.  (Soooo politico, Cameron.)

And the third, and final, part of this blog (the longest one in the world, sorry, WAKEUP) is LUCKY & GIZZY do 100 men. Ok, so maybe not “do” but meet. We’re going to split the job 50-50.

There are no rules to this game, we don’t have to give 100 guys our phone numbers or go on 100 dates.  We simply must meet 100 men and acquire the following information before January 1, 2011:

1. Name We really don’t need to waste our time with names, we’re assigning them each a number between 1 and 100.  How’s that for a study? Take that, bastards!

2. Relationship Status [criss, cross, applesauce that they’re all single!]

3. Age

4. Occupation (ugh)

5. Fun fact

We’ll give a description of what they look like too and if the cards are right we will get a picture of/with them, if it turns into more and we give them our number/get theirs, well that will be better for you because we’ll probably get a good lil bloggy out of it.  But we have got a lot of work to do.  We’re shooting for a 10% phone number range, as in we each expect to be talking to at least 5 guys by the end of this little game.  We won’t be telling the guys what we’re doing, although when they see us diligently typing notes into our blackberry’s they might figure it out, we’ll never tell.  So strap down your seatbelts and strap on your condoms, (strap on your dildos?)the rest of this year is about to be a wild ride…Day 1 starts now!

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