I feel like my posts have been weak lately. I don’t know if I’m getting lazier because I’m not sitting at home thinking up funny junk to say all day, if it’s the lack of internet, the fact that I’m not slangin’ booze for a living anymore, or the lack of interesting in my life. None the less, I’m going to try and step it up. After all, St. Patty’s Day weekend is coming up so if all else fails something good is bound to happen out of an entire day of drinking. Plus I ordered one of these shirts in green to wear because I thought it would be a good conversation starter with the fellas:
They’re going to be all, what’s with the ISH? And I’m going to be like, eh you know. Then they’ll want me and I’ll have dates lined up every day next week. And boom! That’s how it’s done betches.
Unfortunately last weekend wasn’t as great as it was originally planned out to be. I was supposed to travel the great distance to go to Mardi Gras with the roomies which I ended up boycotting for 2 reasons, #1 Anth didn’t fix the internet in time #2 March Madness.
Allow me to elaborate. A few days before the weekend was set to take place I gave Anth an ultimatum it was: Either fix the internet so I can do my GD taxes or I’m not going to Mardi Gras and you will have 2/9th’s less fun because of it. Well he didn’t fix the GD internet so I said eff it, I’m not going. Plus, March Madness is coming up and I will honest to god poke my eyeballs out with a metal pole if I have to watch 4 straight days of basketball for however many weekends that shit lasts. So I moseyed home Friday night to get my tv, and play sims where no one could judge me.
Here you’ll see my family having a birthday party and the blasted birthday cake caught on fire. Clearly everyone is more pissed off about the crying baby then the fire so what do ya do? Throw the baby in the fire. Problem solved. Unfortunately the baby lived and everyone told my family they would never hang with them again because their party sucked ass, so my family got all sad cause like they lost all their friends and shit (Because who wants to be friends with people who catch a birthday cake on fire and then throw their kid in the blaze? Not me. I’m ashamed that they’re my sims.) and they skipped work for like 4 days because they were so sad and just sat around watching tv and baking cookies. I was like yo guys, let’s get the show on the road – this kid wants a swing set and by god he got set on fire and lived through it so we’re going to get him a flippin’ swing set, now put the cookie down and go hunt some fucking ghosts!!!! It gets pretty intense.
Anyway, back to the weekend…my sister had some friends over, cause she’s cool and I’m not, and she has a boyfriend and I don’t (literally the exact words she “sang” to me this weekend) and they were playing dress up and shit and wanted me to do their makeup so I made them look like clowns and then I was cool again. But then, then I spotted it. A teeny tiny ballerina outfit hanging in my sisters closet, a size 1. I must’ve been high on cheap makeup fumes because I took it to my mom and asked her to save it for my daughter then rubbed my stomach like only a pregnant lady would do. Then my mom thought I was pregnant and I was all like yeah I don’t know why I did that, it was kind of weird huh. Sometimes if I have a big food baby I have to rub it and always wonder if people think I’m like 4 months pregnant, I just didn’t think my mom would be one of them.
So yada yada… more sims, more tv, more laying in bed eating cookies, and rolling around like the biggest sloth on the planet. Sims, tv, cookies, bed, rolling, sims, tv, cookies, bed, cookies, sims, tv…. you get the picture.
Eventually I did make it back to the big city to find that I had worked up quite an appetite on my drive back from not laying, siming, and tving all day so I made the comment to Anth that Doogie probably ate all of my snacks this weekend while he was at the apt alone. Annnd he did. He replaced it all and the only reason I’m even mentioning this is because I am utterly amazed at the amount of food 1 guy ate in a 48 hour span. And we list…
2 whole bags of doritos
3 bags of cheddar cheese popcorn
3 2 liters of soda
1 package of EL fudges (I estimate a 50 count)
8 fruit snack packages
6 granola bars
and a pound of hamburger in a pear treeeeeeee.
It’s really amazing that he didn’t blow up/get type 2 diabetes from all that junk. Granted I eat a lot of shit but it would’ve taken me a few weeks to go through all of that.
Look, my rockstar sim just proposed to a groupie so her child wouldn’t be a bastard:
You don’t have to put your heads down. I’m embarrassed enough for myself.