There’s a lot to be said about my love life when I start to blog about fun shaped pasta. Really though, there’s nothing to be said because it’s non-existent. OK, that’s settled. I also just ate an old LEMON flavored starburst I found in the bottom of my purse. I pulled it out and thought, ooooo candy nom nom nom nom nom. Christ.
I discovered penis pasta last night when I was commenting on Gigi’s facebook status about veal:
Gigi: just made some sort of veal dish, finished half a bag of doritos and half a mini-carton of reeses pieces. I think I’m going to be sick.
Gizzy: So you ate the doritos and reeses pieces because you made veal and then realized that it was a politically incorrect piece of meat and it’s gross?
OK, so I was googling to see if veal was actually politically incorrect before I posted that on her wall because I was pretty sure, but you never know with meat politics. I feel like they change every day, so I had to be 100%. So when I googled “Politically Incorrect Veal” this came up:
I don’t know where google gets “Penis Pasta” from “Politically Incorrect Veal” but I like it. Maybe google has just gotten so technologically savvy that they know exactly what kind of pages to pull up in order to get me to waste my entire night googling penis shaped food items. Touche google, well played. This penis pasta really intrigued me though. I researched more and found “MacAweenie & Cheese – The Original Cheesie Weenie,” my favorite, even though it is 10 bucks a box, I would gladly spend 1000 of my shiniest pennies to eat tiny penises covered in cheese (no pun intended.)
I mean come on, how great is that?! It’s GENIUS. And if you don’t think so, LEAVE MY BLOG RIGHT NOW! Kidding. Not really. This business is right up my ally, I literally was telling Lucky today to text our old high school friend that she will be seeing around Halloween and ask him if they could play “Halloweiner” and “Tip or Treat” while he’s in town. We just get a huge kick out of anything where we can substitute in our own inappropriate version of it.
Also, this type of pecker pasta which is kind of disturbing with Mama Peckeroni on the front with that judgmental look at you, you WHORE look in her eye…
THEN, comes the most disturbing thing since I was banned from using the oven in the summer and I find that Japan actually has a “Pink Penis Parade”
Supposedly, the parade is to instill fertility, prevent STDs, and raise money for HIV. I’ll buy the raising money, but come on Japan, PREVENT STDs?! THROUGH A GIANT PENIS!? All of your peoples set the curve in my college classes so then when I did mediocre work I got a mediocre grade, and it pissed me right off. So, you really expect me to believe that you smarties believe that this giant penis is going to PREVENT STDs!? Come on!!
Typically, this parade runs around the same time as Easter so next year when you’re eating your chocolate bunny, think about the Japanese eating their chocolate penises at the penis parade. What’s more disturbing is that they let their babies ride on the big fake penises like it’s a horse. I would post more pictures but I’m not sure what classifies as child pornography. I mean, I don’t know maybe if my mom would have let me touch a big wooden penis when I was little I would be like eh no big deal and not be so fascinated with blogging about all of the food I am going to consume in the shape of a penis now.
In other news, I want to smack the face off of Amber on Teen Mom:
Really she is a cunty all around, but she specifically pissed me off in last night’s episode when her fiance-ish Gary asked her not to cuss in front of the baby and her response was, “Dude you make me cuss!” Or something equally as ignorant along the same lines. If Gary were a smart lad (which he is not) he would take these tapes of her beating him with her cave man fist while screaming and yelling in front of the baby to a lawyer and take the baby because she is a psycho bat. Ay ay ay, kids these days.
Well I’m off to drink a 6 pack of bud light and rip some of those biore strips off my face because what else do I have to do on a Wednesday night? Tootles!