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Leave me aloooone!!!!

Can I just start out by saying I am getting pretty good at the whole blogging at work thing? It’s pretty nice to take some time to myself and sit with a bag of chips on my desk pretending to eat lunch for 2 hours a day.

My weekend wasn’t nearly as exciting as Lucky’s, as per usual. Friday night Anth and I stayed in to do some work on the 3 cases of beer we had purchased the weekend prior for JM’s going away party, we played drinking games, gossiped, and watched AFV and played drunken Jeopardy. The perfect night if you ask me. I was pretty hungover the following day after drinking literally half a case of bud light and summoned myself to bed for the next 2 days with flu like symptoms. I don’t know if it’s because I was feeling under the weather or if I’m just starting to come to my senses a little bit, but anything any of the guys did just got under my skin the whole weekend. Then I started to get annoyed with the men on tv, and even my dad. Like seriously? Why are guys so annoying?

I whined most of Saturday morning to Anth about how I didn’t feel good and how he needed to shut up so I could take a nap. Finally at 3pm he said he was going out to a party. Then, just as I was about to drift off to sleep I hear him knocking on my door, asking if I will take him to the party. “NO! Drive yourself. Go away!” I think I should probably back up a little so everyone can see just HOW nice I am to these guys. Wednesday evening I’m sitting in my new room, putting my new dresser together, enjoying some solitude because the boys went to a concert. My phone rings, and it’s Anth. “Um, they won’t let us into the concert because I’m wearing shorts and Doogie has on flip flops. Can you bring me some jeans and Doogie his Chucks?” “Are you effing kidding me? Where is it, I’m not driving more than 10 minutes each way.” “It’s at the House of Blues.” Ooooof course it is. I gathered up their crap and dropped it off to them. An hour and some odd minutes later I was back to my dresser. So that’s 1 nice thing I did. Not to mention I bought a bunch of bananas to try and force myself to eat breakfast and only got 1 of them because Anth hoovered the rest of them. Now he’s asking me to take him to a party on a Saturday afternoon when traffic is at its ultimate worst, I have no gas, AND I don’t feel good. He can eat one. I stuck to my grounds and told him to leave me alone. Then the BBM’s started.

A: Pleeeeaaaaase
G: NO! Sleep.
A: I’ll buy you dinner
G: You still owe me for bringing you pants, lets not bite off more than we can chew here.
A: Gizzy, please. I have to take chips, salsa, and beer. WTF.
G: You don’t even have any chips and salsa.
A: I know…. All the more reason not to take a cab. Gizzy, come on I would do it for you.

Here’s where I got really pissed. NO, you would not do it for me, because I would never ask. I would either drive myself, take the subway, or take a cab. But I would NEVER ask you to take me to the grocery store, wait in the car, and then take me to a party. I would not. Because I have manners, and consideration for others and their time. I wouldn’t mind doing it for someone every now and then, but it’s seriously starting to get ridiculous. I would say on average I drive him somewhere to get drunk at least once a week. It also wouldn’t be so bad if traffic in this city didn’t make you want to kill yourself. So I stuck my grounds and ignored him.

Then I hear the banging on my door again. What now? “Doogie said he would drive me if he can take your car.” His is dead and Anth’s is a stick. Of course he can’t drive a stick, because what man can? So I throw my keys at them and tell them they better put gas in it because it’s empty.

Sunday rolls around and I decide to eat my left over pizza from Friday night. I go to the fridge and it’s gone. I know what happened to it, but I want to make a big deal about it. “SO WHERE’S MY GD PIZZA?!” Doogie: “Oh yeah, sorry I smashed that last night.” Gizzy: Are you serious? Did you pay for it? Did you order it? Did you only get 1 piece of it? Doogie: Sorry, I owe you big. Gizzy: Seriously, leave me alone. Both of you. So I go out to my car to go to get food and what do I find? No gas and 2 apple cores sitting in my console left by them to rot. My new sunglasses tossed in the backseat with everything else that was in the passenger’s seat on top of them.

So while I’m at the store I get this BBM from Anth:

We’re grilling out Brats do you want one?

I replied that I had 2 hot dogs left in the refrigerator so if he could throw ONE of those on for me it would be stellar and would not even begin to make up for what they had done to me. Then a few minutes later he replies asking if I am going to eat both of the hot dogs because if not he’ll eat the other one. I reply, “YES. Yes, I am going to eat both hot dogs at some point. I don’t buy food for you to eat, and for me to not eat.” He replies, “Oh, well you might want to buy some more while you’re at the store then.” I reply “I said to make 1 of them. IDIOT.” So, I come back, call him a dbag, “accidentally” break his favorite glass and retreat to my room for the rest of the night without saying a word to either of them.

Like I’m sorry, but can someone please explain to me what makes them think it’s ok to eat food that someone else purchased for themselves? Like I would just never do that. Okay, like a cheese slice here and there or something like that is no big deal. But we’re talking they will eat full on meals that I have in the fridge or if I bring home leftovers I don’t even get the opportunity to eat them. Like saying that you owe me one does not make this ok. I don’t make a ton of money and I certainly don’t like having to go to the grocery store every 2 days to replace food of mine that they ate.

I am planning on bringing my mini-fridge from home this weekend to house any leftovers and things I don’t want them eating. But these guys are 26 years old, they have money and ways to get to the store to buy themselves food so why do they insist on eating mine? Well, I’m not going to stand for it. I’m going to continue to go off and break dishes every time they do it. That will show them. The next time they go to eat MY food, they won’t have anything to eat it off of. HA! This is not my first rodeo.

Just to add fuel to the fire, after work yesterday while I’m sitting in rush over traffic I get this email on my phone:

Subject: Cleaning Sesh
To: Doogie, Gizzy

Sometime this week? Landlord is coming to fix the ice maker this week sometime he said.

Reply from: Doogie

Yeah I got the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms, ours is gnarly. We need to organize the freezer, I have no idea where my stuff is.

Ok, boys. HAVE AT IT! I am sitting this one out, because I’ve had about 10 “cleaning sesh’s” by myself. UGH! And I would like to throw out a special thank you to all of you for listening to me rant for the past 10 minutes. A good Tuesday to you!

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Who wants a divorce!

Anotha day, anotha dolla.  Here we are, smack dab in the middle of engagement season, then in the spring comes wedding season.  The real question is, when is divorce season?

Tuesday night I got a delightful little facebook chat from one of my old college flames.  I say delightful because he totally screwed me over but college wouldn’t have been the same without him.   We’ll call him Snatch.

I met Snatch at the beginning of my sophomore year, we had math class together and I thought he was H-O-T hot!  Facebook had been around for 2 days, it was back when there was a section to list your classes and you could click on the class and see who was in it.  So awesome (you hear that Mark Zuckerberg?!) Naturally, I facebook crept until I found out who math class guy was, discovered he was in a fraternity, and blabbed about this guy until my roommate finally found a connection for us to get into one of the frat’s parties that coming weekend.  As soon as we got to the fraternity we told our insider what was up, he took me directly to where Snatch was working, he was on sober patrol working the door.  Snatch recognized me from math class and asked for my number so he could call me when he got off, and he did.  The rest is pretty much history, we dated off and on for the next 4 years, until I went on a spring break cruise to the Bahamas and randomly met Snatch’s girlfriend who went to a different school.  It was one of those, “You go to SHIT U? My boyfriend goes to SHIT U and is a Booger Chi!” “OHHH MINE TOO!” “What’s your boyfriend’s name?” “Snatch Ass.” “Hmm…Mine too.”  I didn’t hate Snatch for long though, we ended up becoming really good friends after I realized being a two timer was the least of his problems and I was better off without him, until he started dating his now fiance, who we also went to college with.  She knows mine and Snatch’s history and has basically forbid him to speak to me.  She nearly had a conniption last year when Snoop-Linus and I stayed at Snatch’s apartment, I mean did she really think we were going to just have a big Gizzy gang bang?

Anyway, Snatch facebook chatted me to see what was up.  One thing led to another and we started reminiscing about the good ol’ college days, then Snatch starts talking about my boobs and how excited he is for me to move to the city, totes inappropriate.

Is it just me or are guys these days proposing just for funsies? Clearly he doesn’t love his fiance that much or else he wouldn’t be reminiscing about an old college flame’s boobs? When I stayed at his apartment with Snoop-Linus they were only dating, but he told me he would probably end up proposing because he was too chicken shit to break up with her because on St. Patty’s day she through a half gallon of vodka at him.   I’d dump her for being a wasteful little cunty.  Hrmph.. all that un-drank vodka, ruined on the floor.

The next day, my mom’s best friend gave me the name and number of her “so cute stepson” who lives in the city that I need to “hook up with so he can show me around,” before I could even act on this, the guy had already added me to facebook.  What do I see when I look at his page? Married. W.T.F!!!!!

Is it just me or is it against some vows to be adding hot girls (clearly, that’s me, baha) to facebook so you can hang out later? My mom’s friend made it seem like he was single, which he clearly is not, and gets you a strike in my book.

What’s a single girl to do!? I need you guys to help snap me out of this funk.

I went to my friend’s tonight to see her new house and her baby before I move to the city.  I could hear myself droning on about how everyone is engaged, married, or in a relationship and since I am single I can’t hang out with anyone who is married or in a relationship because I am the 3rd wheel, and that makes me more miserable then washing out PIMP’s.  She just nodded, and told me she was pregnant and getting a mini-van.

I just don’t know what to do.  I love married people as much as the next guy, but I am surrounded by them.  And no offense to all you marrieds, but how is watching everyone else be married and spitting out kids every 2 seconds supposed to help me meet a guy?

For a while I thought this particular friend didn’t want to be friends anymore because I am single.  She’s all settled down with her hubs, baby, and dogs, in her white picket fence house and only hangs out with other marrieds who have kids and all that biz can’t be tainted when the single wench comes to visit in her hooker boots and v-neck sweater dress, it’ll get the neighbors talking. I won’t lie, I’m nervous to move to the big city but I will be thankful to be around my own kind, the singles.

I’m pretty sure all my taken friends feel sorry for me, I got 3 different invites to be a “tag along” on New Years Eve.  “Come to dinner with us!” “Come over and drink boxed wine!” “Come to this party! There will be cute guys!” Thanks, but no thanks, I’m not a 3rd wheel charity case and I’d rather gorge on chocolate and cry into my pillow, mmkay?

*Side note – A commercial just came on that DISH is getting rid of E! on January first.  What the fuck!!?? My life is over.  I don’t get bravo, I don’t get E!, seriously what the fuck?*

Anyway, my life sucks.  What’s new?

After I gave myself the perfect manicure on NYE I decided to drive to the big city the next day to look at some apartments/attend another big city butts game with Anth Saturday night.

Don’t worry! It was just him and I, no fancy faux fur phonies to impress this time.  #1 Anth wasn’t impressed that I brought the foam fingers along for the fun time and gave him a lecture about how he didn’t use his last time but that foam finger was willing to give him a 2nd chance because there’s nothing like cozying up by a warm fire with the one you love on a cold winter night.   Then I got a return lecture about how I will be single for a long long time if I continue to act like inanimate objects have feelings and personalities.   I mean, they do.  So I don’t know what his problem is.

We got all geared up to head out in the -20 weather for the game and made a pit-stop at a gas station.   I complained the entire 5 minute ride to the gas station about how I was so hungry I could feel my stomach eating itself.  For reals, it was starting to cave in, I saw it happen.  I just couldn’t wait for the delicious hot dogs and beer at the game, so I got some chili cheese fritos and peanut butter m&m’s to tide myself over.  Anth’s pumping gas while I’m mowing down on the fritos (this is so detailed so that you can paint the perfect picture of what is about to happen in your head) Anth gets in the car and is taking a drink from his gatorade when I decided I had to have the m&m’s right that second!! NOM NOM NOM.  I don’t hold anything back, I ripped into the bag of m&m’s and they went flying all over the car. It was literally raining peanut butter m&m’s.  Like really, not 1 m&m was left in the bag.  Anth just sat there in complete disarray of what had just happened and watched half of the bag of m&m’s fall in his air vent while I sat there wide eyed with my empty m&m bag.  Honestly, I was more upset that there were about 30 less m&m’s for me to eat.  Yeah, I picked every last one of them up and ate them.  Call me gross, I don’t care.  But those m&m’s were $3 and tough times call for tough measures.  Anth got pissed and started spouting off about how he thinks I might actually be retarded because how could I do such a thing!? Of course when summer comes he’s going to get a nice chocolate drizzle on his penny loafers but I’ll be long gone when that happens.

The game was good, the big city butts got over 100 points again, so I was happy that I got a free big mac to go with my post game bottle of wine.  All is right with the world, except that I’m still homeless and I start my new job in the big city in 16 days.  Eff.

But hey, Happy 2011 errybody!

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