Did everyone have a super lovey dovey Valentine’s Day? This year didn’t pan out as bad for me as past years have, but I still kind of wanted to slit my wrists and lie in the bathtub. Oh and I had a super weird meeting with one of my bosses that made me feel dirty.
I should back up a few months, I failed to mention to everyone that before I left for my big Christmas trip to Hawaii I got a promotion. Go me! I was pretty excited about it, I would be getting more responsibility, a(n)
slave intern, a small raise, and most importantly my own office – far far away from Ciggy Breath and his noises. Ah, the thought of my cube days being over was enough to tickle my pickle.
I knew it would take some time for my bosses to hire my replacement, and they told me that my office was currently occupado because of another building being under construction. But, I am happy to report the replacement for my old job started Monday and my office will be ready for move in on March 13th!
So that brings us to yesterday. My boss’s boss sent me a meeting invitation to go over transitioning the new girl into my position and what I should be prepared to train her on, etc, etc. A few minutes before the meeting she comes to my desk and says to come with her because we’ll be meeting with the CFO and the Director of my department too. My thoughts? OH SHIT! They found the blog! Goodbye job, goodbye money, goodbye big city, goodbye health insurance. Hello moving back in with Mom.
They started off the meeting by kissing my ass “off the record”. They went on for a solid 20 minutes about what an amazing job I’m doing, how they know I’m not using my full potential at the job, how they all know a lot of people outside of our company and if I’d ever like to go elsewhere I should let them know where and they can hook it up because they want to see me do big things. And on that note, they said that they would like to see me continue at our company and they were willing to make it worthwhile for me by providing me with incentives. So now I’m thinking I might get another raise and that would make me muy muy happy. Because I am poor. Seriously, my bank account has $37 in it and I don’t get paid for 2 more weeks. Sigh.
Anyway, THEN they were like… buuuutttttt we want to talk to you about some things happening in the office. [insert here what your face looks like when your stomach falls into your butt.] “We’d like to talk to you about your neighbor, Ciggy Breath.” Oh shew! “Does he bother you? Anything you say will be off the record, we won’t ever use your name.” Ok, this is weird right? Why is this whole meeting “off the record”?
I don’t think it’s a question in anyone’s mind whether Ciggy Breath is annoying or not, we all know he’s The Worst. So I told them. “I mean yeah, he irritates me and disrupts my workflow because he’s so loud and obnoxious. But I think that’s because the rest of us are so quiet, and he’s so not.” Apparently this wasn’t the type of dirt they were looking for, they all exchanged glances and moved in closer, “But has he said anything inappropriate to you that makes you feel uncomfortable or that has crossed a line?” Hold the bus. Am I understanding this right? Are we trying to slap Ciggy Breath with a sexual harassment suit?
If they would have given me some more time I probably could’ve come up with some things I had heard him say to other people on the phone that were inappropriate, but my brain was kind of scrambled, “Uhhh… I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that he’s said that was inappropriate or off color that offended me.” Then they were all like, “This is anonymous, we want you to tell us if ANYTHING has been said, we’ll never use your name, we just need to know.” Trust me. If I had some dirt on Ciggy Breath I would ABSOLUTELY come forward in a heartbeat to get him fired. But I don’t, which sucks.
So after that sufficiently awkward meeting I went back to my desk and facebook chatted with Lucky the rest of the day. Apparently my slacking off every day keeps this business afloat.
Then I went home, and while most girls were enjoying a nice filet mingon steak and a bottle of the finest vino with their significant other, I sat in bed and watched Teen Mom and chowed on a couple of those super yummy Dunkin Donut Valentine’s Day heart shaped donuts, yeah the ones with the chocolate chips, and didn’t feel bad about it. I win!